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In that case, assuming she has shared custody of the kids, we have to tell the kids' other mom so she can claim full custody.
Could've been glitter bombed, could have been something received in the mail, could be making a present/card for you.
I've done cards before but stopped after getting accused of doing something other than what I was actually doing.
You’re both wrong. All religions are man-made. There are no gods/prophets/whatever. You are of course free to believe whatever you’d like though, of course, however it’s often difficult to be in a relationship with mixed beliefs.
Let’s pretend for a moment that this guy is lying for whatever reason. This means he did something horrible to you. If I were in your girlfriend’s shoes I’d then have empathy for my boyfriend being put in this terrible position by a bad person and do everything I could to prove I did not cheat. I’d offer up my phone right then and there and let my boyfriend look at messages and show that I didn’t have contact with this person. I’d treat him like a victim rather than an accuser. I would never want someone I loved to have to deal with that sort of pain on their own.
I would be the guy is telling the truth though and you have to be prepared for that, and realize your girlfriend isn’t going to be willing to do what is necessary to help you feel better.
If I were in this situation I’d have a face to face conversation. “Friend’s ex boyfriend told me about an incident that occurred while you all were on vacation. It’s very hurtful to me. He said you cheated and gave me the instagram account of the person you cheated with. If this is not true I would really appreciate some reassurances because I don’t know what to believe at this point.”
That would be how I’d begin the conversation and then I’d let it flow from there. I would also be watching for her trying to take the opportunity to get away and delete things from her phone.
I'd still move in and see what happens. On the extreme positive you know he head is screwed on straight and she's also open and honest. Which are all big green flags as far as I'm concerned.
Sounds like he did not try at all….like in any way
Ew
having a crush on someone who's in a relationship is a thing that happens and we can't really help it. but knowing that person is in a relationship and trying to break it up — that's a problem.
your gf may think this is platonic and innocent right now when you two are doing good, but when she needs some insight and comfort in the relationship, he's setting himself up to be the one that she goes to. that could lead to more trouble in the relationship.
I think when you said ‘ring’ he freaked out thinking you want marriage and he’s probably not ready for that.
She thinks you only want sex when you've had no sex… xD this Shit's hilarious
I think a trained professional should be the one unpacking this baggage. Go to couples counselling. All the best, good luck.
It was a 5 person get together. My sister invited him because she loves him and she's just happy he's still alive.
Start living your own life OP. Just tell her straight up that you aren't interested in a divorce but you can no longer live like this so from now on you are going to do your own thing.
And then start doing it.
Read up and implement The 180. Cut all of the communication to a bare minimum, cut out all of the normal social interactions you have with her and cut out any and all signs of affection.
If she asks why you are being so “cold to her” just say that there is no point as she never gives it so why should you? You are pretty much just roommates since the new guy came into her life – make this abundantly clear to her that he is the problem so if she wants to be with him, there is the door and please lock it when she leaves.
You can start going out by yourself as well and start socialising by yourself. Turn off your phone when you do go out and if she asks where you are going just say “no where, but why do you care anyway” and never, ever ask her where she is going.
This will have one effect on her – it will drive her crazy. Nothing drives someone who is cheating insane than the thought that they are being cheated on. It's a weird bit of reverse psychology but believe me it works.
And if she says anything about this, just throw her own words back at her “so why can't I have friends? You do!”.
I've slept with a lot of men. Sex with most of them didn't matter. We were both just there to get our rocks off, but it's different when you're in a committed relationship with someone who wants monogamy. Sex with my (ex and present) partners is an emotional and physical connection that depends our bond. Sex with someone else would be a betrayal of our bond and our trust.
Maybe that's just me approaching the same act with different intentions, like the difference between sitting and meditating, but I know a lot of people with a lot of sexual partners who feel the same.
I'm so surprised this doesn't have more upvotes/sad I can only upvote this once
Info: How far along in the wedding plans are you? Are you still in the talking stage? Have a ring? A date? Anything concrete?
Since you’re referring to him as your bf instead of your fiancé I’m assuming not. He really does sound like he’s being accommodating and trying to be thoughtful but you have to look at it from his perspective. You’re not married. A house is a huge financial commitment a 15 to 30 year financial commitment. He wants to provide for you but unless you’re not married and you both sign for a house what protections does he have? What if your name is on the deed as co owner and you break up next year? Then you’re entitled to half the house. Things can get very messy and complicated very quickly. Not saying that will happen but it could. How about this, try suggesting waiting on buying a house until after you’re married and see how he reacts.
I mean, yes, he needs to deal with it. Therapy taking to long to get into is a real problem, however, if you never book in then you will never start. If he had booked in 12 months ago he probably would have been seen (depending on where you are obviously).
