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Don’t tell anyone and on-line a frugal lifestyle. Pay off any debts, don’t overspend just because you have the money, and work for pleasure instead of working for a job (aka find a job doing something you love)
Always trust your gut. That would give me the creeps too.
Anybody who ever did…or felt….anything….at some point had never done it before.
Every step you take or breath you draw is one that you had not “done before”.
Human Experience does not have a “drop dead date”……….
well I guess in a way it does………..
but you ain't there yet.
Get on with Living.
Yep. Over time I realized that all of our versions of what to expect in a relationship is different. Once you realize that it seems much easier to not waste time trying to force things.
That's a fact my sil is currently going through infertility treatments and they aren't working for her
People who grow up religions tend to want marriage fast. Other than that…it seems odd that he wants to get married after 5 months but you do what’s best for you. I have a brother who proposed to his wife after knowing her for 3 weeks and they’ve been married for over 19 years now and are the happiest couple I’ve ever seen.
This might be nude to hear op.
I was in your gf exact position so let me tell you what it was like for me.
Fucking torture.
It's like not being in control of your own thoughts and desires. I was bombarded with uncertainty in all directions.
I didn't fully heal from the ex relationship. It was made worse by the fact that she didn't treat me right at times. A lot of it was emotionally abusive. That makes it hard to close the lid if you still have good memories because you can hold onto the hope that if they just change what you had with them the good parts is possible again.
For me, when this happened I couldn't stop thinking about it. I had to break up. I had to get it out of my system by talking to her. I was honest about why. My gf at the time gave me an ultimatum that she wouldn't take me back if I called my ex. I ended up still calling her because I didn't see another way or sort out my feelings and thoughts.
My advice for you is don't get in her way. Support her in doing whatever she needs to do to get this out of her system (except cheating of course) and summon all the self security you can muster to say, I know that I'm worth choosing above anyone else. If she decides she needs to leave you, be sure and encourage her to do what she needs to do but be clear about what you are willing to accept as well.
Example might be. “I want you to do what you need to do for yourself. But if you leave me I can't promise I'll be waiting. I am serious about you and I need to know you are serious about me if this is going to work. “
If she doesn't sort this out within herself, it just gets worse. You don't want to be with someone that is unsure of what they want.
Don't project my experience onto your gf.
But i would advise don't try to get over it unless she tells you it's over with the ex.
You just need to move on, there will always be someone better than you at something. At least she was honest rather than letting you believe you rock her world til she is just completely bored. Suck it up or dump her.
Absolutely do not rehome your own cat so he can get his own. If he wants a new cat, that means there's three cats in the house. That's how it works.
You made a lifetime commitment to those cats. It's not “fake” of you to honor that. It's responsible. Moreover, as siblings that were raised together, those cats are bonded and ethically should not be separated.
This is a tricky one. While I detest lies and deceit, how much of this is lies is nude to say.
Right now, a lot of the judgement is coming with the benefit of hindsight.
If someone has a “past” or significant event etc, they have to decide when it's appropriate to bring share that in a new/budding relationship.
I get the impression he had done his part, proceeded with the divorce, done the paper work, signed etc, but that process has been dragged on. Covid? The ex not wanting to sign? Who knows.
Often these things become a war of attrition, they wear you down. If he's done all he can, and it's out of his hands, but dragging on, it's understandable if he's just trying to bury that entire toxic topic. Perhaps he was thinking “surely its done now” and yet it's gone on and on all the same. If it had concluded as he expected, and his new relationship reached a point when he felt it appropriate to share etc, what he'd be sharing would be a conclusion, and I expect he held out for that moment.
It is odd that his friends told OP. Does that mean they expected OP knew already, and they expected that conversation to me more sharing/updating on the latest status? Or were they shit-stirring?
OP you need to SLOW DOWN.
Your reaction to this, quit your job, is extreme and is not “the” logical solution to a question about divorce papers.
You're connecting the wrong dots.
Start by talking with him, in a non judgemental manner. Ask him, what's going on etc.
You seem to be lumping together a bunch of separate issues and making a tangled up mess.
The underlying concern seems to be, you are lacking assurance that he is committed to a future with you. Bear in mind, he could be under extreme stress if his ex is playing him, and he might be at a low ebb now. Adding new problems and stresses is not a wise move. So be sure to pick the right time for such a conversation.
You ARE overthinking and you're making some poor choices as a result.
Better communication with him.
That you describe the two of you spending almost all your spare time together is a good sign you're both comfortable and wanting to do that. He's integrated you with his friend group and that you like them, and they complement you both, is another good sign.
Usually when someone is cheating, neither of the above 2 points will be true.
Communicate. Be kind. It's quite possible his past relationship has become a thorn in his side and he wanted to spare you that pain.
Does that constitute a “lie”?
Well in a very blinkered context, it's a lie, in this case, it may be more fair to consider it an omission in good faith, but perhaps in poor judgment.
Remember OP, when we're in pain, we don't always make the best choices.
Best of luck.
