This woman has pursued and successfully fucked your boyfriend and your husband while you were in relationships with them. She obviously has it out for you and can’t be trusted. She will try again with your current husband.
Your husband’s reply to how you feel is absolutely fucking disgusting. This woman helped your partners cheat on you WITH HER. Your husband shouldn’t have ever considered joining this band with the history his wife has with her.
She’s a terrible person and your husband is awful for how he’s treating you about this. Seriously, screenshot my comment and tell him I said 1) to go fuck himself and 2) be a better fucking husband. Trusting Reddit over your wife?? Joining a band with a woman known to fuck your wife’s boyfriends and husbands? Have some respect for the woman you married, you absolute pinecone. Your wife comes first.
Let him go, and find the next one, I bet you'll find someone who matches your libido whose way hotter. You sound like a gem there are men who will want to have sex with you and not gas light you into thinking your a problem, he's definitely emotionally abusive looking at what you has said in the comments. Move on queen
Ok, you can google solutions for defensiveness and explore that and talk to him about it. Couples therapy sometimes helps. Google how to turn complaints, bids for attention in relationships, and magic relationship ratio as working on that can reduce someone defensiveness. You can also google and discuss conflict resolution skills and agree to ground rules for discussing frustrations. In general though you at LEAST what that when one person shares a frustration, the other first acknowledges and validates that person, only after that happens can they share how they feel, then they get acknowledged and validated too. Once both have shared their feelings and been validated, then you work to find solutions both are ok with.
But if he doesn’t want to work on this, if you’re the only one trying to communicate in a more healthy way, all you’ll be doing is making things feel better for him while he won’t be doing anything so it feels better to you. That’s a recipe for being taken for granted if not abused. So please do try but if he doesn’t make any effort, please do reconsider the relationship. If someone is defensive enough with you it can make you more sensitive to being ignore, it can cause depression and anxiety, and lead you to feel hopeless and doubt yourself. You deserve a partner who cares about you feeling, not one that defends his ego at your expense, as that’s what he’s currently doing.
A few more – though these are twists on some of the classics that you may simply getting tired of.
Anytime you do go on a hike, go detrashing. Or foraging for stuff you can use for dinner.
I also love making scavenger hunts up for my kids, but this could easily be done for the child at heart. Take Google maps and “walk around” to see what you could incorporate from business facades and art installations (or plant/animal life on a hike). This makes a walk through the city or countryside a whole new thing.
I’d also recommend that you really use the libraries you have available to you – school and public! They should have great cookbooks and other resources, especially about NZ that can help you appreciate your area on a different level.
Remember that it doesn’t really matter WHAT you’re doing but WHO your spending time with!
Start packing your stuff then bring random people to the apartment and introduce them as potential sub-lettors. Maybe she will just move first & you can keep the apartment.
Probably best to find a new place to online and discuss breaking your existing lease with your landlord though
Google 'attachment theory' and read about attachment styles in adult relationships. You may an attachment style that does not require being in a relationship with others.
If you are trying to work out your feelings about your relationship, seeing a therapist might be beneficial. The 'ick' you are feeling may have formed from past experienced, your personality, etc. and it is something you can work on if you have a deeper desire to be romantically involved with others. I have a problem trusting others due to a bakcround of child abuse and seeing a therapist has been reallubeneficial in working through those issues.
You have no sexual drive because you don’t want to have sex with him. Why would you? What does he do to make you feel loved and desired? He doesn’t even seem to like you.
Tell him he needs to ship up or shape out. You don’t deserve this.
Oh this poor little child. This is so sad. For the absolute right now I think you might have to call work and explain the situation. I know she isn’t your child but you are all they have right now. If you gf works where does she send child during her work hours?
Do you have access to toddlers clothes? Get a little bag together. Nothing too complicated they are gonna need pants and T-shirts, good shoes and her coat. “Play” clothes essentially.
Food, kids are easy to feed. Sandwiches, chips, juice, fruit cups. Cereal in morning and in evening fries and chicken nuggets. You are on survival mode so don’t worry too much about the full, balanced and varied diet. For snacks, dry Cheerios, cheese crackers, cheese string. Fruit.
Entertainment, stick the tv on. The kids sections on Netflix’s have shows for preschoolers. Literally anything, they might even tell you what they like. If you have access to their home pick up a few toys for them. Again do worry about “tv is bad” you are not raising the child you are in survival mode. Take them to park. Fresh air wears a kid out.
