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If someone said this to me once I would remember it forever. The fact that she keeps talking about it seems designed to hurt you.
You're strong and doing the right thing. He could've killed you and at some point definitely would've if you had chosen to forgive him and stay.
Fire your therapist. You reference alcohol. Is your husband an alcoholic? Find an Al-anon meeting to get support
People who take you for granted like this, and disrespect your time & your company, are in general not worth dating. He basically did that flakey thing where he said yes to you until something better came along. He's blatantly disrespecting you. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, etc. Sorry, OP.
Those are some big, waving red flags man.
Not sure why height would be related to any of this, so I don't see why you brought it up, but in any case, no it's not normal for neither his dick nor pre to smell horribly. Yes it has a certain odor that be surprising at first and not to everyone taste -same with women bodily fluids, really-, but it shouldn't reek like rot and make you puke. Either he has some health-related issue that might impact is bodily odor (some meds can alter that), or he has a severe lack of hygiene.
I don't think expecting *some* level of hygiene from your partners is a tall bar to clear.
Also, little trick I read and (sadly? thankfully?) never tried myself: very hot towel massage as part of the foreplay. Original, sensual, and let you discreetly wash your partner's junk juuuust in case.
wait
your BOYFRIEND said you two are just friends?
yeah, he's either ashamed to be seen with you or just messing with you
This post would benefit from the ages of the parties involved.
Are you sure this means there's been recent contact? I'm not sure how these favorite lists are updated. Mine exists but I never selected those favorites and some haven't changed in due time if AI was selecting them due to recent contact.
Props to you, OP, for bring part of the people who actually pays attention to their partner's wants!
I second the “remind her of post-xmas sales” idea
Are you waiting for him to hit you? Cause he likely won't, that would give you pause to leave and abusers know it. They also hide behind the fact that they don't hit you to say they are not abusive, because a punch leaves no room for question, but manipulation, gaslighting, verbal abuse… well, they can spin their own narrative on that. Emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse, it's insidious, leaves you second guessing yourself, keeps you un the cycle for years. If your therapist is telling you to leave then do it, no excuses, nothing. Leave him.
Other way round – new mattress, keep the old bed frame.
Your gf didn’t owe you anything after the break up. She didn’t have to tell you who she hooked up with. So she’s done nothing wrong.
But your friend? Yeah. Those who think he’s done nothing wrong have obviously not had close friends. And the fact that he felt guilty when confronted means that he knew that it was wrong.
The petty in me would say go and hook up with one of his exes. But I’m kidding of course. Up to you whether you break the friendship. I would. At the very least I’d go low contact.
Not worth it aye
Since your good in reading signs don't do it.
I’m sorry homie but you should prob break up, once unlocked it’s really very hot to put that kind of insecurity back away. The lesson you should take from this is to never ask your next girlfriend questions if you’re not ready for all possible answers.
Heart says 1, head says 3.
And address
They probably qdon't. That statement was a Freudian negation: he's definitely thought about it.
Whoa, that's not how teams work. If a guy on the team tried to hurt another teammate the reast of the team would stop him and he'd be kicked out.
Have you played team sports? Have you ever been in a hockey locker room?
She for the streets not for the sheets my friend. The most important thing for you is your mental health at this point so focus on that.
Someone else suggested the rope and bucket thing as well now and it's definitely something I will look into. I sadly have neither thing on hand, as I online on the top floor and I'd need a loooong rope and a different bucket than the flimsy one I have here, so it won't help for tomorrow, but it could definitely work in the future. Thank you so much for that idea!
As for the replacement lock, that's something I actually attempted to get, but the landlord said “No”. Which is really shitty because I live! on the grounds of the mental hospital and the hospital is the one renting out the apartments to former patients, so I had hoped that they would be more on board with such modifications, but sadly not. What I had wanted to get is actually a door than can be opened from the inside with a code, except that my father obviously wouldn't give me the code until I would phone him in an emergency. That way I would be locked in, but be able to leave in an emergency. But alas, didn't get permission.
It’s so weird how people here act like being pregnant is a disability and you can’t be a normal human. Most of us do it without having to act like entitled monsters. Most of us work full-time up to the point of giving birth and many of us go back to work when the baby is only a few months old. That everyone has the luxury of 6 mos to snap back to normal before real life takes over is absurd. That you need-so much extra support just to take a shower or have a “cuppa.” That’s not how life works for most of us normal people. Man plans and God laughs. Ya’ll sound like children. OP if you’re this unhappy now it’s not going to get better without intervention. If you even want it to work… and even then it’s not guaranteed. Do what makes you happy because happy people make better parents. Also, your vague post is irritating. Just so you know.
A tourist visa is quicker to get than a student visa. I mean…
Well it is odd but it’s a fantasy and not reality
Don’t be a doormat, you have every right to stand up for yourself when someone insults you. Why would you even consider apologizing? She’s the one who should be apologizing for being a jealous, spiteful bitch.
You really should learn to think for yourself instead of letting someone else tell you what to think.