For sure. Honestly I would’ve been open to a convo about him watching it if he had an issue with me asking him not to. It’s the fact that he told me he wouldn’t and it seems like he has. I’m not sure how to bring it up again after the last two times. Any advice?
Do you talk about what you like and what you want too? You're not just going all Spanish inquisition on her, are you? It can be very daunting talking about these things when you're not even really sure what these things are.
How about you do the talking and show her how you like to be touched? Like a teaching session. Literally teach her how to touch you and talk while you do it to ensure the verbal ice stays broken. The more you guys talk about this, using the proper words, the easier it becomes.
Uh huh. Yep.
Wait… What did you need advice for? ?
Not saying I deserve this at all. She doesn't deserve this situation either though
10th
I just asked an AI 🙂 how to fire my assistant who is also my best friend. Here their answer:
It can be difficult to end a working relationship with someone who is also a close friend. Before making any decisions, it's important to consider the potential impact on your friendship and the potential consequences for your business or organization.
If you have determined that it is necessary to end the working relationship with your assistant, it is important to handle the situation with sensitivity and professionalism. Here are some steps you can take:
Have a private conversation with your assistant: Explain your decision and the reasons behind it, and give your assistant the opportunity to ask questions and share their thoughts.
Offer support: Let your assistant know that you are available to help with the transition and offer to provide references or assistance with finding a new job.
Be clear and direct: While it's important to be sensitive to your assistant's feelings, it's also important to be clear and direct about the decision to end the working relationship. Avoid leaving room for misunderstanding or confusion.
Document the conversation: It's a good idea to document the conversation and any agreements made, such as the terms of the separation and any severance or other benefits that will be provided.
Follow through: Once you have ended the working relationship, be sure to follow through on any commitments you have made, such as providing references or assistance with finding a new job.
It's important to handle the situation with care, as your actions can have a lasting impact on your friendship and professional reputation. If you're not sure how to proceed, it may be helpful to seek guidance from a trusted mentor or HR professional.
As I read this comments I just can’t believe I accepted this treatment. I didn’t even question if it was normal.
I understand ? My ex husband moved directly in with another woman a week after we agreed on a divorce. We hadn’t even begun paperwork yet.
Here’s how I’m looking at it now (I’ve had some space that you haven’t). She can keep him. At the very least it was an emotional affair. Probably physical too. Even though by then I was no longer in love with him (I won’t bore you with that story), it stung.
You deserve better than somebody who does that to you. I know it’s not easy to see now, but you’re better without a disloyal partner in your life. Things will get nude for a while, but they’ll get so, so much better.
Kinda seems like YOU don’t get it.
Move back home. He can’t kick you out. You left on your own so move back in. Tell him to leave if he has an issue. Make him pay child support. He’ll find a way to be convinced or prove you wrong.
I get very quiet when the I went too long without food, so I get that part, but the anger needs to be kept internal. It’s not an excuse to treat people poorly, and his attitude maintained even after they were eating. It’s up to you to take care of yourself, an adult does not need a mom that packs snacks!
I had a partner that always had cliff bars for me, but that’s because he was sweet, not because he feared me!
My (40f) best friend (37m) was a lot like you described yourself. He had never been in any type of relationship or had any intimacy experiences at all. His reasons were different than yours though. He is gay and was brought up to believe that meant there was something wrong with him and he was going to go to hell. So he was terrified of anyone finding out. So he never went out or socialized at all out of fear. For 37 years. Another thing about him was that he was about 90% computer/any tech literate. His phone is totally obsete and cant get any apps on it. My point is, once we became friends and I found out all this, I introduced him to dating apps. He was very skeptical at first which it sounds Iike you are as well. I helped him sign up on a few he could get on his laptop and his favorite turns out to be tinder. He put his picture up there and made his bios and he isn't lonely anymore. With tinder though, what he does is once he thinks it's time, the other guy just goes over to his place to hang. He still doesn't have to leave his apartment. He isn't ready for a LTR but he keeps telling me how great it is to not be so lonely anymore. And I'm sure you can match with someone that shares your interest in drinking. I'm not gonna say “don't drink, it's bad for you.” I totally get it and that was the only way I could be social for many years as well. I just wanted to comment bc I think if drinking helps then you do you. There are ways to meet people without leaving your house and who knows, maybe once you have someone over or someone's over a few times, it will help your self esteem and you won't feel so caged in. I would also suggest possibly picking up some type of hobby or something so you'll have something interesting to talk to people about. Or like read a lot so you can tall about things that interest the other person and you can improve your conversations. I hope some of this helps and good luck to you. I always try to remember the old saying there's a lid for every pot or there's someone for everyone.
Thank you. I was waiting for you to grow a spine and either accept that you don't like your husband enough to on-line with him and get a divorce or start acting like a wife and defend your family unit – which includes your husband. It is your job to manage your parents and make sure husband is treated fairly and with respect (if he deserves so – if he doesn't, you shouldn't be with him). Your dad absolutely is trying to pull power moves which he should not be allowed for him – you should not allow it.