Sleep! They will start acting grumpy after lunch because it’s nap time. Nice quite room, some white noise. At bedtime put in bath for 15 minutes. Load it up with bubbles. Then pjs and bed. If they have a teddy, find that teddy!!!
With toddlers it’s rinse and repeat everyday. So keep doing this until you find permanent solution. Essentially keep child warm, fed, watered. They are like a slightly complicated plants.
As for permanent solution. When is mum due out? You might just have to hold fort until Monday. If it’s longer then child services and explain the issue. Sometimes there are foster families for exactly this sort of event.
However, for now, until you figure something out. Warm, fed, and watered.
If I were a girl in your situation i would just go on him, before he does anything else lol. You can always try to speak with him and say that you need him to do something before having sex because you need it. That's funny because I always do everything on my girlfriend, sometimes i even forget to finish myself. It depends about the guy. That said average duration of the whole thing is more nearby the hour than the minute aha
This is exactly where I'm coming from. She comes to me about everything because she knows I'll always be nice. When she doesn't get the reaction she's expecting from me, she turns nasty. I've become really fed up of being treated that way, by everyone.
I definitely think you're right about not pretending anymore and just saying how I feel. I just know I'd be made to look a bitch.
I am up for understanding your point of view, I can understand how some people not have a problem with Bodycounts, but the reverse is true too, there are people who do have a problem. Accept it.
It's my preference and I don't look down on anyone or shame anyone for not meeting my standards. Idk why it would matter to you.
You tell me why do you care about what anyone wants in there partner?
No, I don’t think pregnancy is an excuse for any kind of abuse, animal or human.
The lead thing is pretty drastic, but she sounds desperate for peace during the day. What else can she do? Have you seen the OP’s replies to my comments? He doesn’t take her concerns seriously at all. Sounds like there’s a long history to this dog issue and nothing’s been done about it. She’s probably at her wits’ end, and who knows if she’d even follow through with letting a dog freeze outside all day. OP’s only solutions so far are for her to wear headphones all day, or let his dog out of its kennel so it can run around and bother her while she’s working in the dining room. His comments really made it clear that he doesn’t see/care how much this is bothering her, so she’s probably resorting to threats to get him to actually do something.
And she didn’t abandon her dog. She rehomed it to a farm, which is a great fit for an ACD. There is absolutely nothing wrong with rehoming a dog if you’re overwhelmed trying to care for it. ACDs are not dogs for casual owners, so if anything I’d blame her for getting one in the first place if she wasn’t sure she could handle it while pregnant. But rehoming it is the responsible thing to do if you realize you’re in over your head.
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To be honest, it’s never okey to be cruel and manipulative to others then call it “mental health”. Not one therapist in this world would suggest making your kid choose between their parents. Not. One. So is it caring for mental health if not one mental health professional would suggest or support the action? Or is it acting in a selfish manner while not taking any accountability, and prioritizing your hate for an ex over your own child? If she wants to go she can go, but that’s her choice. She does not get to pawn that choice off on others then act like the victim.
He doesn’t have to make a choice at all. He can simply not dignify this manipulative behavior with an answer. He can tell her he wants to be in her life, but she can’t force him to be out of others lives. He can then continue as normal. If she chooses to ignore him, that’s HER choice, not his.
And those things are definitely true, it's just that the path people take to get to that realization is gonna be radically different.
My own partner has really bad insecurities and body image issues so it's something I have first hand experience with as the partner. She logically understands and can verbalize that she knows I love her, or I'm attracted to her. But what she knows and how she feels does not always align. I do my best to be supportive and reassuring but she knows that they are her insecurities to work on at the end of the day.
Same with OP, she needs coping tools that can help her in the moment so she can get back to a place where logic takes back over
You’re boyfriend is a jackass and obnoxious, dump him. You’re both too old to have someone tell you what you are. Now you know how black Americans feel being told we’re African lol.
You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped — it’s good to support our loved ones. It’s good to listen, provide comfort & advice, and be there in the best moments and bad. But the line in the sand is you shouldn’t sacrifice yourself for anybody else (such as your time, mental health and emotions). If he’s unwell, as you have detailed in your post and are refusing to take any measures to regulate his emotions or mental health. He’s a sinking, emotionless pit of his own issues, which will swallow you whole. What you have to remember, he’s already violated a physical boundary, (slapping you once more), and what else do you think he might escalate to? He’s done everything emotionally, so what else do you think he’ll do in his extremes? If that scares you — get out and walk away. There’s a lot of help online to escape abusive relationships.
