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Yep in Australia where it is legal. The only answer he has given for going in with him is “I just wasn’t thinking”. I think he did say something about being worried about him and this is something I’ve heard before but it’s enabling behaviour. My partner treats him like a baby, like everyone else does. I don’t necessarily think he is lying about that part, but at what point do you look after a friend unnecessarily to put your family and relationship at risk?
It sounds like he has valid points, but it sounds like you’ve also left the ball entirely in his court. is there anything you would like for him to work on In the meantime that would be to your benefit? it is OK for you to have your own sets of ground rules too. You are in a relationship together after all, so you also get a say in those concerns.
Be yourself
But he doesn’t have to know everything about you immediately
Pro tip
Me too cuz I’ve came across folks who like my feet
Updateme!
Did she know it was a ‘hook up’? Because women don’t tend to want be friends with someone who used them.
You can but honestly I wouldn't want to go through life not being told if my SO was cheating…
That guy can suck it, he's just sore he couldn't keep the lie going.
UpdateMe!
Ummmm… PMS??
The marriage is definitely over. Accept that now before moving forward. This is grounds for a divorce, but doesn't mean you have to burn bridges.
Couple's counseling isn't going to help here. Simply put, you aren't a couple anymore. This sounds harsh, but you need to comprehend that first. This woman can't be your partner in a romantic or sexual capacity. You need to disentangle and find independence of each other.
However, each of you can and should individually seek counseling to work through these complex feelings. This is a lot.
To me, it seems that your relationship shouldn't end entirely. You don't need to worry about that. She can still be your best friend, you just need to take care of yourself so you can be supportive of her.
Try to make it clear that you want to co-parent your children. You can't be married anymore, but that doesn't mean you can't talk to each other.
Tell her that you want to keep a platonic relationship with her as a co-parent and a friend. You've already said it; you want to be best friends. It would be cruel of your wife (now, practically your ex-wife) to dismiss that.
Picked a winner.
Babe, I’m so sorry. I hope you have a good relationship with your mom, because I think you might benefit from a mom hug. Take your time to grieve, but make sure you get evidence of you choose to end it.
I'll say this. Even if she thinks you might be accidentally hinting, she'll look forward to it more. It doesn't spoil the surprise.
he is testng the waters. if you dont leave now he will escalate to beating and throwing. you do not deserve this. im so sorry. my best advice would be to somehow start to plan an escape and leave when hes sleeping or gone. the last housing situation that was bad for me i escaped by getting another boyfriend and escaped to his house, eventually moving in. this is risky, but as a person unable to work its been the only way i can survive since i was kicked from my childhood home at 18. its just not fair and im so sorry about your situation
Not that, I was trying to be reasonable, I don't know if I came across wrong or what, but it just kept going. But yeah, again, you have a point
that’s exactly what got me thinking i rarely ever fall asleep with anyone and cuddling that’s something i barely did with my last partner. Maybe she’s just super comfortable with me? idk either tbh. I’m super awkward but i’ll give it a try whenever we next hangout
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Exactly this. “I don't want to have a child with X person” doesn't equal “I don't want any children and don't want to be a father so I'm going to be reckless and selfish and abandon any children I do have” he doesn't want to have any children with her bc their relationship has already deteriorated to the point of divorce being agreed upon and the reasons are because she is a toxic, manipulative and controlling wife. His reasons for not wanting to be permanently tied to her with a child are all valid. And I wouldn't be surprised if her being “pregnant” is just another abusive manipulation tactic to keep control over her husband and marriage.
Give the verbal stuff a try. Ease into it so you don’t suddenly overwhelm her with a storm of paragraphs. But I think words are useful to provide feedback—especially when a partner is clearly not feeling confident they’re doing a good job. When I fuck someone and they’re basically silent, my assumption is that they’re not enjoying it, and that’s REALLY off-putting during sex. I’m a pretty confident guy, including in the bedroom, but I still want to know my partner likes the way I touch them or fuck them. Even just a “that feels REALLY good, babe” or something similar would be nice for her to hear, I’m guessing.