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Was this an ONS or have you ‘seen’ her a few times. If she’s a mate of a mate are you likely to bump into her again? Possibly with her boyfriend?
You can pretend nothing happened but if it wasn’t a one time thing or if you’re likely to meet again socially then there’s always a good chance that the two of you hooking up will be revealed. And it usually happens at the worst time and where alcohol is involved. Never a good combination.
I’d get ahead of the narrative and let him know in as low-key a way as I could. YMMV.
I just don't get why people would pretend though. Like what they getting out of it?
They often end up Karma Neutral if they comment too so that's not it, and it would be wild if it was
Your mans sounds socially smartn't. There are things both genders have tendency to excel at over the other; but not by much, and nowhere significant save nude labor.
For his birthday, buy him a Porsche with his own card.
You seem like you need help with your reading comprehension –
“I've only been hanging out with him after work just for breakfast”
It's okay, we all make mistakes. You don't need to feel like a complete asshat or anything.
Today is xmas day, are you posting from the past.
Yo. It's your bed too, and baby is far beyond old enough to be sleeping in their own room in their own crib. Also baby should NEVER be sleeping in the same bed as any parent for safety reasons. Like ever.
It's time for the kid to be in their own room with a baby monitor.
I come from a divorced family. Split christmases and holidays. My dad always had the huge Christmas, lots of presents and gag gifts, big breakfast and lunch. My mom was more traditional, definitely a solid Christmas on her end but it was what it was. I know my dad felt bad not having us but those are the consequences of divorce. My parents were not very nice to each other but they didn’t try to play games with visitation. If it is your husbands turn then it’s his turn and he needs to take it. He probably felt emasculated with the kids rejecting his Christmas and him not standing up for himself and took it out on you. It’s not fair and if he had a second to think about it he probably, hopefully, would realize you’re on his fucking side here. You don’t need to meddle with the mother, my step mom was actually very good about this, but you supported making his Christmas better. You can’t compete with what the mom offers but you can make yours special which you did. If you guys can work through his tirade which was misplaced anger he needs to step up. He’s the parents, he gets his visitation. The mom can have the kids the 26th or do her Christmas early. I did it for 30years splitting Christmas. It’s not perfect but it can’t be.
Honestly, I think it reveals more about how he feels about himself. He hates himself clearly. But taking it out on his wife is not okay. So the outcome has to be the same. He’s gotta go.
Basically anything you do that is romantic and or sexual with someone else than your partner and he/she doesn't agree with is cheating
If you know she wouldn't approve, yeah it's cheating But i think you should just keep this for yourself, as you said you didn't go too far and it'd probably just cause a lot of trouble for a very minor act
However what you should try to do is to talk to her about your fantasies and see if she is willing to experiment with you
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You're right that it's not as simple as I wrote and you present fair points.
We share the office space, where she also has her desk for rare days she works from home. That said I estimated my extra expenses at max 20$ a month for PC running 8 hours and some coffee. The rest we share. Her gas is around 120$ a montn.
As you said though – if I start breaking it down I'll lose. Food for thought for sure. Thanks for your thoughs.
First off, tell your mom! He is trying to “divide and conquer”. You keeping it from her only plays into his plans.
Telling you to not act like family IN YOUR MOTHERS HOUSE? Gtfo. Yes it's his house too but you are all family.
I think you're right in that he isn't used to being challenged and didn't like it (unless your mom has drinking issues you don't know about).
However you kept checking with him and went above and beyond to make sure all was well. He sounds very immature.
He's your on-line, married boyfriend. YOU'VE NEVER MET IRL. You're not as in love as you think.
You may have
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Please leave. Run. Go home. Go to a friend. Go to a shelter. He's abusing you. He's raping you. Run.
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I'd let her break up, but the whole ,making her enjoy life' comment is on her to sort out. You don't have a relationship relying on someone else for that.
Sweetheart. I get that you have blinders on because he's your brother.
He already knows its wrong.
You can't do anything to stop it. Watch out at family gatherings if he's around children.
Are they old or expired? Are there condoms missing?
It's a bit weird if the sugar baby dynamic isn't something they've discussed. It's not like they share a child and he's sending child support.
That’s the thing. Up until now we’ve always been open with these things. But this was different, and she has understandable reasons, but it shouldn’t be different or need excuses. Is my security not worth making sacrifices?
If there are needs to an ex I don’t think that’s healthy. If the relationship ended on good terms then I can see how there could be some form of communication but only on major holidays but even then I think those are very personal days and an ex would no longer qualify being in that place anymore. I’m not sure how having an ex a value to my life. Things ended for a reason and I don’t see why there is any tie to anyone unless there’s a child involved and even then there are some nude core boundaries especially if you or they are in a relationship.
I'm not sure you understand what a loving respectful relationship is.
True and that def shows she planned to ruin their marriage
If you can not find a way to get over this and enjoy being with her in spite of the video, then the ex accomplished exactly what he set out to do. And you're complicit in allowing him to destroy her relationship.
Somehow, he did her wrong in sending you the video, and you've made it about you. So who's left on her side supporting her the way she deserves? Who's there helping her build the relationship she deserves?
