You both sound like assholes. You for assuming he should be responsible for paying for your meal, and him for obviously trying to bait you into this situation
It's possible they don't approve of your engagement and move, and are biting their tongue to keep from expressing their true opinion.
Anyway, why wait till they ask? Instead of asking Reddit whether to drop the friendship, why not say to your friends “Hey, nobody's asking about my news, is there a reason? Nobody happy for me?”
People typically hear news and appraise it in terms of what it means to them. I once told a boss that I would be leaving in 4 months to get married and move outside the area. Instead of saying “well, congratulations!” he just said “Shit!” He was going to lose a good technician and have to find another. “I was hoping you'd be happy for me,” I said. He apologized after realizing what a jerk he was being. I mean, I did give him adequate notice!
What’s wrong with being a caring person? Your boyfriend sounds like a douche tbh, why does he care that you like cooking for others? That should be a green flag, you have a big heart and who cares if you want the compliment? You deserve the compliments if the people you cook for say so, he doesn’t need to push you down to feel good about himself , keep doing what you’re doing
I know it is easy for those of us who are not in the room with you two to say you should leave, but that is how it looks to us. You are not happy, and he shows no sign of being accommodating. He doesn’t need to be a bad guy to not be right for you right now. Breakups don’t have to be dramatic.
There is a person out there who will be so, so, so, so lucky to have you in their life. You deserve more attention and a calmer heart when you consider if your loved-one loves you back. Not from their words: from their behavior.
Hmm? Something very odd about this, perhaps you should show up to one of her games and see what transpires.
These just are not good signs, Preferring to be in the men’s locker room. Discouraging you from taking any interest in it, and attending any of their events. Just very strange.
Thank you, I think you're definitely right in that we need to talk about it some more, and maybe creating a mental list of his efforts and qualities that I appreciate will help… I'm housesitting alone with my dog next week, and hope the time alone might help me gain some space and clarity in what to say I actually want out of the relationship – and hope that we end up wanting the same
my family's motto is school and college is everything.
Your family needs a new motto. Not saying stay with her, but college is not all that and a bag of chips. My son had people tell him that he couldn't be HAPPY without college. He is a great magician and musician and has a well paying job. College is great for some, but is not the only road to success.
Exactly, lack of communication caused these issues. Hanging out and hooking up is not a relationship, it’s a convenience until you change the definition of the relationship together. Not in your own head OP, she’s not Jean Grey.
If it came down to it, what do you want more, a baby or your husband? Independent of what he wants, figure out your own desires. If you choose a baby, you may have to walk away to find your own path. Even if that means getting a donor and doing it on your own.
Grief has nothing to do with this man could you married. You decide how your treated. Start demanding to be treated better or move your brother in so he can see how a real man acts.
Girl, I once had a situation nearly exactly like this, but crazier.
Met a man on a sugar baby website back when I rolled like that. Was very upfront that I’m not looking to be a paid mistress, no married or attached men. Was with this guy for 8 months before I finally got an inkling to look him up. Found his moms obit online, found his wife on Facebook after. He offered me TEN THOUSAND to not tell, and let me tell you… I could be dying of starvation and I wouldn’t regret not taking that money. Told his wife, she left his ass and so did I. Best decision I ever made. Do it.
This would be a dealbreaker for me. The sweet love story is suddenly a story of deceipt. Why'd she go and screw your best friend if she was in to you. And why did she suddenly shift gears. She didn't like his performance?
Mett your friends, revive old hobbies, find new ones. You boyfriend is not your entertainer. He's your partner. Someone that is a “nice to have” rather than a “must have”.
Look kid, I am 40, i am happily married and I have male friends, I go out have diner alonr with them, every time I am goikg out my husband know with whom and where because I let him know, we don't go around fucking our friends, do you do that all the time? Because if youndo you have a lot of problems, and yes you are being ridiculous, people in relationships have the right to have friends of rhe other gender, my husband had female friends and he goes out with them too.
Huney, you need to understand a few things. First: he knows EXACTLY what he is doing. He has successfully alienated you from friends and family. He successfully manipulated you into not getting the degree that you set out to get. He is belittling and demeaning to you. But you are allowing it to happen.
However, if you decide to leave, please do not let him know; research some local women's shelters for a place to go where he cannot find you. You may have to take off a week or so from work. You can never be too careful with people like this. He will try every trick in the book to keep you from leaving. Remember, he will never change because all of his words and actions have been successful. No one changes because of another person. People change when they think they are wrong and need to change. He does not think he is wrong. Best of luck.
Maybe that’s the kind of upset he was, and just didn’t communicate it well? He could be upset on OPs behalf, and upset because in his mind OP didn’t feel comfortable sharing with him, which he could’ve reflected negatively on himself (“I didn’t do enough to make (OP) feel comfortable”). Not trying to defend him if he is being unsupportive or harmful, just pointing out that miscommunications happen, especially during challenging conversations like that, which I imagine came as a big surprise to OPs spouse.