However, you can fix this immediately.
If I'm tired he will encourage me to “watch one more episode” or offer me an energy drink. If i insist on sleeping he will tag along but usually it's already too late at that point
Just insist on going to bed and don't let him persuade you to stay up late. Tell him in advance, this is really impacting me, from now on I will be going to bed at x time (whatever works for your classes and grandma), then just go to bed. If he doesn't join you for a few hours (or more), those hours will legit be your best sleepy because he isn't snoring right next to you.
Thank you! I will add, ultimately the end goal is to let emotions and chemistry play out naturally over the period of us becoming friends again. Not sure if that changes any aspect of the flower gift 🙂
I'm so sorry. But he lied to you. He used you. He will not marry you.
Go live your own life, and find someone who loves you for you, not someone who wishes you were 10 years younger than you are.
I would add please don’t make this your child’s normal. This isn’t a healthy relationship and is no example to set
He's just shown you what to expect from him from now on. He clearly has little remorse Soon you'll have broken bones. How can you love someone that is hurting you? He doesn't love you; you don't purposely hurt the ones you love. Please plan your escape.
I was just trying to point this out in case he used this excuse and she bought it anyway, since that isn’t how the store works and she might know that. It’s fine that you don’t know. Obviously everybody doesn’t know. I was just saying she might know that isn’t a thing there, as a lot of people do. It’s already a discount store. Specifically xmas stuff does go on sale after xmas, like half off, but that’s not how it works for regular product. Everything in the store gets marked down each day until the new year, which makes all the product at its lowest prices. That’s what “yellow tag” season is. So I suppose he could have tried to convince her to wait to see if it got marked down more. That would have been the better excuse, but she probably would have bought it anyways because once stuff gets that cheap it goes fast.
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Some context – I was playing fortnite with his (13m) younger brother, my bf kept yelling at me and judging literally everything I did in game and every time I told him to stop and his brother told him to stop he would say he’s giving advice. We still told him to stop and he wouldn’t. I finally got off after the 3rd game as I couldn’t take his constant criticism while I played. We had an argument and swapped places and he began to play. He mimicked something I said as soon as he sat down so I pushed the back of his chair, it wasn’t even hard enough to move it. (This is a gaming chair so they roll) and he turned around and hit me nude enough to leave 2 marks and break the skin on one of them. His brother saw this and we were both a little speechless. I turned my back to them. When my bf finished playing he acted as if nothing happened, I told him to get away from me as I really didn’t want to be touched right now. He acted confused and his brother made a comment about him hitting me. My bf then started to say he DIDNT hit me and that I started it and I showed him the marks. As I’m writing this he just came in and acted again as if nothing happened, he had a look at the marks properly this time and then started saying he didn’t mean to and he just got angry bc I “bashed” his chair. Again, I hit it not even hard enough to move it because he had mimicked me in a high pitched voice. He’s now sitting at his setup ignoring me. I don’t know how to feel, I live with him and his parents currently as I have no other options with living expenses and my parents also being abusive so really I can’t leave him and I don’t want to. I’m starting to overthink it and thinking it’s my fault or it isn’t a big deal as he went off at me saying that. EDIT: we’ve only been dating for 8 months and I don’t want to leave him because I love him
UPDATE: He has apologised and told me he didn’t mean to hurt me and is currently ignoring me gaming
Yes you can lol my mate is a dumbass and had a baby with a crackhead (he was clean at the time) they broke up, he got back on the pipe and lives with his new gf who is also a crackhead. He has to be sober around the child and absolutely rightly so is not allowed the child around any of his crackhead friends or gf
Go to AA meetings or support groups for Bipolar people Venting is usually a big part of these, it'll be a proper outlet for these things
It doesn’t sound like it’s about him not liking you. It sounds like about a selfish self-centered person. He’s only interested in him and what he feels like talking about being around or doing.
Baby means child support and custody. Abusive or not she has to be dealt with. Even if that means via lawyers.
I’m being a dumbass my letting it be open.
This is your answer.
Grow up and move on?
You are dangerously creeping toward stalkerish territory. She is your ex and she had to promise to stay friends to get to break up?
Work on your codependency, people get divorced after 20+ years of marriage and survive.
she seems overly friendly imo she brings him gifts and overall the fact they’ve known each other for maybe 3 weeks-i have an issue with overthinking I’ll admit but I just think as a coworker the way she became so comfortable so quickly is weird
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Sounds like telephone. Therapist can't really give you what you need to fix if you are not the one with the therapist. Your wife is painting a picture of you that you have no say in.