Honestly, I’m not a red pill guy or into anything of that sort, but it’s because it’s a woman who cheated.
Women garner a hell of a lot more empathy in this sub, even to the point where blatant emotional cheating is excused.
Moving on is difficult and the only way around it is to force yourself to move on
Given that you are having a nude time coming up with a way where this doesn't come off as an ultimatum, this relationship is probably already over as far as you are concerned.
You mentioned depression. Is she doing anything to work on that? Therapy, medication, both.
I recommend finding a feminized version of the name and using it as a middle or even first name.
Yep, wasting the cost of a wedding is still cheaper than divorce.
Honestly I'd have dumped this dude when he pressured you to farm out your cats to his brother. Guy can't get his own pets? It seems like manipulation and control on both their parts
Go on the honeymoon trip with your friends.
Thank you for deleting this post. This guy has posted at least 3 times under a different account and gets very hostile when people don't agree
You don't need his permission to move on, you're not getting divorced. All that's required to break up is one person wanting to break up. Period. I don't really understand why you feel like you can't or shouldn't?
I'm not at all surprised this started when you moved in. If it had happened before, you probably wouldn't have made such a commitment. They know this. Abusers often wait to start their abuse until after their victim is “trapped”. This typically involves moving in together, buying a house, getting married or getting pregnant. They absolutely know you're less likely to leave then.
The physical abuse and extreme jealousy/control started when I moved in with my ex. I should have known because he was jealous beforehand but I stupidly believed he'd be more relaxed if we lived together. By the time I realised I was terrifyingly wrong, I felt too stupid and embarrassed, and like my parents had committed too much financial help with moving to end it. Please don't make the same mistake I did, you should leave ASAP. Your friends and family will be supportive.
It could be both. It could you are nice and poor, where drake is weird and rich
Cuz you're his backup plan.
Block. Him. On.everything.
Also stop having conversations with him other than hi and bye
She’s right in the middle of the average bmi for her height and age, but she’s convinced that she’s too heavy
Your gf could very likely have walking pneumonia. Tell her to go to a clinic bc there’s medication for that. If she’s worried about the money, point out that an ambulance & ER are far more expensive.
And that’s all you can do.
Ive been asking for a lock since i was 13, parents refuse. And bringing it up at the dinner table would be to difficult to me. I only told my mom because i trusted her but she wont trust me.
that’s not insecure it’s basic boundaries. she’s just purely disrespectful.
Hit him back with the logic that 'each partners kids should inherit their bio parents assets'. Since you make much more than he does then your kids would get the lions share.
Ultimately your husband is showing that he doesn't consider all three to be his children, its time you accept that and make arrangements to deal with it.
Not using birth control is also a choice. OP could have used the pill but she is also young. The boss should know better. Maybe there will be a happy outcome. OP. You are only 19 and will have many more more chances at having a baby. It's all up to you to decide.
You sound like you’re downplaying your behavior and it’s a lot worse than what you’re describing. Do better at holding yourself accountable.
Get help for yourself and your kids. Get assistance from the state, your insurance provider, or organizations that provide help for people with your children’s disabilities.
You want attention.
I know the background, what I’m asking is what’s changed to make this permanent? Could you be couch surfing in a few months again? If yes, then I wouldn’t get the dogs. Just my opinion.
Has this effected your view of yourself? You used the same word for your wife that you describe her friend using.
because in a lot of age gap relationship the older person seeks a younger, naive person to basically mold into their perfect partner. they will “teach” you things, because of course they are older so they must be “wiser”, and “they know better”.
knowing that, can you really not be able to see he’s trying to make you into what he wants? he’s instilling all these new habits in you, things you seem to resent, because you’re a blank canvas to him. he’s not accepting you as you are, and only seems to support you when he’s rewarding you for following his guidelines. that’s not love.
?the reason I suggested funding her lawyer is so that she feels comfortable that it is a fair settlement (hopefully you will not have to use it). A lot of times there are issues because one of the parties can’t afford a lawyer and feel like the prenup is unfair.
It's not pro life is you almost make life-ruining policies.
She is very manipulative. ?
Do you feel the meetups were sexual or romantic? Or do you think they were probably platonic?
It's because your friend is a naive 19 year old dating another naive 19 year old and neither one of them actually know how to behave in a relationship. Unfortunately, they need to just grow up a bit. If you want to “fix” your friend, next time they ask you to hang out, just say, “Naw, you guys are weird together and I don't want to be around you”. Then go do something cool with other friends.
This is a fleeting moment and you remembering your past. I highly suggest you block him everywhere and focus on your husband and kids. Nothing ever comes good being on the slippery path to cheating,
Put the past behind you as it is the past .
I work 9 AM-6 PM and my bf works 2-10 PM. It’s definitely tough but I don’t think it should be a relationship killer especially if you both have the same days off (we do not and honestly in my opinion that’s a LOT harder than the opposite shifts).