Seriously, why are they excusing her enablement? I do think that people who are non offending pedos need to be given treatment. Someone who has bad thoughts they don't want to act on deserves the help to get well or control those thoughts rather than become an offender. But JFC, pictures of local kids and she's still trying to excuse it away? It's horrific to even excuse watching 'mild' porn but everytime he upped the ante she just lalala'ed while plugging up her ears?
You decided to tell the world how awful he is, but refuse to go because it’s “too hard” — whatever that means. seems like your mind is made up. what are you expecting here, to be convinced otherwise by strangers? Tell him to stop being so mean… What are you hoping to get out of this if you seem to have no real intention of leaving this situation.
You can get an anonymous sperm donation at a later date, if his sperm is the reason you can't conceive. But not keep this baby in this traumatic situation, that's just insane.
I’m sorry, are you the father of ‘the baby’? It sounds as if you have renounced your own parental responsibilities towards the child and see ‘it’ as a barrier between you and your wife. Have you thought about how exhausted your wife must be with such poor sleep? Get over yourself and think about supporting or helping.
He had been complaining about his mental health very often lately, and I've truly tried to be supportive. I'd constant try to ask him about it, get him to talk it out, do stuff to distract him but it was never enough.
I've been through a hard phase too, but he says I don't care about him enough (? Whatever that's supposed to mean). It's just very hot to help someone who doesn't want to be helped and get blamed for it.
It sounds like he’s love bombing and you’re playing stupid games.
Of course you can initiate sex but “im horny can you make me cum” is fucking cringe. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both parties and not just as a mean to ‘rub one out’.
But do you think the lie is justified? I'm just truly torn, I don't think he meant harm but I'm terrified about other things I may not know. I'm spiraling
Block him immediately, don't fall for his BS, he's trying to sneakily get you back just so he's not lonely right now and then he'll dump you for the next “better” girl.
I hate to say it, but no, I didn't happen to me, I was this scumbag, because I had issues that I shouldn't have let out on others, but I did. He's just bored and lonely, as was I. Looking for something to make life worthwhile and less boring.
Just buy her driving lessons?? Tell her you're not a good instructor and should just have someone who actually teaches people to drive for a living do it.
I’m sorry, but there is very little chance he’s smarter than you. Most likely he’s insecure because of your educational achievements and needs to feel as though he’s more intelligent..
Absolutely agree on that. Just saying I don't think she should tip him off until she has everything in order on her side. Seek legal counsel before making any moves
I would only question why you are still with a woman that is clearly more interested in a previous lover than she is with your relationship. It's over dude. You seemed to have missed the memo.
I will can't get over this age gap. Are your ages correct because that makes him 13 years older than you. Considering he's your husband at 23, how old were you when he met you? Most older men go for younger women to groom them and take sexual advantage of them
Ask him why it upset him so much. If he's genuinely upset, then no matter how silly it seems to you, I'd probably still apologise, but with the caveat that I would want to know why the hell being called Pickle upset him so much. There might be some backstory there that you don't know which could explain why this particular word evoked such a strong reaction from him.
Nope they thankfully will stay the same for the most part. Once she finds out she no longer has access to your love she is going to come after your money. Your child’s life will also get more expensive as you get into day cares, school and then cars and colleges. Get it all set in stone by a judge because if not this women who is highly manipulative will take advantage of the situation.
I completely understand why you feel the way you do. That would be tough for sure. When it comes to social media, people often rely on it for validation and to boost their self-esteem. Having various people, whether you know them personally or not, react to your looks in positive ways makes a person feel desirable. That can be addicting at times, especially if that person already struggles with self-confidence. Eventually a person gets older, they may start relying more on themselves to feel validated and valued, rather than seeking it from others.
Until that time, however, that type of behavior can cause issues when in a relationship, just as you are experiencing now. Try to keep in mind that her actions don't mean that your affections and compliments don't matter to her or that she will be unfaithful. It really doesn't have anything to do with you at all, or anyone else for that matter. It's solely about how all that attention makes her feel about herself.
As for seeing she is live but not responding to you-I can see how that might make feel like you're not a priority to her. That would be difficult, especially if it makes you question whether she cares for you as much as you care for her. Try to keep in mind that this is a new relationship. It's going to take quite a bit longer to build complete trust and devotion. Just a short time ago, you both had your own lives separate from each other. You had your own routines, friends, and habits. Transitioning to having a partner might take time, and it could take longer for one person to adjust more than the other. She might just be taking some time for herself to do her own thing. Just because she loves you doesn't mean she won't still need her own space without you from time to time.
