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i didn’t sexualize anything. your comment shows that you do not know what emotional incest is. please do some research
Sounds like you have a serious anxious attachment style and extreme reactions. It's not healthy to overreakt like this over someone being gone for some days. Requesting other person not to travel at all (and that's whta yoh did) is i reasonable. You should be completely ok with other person being ok for some days from time to time. If he would travel every week or two weeks, that I get, cause it is hot to build a routine. I recommend therapy to work on your anxiety and some traumas.
Also, sounds like him sounds like he is an avoidant person and just cuts everything away in order to not suffer and not feel pressured. He needs to work his issues too.
Anyway, two months is nothing, you don't know each other enough to know that you are each other better half etc.
And I am writing it as a person with an anxious attachment style, who always chosen people with avoidant attachment style and player this game for too long. Work on the sources of your anxiety, changing your patterns and recognizng that someone love bombs you. Work on your potential childhood trauma and it will help you unlearn unhealthy habits and thought patterns
I’m mad at myself for ignoring red flags. I just can’t believe how naive i was she kept giving me breadcrumbs and i was okay with it. Hopefully with time these memories won’t be intense like now. I learned so many lessons and I’m thankful at the same time.
I'm also 33 and fear I won't be able to find anyone more compatible with me than the new girlfriend
More compatible with you? Dude, youre not compatible in the first place except in the bedroom.
If youre already wanting to dump her things won't get better.
How old are you?
I need to know who said this was normal because this is 100% cheating ?
So he hit you and then tried to gaslight you. And leading up to this there was verbal abuse which I bet he frequently does. He already crossed that violent line. The more you forgive him the worse the beatings are going to get. They are always sorry and did not meant it. Some say this to their wives welding balloons and flowers while their wife is hospitalized because the oh so remorseful pig broke have her ribs by kicking them in. This is the trajectory your path is taking. But it does not have to, if you dump the scumbag now.
Yupp gaming is an escape, but like u said, you're not sticking up for OP's guy, and neither am I. I game a lot, also work a lot and stress a lot, but take care of my wife and kids. I still make time for them and my wife and I sex life is very healthy (we're both almost 40) but being depressed and feeling thoughts of self harm or wanting unalive myself I can confirm sometimes games is an answer to avoid that. But if you are feeling that way, the person needs to seek professional help and work through those feelings. Men… and women too need to learn to not bottle up their emotions and thoughts to the point of wanting to no longer be here.
I mean, if your mattress is as stained as the ones you see in skips, or dumped in alleyways, then it's probably time to buy a new one.
Relapse? JFC, man. You jerked a couple of days ago. That's not a betrayal. You didn't do anything wrong. Give yourself a break.
She's abusing you, this is clear emotional abuse. You have done nothing wrong, she has and will continue to do so.
Google 'DARVO'. He is textbook manipulating you. He's also an asshole and life is too short to waste your time with assholes. You deserve a good man. Not this.
My husband had to attend the funeral of a 1 year old because the toddlers grandma dropped one of her heart pills and did not realize she missed one. The little one got a hold of it and you know everything goes on their mouths at that age. Just a senseless, preventable death. You are 100% in the right to protect your children.
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You have trust issues? You’re just a side piece. He’s married, for crying out loud. The only person in your relationship with legitimate trust issues is his wife.
He has no intention of leaving his wife. And I bet you $100 that his wife thinks they are happily married.
Stop messing around with married men and find a single guy. You don’t have a “connection” with this guy. You have a “connection” with the character he puts on for you. It’s not real, though.
Ewww no. Don't try to convince her either.
“ I don't understand, you own me an explanation” is often a way to try to talk you out of your decision.
Mate. Costal property is not a solid investment.
Know what is? You and your partner living together. Alone. Somewhere affordable. With good jobs and an affectionate relationship.
Get out of your parents house or I can guarantee she will leave you.
You should start going out and dancing with her. If you can’t dance with this girl then you probably should find someone who you are more comfortable doing things with.
no this isn't waved away by whatever he was going through back then. He's proven to be a very dishonest person so the way he currently is that's “not like that” is not real. You shouldn't trust anything about him.
Also let's pretend that really was just because of his depression and the dark place he was in. If you stay with him, life is going to throw more darkness at him (it does this to all of us at times) and if his depression gets worse again you won't be safe. I really don't think you're safe anyway but you definitely can't think you're long term safety isn't at risk with this guy.
Uhm,no. It's out of line for him to demand that you give up all entertainment because, and let me see if I understand this, YOU reading a novel or listening (privately, on headphones) to music with lyrics triggers cravings?
