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First of all, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Second of all, do not blame yourself. You are absolutely not stupid. He put in an act and it was a long one. Society also doesn’t teach us to look for these things.
Please don’t take my next question as victim blaming, I’m trying to learn for myself/others and maybe help you identify a healthy partner later when you’re ready: did he ever do genuinely nice things for other people when it cost him money/time/sacrifice? Did he do nice things when he wouldn’t be recognized or rewarded for them? Did he go out of his way to help people? I honestly don’t know what else you could have noticed to uncover this. People say notice if he’s nice to the waiter/staff…etc. But if he’s smart enough, he’ll put in act with them too. I always say to look for “green flags” instead of neutral/red flags because it will be nude for people to do “green flags” for months and years. In other words, instead of avoiding “violent/cruel/angry” men, watch out for actively “kind/gentle/forgiving”…etc. But I guess nothing is a guarantee. ?
Please stay safe and move if you can. Having him know where you on-line is not ideal. Change your name too. Good luck OP ❤️
Sounds unreasonable. Staying with such a person also sounds unreasonable.
But if she's just sitting home all day, maybe she needs to get a job for the sake of her sanity and yours. And with an extra income, you could probably afford a housekeeper.
I understand she has some financial issues so shes working on multiple jobs but why does she have to block you for it? Thats a red flag
Try messaging her only on weekends. 5 months and if she is still ghosting I say you move on
man kissed me and I didn’t say no or push back.
Tell your boyfriend this and let him decide also
I still feel attracted to that man
Tell this also Go away from your boyfriend's life he deserves some one better
Naked to digest but true
You are strong enough to leave. You are good enough to make a life for yourself without this man. You didn’t do anything wrong to deserve to be a punched by the person who said he loved you. He lied.
It is natural for women to hair on their bodies. Because it grows there. What a self entitled ass.
He is selfish, and is making this an issue when it isn't. You are under no obligation to make yourself pretty for him. You are beautiful as you are. Just picture this jerk tearing down your self esteem for the rest of your life. Sure, today it's shaving your entire body every day, (ridiculous btw), but what will it be when he has your compliance there?
Please get out of this relationship. I don't think he is worth it.
If you're in a happy, solid relationship, you shouldn't care about someone else's feelings for you.
Does she want you to get a new dick too?
In my defense I wouldn't say that it's not that I'm stronghold I'm just a very gentle hearted empathetic person. This is just how I've always been. I'm also Autistic. I lived at home until I was 28 and for at least the last 8 of those years I was taking care of a sick parent. That parent has since passed away and the rest of my family doesn't talk to me. So from my perspective I don't have anywhere to get affection from and I'm someone who really likes affection. So I'm really lonely most of the time.
And you're right that's why I want something to come home to that will make me feel happy and calm after working at a stressful job all day.
She didn't not get along with him it was more like she refused to get along with him. He was really friendly he wanted to say hello to everyone who came into the house and she would tell everybody “don't trust that cat hes an asshole” And it really hurt my feelings because he wasn't an asshole he was one of the sweetest cats I've ever interacted with and I've been around a lot of animals. He would try to snuggle with her and she would shove him off her lap. I could probably count on one hand the number of times that she was kind to him.
I will sit down and try to have a heart-to-heart conversation about this I feel like we need to have a heart heart conversation about a couple of things thank you for being kind in your reply
You are not ready for this relationship.
If you're still this hung up over your ex that you “can't” take your CURRENT girlfriend to do something because all you'll think about is the ex, then you need to walk away.
Let go of your ex, and make new memories with your girlfriend, or break up.
Child from a previous relationship
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OK. Well. I get it now. Yikes.
UpdateMe!
thank you i really appreciate your advice
No he's a grown man that needs to understand that he needs to think before he speaks, it's not cute that “he's losing all brain cells when he's nervous”. Your boyfriend made it completely awkward and you should have him work on that.
NAH but what if you considered a sperm bank? That way it’s not your kid, she raises it and is hers legally.
It sounds like you need to do some personal growing before you move in.
As in, grow up enough to be able to tell your parents “I have a boyfriend and you need to deal with it” because you are a grown adult.
I'm sorry but this really should have been a post in AITAH
Someone who loves you spent money on you, a lot of money, so you can spend the money you have on something else, and you chastise them, dude she deserved better and you really have to look at how you reacted and if this is the way you are as a person.
If you wanna end it then do so.
Choose your sister family is the most important
He read your private journal and then went through your private phone as if he thinks he's God and can surpass any boundary. He fucked it up by doing something he shouldn't have done.
I would break up with someone for something something like that. It's his fault.
Yeah we can put regrettable thinks in a journal sure, that's normal, and it's because we feel so safe about it (not expecting anyone to read it) that we can really go in the moment. That's the point of a journal.
What he did was super wrong and if he didn't do that your relationship would've stayed okay, however this guy must have major trust/boundary issues to do what he did so this is really a blessing in disguise.