We on-line together so we get to go to sleep next to each other every night, and hang out every evening once he gets home. We make time to go out and do things together on days that we both have off or just relax together at home. If you’re willing to put the work in I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. I think moving in together (if you guys are otherwise at a place in your relationship where that makes sense, I wouldn’t do it just because your shift is changing) will make it easier to see each other more too.
You can also take the promotion, work the job for a bit, and then if it’s not working either look for a new job on a different shift or try to go back to your old position. Or take it and plan to move on in x years or whatever after stashing some extra money for your long term goals and having experience at a better position on your resume.
Good lord, I’m glad you’re okay!
Of course I tried. He thinks I am overreacting.
Closure about what?
You tried and didn't worked.
I think I already saw him somewhere before but I’m really not sure, need to be more sobber to remember maybe
I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. ? I went through something very similar. Unfortunately, you can’t make him want you, no matter how caring and supportive you are. He’s already checked out of the relationship and will break up with you as soon as it’s convenient for him. He’s staying with you right now because you provide for his needs. As soon as he finds a way to move out, he’s going to pull the plug.
When my ex acted this way, I also thought he was just pulling away because he was depressed. Yet, he’d still act outgoing and happy around his friends and other girls. I naively thought that all I needed to do to win him back was to show how extra loving and caring I could be. It didn’t work. He dumped me and soon started dating another girl. I regret letting someone treat me like a doormat, and I hope you can find the strength to stick up for yourself so you don’t have the same regret I had.
but why date the person who traumatized you?
I'm pretty sure she's nude
I'm not sure why you're getting downvotes. She's not his sibling, she's not your dad's daughter or relative in any way, but she's skipping school in his room. I mean yeah, it sounds like potentially something going on, or weird friendship.
But they are not related, only you are. So honestly if it is going on, why does it matter? Two people being interested in one another that are not related in anyway isn't 'weird', it's just normal. It's only weird for you because they are each your half sibling to a different parent.
Please leave. This is rape.
She is the one who should tell her family. If she's stressed it was her own doing and not your responsibility.
I always wondered if people like you really feel the sense of smug satisfaction you portray, like are you actually a greased ponytailed schmuck giggling to himself while he slangs generic insults.
One day, one of you fellas took it to the max. He actually reached out to my partner on Facebook (his smugness betrayed him, he was positive she was fake) which means I got to see him and his life, and oh my god, was it satisfying for me.
Just a little umpa lumpa with a happy meal box over his face in his profile.
Just know, I know that’s you, if it’s not, shoot me your socials, show me how a real man gets down. Put my child self to shame!
Putting his dick on your back is sexual assault.
Except person #1 has only had sex 100 times. Person # 2 has had sex 200 times.
If she doesn't know what she wants for life and is willing to abandon the life she does have, a life that sounds better off than most people get, then she better be prepared to find out where she's gonna stay when she gets back, better save some money for a lawyer if she ever wants to see her daughter again. At least that is where my mind is going. She doesn't get to drop out of her family and responsibilities without consequences. How is she even going to pay for a trip to France? I can't imagine working part time at an antique shop is gonna afford a two week luxury.
The time to say anything is before you bought a fucking house with her. So what happens if she decides to ditch you ? I don't think it's a big deal as you weren't dating exclusively but your the only one who knows how to felt at the time. Did you know you wanted to be with her or not?
Well, he is being disrespectful to u. MY question is…. Is he any good at rapping? Some can rap. Some think they can and have their dufluncky friends telling them they can simply to watch them embarrass themselves. ?♀️
Yep, the story would have been a lot more believable if it was just some low level video quality porn with someone who vaguely resembled his girlfriend.
If it will make you feel better, tell him you're blocking him first.
The anesthesia I am referring to is local. I don’t know what they use, topical anesthetic or regional nerve block or something. Not general anesthetic. All LEEP procedures I have seen also occurred under local pain management.
About two years ago, she came out as asexual. We have had long talks about what that means for her. She is not against sexual intimacy, and still enjoys it and enjoys being intimate with me. However, she says she doesn't have a desire for it, and if she never had any sexual contact again it wouldn't bother her.
She said that she enjoys being intimate with me she knows I enjoy it and she wants to make me happy. A sexual desire doesn't play a role for her.
You are not the first person to date a slob, your bf isn’t the first person to have trouble communicating during times of stress, you’re not the the first couple to argue about chores. This is all normal. Keep trying to talk to him.
Tell him that you love him and that you want to find a time when you can both sit down and tackle this issue together because it’s very very important to you. Say that you understand the demands of grad school which makes it all the more important that you make a plan together to take care of this problem. If this fails, present your parents idea, not as a punishment but as a compromise. You need a clean organized space and if he’s unable to help make that happen in the rest of the apartment then maybe the solution is to have your own space until grad demands lessen.
You guys can overcome this if you’re with someone who is capable of communicating. Loving together is a trial run for the rest of your life, now is the time to find out if you’re compatible AND if the two of you can overcome the inevitable domestic issue that arise in a monogamous partnership.
This is the height of irresponsibility on his part.
You need to plan your exit, yeah it comes down to an exit.