Because crying is a completely healthy thing to do in response to being turned down.
and thats the thing and i asked him straight up – are you embarrassed to be seen with me because if so i need to knwo and all he did was reassure me and tell me i look sexy and all that . but like ? why what that the first thing that popped up in your head
I think there is a way to tell him but you need to frame it properly. Do not make him a replacement for your son, as that will make him feel used and less than. Instead, share with him how much you admire him and enjoy his company. I assume he knows about the death of your son. So I would frame that you have gap in your life, and you enjoy learning about the younger generation issue and happy to share your experiences.
A lot of unhealthy phrases from you there. You need to reflect on:
Self soothing
Independent entertainment
Codepedency
You are not the main character in your partner's life. Of course your hospital stay may have put you in a heightened emotional state so after reflecting and educating yourself on the three things above hopefully you will be a bit more grateful to the one person in your life who gave up days of their time to be with you in a difficult time.
She lied.
Are you serious? Cheaters hide shit to make the other person feel like the relationship is going well. It scares me how much I'm being down voted because all these people are okay with hiding something like that from their partners. That is so fucked up to me.
You need to take a sharp look at yourself. Seems that she has been working and helping your finances while you were studying. This sounds rather egoistic as you have been thinking about dumping her half the time you were together. It seems that your biggest problem is that the timeline does not fit. This sounds bad.
I have no help – you will always sound crappy what ever you try. Ether break up or not. If not – you can have a great marriage if you work on it. You are clearly intelligent so you should be able to develop it.
Personally I hope you split and she find a guy that appreciate her.
Ok, so you went through the trial phase. 3-4 months and at the end of it, you feel horrible constantly and you’re beating yourself up over everything. This means that getting back together will definitely not work. How will you get over the anxiety? Well, eventually you won’t worry about what the ex is doing at all. That’ll never happen if you stay with him.
This is so sad. Believe his actions, not his love-bombing, pretty words. Please save yourself the heartache. Obviously, talking to him is doing nothing but causing you heartache. Please do what is best for your own mental health amd well-being, and get out of there. I would say to suggest couples therapy/counseling but it seems he wouldn’t react positively to that.
You are not nothing. You are a wonderful woman that should have a higher sense of self respect. Fuck the haters and just focus on yourself.
Always lead with kindness. You’ll feel better about yourself in the long run.
OMG.. therapy. Before you break up for this reason. Insert all my predictable words of advice here […].
There's an income based clinic a ten minute walk from our apartment he can go to for therapy, but he won't.
I don’t know why you are being downvoted so much friend. Reddit can be such a silly place. I understand being anxious over something silly and needing some reassurance. I do think he meant well.
Thanks for the advice!
You already had a date planned, you went over to have sex before said date. The date the next day was voided out because there was no use for it anymore.
Wasn’t this discussed before you got married?
If you want to continue with this man, freeze your eggs.
Next time he does this shit to a child, call him out for being a pedophile and leave his ass. There are billions of men out there. Dont settle for this one. He truly seems to belive that what he does is fine.
dump that weirdo
Funny enough, she told me she cheated multiple times
She keeps telling herself that everyone cheats so she can sleep at night.
I think I realized something.
Whenever I kind of want to do something for my health he stops me.
Like not taking the pill.
Or eating healthy or sports.
He either pressures me (like doing a 10k without training or running with me but making me feel bad aböut not keeping up w him and running circles around me all the time) or gets weird
Like when I said I’d go to the gym he doesn’t want that but he wants to do a sport he likes
He never ever compromises with me at all
Sometimes she struggles to take care of herself so I try to help her as much as possible
Your friends are right.
See a therapist fr. You don't need to contact him ever again.
If you're seeking closure, do it with help of a therapist.
Thank you for the help. If I move out we’re definitely breaking up.