Paying for a place to online that you don’t own is not necessarily a raw deal. That’s what rent is. I paid rent for 15+ years and didn’t get a dime of it back. That’s how it works.
She just has to make sure that she’s paying an amount she’s comfortable with for a place she actually wants to on-line in. These details should be negotiated. It sounds like he’s pushing for half of all expenses, which would be unfair in my opinion. A tenant is not responsible for home repairs, for example.
I don’t understand all of these comments that seem to have the attitude that it’s more worthwhile to pay rent to a corporate landlord than to pay rent to someone you know and love. It would be different if she were ready to buy a house of her own and he was trying to convince her not so that he could build equity instead of her, but that’s not the case here. He’s also not trying to get her to contribute to the down payment.
When you read blogs like chumplady.com or subs like r/survivinginfidelity, we’ll meaning people are never vague about the affair.
In general, you anonymously give the name of the affair partner, dates and times they were together, emails or screenshots of their phones if you have them. (Like a sister or friend who is done listening to the bullshit and decides to take action.) There are always names/dates/places.
If none of that is there, assume it’s a troll or maybe even a jealous colleague.
If you’re really nervous, run a credit report and check for hidden cards, check your bank statements for strange withdrawals and look through her phone at 2:00 am while she’s sleeping. My sister found out about her exes affair that way.
But really, I think it’s just someone messing with you. People who tell will gather evidence for proof and use it anonymously. There’s nothing here to even remotely indicate that this affair is real. And I’m the first one to say lawyer up! Separate financials, etc.
I agree with the other commenter that said he could've wrote that text to himself to show the person he's interested in, because he doesn't want it to go directly to that person's phone since they could've been in a meeting or around other coworkers.
Yeah he is interested in a coworker for sure. Even IF he wasn't, the fact that he's thinking about dating if you guys broke up, is weird and suspicious and not normal at all.
I'd leave him before he cheats (maybe he has?) Or before he gets a chance at seeing the coworker and then breaks up with you. Don't let him talk his way out of this and say he loves you, he wants a family with you, etc, because right now you are just a placeholder until something better comes along.
You both sound like assholes. You for assuming he should be responsible for paying for your meal, and him for obviously trying to bait you into this situation
Please get an abortion if you are not going to stay with him.
If it was normal for women to be hairless, we wouldn't have hair. I think your boyfriend would be better off dating a sexdoll, they can't grow hair.
It's possible they don't approve of your engagement and move, and are biting their tongue to keep from expressing their true opinion.
Anyway, why wait till they ask? Instead of asking Reddit whether to drop the friendship, why not say to your friends “Hey, nobody's asking about my news, is there a reason? Nobody happy for me?”
People typically hear news and appraise it in terms of what it means to them. I once told a boss that I would be leaving in 4 months to get married and move outside the area. Instead of saying “well, congratulations!” he just said “Shit!” He was going to lose a good technician and have to find another. “I was hoping you'd be happy for me,” I said. He apologized after realizing what a jerk he was being. I mean, I did give him adequate notice!
Comment stealing bot!
What’s wrong with being a caring person? Your boyfriend sounds like a douche tbh, why does he care that you like cooking for others? That should be a green flag, you have a big heart and who cares if you want the compliment? You deserve the compliments if the people you cook for say so, he doesn’t need to push you down to feel good about himself , keep doing what you’re doing
I know it is easy for those of us who are not in the room with you two to say you should leave, but that is how it looks to us. You are not happy, and he shows no sign of being accommodating. He doesn’t need to be a bad guy to not be right for you right now. Breakups don’t have to be dramatic.
There is a person out there who will be so, so, so, so lucky to have you in their life. You deserve more attention and a calmer heart when you consider if your loved-one loves you back. Not from their words: from their behavior.
Hmm? Something very odd about this, perhaps you should show up to one of her games and see what transpires.
These just are not good signs, Preferring to be in the men’s locker room. Discouraging you from taking any interest in it, and attending any of their events. Just very strange.
Thank you, I think you're definitely right in that we need to talk about it some more, and maybe creating a mental list of his efforts and qualities that I appreciate will help… I'm housesitting alone with my dog next week, and hope the time alone might help me gain some space and clarity in what to say I actually want out of the relationship – and hope that we end up wanting the same
my family's motto is school and college is everything.
Your family needs a new motto. Not saying stay with her, but college is not all that and a bag of chips. My son had people tell him that he couldn't be HAPPY without college. He is a great magician and musician and has a well paying job. College is great for some, but is not the only road to success.
Exactly, lack of communication caused these issues. Hanging out and hooking up is not a relationship, it’s a convenience until you change the definition of the relationship together. Not in your own head OP, she’s not Jean Grey.