She cheated for 3 months the 1st year of your marriage and still talks to the guy!!
Thanks, that is sound advice. We don't know too much about the relationship. We have given the benefit of the doubt several times and trusted John's instincts that this is true love and they genuinely care about one another. Unfortunately, we don't see enough from Jane to believe she has John's best interest.
If you’re not sexually compatible, break up. Don’t tell him the real reason, just say you’re not feeling the relationship anymore.
There’s nothing he can do about his size, and if you’re not ok with it now, it’s not going to get better down the line.
I’ve had to break up with women for things they can’t change either, and I can tell you that anytime I did, we were both happier in the long run.
He said “star in” adult videos so I doubt she doesn't know she's out there.
Probably just something she didn't want to talk about when they first started dating, then it became too big of a secret in her mind.
I have never gotten a good response when discussing difficulties in loud spaces with them. Also the yes, I probably should have communicated better, but I also knew that if I had started talking to them about be going into a hallway where it would have been quieter she probably would have said that is stupid or some variation of that. I am leaning towards explaining things I just don't think it will do anything
Don't bother, block her and on-line your life. She wants you to waste your time thinking about this. Stop doing that.
Absolutely not. Write WHATEVER YOU WANT. Write ANYTHING. Write what feels right for you to write.
But don't send it.
What is wrong with you? Your marry a woman with a kid and your trying to limit her time with her son. That is so disturbing. Don’t marry her if you can’t have her kid with you 50% of the time. If she accepts this then she’s a terrible mom.
He chose his loser path. And the moment the cops come busting his door down, you might get dragged to the station too. It would do you a world of good to end this now and stay the hell away from him. He’s now enabling people overdosing and dying. What a winner.
I think that she wanted divorce for some time and this situation is the perfect excuse for it. Dont believe her word.
It's all Roth
Could be he's deliberately trying to get your attention because he likes the drama.
Could be he's hassling you out of spite.
Or maybe he's genuinely being stalked by a stranger on Snapchat and insists it's you.
Regardless, he isn't your problem. Just explain to your mutual friends what's going on, explain that you're confused about it, and then just leave it be.
Although I wouldn't ask about him any further or they may start to think you genuinely are Stalking him.
So he let his brother RAPE you? You realize that’s what that is right, rape?
My bf gets hives and takes Xanax for them. It happens when he’s nervous and then becomes more nervous knowing people see them. He’s an anxious person.
?It so so nude to do dishes and sweep the floor, and some guys are just lazy asses.
I would dump this loser ass. I do dishes, sweep sweep, fed parrot, carry laundry.
I you don’t do it. And you are wasting your time with this “boy”. He does not really give a damn about your feelings or needs.
She’ll find out if you go on holiday together years from now, and the other woman recognizes you while you and your now-girlfriend are eating at an outdoor cafe.
Have the talk again. Say that you want to know if you’re exclusive or not. If she questions why it’s so important to know, you can tell her that you slept with someone at a party, and are feeling guilty, even though y’all aren’t officially exclusive yet.
Even if he went to therapy I wouldn’t trust him to be honest with his therapist AND he’d learn fun new lingo to paint himself as the victim whilst OP is already blaming herself for HIS tantrums.
You find her physically attractive, but not sexually? Are you guys just not connecting sexually/not communicating what you guys want?
Why did you start feeling like this? When did you? Way too vague, but I'll tell you this: she deserves to be with someone who finds her sexually attractive and someone who desires her sexually. You do not have that right to prevent her from finding that if it isn't with you.
Don’t respond, just leave
Please don't marry this girl and especially don't have children with her. Reading between the lines it sounds like there's been infidelity in the past and at the very least she's lying to you and emotionally cheating on you. You deserve better and I hope you're able to break away from this and find someone that will love and respect you.
The tough answer
What you should be thinking – All those guys that she rejected were not because of you, they were because she is gay. She went straight to bed when she got home after cheating on you, that's pretty cold. She showered to hide any evidence and didn't tell you, you had to force it out of her. Would she have told you? No, not yet. She is playing for time, not sure what she wants to do. You or BFF? She hasn't decided, it is a big decision to 'come out' afterall and completely change her life. Does she want that? She doesn't know. Instead she has apologised to you to give herself more time. It is clear that she must have had some feelings and thoughts towards BFF prior to the kiss, you don't just become bisexual with a kiss. This has been going on inside her for a while at least, and she never told you. She thought about herself when she was cheating on you, not you, she is thinking about herself now. Cheaters are selfish and manipulative people, and are often very good at hiding the fact.
Move out, tell her you are ending the marriage. 1 to 2 weeks later go around, speak to her, is she still friends with BFF, the person that ruined her marriage…. You would imagine that she wouldn't be able to look at her ever again? She should be distraught at the breakup of her marriage, or has she been sleeping with her BFF again the first chance she gets? (Or someone else?)There's your solid answer and the only way you will know the absolute truth of how she feels about you. She proved herself and feelings by cheating.