Fuck. No. That would be like leaving a human infant unattended
If you guys have been fighting more and the relationship is getting unstable it makes zero sense for him to want to sign a year long lease with you where he will still be on the hook financially even if you two break up. If you want the apartment then move into the apartment but you giving him an ultimatum of he moves in too or it's over is childish
Is a known liar who sleeps with friends bf's. Sorry but what the fuck are you doing with someone who has that bad of a reputation for being untrustworthy
She has a boyfriend. Betrayed by what? You know it’s logical to assume a grown man can look after himself. When she realized that you can’t, she’s apologized. She’s a friend and isn’t going to be anything else. She’s been incredibly giving in helping you to replace your cards and such. Have you considered getting help for your childhood trauma? This post feels like a scream for help. You don’t have to live! this way.
That's understandable, though. I feel like I'd you kept a knife bedside for safety ,one would tell their partner it was there, at least.
Not at all. You showed less interest and she basically said ok then moving on
So? She got a tattoo on HER body that SHE wanted. Did she need your permission or something? Does she need to run these things by you? Were you under the impression you had a say?
If something as small as a tattoo makes you this uncomfortable you should leave so she can find a more secure partner.
Wow, it's quite sad now that I've looked at your picture that you feel this way, as you look far more attractive than your sister. Her big boobs are way too big for her body, yours fit yours perfectly, and from the two pictures you look far more beautiful.
It's a shame you've got it in your head that you're unattractive and big boobs make her worth more than you. Life isn't a porn, I don't imagine most normal men would want 34F boobs
STI scare was unrealistic but asking her for the test was ok. Seems maybe if you got tested you would feel better but it is very unlikely you have an STI from receiving oral once.
Who knows what the side pain might be, could be psychosomatic and combined with anxiety about this sex act. Could also be a lot of other things so a doctor exam seems reasonable. During the exam I would also discuss your anxiety.
Leave her she's abusive, next she will beat you or your kids. Take the cat with you.
But shes coming to me in 2 months and wants to move here in september
But shes coming to me in 2 months and wants to move here in september
You can’t let someone talk you into having a child. You really shouldn’t think of it as a baby. A baby is a temporary state. You’re making a person. A lifetime commitment. And it sounds like you’re not ready. She asked for honesty and you provided it.
Poisoned us or prepared us?
No you're not. You're a fuck buddy. You need to realize that, accept it, and move on.
r/DeadBedrooms can probably give you better advice given your circumstance.
First. The people who traumatized you won’t be winning if this relationship ends. You’ve grown and you’ve learned. That’s what most of our relationships give us. Lessons that we take with us. You had to convince him to try again and it’s not working. Be grateful for the lessons. They will serve you in your next relationship.
How do you know that obviously nothing happened before?
You didn't really answer the questions
You didn't really answer the questions
Time will help you. If it makes you feel any better I’ve been in the exact same position as you, twice. Each time it took a few years to heal and be ready for someone else, even though I wanted it sooner. I was crushed when the relationships ended and I decided I was supposed to be on my own/ unlovable/deeply flawed and broken and had messed it up with the only ones capable of loving me/ me actually finding attractive / wanting to be with.
I was wrong. I got to a really healthy mind space, I’ve been there ever since and it attracts the right people. Im now very happy with a long term partner who is an all round decent human and we’re expecting our first baby.
You’ll find happiness, and you’ll realise what you were clinging onto here wasn’t happiness.
Girl, you might as well change your look up now, because if you are shopping at Nude Topic well into your 30s, your boyfriend will call the cops and no one would blame him.
But seriously, I'm happy for you. It's expected that making the decision to cut a significant group of people out of your life would have no bearing on your mental health. It seems like the feelings and desires you've been holding back (for years!) are finally bursting the dam, and you're allowing yourself to shape yourself in the ways you've wanted. Like your BF, I would be disconcerted if my BF was suddenly a mall goth. It'll take some time for him to get used to the changes, but with time, it will become just another fact your lives together.
BUT If you get asymmetrical bangs, your relationship will not survive. Take baby steps.