What always helps in any conflict is to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about how you feel. Make sure you address it from your perspective only. It's important to avoid making assumptions about her perspective, being critical or judgemental, and inferring that she is doing something wrong. You're still getting to know each other and working towards integrating your lives. This is going to be part of that learning and growing together. She may be unaware how upsetting this is to you. If you tell her, you may be surprised by how much she is willing to compromise to make sure you feel secure in the relationship. I wish you the best and hope you're able to resolve this soon.
First off, are you living together? Do you have somewhere safe to go to?
Second, stop blaming yourself. Narcissists will tie your brain into knots to get you to trust them. He did a lot more than just cheat on you. He intentionally warped your sense of reality.
Finally, leave him. Be prepared for a storm of gaslighting. Listen to none of it if you can. It sounds like he's done a lot more than just cheat, so you don't even need that as an excuse to leave him.
Thank you! Unfortunately I don’t have much of a support system during the week. My roommates get on my nerves sometimes and I don’t often see my (true) friends because we’re all busy and only see each other once or twice a month. I think that’s a big part of the issue as well.
Another voice in the chorus that he is not expecting this because you work from home, he expects it because you're a woman. Abusers ramp up at major milestones when they believe they've “locked down” their victims in some additional way. You've moved in together, it'll be difficult financially for you to leave, so he's ramping up.
Please do not further cement your relationship with this man, rather take steps to extract yourself.
Totally agree, thanks for taking the time to say it.
I will probably talk about it today in a way that she cannot feel guilt or bad under any circumstances, otherwise Id rather not talk about it if I were going to make her feel bad.
Has she expressed interest in changing this unreliability, or is she fine the way she is? You can't force a person to change because you don't like their personality. I'd tell her “I need you to follow through with the things you say and be reliable.” Give examples. If she expresses a desire to change and puts effort in, then great. Otherwise, she is who she is.
Apologize for what you didn’t do anything wrong he did maybe start making him pay half the rent half the utilities doesn’t matter if your parents are paying for it let him pay have to online there see how he likes that.
In my parents generation, there was 30mins of news at 6pm.
Now we have “breakfast” news, lunch time news, then a full hour at 6pm, followed by another current affairs show. And that's just regular free tv. It's also all over the internet, there are channels that only do news, its everywhere all the time.
I made a choice aswel to no longer watch the news. When I want to know what's going on in the world, I look it up. I don't need the media putting a spin on it, or choosing what I get to know on the 6pm news. It's all fucking depressing anyways. I don't need to be exposed to all the awful things in the world at all times. We are not built for it.
Look after your mental health. Choose when you want to be exposed to the negativity in the world.
A while back a guy posted here about breaking off the engagement with his fiancé a week before the wedding, when she insisted on telling him her dirtiest fantasy even after he told her no he didn’t want to hear it. She ignored that and then went on this big huge fantasy about her being gang banged on a table by all his ushers (his best friends) and his best man (his brother). It’s like common sense actually isn’t so common after all.
She needs to open up, why after I do she suddenly changed?
This woman has pursued and successfully fucked your boyfriend and your husband while you were in relationships with them. She obviously has it out for you and can’t be trusted. She will try again with your current husband.
Your husband’s reply to how you feel is absolutely fucking disgusting. This woman helped your partners cheat on you WITH HER. Your husband shouldn’t have ever considered joining this band with the history his wife has with her.
She’s a terrible person and your husband is awful for how he’s treating you about this. Seriously, screenshot my comment and tell him I said 1) to go fuck himself and 2) be a better fucking husband. Trusting Reddit over your wife?? Joining a band with a woman known to fuck your wife’s boyfriends and husbands? Have some respect for the woman you married, you absolute pinecone. Your wife comes first.
Soooo you prefer older women and may be insecure? I'm confused
Let him go, and find the next one, I bet you'll find someone who matches your libido whose way hotter. You sound like a gem there are men who will want to have sex with you and not gas light you into thinking your a problem, he's definitely emotionally abusive looking at what you has said in the comments. Move on queen
In my experience, they always end up regretting it.