If it came down to it, what do you want more, a baby or your husband? Independent of what he wants, figure out your own desires. If you choose a baby, you may have to walk away to find your own path. Even if that means getting a donor and doing it on your own.
Grief has nothing to do with this man could you married. You decide how your treated. Start demanding to be treated better or move your brother in so he can see how a real man acts.
Got the lesson so nude.
Girl, I once had a situation nearly exactly like this, but crazier.
Met a man on a sugar baby website back when I rolled like that. Was very upfront that I’m not looking to be a paid mistress, no married or attached men. Was with this guy for 8 months before I finally got an inkling to look him up. Found his moms obit online, found his wife on Facebook after. He offered me TEN THOUSAND to not tell, and let me tell you… I could be dying of starvation and I wouldn’t regret not taking that money. Told his wife, she left his ass and so did I. Best decision I ever made. Do it.
This would be a dealbreaker for me. The sweet love story is suddenly a story of deceipt. Why'd she go and screw your best friend if she was in to you. And why did she suddenly shift gears. She didn't like his performance?
For someone with sandwich in their handle, I’d think you’d know that coffee shops also serve food items… even sandwiches
Mett your friends, revive old hobbies, find new ones. You boyfriend is not your entertainer. He's your partner. Someone that is a “nice to have” rather than a “must have”.
Look kid, I am 40, i am happily married and I have male friends, I go out have diner alonr with them, every time I am goikg out my husband know with whom and where because I let him know, we don't go around fucking our friends, do you do that all the time? Because if youndo you have a lot of problems, and yes you are being ridiculous, people in relationships have the right to have friends of rhe other gender, my husband had female friends and he goes out with them too.
Think me meeting the friends and him going to holidays with me doesnt matter? They have a diff type of relationship?
Huney, you need to understand a few things. First: he knows EXACTLY what he is doing. He has successfully alienated you from friends and family. He successfully manipulated you into not getting the degree that you set out to get. He is belittling and demeaning to you. But you are allowing it to happen.
However, if you decide to leave, please do not let him know; research some local women's shelters for a place to go where he cannot find you. You may have to take off a week or so from work. You can never be too careful with people like this. He will try every trick in the book to keep you from leaving. Remember, he will never change because all of his words and actions have been successful. No one changes because of another person. People change when they think they are wrong and need to change. He does not think he is wrong. Best of luck.
Maybe that’s the kind of upset he was, and just didn’t communicate it well? He could be upset on OPs behalf, and upset because in his mind OP didn’t feel comfortable sharing with him, which he could’ve reflected negatively on himself (“I didn’t do enough to make (OP) feel comfortable”). Not trying to defend him if he is being unsupportive or harmful, just pointing out that miscommunications happen, especially during challenging conversations like that, which I imagine came as a big surprise to OPs spouse.
Paying for a place to online that you don’t own is not necessarily a raw deal. That’s what rent is. I paid rent for 15+ years and didn’t get a dime of it back. That’s how it works.
She just has to make sure that she’s paying an amount she’s comfortable with for a place she actually wants to on-line in. These details should be negotiated. It sounds like he’s pushing for half of all expenses, which would be unfair in my opinion. A tenant is not responsible for home repairs, for example.
I don’t understand all of these comments that seem to have the attitude that it’s more worthwhile to pay rent to a corporate landlord than to pay rent to someone you know and love. It would be different if she were ready to buy a house of her own and he was trying to convince her not so that he could build equity instead of her, but that’s not the case here. He’s also not trying to get her to contribute to the down payment.
When you read blogs like chumplady.com or subs like r/survivinginfidelity, we’ll meaning people are never vague about the affair.
In general, you anonymously give the name of the affair partner, dates and times they were together, emails or screenshots of their phones if you have them. (Like a sister or friend who is done listening to the bullshit and decides to take action.) There are always names/dates/places.
If none of that is there, assume it’s a troll or maybe even a jealous colleague.
If you’re really nervous, run a credit report and check for hidden cards, check your bank statements for strange withdrawals and look through her phone at 2:00 am while she’s sleeping. My sister found out about her exes affair that way.
But really, I think it’s just someone messing with you. People who tell will gather evidence for proof and use it anonymously. There’s nothing here to even remotely indicate that this affair is real. And I’m the first one to say lawyer up! Separate financials, etc.
I agree with the other commenter that said he could've wrote that text to himself to show the person he's interested in, because he doesn't want it to go directly to that person's phone since they could've been in a meeting or around other coworkers.
Yeah he is interested in a coworker for sure. Even IF he wasn't, the fact that he's thinking about dating if you guys broke up, is weird and suspicious and not normal at all.
I'd leave him before he cheats (maybe he has?) Or before he gets a chance at seeing the coworker and then breaks up with you. Don't let him talk his way out of this and say he loves you, he wants a family with you, etc, because right now you are just a placeholder until something better comes along.