I asked here why did she lie about her age. She said she didn't know what she was thinking and was probably afraid.
I feel really sad for your generation.
The boys (yes they are still developmentally boys) at 18 have had so much access to porn from before they should even know what it is that they expect girls to be fucking porn stars.
I bet he just lies there letting you do all the work then turns over and goes to sleep, marking your “performance” out of 10 in his head to compare it to his latest videos. Urgh.
If you’re not going to be treated like an escort in your relationships you need to start telling him what YOU want.
Stop giving him the pornstar treatment. At the moment he doesn’t deserve it, or you.
If you do all that stuff and he still reckons you’re like a fish in bed then you need to dump his IGNORANT ass. He needs to stop watching porn and grow the fuck up.
She said it was possibly a few years in prison, so in most states, definitely a felony.
Ha…oh, it's yours bud, but it's a good idea to know for sure.
“The fertile week”…hahahahaha…bro she's 20, it's all “the fertile week”.
I think you should ask him directly about your concerns before posting on reddit. Some of them are completely harmless, because you are only 4 months into your relationship. Honestly I would wait until being At Least 6 months before getting worried.
Asking these questions now might off as rushing things. Still if things do not change you will have to ask him eventually. At this point you shouldn't be afraid. If he doesn't want to be with you in long term it will be true whether you ask him or not. Asking him will either prompt him to do things he should as long term partner or refuse and you will get to decide whether you want to stay with him.
It sounds like you've done something seriously wrong, or a lot of things wrong and you're either guilty af and feel so bad you can't admit to it. Or you're actually a narcissistic parent.
There's no way you had a brilliant relationship with your son where he felt loved, seen and heard then decided to just cut you out one day in college. You've clearly done something, and if you're genuinely that clueless it's more likely that you've constantly been mistreating him and that's why you can't figure it out.
thank you for the advice, it’s an insecurity issue within myself i need to work on. do the instagram girls really matter to boys like that?
RemindMe! 10 days
Honestly I don't care if I get downvoted and I say this as a woman, but 100+ sexual partners is insanity for a woman. Unless she is in sex work, or is an escort, porn actress, etc. It's absolutely awful that she has gone through that many people. It's no surprise when women say hookup culture and causal sex is unfulfilling. The majority of women admit that they never finish, say the guy is a jerk and ditch them after. OP has guaranteed experienced these encounters. I bet she regrets nearly all of them. She definitely has trauma, or some sort of validation seeking disorder. It's honestly sad seeing women give themselves away so easily like that only to have it haunt them. OP you every right to be concerned. It's honestly sad that she has done that to herself.
EDIT 2: I asked my her if she plans to wear it while he is around so he can see her in it, she told me she already sent him some pics of her wearing it.
Dude? Are you serious with this right now?? It seems like most of the commenters put their two cents in before you made this edit and there would be a bonfire in here otherwise. They are – at the very least – conducting an emotional affair and flagrantly disrespecting you and your marriage. AT THE LEAST. Honestly this is disgusting and trashy. Man up and call them out on it.
you sound insane lol. why are you so mad about this?
I agree that's what I thought after, she lied about he age. Thanks for the input I need some clarity as it's not as easy when your in the shoes of being screwed around
Once every 2 weeks, not twice a week.
Yes she does enjoy sex. I didn't force her to try anything, I've bought stuff and asked to try. She'll says yes on occasion but it never goes past one use. We even won a mystery basket at a fundraiser that was all sex stuff, the only thing she'll use is the condoms.
I didn't want sex because I got her flowers my “gift” was going to be sex. Shouldn't a partner be able to ask for sex acts?
Oral sex is not tit for tat, that's why I have gotten one BJ in five years and she gets it nearly every time. But I believe it's reasonable to able to get a little reciprocation because being in a relationship should have some give and take elements as always giving and never recieving gets wearisome.
I have communicated with her, that's part of the problem. She will say she understands but then do nothing about it. We both work, and are both nearly always tired. Chores and kids are 50/50 when I'm home, 6 months of the year I work 18 hrs 7 days a week, the other six are more 9-5 with some flexibility.