He needs to work with his therapist and his sponsor on developing tools for dealing with his impulses without infringing this deeply on your entertainment, relaxation & recreational choices .
Time. You will recover. I know it hurts right now, but it's helpful to remember that emotion is transient. It comes and goes and you won't feel this way forever.
You are literally a vortex of destruction, a destroyer of families, a black hole of trust. People like you are the reason I’ll probably be single forever. You terrify me.
Dude just break up. Grow a spine, She obviously doesn't respect you.
He didn't get mad. He just expressed relief
For a relationship to work, both sides need to be all in. She doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you, so the relationship is over. If you have to convince her to be with you, what kind of a relationship is that?
Give her space and break up with her, a break rarely Works out well anyways.
Save that message and play it for his mother
There usually is not one right answer. My guess would be that maybe moving in together so early in the relationship was a bit quick. Only because it's too easy to fall into routines of living life. Work, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, etc. All of a sudden what was a fun and exciting relationship when you were looking for time/places to be together – turns into “is this the rest of my life?” and can freak people out. He was honest, now be honest with yourself – is what you are doing right now what you want for the rest of your life? You knew things weren't right (beyond the amount of sex) or you wouldn't have brought it up.
Honestly – if it were me and he'd said what he did; I'd rip the band-aid off and move out, Trying to fix things by talking until you are blue in the face only prolongs things – keep top of mind that he has basically already said he's checked out. If you were both taking each other for granted and it's meant to be – you changing the living arrangements immediately and being strong may be just the kick that will wake him up… if it doesn't try to accept you've had a lovely time, but it's not your forever life, take lessons from this relationship and your next one will be that much better for it.
Very happy for you, man. You did great and are gonna do even greater in the future.
To all the people who said youre whatever, these people exist here. They are bitter and lunatics and projecting. There is so many of them here that its sometimes hot to see the truth. Do what feels right, you have it in you.
Congratulations on the moment of growth and yours and your wifes bravery.
You are young. I am begging you not to tie yourself to this man! He will hold you back!
Omg bro, not only is she not trustworthy, she is going to piss away every cent that she ever makes. How tf does someone that young have that much debt??? RUN!!!
?? I’m gonna start calling them this too now!
So he’s got two laptops and a phone? Is it for work? I don’t let my husband use my work stuff and I wouldn’t use his. Also how do you sign into iMessage on a phone? Do you set everything to your Apple ID?
Idk, but when my dad was especially rude to my partner, I got super angry, we left and I didn’t speak to him for months. Granted, my father and I aren’t great anymore to begin with, but I told my mom my feelings, who relayed it to my father I assume, and distanced myself from my dad for being an unkind AH. I regret not writing him a tightly worded emAil about his behavior, but at the time I was so upset I didn’t want a connection with him at all.
File a police report, that was assault and battery. It's important to report all instances of violence to establish a pattern of behavior in case he escalates or you find yourself needing to get a restraining order against him.
Also, it's time to start referring to this abusive fuck as your Ex-boyfriend.
One possibility I haven't seen discussed here. It's not impossible that those have been in there for a couple months. I don't empty my bathroom trash weekly and have definitely gone a couple months with it before. It has a lid, I rarely put anything in there and it's never anything that's going to smell, so it's not a priority to me. If you've only been exclusive for a month and a half, it's not impossible that a previous date had left that in there.
If you feel like you really need to know, just ask him. Even if he takes it badly and gets uncomfortable about you potentially going through his trash, it's a new relationship. Better to find out now than somewhere down the line and living under the same roof.
The ex girlfriend had the right idea. Sis does NOTHING NOTHING NOT ONE THING. You cook for her, you do most of the chores, you give her presents all the time, you pay for her to go out with you/boyfriend. She doesn’t need to buy anything, the two of you do. She doesn’t pay rent. She doesn’t cook for herself (or anyone else). She doesn’t pay her own way when going places. She doesn’t do chores. She goes into a rage and throws toddler type fits when angry and tells people she hates them. I’d kick her ass to the curb so fast she’d have whiplash and my boot print on her butt. You’re 1000% supporting her. STOP ?
A big one though is maybe trust your partner enough that even if they are angry you can talk it out.
That's not ever really been an option when it comes to him being angry. Anything I say will just be responded to with the deepest cuts he can possibly make and radio silence,
Again, I admitted my fault in trying to resolve that initial conflict with my gma. But the second situation I wasn't sure what to do, there was arguing, and I froze.
I didn't know however, that making mistakes means I do not love him. That's enlightening to me.