Perhaps you should get a Therapist and tell her what she needs to work on. /s
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I’ve said this to her!! But she keeps telling me that if I knew that I was attracted to her and was eventually going to approach her, I shouldn’t have slept with someone else. Her logic is that even she had liked me for a while and therefore didn’t do anything with anyone out of respect for her attraction towards me. I mean ok!! Ya I an ashamed of my past but give me a break!! I love her and she can’t see it at all!!
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Even if it’s like 12 dudes. 12/3500000000. That’s still a real thing.
My cousin worked the Wendy’s drive thru for the longest time and went so far as to wear fake rings on her left hand so guys would think she was married. It started off as a cheap engagement ring but guys didn’t care that she was “engaged”. The fake wedding band helped.
Bottom line is it’s not your responsibility to care for other peoples well being and best left to professionals who have the training and resources to do it properly
I am so sorry for what you’ve gone through, OP. You’ve been through extremely traumatic events and instead of comforting you like a loving husband should, he berates and blames you. If he’s this bad now, how bad do you think he’ll be if you’re able to have a kid with him?
Very often, people like this believe that once a baby is brought into the relationship their partner is trapped. They then escalate the abuse further.
You should never have a kid for someone else. They’re not toys or possessions. They’re tiny humans that require love and affection and attention constantly.
Please don’t have a kid with him. Please protect yourself and leave.
Thank you, the made-up names fucking hurt to read.
Gomez Addams had a baddie wife and a good life
All the comments are talking about consent and what was appropriate in this. I’m sorry that no one had a discussion about what was appropriate and consent with you but telling someone they were assaulted when they’re in the process of trying to understand their situation isn’t always helpful. People need to get to their own conclusions about what happened to them and how they feel about it
This post is the second time I’ve seen CS today, what does that stand for?
Well. Like I suggested, good luck making sense of them. Scientists are only starting f to figure out what the brain does at night. I wouldn’t worry to much about it.
The relationships are confusing to me. But, you should do what is best for you. Maybe you could do mother's day a day early for a Mom that you want to celebrate with.
So some random from college tells him something (that may or may not be true) and then he comes home questioning you and your whole family? Seems like your husband is just trying to make up a reason to leave or elevate guilt of his own. I dont know there must be more missing to this
I remember once I took a photo of my friends gf making out with someone else and the end result was I lost a friend. It’s a tough situation to bring bad news to someone who doesn’t want to hear it
she is lying. She wants to hurt you and knows he can’t defend himself from the beyond. Don’t let her insult the memory of bf.
She needs to get over it.
You don't have to be a fan to say that Taylor Swift knows how to put on a show.
Thank you so much for your time ♥️ Can you tell me more about the decision?
It sucks, but I think you need to bring it up. The cheating would be a dealbreaker for me. More importantly, you don’t want to waste time if this isn’t going anywhere.
Man posts like this always bring out the most fascinating mysoginists and misandrists.
It's all the mans fault. It's all the womens fault. It's up to the man to do this work, no it's up to the women. Its fucking bonkers to view.
OP is out here looking for advice and discussions and you are all just going on about how breaking up is the only option and not even entertaining the idea of what could be done to help this overall healthy relationship (according toOP) become even better in its post sex times.
Oh btw OP. Sounds to me like you partner is loveable oblivious asshole like me. My ex got me involved in her aftercare by reminding me and developing a system where I could help as much as needed but didnt have to take the reigns cause that was here area of interest and not mine. She was the kink person and I was the noob. Are you the D or the S? If you are the S, are you the kind of S that's actually secretly the D? Because more often Than not I have seen that's the dynamic with a male D and female S. The thing being it's still all a sexual thing and consent is a very big deal. You wanting him and telling him you want him to do after care stuff is very different than letting him know that now is the time you would like him to participate.
Also OP look in my post history for my previous comment in this thread. Where I outline my own personal needs post sex due to the reminders at the end of my own sexual abuses as well as physical pains that linger from getting my testical removed because cancer it bullshit. Could there be anything similar in his history that might be a reason for him to want some processing time right after sex? I myself have to leave the room every time because I have to ugly cry while walking in circles trying to get the incision scar on my growing to stop cramping up. It's not really group participation thing as well as being a time where it would only be worse if my partner was there. I had even told her about this before when we had an after care talk similar to yours. It wasnt till one day that she spied on me and saw how depressed I was afterwards that she realized I was going through something where I wasn't really capable of caring for someone else first.
Take all of that rambling and try and think about it when you have your next discussion with him. He may look like he is just watching TV but you dont know what's going on in his head. Neither of you are psychic.