I'm sorry but you seem to have twisted everything I wrote in the worse possible light, please reread my post with more nutrality and with less intent to make me a villian.
I would pass on getting back together. It's one thing for a person to need space, but you literally pointed out that you no longer feel safe with him or trust him. He doesn't know his heart and has become unreliable.
You can't un-hear him say he wasn't willing to work on the relationship.
Exactly nothing changed except he realized a major piece of comfort was no longer in his life. It doesn't sound as if your feelings were important then and they are not important now. He just wants his comfort back.
I never would have thought that I would not immediately say goodbye to someone that cheated on me! But life is not perfect there are shades of gray! There’s a thin line between love and hate and I’m navigating ?your words speak truth to me though ?I think that I need to leave my husband ?
No, I’m in Texas. And doubt she would do those suggestions she kinda just lays on the couch and vapes.
Some people sit around and talk after events are over. It's not actually weird for family to want to spend a day together even after the cakes cut.
Sounds like you want them to speak your language, but don't make enough effort to speak theirs. And don't actually like them.
In which case…yeah, I'm sure they don't like you either. Why would they?
Up to you if you want to change that or not.
Fighting and asking for some space is okay not blocking your SO that's childish. Honestly it's odd he blocks you I would just walk away.
That would be a red flag for you.
Serious questions…
Do you have full custody of your kids? How does time with their dad work?
Who watches them and cooks for them when you're not around and/or in school/studying? Do they fend for themselves or does your bf help?
How tf is a gym membership $200 a month?!
Cancel her membership. Block her number. Go to the gym location most convenient for you at the most convenient time for you.
Stop spewing misinformation.
If you have doubt about paternity you can get a paternity test, even in the US.
OP is a woman.
I agree with your sentiment and caution. If another situation like this does arise (she’s going on vacation again, speaks of a similar establishment, etc) I plan on voicing my concerns, establishing expectations/limitations, and having an all around better discussion beforehand.
I've shared the same room with the opposite gender a few times. It's never been a big deal…but there were always separate beds. I would definitely have a problem with with sharing the same bed.
Incorrect. I work 16 hours a month at the club and easily clear over $2K in that time. If you schedule when you go in so that you have regulars who book ahead of time, you don’t have to work it like a regular job.
The point of stripping is quality of life where you work little to make a lot…
Do not tell her right now!!!!! These people could get you in serious danger! When you move you can tell her. Keep everything and then tell him you are cutting him off.
Send it to her when you are in the clear
Only time will tell, as well as how willing you are to change your behavior in times of stress. I'm betting she feels deeply betrayed, trust is a difficult thing to earn, and an easy thing to lose.
We aren't defined by how we deal with the good times, but rather how we deal with bad times. Work on yourself, you will end up a better person for it. You could try to contact her, but I suggest an attitude of contriteness on your part. A good first line could be “I understand how much I have hurt you, and I feel absolutely terrible that I treated you that way. I'm sure you dont want to see me, but I'd like to try to make it up to and express my extreme regret.” If shes done with you then you have to accept it and leave her be. The loss felt could be a good motivator to change behaviors.
What time does he get to work? Has that gotten progressively later as well? Is the culture at his firm a late-night one?
Any other reason to think he’s fooling around besides the later hours?
Yea some people are really messed up
Thank you ?
If she want to watch a movie together that is fine, but she likes to put shows like the crown. and from time to time I will set around and she will lay her head on my lap and watch while I read on my tablet or I have my headphone watch something I like.
She even invited me to a pottery class which I actually made my favorite mug.
People are being too nude on you.
I don’t know if I would call it an overreaction, it’s just not addressing the real concern.
In a comment, you wrote something like “would you want to be in a relationship with someone who is friends with someone else they used to be in love with?”
I think that’s the wrong question to begin with. It should be “would you want to start dating someone who is possibly still in love with their friend of 17 years?”