I am tempted to say give it another go after reading all the amazing things you have written about your relationship. But I don't think you can. She lied to you, she thought about herself and didn't think about you. Would she choose by herself to ditch BFF to be with you? What a fucking mess…. I don't know what to say. I genuinely feel for you, you sound like me. I didn't leave my wife, but years later it happened again, she cheated and apologised. I loved her so much though, and it was so nude to walk away. I stayed and yes, she eventually did it again and left me for someone else. I shouldn't have wasted all those years with her, I should have simply found someone else more deserving of me.
If you are too weak to properly ditch her, move out as I said and if BFF is gone, then start to talk to her again. Hopefully build it back up. This way she will never ever dare cheat again as she will know the consequences….. should it have to be this way? No.
Good luck mate
You have to be fake. There is no way someone is this stupid. You bullied him into it. Period. You're a horrible human being and I hope that you get various forms of sexually transmitted diseases that render your vagina unusable. You're the worst.
That would be a no. If it's not your thing and it's not a lifestyle you want, don't compromise who you are for a guy. It's never worth it.
The first things that come to my mind are writing letters / postcards as a surprise, not only are they very romantic, people don't really do these anymore these days which makes these extra special. Also he can pin these on his pinwall / fridge to have a daily reminder of you.
Regarding what you said about his schedule and different timezones i can imagine it can be pretty difficult to get in touch with each other, so i think when he calls you at 3am and you answer that should make him feel super supported already. I want to stress here that i am not advising you to do that or let it become a regular thing, just pointing out that things like these might already make him feel support enough.
Another thing would be a surprise visit during your vacation but i dont know how far and costly that would be, so there's that.
I think the bottom line is just making as much room for him in your daily schedule (and vice versa of course) as possible without you or him suffering from it. A healthy give and take. The rest is just icing on the cake
No, because men can't just smile at a woman and get sex like a woman can.
If I were you I would stop feeding into his flirts. Then if he continues say “Moving forward, I would appreciate our discussions remain at a professional level.”
So don't eat it. 5 days to a week is not a big difference. Contacting their doctor would be insane.
I know he doesn’t open up and express his traumas very well.
–
Abuse? Neglect? Etc? I could potentially accept this if he would give me a legitimate reason.
So, which is it? You're patient and understanding that he might have serious family trauma that he isn't ready to talk about, or you're demanding that he tells you everything now because you have a “right” to know?
You're basically saying that you have a right to know everything about this past. When you get engaged, yes, you'll have that right. But after only a year and a half, you don't.
You have the right to break up with him if you still feel that he should reveal, for example, past instances of being physically, emotionally, or sexually abused. But you don't have right to that info. Not yet.
Most guys don't want to be friends with a girl. 90% of the time especially with young men they are just hanging around for their time to shoot the shot.
As for your BF shut him down nude on the not being able to have a conversation.
I hold my self to this idea. I have women I work with that I will talk to at work, some are very in depth conversations. But I don't talk to them outside of work or text them. If I am going to put emotional energy into an opposite sex person its going to be my partner. But thats just my opinion on it.
Drs discourage it. Say for sure ull get it.
Could you use words?
I would but they all work together and I’m not going to make it look even more like I’m the crazy jealous one. I’m just going to leave and be done with this.
Dump her, she forgot your food. All jokes aside, if you need to be with her when she goes out, then there is no point in being together it will always be in the back of your mind. Let go be herself and find someone you can trust.
Move on
Wait so it wasn’t just a pic she took and decided to send – she was in this other guys chat and took the pic.
Oh fuck no – accident is looking less and less likely.
I’d put money on that they were talking, he asked, or she suggested, and after she sent them she realised how bad she screwed up, hence her son story to you.
Don't?
I always invite her and beg her to come with but she either can’t due to her schedule or she simply doesn’t want to.
So really it isn't just about sharing experiences. It is actually that she wants you to have them on her terms. This isn't about her wanting to do things with you, it is about controlling when you do them. Otherwise she'd go out of her way to do this stuff, right? Sort of seems counterproductive to say you want a bunch of experiences and then half the time just turn them down anyway because you don't want to.
Be aware of that. See that he throwing that in your face and going nuclear every time is just toxic, manipulative. This isn't about experiences together, this is about her controlling what you do but in a way she can deflect. Because be real: the only practical impact this mindset of hers has had is you feeling obliged to isolate yourself. And honestly, I don't think even if she shared a house with you that she'd go out as much as you hope.
It's easy to conflate immaturity and anxious insecure toxic controlling. Just be aware what she is doing isn't healthy for either of you, especially given the transparent hypocrisy of what she is saying.
It’s okay to on-line an independent life and not think about someone you’re dating every minute of the day. In the honeymoon period when you first get together, sure, they might consume your thoughts. This is especially true when you’re young. But eventually they become a regular part of your life and not its sole focus. This is normal- relationships that are a constant high would be exhausting.
I suppose you need to ask yourself if you are losing feelings or whether they are just settling down. Whether you stay with him and choose to develop a more balanced, adult version of the relationship, or whether you decide to look elsewhere is up to you.