Wtf? You're a shit friend if you don't
Not OP, but I can imagine he just wants actual support, considering he left his support system back home when he compromised to move where they are now.
I honestly would not go any further with this with your bf as he clearly doesn’t respect you and says your illness is an excuse. If you wanted to actually try it, you need to be able to trust the person you’re with.
I always would not do anal with IBS to be honest, it’s very stimulating and can feel like a bowel movement and that can trigger actually going. You’d need to flush everything out beforehand, and make sure you are having a good day.
He sounds pushy with the topic which means he way not respect your boundaries during the act, you really need trust in this situation since stop is not a suggestion.
If you really want something that can, anal ease is a product that will help you loosen up. Though if you do not want this, believe me it’s not gonna happen without a little force and that in itself can make you clench up more.
Yeah this is a no win situation and the wife is the one who is going to pay the price unfortunately.
Both of you go get jobs, move out, and stop bitching about what your mom does in her own house.
According to OP, the parents were in an accident and nearly died and they are taking care of them. So she will be in a caretaker role there, not the other way around.
I agree with earlier commenters that it sounds like she is dealing with a trauma and likely depression and is not creating the most logical solution to this problem.
Paragraph breaks are your friend, paragraph breaks can’t hurt you.
Yes exactly! My god, finally someone who doesn't go through life like the fucking queen of hearts from Alice in Wonderland… “Youuuuuu told ME you were 1-2 years older than what you actually are!!! Offfff with your head!” Haha it's just so narrow-minded.
If 20 was “ok” then why not 19? If you online by those rules, how close do you take it to the birthdate? Given that the person is of legal age, if you meet the person of your dreams, but he/she is one day shy of meeting your age requirement, do you reject them? If you make an exception then that begs the question are your rules even rules if you're willing to break them? On the contrary, if the answer is rejection then you're walking away from something that could be amazing based on a measurement of time that derived from the ancient Egyptians lol…would you say, “get back to me in 24 hrs.” ?? What about a month? A year? Would you walk away from chance for the simple fact that someone has been on this earth for ONE LESS revolution around the sun than what you've deemed necessary?
Also, six months is enough time to judge someone's overall character. Op enjoyed spending time with her, enough to go on a vacation, enough to stick around for half a year(that's HALF a revolution for the Earth ? ?). For those who are so concerned with numbers and time, you'd think 6 months would be a lot to them considering being 6 months shy of a specific age can make or break someone lol. But now magically, “6 months isn't enough time” to judge someone's character & maturity level ?…come on now.
It's interesting how much of society forgets the many instances of men & women throughout history lying about something they had no control over bc they knew they'd be condemned otherwise. During WW2, there were ppl who lied about their age just so they could have the CHANCE to serve. During various times in history, women have lied by disguising themselves as men just so they might have the chance of participating in what would otherwise be off limits to them.
There are plenty of examples of individuals lying about their age, race, religion, height, weight, etc…and yes, some of those individuals lie compulsively. It usually doesn't take long to see through their bs. At the same time, there are those who lie about age, race, etc for one simple reason: bc IF they tell the truth, whoever is on the other end, whether it be society or a recruiting officer or a potential partner, will cast them aside immediately without even allowing them the chance to prove themselves.
TLDR: Don't cast someone aside for lying about a part of themselves they can't control, not without first inquiring about their reason.
There's a difference between voicing your feeling to give the people in your life an understanding of how your brain works and voicing your feelings because you want a specific reaction from that person.
Just because her neutral comment made you feel bad, doesn't mean she actually did something wrong. And while some situations do deserve acknowledgement and an apology, some situations require you to acknowledge your feelings to yourself, determine if that person actually did something wrong, and if the answer is no, deal with your emotions on your own or with a therapist.
Yeah, I agree it's overkill to take out the renovations, and I like to think the daughter wouldn't have if she'd move out under normal circumstances.
I would remove the sorry. You don't need to apologize that they are trying to push their religion on you.
Poly people are like swimming in the kiddie pool. They don't develop beyond a certain level. It is like the 1970s…If you want a long term loving relationship that is capable of developing intimacy both physical and emotionally. Let him go, you can't even accuse him of cheating. He has got it all….A relationship like this will never develop depth….
That has zero bearing on whether or not he feels attracted to you
I mean I wouldn't trust an ex-friend with my relationship like that. Unless that partial evidence actually shows or is written by her, you can't trust that he didn't just make it up.
Feels more like the ‘not friends’ zone…
If he was lonely how does he think YOU were feeling during all this??