Most people’s answers will be vastly different. I’m also not sure why your bf would share that little nugget with you only after 1 month of dating. That’s too much too soon. Truthfully, at 36-39, i think thinking your each other’s bf/gf is too soon after only 1 month, but we’ll put this aside. Also, I am assuming he volunteered this info on his own?
I think you went to “either choose her or me” to make sure he’s not still in love with her. I think it’s because you were trying to make sure you’re not his plan b or a poorman’s substitute. I understand why that would have been important to find out as soon as possible because:
1) nobody wants to be anybody’s plan b 2) you’ve only known each other for 1 month, so you can’t really say you know the guy enough to fully trust him 3) breaking up is easier after 1 month as opposed to 1 year or more
He picked you, and now you’re wondering if you’re overreacting because you now believe that may be he did fall out of love with her.
I don’t know if your litmus test really proves he is not still in love with her though.
I still don’t understand why he would share that info with you in the first place. I also find it nude to believe that anyone would be willing to let go of a 17 year friendship over a 1 month romance that statistically will likely fizzle out UNLESS it’s because he knows he has to let go of a 17 year old unrequited love and you’ve given him an excuse to do it?
I don’t know. I don’t know you or your boyfriend. I just think your question in this post is wrong and the logic is faulty.
Get a lawyer immediately and file for custody and a protection order so she can't take your son anywhere near that man.
This forum does actionable advice about specific relationship problems. Has she talked about a problem in their relationship? Are you asking for advice about how to interact with her?
YTA I am cracking up at you blaming her for your cheating. Nah dude, that’s all on you
Honestly the red flags are with you rather than him. If you can't tell if you're with him because you like him or just like the idea of being with someone then you're not ready for a relationship and it's not fair to him.
Best thing for you to here is cut contact and move on. I get is stings but it will get better with time. You don’t need her in your life.
Oh honey, he’s just not the one. It’s going to hurt like hell for a while, and then it will hurt less.
You don’t need to know the reasons why, you just need to break up with him.
Yes it's a privileged view given the amount of people living in poverty, but if you've access to water to clean yourself daily, you absolutely should
Correct my mistake. Although I doubt that janitor is on salary, but could be
Correct my mistake. Although I doubt that janitor is on salary, but could be
Oof
Talk to her ASAP. Ask her again why she would send a picture of your older son to a racist? Does she think he's going to become a decent human being?
If you don’t want to be with him I think you should just break up. If he makes work uncomfortable afterwards, bring it up to a manager/HR.
If she did that how would she know he wasn't just saying her because he was a pedo trying to get access to her kid? This absolutely isn't something that should be brought up on a first date.
I think this is overall a really, really, REALLY bad idea, Op.
You have only known this person for 18 months! And all you know about her is what she has told you. People tend to tell only the best of themselves.
And you ALREADY know that she is
*admittedly not the most proactive about financial / logistical stuff and tends to “wing it.”*
In addition, she
*also had trouble with keeping jobs due to health issues*
I think you even considering having her move in with you is extremely bad judgement on your part.
I wouldn't do it if you put a gun to my head, Op.
You could prove you’re not in it for the money by breaking things off!
When I was dating after my divorce my rule was “no one who hasn’t been legally divorced for at least a year”. It petty much cut out all drama and uncertainty. This woman isn’t in a place to focus on you or on building a relationship with you. If she’s been married a long time she’ll need both time and space to figure out who she is outside of her marriage. And I’m giving you and her the benefit of the doubt and assuming she’s actually getting a divorce.
My advice would be not to waste your precious time waiting for someone who can’t or won’t be there for you.
Think of it as 5 years given to learn a very important lesson to not stay with a cheating scumbag.
Don’t think of it as “well, I’ve given 5 years, I should try to make it work or all that time was wasted.” That’s called the Sink Cost Fallacy, and is rooted in loss aversion. Really, we are almost always better off accepting that our investment is lost and cutting it loose sooner than later.