Having friends of the opposite sex is doable, but they should not be sharing intimate things with them. Your should never treat the female friend like he would you, his SO. There is no room for a third party.
He is grown enough to be seeking for validation. No 12 yo anymore. Will be T 89yo seeking for validation from nurses too? Will be this your on-line??? Once he is 20 miles far from you will he be in tinder???? Well, give him your negation. The only validation he needs is yours.
“Our future kids in the basement” — let that be a metaphor for how you and your kids will be seen/treated in relation to his mom. You will always be beneath her.
Thank you for the help I think I'll compliment her style then since i like it a lot and might ask for her socials
Maybe he’s anxious about it too? Also, as an anxious driver myself, I would be even more anxious to be in the car constantly with someone who only just learned how to drive.
Aaaand that's why SXXI modern world is becoming a dumpster :/
NTA- I dealt with similar crap when i was stuck in a toxic relationship with a Narc.
He is conditioning you to accept crumbs. Its called Devaluation. My advice is get the hell out of there before you start becoming mentally damaged.
I waited too long to escape and 2 years later i am still scarred.
r/raisedbynarcissists
You come over here and read the wikis, learn to set firm boundaries and/or go full no contact with these people.
Then you grieve the family you lost and turn all your energy to your own family.
Yeah, people can usually find a positive or suggest a scenario in which you might be mistaken.
But I have absolutely nothing.
!RemindMe 24 hours
What was M's response to your boyfriend? Was she okay ith it or was she upset?
Well I have good news. Only no, don't date him again.
First, relax, there's nothing wrong with you at all. Yes it happened when you walked in, but clearly it all took place in his head, suddenly and unexpectedly. He knew it, and realized that whatever it was might not make any sense to you, and certainly didn't reflect well on him. This which would explain why he offered such strange, mystical, and contradictory excuses. Spur of the moment stuff, bumbling and unconvincing, with him gradually and belatedly realizing just how insulting this was for you.
Second, I doubt that he intended to insult you at all, and in his haste to come up with something, offered you a line that sounded to him like “I'm not rejecting you, you're rejecting me.” Your WTF reaction makes perfect sense, but it threw him even further off balance, causing him to keep throwing anything he could come up with at you in vain hopes that something would stick.
Third, you'll get over it far faster than he. You realize you dated a head case, and nothing you experienced was caused by you in any way. He realizes that he had a willing hookup, couldn't go thru with it, couldn't explain it away, and hurt you needlessly.
This kind of constant negativity would grind on almost anybody. Talk to her. Explain how you’re feeling about her continual complaining and her lack of compassion for you. If she receives what you have to say negatively, rethink this whole situation you’re in. Validation isn’t a one way street. She can’t be depleting your emotion reserves, while being indifferent to your needs.
You immediately start taking your birth control and insist on condoms until your BC is back on track.
I'm not completely clear on what you wrote (some of your 'I' statements aren't specific if it is you or him speaking) but regardless, you have some real issues here.
Do not DO NOT have a kid with this person. Take a major step back.
In my experience, when people say 'I'm not ready to get married', it's not a general statement. It is 'I'm not ready to marry YOU.' Which is fine, but he needs to own it. No more vague 'money' 'pressure' 'WAA this is nude to talk about WAA.'
I'd try to sit down and have a further (not heated) conversation. What is actually concerning him? What timeline would work for him? And NO BABY UNTIL THIS IS SORTED, please.
Now if he can't articulate any of these answers without getting defensive or acting like some kind of victim, etc. then that itself is a problem. If part of it is financial, then what kind of money does he need? How long would it reasonably take to save that? If he uses generalizations and deflects your solutions….then money isn't the issue.
Whatever his answers are, you need to weigh those against what you want and what you are willing and able to do. For me, after talking it through some more, I'd assume I have two choices: Break up now, or, give myself my internal deadline. Tell yourself, “Okay I (OP) will give this X more months. If he doesn't have the clarity to commit by then, I leave.”
Meanwhile save every dime you can to insure your personal financial independence.
Your bf is a parasite.
He's a healthy individual that refuses to work and relies on you to provide all his needs once his inheritance runs out.
OP are you sure you want to continue working yourself to the bone for somewho doesn't even bother to find any type of income?
BTW the startup us just excuse at this point so he doesn't have to find a work. If he wanted to launch it he would already.
This is an attempt at controlling and belittling you. Tip for her: Don't go out with someone who likes video games to start with, if you “hate” it. Wtf
Stockholm syndrome. Sunk cost fallacy.
Please read up on this. You are in a pretty difficult situation and that too, for years.
You need to get out of this. He's a narcissist.
Get out ASAP, don't think about the time that is already done.
Your girlfriend’s a dick for saying “look at this little guy” wtf is her problem? Does she actually like you? Why would she say something so obviously hurtful? You understand your size is what it is and that comment is not playful in the slightest, it’s just mocking.
If your sex life is great and you’re both getting off then keep doing what you’re doing, but talk with her about how those comments are hurtful. She wouldn’t like it if she had small tits she was self conscious about and you were saying “look at those tiny things” when she takes her shirt off