In the post
Ok, you can google solutions for defensiveness and explore that and talk to him about it. Couples therapy sometimes helps. Google how to turn complaints, bids for attention in relationships, and magic relationship ratio as working on that can reduce someone defensiveness. You can also google and discuss conflict resolution skills and agree to ground rules for discussing frustrations. In general though you at LEAST what that when one person shares a frustration, the other first acknowledges and validates that person, only after that happens can they share how they feel, then they get acknowledged and validated too. Once both have shared their feelings and been validated, then you work to find solutions both are ok with.
But if he doesn’t want to work on this, if you’re the only one trying to communicate in a more healthy way, all you’ll be doing is making things feel better for him while he won’t be doing anything so it feels better to you. That’s a recipe for being taken for granted if not abused. So please do try but if he doesn’t make any effort, please do reconsider the relationship. If someone is defensive enough with you it can make you more sensitive to being ignore, it can cause depression and anxiety, and lead you to feel hopeless and doubt yourself. You deserve a partner who cares about you feeling, not one that defends his ego at your expense, as that’s what he’s currently doing.
A few more – though these are twists on some of the classics that you may simply getting tired of.
Anytime you do go on a hike, go detrashing. Or foraging for stuff you can use for dinner.
I also love making scavenger hunts up for my kids, but this could easily be done for the child at heart. Take Google maps and “walk around” to see what you could incorporate from business facades and art installations (or plant/animal life on a hike). This makes a walk through the city or countryside a whole new thing.
I’d also recommend that you really use the libraries you have available to you – school and public! They should have great cookbooks and other resources, especially about NZ that can help you appreciate your area on a different level.
Remember that it doesn’t really matter WHAT you’re doing but WHO your spending time with!
You are asking all the wrong questions. How did she get it in the first place?
Shouldn't you be happy you didn't contract it ?
Same
You should maybe stop procreating ? the fact you’re even entertaining the idea is crazy to me
Don't employ her. She could use this opportunity to get back at you and there's a reason she's an ex. Cut her loose.
He’s saying all this to make you feel bad but he’ll probably cheat on her too.
Start packing your stuff then bring random people to the apartment and introduce them as potential sub-lettors. Maybe she will just move first & you can keep the apartment.
Probably best to find a new place to online and discuss breaking your existing lease with your landlord though
Google 'attachment theory' and read about attachment styles in adult relationships. You may an attachment style that does not require being in a relationship with others.
If you are trying to work out your feelings about your relationship, seeing a therapist might be beneficial. The 'ick' you are feeling may have formed from past experienced, your personality, etc. and it is something you can work on if you have a deeper desire to be romantically involved with others. I have a problem trusting others due to a bakcround of child abuse and seeing a therapist has been reallubeneficial in working through those issues.
You mean they are volatile.
Time for a nanny cam. One that has remote view (phone) access.
It sounds like he wants to be involved…and it’s certainly his right (and moral obligation) to be involved in his child’s life.
It might be time to set up a schedule so you both know what to expect.
I get that it’s hard. I do. It’s good for the baby to have their dad be present.
You have no sexual drive because you don’t want to have sex with him. Why would you? What does he do to make you feel loved and desired? He doesn’t even seem to like you.
Tell him he needs to ship up or shape out. You don’t deserve this.
Come visit me before you o see her…
When he proposed to me he did not include her in his proposal plans.
She was upset over this but asked me not to tell him.
I just felt he should know but it really backfired.
What do you think RainyHeatwave?
Oh this poor little child. This is so sad. For the absolute right now I think you might have to call work and explain the situation. I know she isn’t your child but you are all they have right now. If you gf works where does she send child during her work hours?
Do you have access to toddlers clothes? Get a little bag together. Nothing too complicated they are gonna need pants and T-shirts, good shoes and her coat. “Play” clothes essentially.
Food, kids are easy to feed. Sandwiches, chips, juice, fruit cups. Cereal in morning and in evening fries and chicken nuggets. You are on survival mode so don’t worry too much about the full, balanced and varied diet. For snacks, dry Cheerios, cheese crackers, cheese string. Fruit.
Entertainment, stick the tv on. The kids sections on Netflix’s have shows for preschoolers. Literally anything, they might even tell you what they like. If you have access to their home pick up a few toys for them. Again do worry about “tv is bad” you are not raising the child you are in survival mode. Take them to park. Fresh air wears a kid out.
Sleep! They will start acting grumpy after lunch because it’s nap time. Nice quite room, some white noise. At bedtime put in bath for 15 minutes. Load it up with bubbles. Then pjs and bed. If they have a teddy, find that teddy!!!