How could you even trust him now? I couldn't
WOW tuff hope she has got help… Her dad was dirt bag!! No excuse for doing that to your kid! She was victim just remember not her fault Be make relations a challenge. Hope you up to it take good care of her good luck
Right. It's been a long time since I've felt this pissed off with an entitled twit on the internet. I hope that poor dude gets out fast, before he gets any more trapped/entangled.
He might be. Idk. ):
Then how should she say “I’d like the same trip”
OP should text her that he knows what she did, and get it in writing from her then go to the police and demand a police report (they’ll try to Bs him and say they won’t write one but he needs to be aggressive about it). It won’t help him with child support payments but it may convince her to abort should it become necessary and make family court judges not sympathetic to his gf if she is in fact pregnant.
Cheating will ensure you loose your SO if your caught.
How does this fit in with with your emotional needs?
Your gf is better off without those “friends”. They had no problem with the other girls trying to ruin your relationship but were upset that your gf cleared her name and exposed the other girls shitty behaviour. Good riddance. She doesn’t need friends like that.
happy things worked out for you.
sorry your gf lost her friends but they're not friends worth having
Already seeing a therapist! Wanted to text him so bad what’s been happening, but thought it would be a good challenge to wait until our next session haha. And yeah I’m trying to figure something out, but it might be a month before I can make anything happen
Already seeing a therapist! Wanted to text him so bad what’s been happening, but thought it would be a good challenge to wait until our next session haha. And yeah I’m trying to figure something out, but it might be a month before I can make anything happen
Already seeing a therapist! Wanted to text him so bad what’s been happening, but thought it would be a good challenge to wait until our next session haha. And yeah I’m trying to figure something out, but it might be a month before I can make anything happen
You’d obviously be surprised to know just how common that is.
You two need to go to couples counseling if you want to get back to a healthy relationship.
Would your wife be open to family therapy?
Would you feel more comfortable with wasting 1, 2 or more years with this guy? How miserable do you need to be before you give up? I don't say this to be mean, it's more that you have to put into perspective that the more time you waste with him, the more of your time you're wasting. You can get out and be free to find someone better instead of hoping that this dude will change, you probably have better odds on finding a better match out there than waiting on this guy to become someone better.
Hey there, thank you for your advice ! I failed to mention that the goal would be to get married not too long after, one year at the latest after the engagement.
That situation is weird and even weirder, she said yes
Unfortunately, its pretty challenging to land something more sustainable without a skill set.
There are plenty of 1 to 2 year programs he could take that can help him rise above the lower end pay grade.
Sadly, those type of jobs… people are disposable and replaceable with ease.
If you're willing to go along for the ride for another couple of years while he studies something, and finds a career path, great!
Reliable work & finances, is critical long term. Maybe its time for you two to have a serious conversation together.
I am willing to stand by your side through all of this, but we need to start getting ourselves together. Its time to make decisions so we can bring ourselves to the next step.
Not sure if he is into tech at all, but I took a computer engineering program (2 years) at the age of 26 and it opened so many doors in the tech industry.
If he likes construction, perhaps get him into something where he could do project managing instead of the grunt work.
Hell, even a simple managerial course and the right company can pay decent.
Just something that rises him above the 'no background experience required' jobs.
There is such a thing as a covert narcissist. A narcissist that uses their role as a victim to get what they want, usually by throwing fits and emotional blackmail. Take a look and see if it rings too many bells
One thing that most people miss is that taking a stand, setting firm boundaries is helpful for their partners as well.. We all are immature at times , especially young people and make innocent silly mistakes. Another partner noticing it, criticising it is very helpful to help everyone learn and grow. Sucking up the wrong behaviour silently harms everyone and it enables innocent mistakes into nuke like issues in later stages which lead to making the lives miserable of every one and even kids for no fault of their own.
It's okay for him to not want to have sex just as it's okay for you to want to have sex, but it's not going to work if you two aren't aligned. He's right, sex is usually a very important, if not integral, part of a relationship, so it's understandable that you're upset that you two aren't being intimate with each other anymore and you're feeling undesired. I would have a deeper conversation with him, explaining why you feel hurt and neglected, and asking him exactly what's going on, you need to understand his perspective better without the bullshit. You may have to go your separate ways, but try your best to have an engaging discussion about it first. Goodluck OP!
Break up because this is a mess. But imo you went a bit overboard, sounds like you blew his phone up a bit which would give most men that age major red flags especially after he asked you not to because his phone was almost dead. I mean he could of lost his phone, left it at a friend's charging, a friend could of taken it hence the meme/no reply, he could of been robbed, anything really. And in the 3 hour period you called repeatedly and texted him multiple times after he said not to because his phone was almost dead. Then snap on him when it could of been something out of his control. Either something happened where he couldn't contact you or show up or hes just not that into you. Could of even been a “test”. Can speak to him for closure then never see him again or he had a valid treason for doing what he did which in either case Reddit cant help, only speaking to him can.
I understand she isn't asking now, this is a pattern of hers you are trying to break.
Tell her sure, but let her know you are not paying for any of her excursion. She probably will not like it, but long term folks need to know how to budget money. Otoh she is still a child