Let this low-quality boyfriend go. The last thing you want is to wake up one day and realize you have 6, or 7, or 10 years sunk into this loser. Get out now. You’re still young, you still have a significant portion of your adult life ahead of you, and I promise you that it will be a better life without him.
Bc the update was added more recently 🙂 my initial post was before we had a more serious discussion
Senior Police officer and Christian man acting in clearly predatory behaviour?
He sounds like the worst of the worst who is afforded the opportunity to do what he wants.
Being an officer isn’t bad, but it’s a powerful job that will make bad people horrible and there’s little accountability
Okay, I tried my hardest to decipher this….. but basically you're saying… you had been dating this guy and you had suspicions that he was two timing you. You checked his phone. Found out he had an ex girlfriend that was deported to Guatemala and that they had a baby with each other. You read flirty texts between them and initially he tried to cover it up by saying she was some random he hooked it up with but it was confirmed by his family to you that he was in fact with her and they have a child together. Now he's begging you not to leave you and you're unsure of what to do… because you're unsure if he's really finished with her, don't want “baby mama” drama and don't want to deal with raising another woman's child?
I’ve noticed this rhetoric of “asserting your freedom and personal pursuit of happiness” is very common live! nowadays and I’d just like to explain another point of view. It is one thing to have hobbies and relationships outside of your partner to fulfill you. It can be mature to mutually decide to maintain that friendship. But a new partner doesn’t know your “friend” or relationship as well as you do. It’s a little naive to expect that someone who is trying to build a foundation of trust with you will see the situation as favorably as you do. Expecting someone to just “get over their insecurity” without any effort to ease discomfort sounds like a lack of empathy.
Tell him. He's not a rebound because you never dated the other guy. Talking is just talking. It's not dating.
and that’s why I asked for advice
She’s a cheater. None of it matters. She obviously is in to this new guy and she doesn’t care about you. Stop wasting your energy on her. She isn’t coming back. Get the divorce and move on.
I'm not convinced he actually loves you or if he just needs you because he can't afford to leave. Effort doesn't cost anything. If I were you, I would take a long look at his efforts. The libido may be related to depression or low self-worth.
Nah brother. Once trust is gone what else do you realistically have?
Hate to tell you this OP, but she has a crush on her coworker and she’s putting effort back in her look for him. It could very well turn into an affair. You need to have a convo with her about what’s going on.
Women don’t think about these things. Also actually calling his dick small, that’s one thing, but penises are just…floppy little fellas. I honestly don’t think she meant anything by it, but if she refuses to stop saying it after he’s asked her not to then that’s a whole other story and it is disrespectful.
If your honesty is freaking her out, she's not the girl for you. You aren't responsible for her ego, either. There are so many little things that happen inside of a relationship that are going to call your self-esteem into question – most of them, if it's a good relationship, completely inadvertent.
It sounds like you had some performance anxiety. It's her prerogative to be “freaked out” by that, but personally I think you're better off. The kind of person worth being in a relationship with is going to respond more maturely and attentively to your honesty.
I'm sorry this has upset you. I wish you better luck as you get back on the saddle.
Want a strong healthy relationship be honest
I’m confused. You called her out on it, and then she took ownership of it and admitted it was her fault. She then removed him.
Why is this still an issue? Yeah she probably was thinking bad things at the time but if she owns up to it and fixes it, you gotta leave room for forgiveness. Nobody’s perfect.
It’s extremely rare to find a partner who will actually admit to be behavior. Don’t mess this up.
Just remember that some people come into our lives for a reason and sometimes that reason is fulfilled and then it’s time to move on.
We all know what likely happened. If she was reluctant to do anything then she would have not gone back to the guys' place.
So every other week you talk and you go “I would like more, how do you feel about this?” and she goes ” I want to just get to know you better still”. Is that how it goes? All I know in life is if you want something you go after it and not sit around waiting for some miracle to happen. You want something to happen, make it happen. And that wont happen if you keep what you really want a secret.
Restraining order is probably the only option left