With toddlers it’s rinse and repeat everyday. So keep doing this until you find permanent solution. Essentially keep child warm, fed, watered. They are like a slightly complicated plants.
As for permanent solution. When is mum due out? You might just have to hold fort until Monday. If it’s longer then child services and explain the issue. Sometimes there are foster families for exactly this sort of event.
However, for now, until you figure something out. Warm, fed, and watered.
Don't have a baby with this man child.
If I were a girl in your situation i would just go on him, before he does anything else lol. You can always try to speak with him and say that you need him to do something before having sex because you need it. That's funny because I always do everything on my girlfriend, sometimes i even forget to finish myself. It depends about the guy. That said average duration of the whole thing is more nearby the hour than the minute aha
Has anyone seen these 50 guys alive? That’s some trophy collection.
Girlfriend over there getting a free wardrobe.
the few odd jokes that Emily is capable of.
What those jokes were?
50 ppl is a small wedding? That’s a laugh!
This is exactly where I'm coming from. She comes to me about everything because she knows I'll always be nice. When she doesn't get the reaction she's expecting from me, she turns nasty. I've become really fed up of being treated that way, by everyone.
I definitely think you're right about not pretending anymore and just saying how I feel. I just know I'd be made to look a bitch.
I am up for understanding your point of view, I can understand how some people not have a problem with Bodycounts, but the reverse is true too, there are people who do have a problem. Accept it.
It's my preference and I don't look down on anyone or shame anyone for not meeting my standards. Idk why it would matter to you.
You tell me why do you care about what anyone wants in there partner?
No, I don’t think pregnancy is an excuse for any kind of abuse, animal or human.
The lead thing is pretty drastic, but she sounds desperate for peace during the day. What else can she do? Have you seen the OP’s replies to my comments? He doesn’t take her concerns seriously at all. Sounds like there’s a long history to this dog issue and nothing’s been done about it. She’s probably at her wits’ end, and who knows if she’d even follow through with letting a dog freeze outside all day. OP’s only solutions so far are for her to wear headphones all day, or let his dog out of its kennel so it can run around and bother her while she’s working in the dining room. His comments really made it clear that he doesn’t see/care how much this is bothering her, so she’s probably resorting to threats to get him to actually do something.
And she didn’t abandon her dog. She rehomed it to a farm, which is a great fit for an ACD. There is absolutely nothing wrong with rehoming a dog if you’re overwhelmed trying to care for it. ACDs are not dogs for casual owners, so if anything I’d blame her for getting one in the first place if she wasn’t sure she could handle it while pregnant. But rehoming it is the responsible thing to do if you realize you’re in over your head.
That’s sketchy as fuck dude She probably doesn’t want you to find her on Facebook as you are either the side dude – she’s married. Find out asap
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I was attracted to her almost immediately after meeting her at a family thing like a year ago
To be honest, it’s never okey to be cruel and manipulative to others then call it “mental health”. Not one therapist in this world would suggest making your kid choose between their parents. Not. One. So is it caring for mental health if not one mental health professional would suggest or support the action? Or is it acting in a selfish manner while not taking any accountability, and prioritizing your hate for an ex over your own child? If she wants to go she can go, but that’s her choice. She does not get to pawn that choice off on others then act like the victim.
He doesn’t have to make a choice at all. He can simply not dignify this manipulative behavior with an answer. He can tell her he wants to be in her life, but she can’t force him to be out of others lives. He can then continue as normal. If she chooses to ignore him, that’s HER choice, not his.
21 years is a long time to be married but do you really want to put up with this for another 20 years
And those things are definitely true, it's just that the path people take to get to that realization is gonna be radically different.
My own partner has really bad insecurities and body image issues so it's something I have first hand experience with as the partner. She logically understands and can verbalize that she knows I love her, or I'm attracted to her. But what she knows and how she feels does not always align. I do my best to be supportive and reassuring but she knows that they are her insecurities to work on at the end of the day.
Same with OP, she needs coping tools that can help her in the moment so she can get back to a place where logic takes back over
Why can't you just sleep separately?
Lots of couples do, and this (snoring) is one of the biggest reasons why.
You’re boyfriend is a jackass and obnoxious, dump him. You’re both too old to have someone tell you what you are. Now you know how black Americans feel being told we’re African lol.
Doesn’t take scooby doo to figure out you’re not giving the whole story here. If your latest ex is smart she will leave you in the dust.
You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped — it’s good to support our loved ones. It’s good to listen, provide comfort & advice, and be there in the best moments and bad. But the line in the sand is you shouldn’t sacrifice yourself for anybody else (such as your time, mental health and emotions). If he’s unwell, as you have detailed in your post and are refusing to take any measures to regulate his emotions or mental health. He’s a sinking, emotionless pit of his own issues, which will swallow you whole. What you have to remember, he’s already violated a physical boundary, (slapping you once more), and what else do you think he might escalate to? He’s done everything emotionally, so what else do you think he’ll do in his extremes? If that scares you — get out and walk away. There’s a lot of help online to escape abusive relationships.
What is the point of this post? What advice are you asking?
You’re not overthinking. She may have been joking but if you’re not ready for kids I would take it seriously. Best not to have sex with her.
Seriously, why are they excusing her enablement? I do think that people who are non offending pedos need to be given treatment. Someone who has bad thoughts they don't want to act on deserves the help to get well or control those thoughts rather than become an offender. But JFC, pictures of local kids and she's still trying to excuse it away? It's horrific to even excuse watching 'mild' porn but everytime he upped the ante she just lalala'ed while plugging up her ears?
You decided to tell the world how awful he is, but refuse to go because it’s “too hard” — whatever that means. seems like your mind is made up. what are you expecting here, to be convinced otherwise by strangers? Tell him to stop being so mean… What are you hoping to get out of this if you seem to have no real intention of leaving this situation.
You can get an anonymous sperm donation at a later date, if his sperm is the reason you can't conceive. But not keep this baby in this traumatic situation, that's just insane.
I’m sorry, are you the father of ‘the baby’? It sounds as if you have renounced your own parental responsibilities towards the child and see ‘it’ as a barrier between you and your wife. Have you thought about how exhausted your wife must be with such poor sleep? Get over yourself and think about supporting or helping.
He had been complaining about his mental health very often lately, and I've truly tried to be supportive. I'd constant try to ask him about it, get him to talk it out, do stuff to distract him but it was never enough.
I've been through a hard phase too, but he says I don't care about him enough (? Whatever that's supposed to mean). It's just very hot to help someone who doesn't want to be helped and get blamed for it.
It sounds like he’s love bombing and you’re playing stupid games.
Of course you can initiate sex but “im horny can you make me cum” is fucking cringe. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both parties and not just as a mean to ‘rub one out’.
But do you think the lie is justified? I'm just truly torn, I don't think he meant harm but I'm terrified about other things I may not know. I'm spiraling
Block him immediately, don't fall for his BS, he's trying to sneakily get you back just so he's not lonely right now and then he'll dump you for the next “better” girl.
I hate to say it, but no, I didn't happen to me, I was this scumbag, because I had issues that I shouldn't have let out on others, but I did. He's just bored and lonely, as was I. Looking for something to make life worthwhile and less boring.
It was a week later and it simply just sounds passive aggressive
Just buy her driving lessons?? Tell her you're not a good instructor and should just have someone who actually teaches people to drive for a living do it.
I’m sorry, but there is very little chance he’s smarter than you. Most likely he’s insecure because of your educational achievements and needs to feel as though he’s more intelligent..
Absolutely agree on that. Just saying I don't think she should tip him off until she has everything in order on her side. Seek legal counsel before making any moves
Dump him.
Maybe you've got ink on your face
What if he was blackout drunk too?
I would only question why you are still with a woman that is clearly more interested in a previous lover than she is with your relationship. It's over dude. You seemed to have missed the memo.
I will can't get over this age gap. Are your ages correct because that makes him 13 years older than you. Considering he's your husband at 23, how old were you when he met you? Most older men go for younger women to groom them and take sexual advantage of them
Ask him why it upset him so much. If he's genuinely upset, then no matter how silly it seems to you, I'd probably still apologise, but with the caveat that I would want to know why the hell being called Pickle upset him so much. There might be some backstory there that you don't know which could explain why this particular word evoked such a strong reaction from him.
Nope they thankfully will stay the same for the most part. Once she finds out she no longer has access to your love she is going to come after your money. Your child’s life will also get more expensive as you get into day cares, school and then cars and colleges. Get it all set in stone by a judge because if not this women who is highly manipulative will take advantage of the situation.
Just back off and be a little harder to get next time!
I completely understand why you feel the way you do. That would be tough for sure. When it comes to social media, people often rely on it for validation and to boost their self-esteem. Having various people, whether you know them personally or not, react to your looks in positive ways makes a person feel desirable. That can be addicting at times, especially if that person already struggles with self-confidence. Eventually a person gets older, they may start relying more on themselves to feel validated and valued, rather than seeking it from others.
Until that time, however, that type of behavior can cause issues when in a relationship, just as you are experiencing now. Try to keep in mind that her actions don't mean that your affections and compliments don't matter to her or that she will be unfaithful. It really doesn't have anything to do with you at all, or anyone else for that matter. It's solely about how all that attention makes her feel about herself.
As for seeing she is live but not responding to you-I can see how that might make feel like you're not a priority to her. That would be difficult, especially if it makes you question whether she cares for you as much as you care for her. Try to keep in mind that this is a new relationship. It's going to take quite a bit longer to build complete trust and devotion. Just a short time ago, you both had your own lives separate from each other. You had your own routines, friends, and habits. Transitioning to having a partner might take time, and it could take longer for one person to adjust more than the other. She might just be taking some time for herself to do her own thing. Just because she loves you doesn't mean she won't still need her own space without you from time to time.
What always helps in any conflict is to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about how you feel. Make sure you address it from your perspective only. It's important to avoid making assumptions about her perspective, being critical or judgemental, and inferring that she is doing something wrong. You're still getting to know each other and working towards integrating your lives. This is going to be part of that learning and growing together. She may be unaware how upsetting this is to you. If you tell her, you may be surprised by how much she is willing to compromise to make sure you feel secure in the relationship. I wish you the best and hope you're able to resolve this soon.
First off, are you living together? Do you have somewhere safe to go to?
Second, stop blaming yourself. Narcissists will tie your brain into knots to get you to trust them. He did a lot more than just cheat on you. He intentionally warped your sense of reality.
Finally, leave him. Be prepared for a storm of gaslighting. Listen to none of it if you can. It sounds like he's done a lot more than just cheat, so you don't even need that as an excuse to leave him.
Be safe.
Thank you! Unfortunately I don’t have much of a support system during the week. My roommates get on my nerves sometimes and I don’t often see my (true) friends because we’re all busy and only see each other once or twice a month. I think that’s a big part of the issue as well.
Another voice in the chorus that he is not expecting this because you work from home, he expects it because you're a woman. Abusers ramp up at major milestones when they believe they've “locked down” their victims in some additional way. You've moved in together, it'll be difficult financially for you to leave, so he's ramping up.
Please do not further cement your relationship with this man, rather take steps to extract yourself.
Ew. Dump him.
Totally agree, thanks for taking the time to say it.
I will probably talk about it today in a way that she cannot feel guilt or bad under any circumstances, otherwise Id rather not talk about it if I were going to make her feel bad.
No is a complete sentence. If he attempts to force you that is rape.
I’m 31F & I would not date a 22yr old at all regardless of gender, I’d feel like a predator.
RO time. “husband threatened his 8 month pregnant wife with a knife.”
Has she expressed interest in changing this unreliability, or is she fine the way she is? You can't force a person to change because you don't like their personality. I'd tell her “I need you to follow through with the things you say and be reliable.” Give examples. If she expresses a desire to change and puts effort in, then great. Otherwise, she is who she is.
Apologize for what you didn’t do anything wrong he did maybe start making him pay half the rent half the utilities doesn’t matter if your parents are paying for it let him pay have to online there see how he likes that.
Lmao y’all women all think the same way
In my parents generation, there was 30mins of news at 6pm.
Now we have “breakfast” news, lunch time news, then a full hour at 6pm, followed by another current affairs show. And that's just regular free tv. It's also all over the internet, there are channels that only do news, its everywhere all the time.
I made a choice aswel to no longer watch the news. When I want to know what's going on in the world, I look it up. I don't need the media putting a spin on it, or choosing what I get to know on the 6pm news. It's all fucking depressing anyways. I don't need to be exposed to all the awful things in the world at all times. We are not built for it.
Look after your mental health. Choose when you want to be exposed to the negativity in the world.
Quit being friends with her. She sounds like a completely passive aggressive shit head.
A while back a guy posted here about breaking off the engagement with his fiancé a week before the wedding, when she insisted on telling him her dirtiest fantasy even after he told her no he didn’t want to hear it. She ignored that and then went on this big huge fantasy about her being gang banged on a table by all his ushers (his best friends) and his best man (his brother). It’s like common sense actually isn’t so common after all.