I agree that it was shitty to talk about them there. I wrote up an apology to them but the bf shot it down. I stopped drinking since this happened and I am reevaluating many things thanks to your comment and this whole thread. Thank you for taking the time to comment!
I can try to have him come over for dinner, it sounds nice and peaceful!
It’s ridiculous to not want to share used towels? People on Reddit are nasty as hell.
Lol you weren’t too harsh at all, you straight up told the truth. He’s gross. Any guy who won’t wear a condom for someone he supposedly “loves” is a selfish piece of shit. You can literally get condoms that are soo thin it barely feels like anything nowadays. He’s a whiney little bitch baby who’s crying over a god damn condom for fucks sake. Well it feels better for them that way but guess your feelings just don’t mean shit. Lol sorry had to rant I feel strongly on this subject ?
If you haven’t had a conversation about it why would you think it’s going to happen? Most people talk about marriage before a proposal. I know movies make it sound like it’s always a surprise but that’s usually not the case, perhaps the circumstances of the proposal are a surprise, but most people discuss marriage and engagement before it happens.
Why do you want another option?
I vote for whichever option means you’re alone the least, at least for a bit. He may be less likely to show up at your dad’s – men aren’t as brave if other men are around. But you also probably don’t want to inconvenience yourself too much. Hopefully he leaves you alone so it’s a non-issue.
Yeah it was, thankfully he no longer lives with us. He’s mooching off someone else now.
It’s not clear – has he be doing this for the past 5 years that you have been dating? If so, why in the world are you still with him? Is it because he’s nice to you in private? Is that really all it takes for you to lie to yourself? He throws you a few scraps of “Nice” so you’ll put up with “Horrible” behavior the rest of the time?
Talk to him again and spell it out. Tell him “Stop with the jokes”. And when he ignores you again (which he will), next time he makes one of his “jokes” ask him what he finds funny. Ask him to explain it. Keep saying it’s not funny, you don’t get it, and ask him to explain himself. He will probably say you’re being too sensitive and he doesn’t mean anything but keep putting him on the spot. Because if it’s not a big deal and doesn’t mean anything, why can’t he stop doing it?
Personally, I think you’re deluding yourself. He obviously doesn’t think much of you if he has no problem insulting you through “jokes” in front of his kids and even your parents. Now why you keep making excuses for him, I can’t begin to imagine, but I can only hope that you open your eyes one day soon. His complete disregard for your feelings and constant put downs will chip away at you little by little until eventually you won’t recognize yourself. Best would be that you leave his a** but that’s probably not gonna happen. Tell him to stop, make sure he knows you mean business and call him out in front of other people.
Agreed. 100009 percent.
I’m not on the market. And I have my own funds.
Dude you leave. You just figure it out and you leave. There is no future with you still with her
OP,
You asked if they ever had a history, My take on that is were you ever a couple or had sex. She told you no because they were never a couple and they never had sex. She only liked him, but that was not your question.
So did she lie? No, she told you the truth but omitted that she had feelings for him at that time. She might not even have feeling for him now.
He has had his party phase and was ready to settle down.
Doesn't seem like it.
I wasn’t trying to shove her away. It was changing so quickly I tried to keep reacting with what happened as it really was back and forth all over the place of bad then good then bad again.
And he can find someone who isnt a raging asshole to him.
Idk tough. Either get a lawyer or get a marriage councilor. Id lean toward lawyer and take every dollar you can but in petty like that.
It sounds like this woman suffers from some form of OCD. I wouldn’t put much thought into this one, and chalk it up to dodging a bullet.
Here’s one possible solution:
Get everyone else out of the business of planning your wedding. Auntie and brother in law can’t stir up shit if “oh, we have our wedding planning under control – you’ll get your invite/save the date with the details along with the other guests.”
My youngest sister did this to me as well. I was helping her out of a shitty situation. Helped her get a job, paid for her public transport travel, and gave her a spare card to pay for that. I was not worried because, well, she is my sister and I didn't think after all I had done to help her do that she would do such a thing. Wrong. She used it to pay for drinks on a night out (which was clearly more than one at a time) and taxis.
Long story short, she is my sister and she still got kicked out and asked to pay it back. This person is not related to you and should bloody well know better. I'd be done.
I agree on that part. It would be a nightmare if the roles were reversed.
If you were to tell someone subtly about them making you uncomfortable, how would you do it?
I'm starting law school, which I'm having second thoughts about and (it's a 5 year program) I will look into internships next summer probably
youre here saying you think your boyfriend is using his spinal defect as an excuse
Yes it is bad
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
My partner 53M and I 45F have on multiple occasions debated over what I perceive as an inappropriate relationship between him and his former psychologist. My partner was her patient for several years and soon after their professional relationship ended they became friends. Their friendship involves regular texting and messages asking for “personal” advice. My partner has also bought her small gifts when on travels. Today, I found out that they have had coffee and breakfast together in the past. I told him that was unethical and he sees no issue with it at all. After the breakfast and coffee revelation I told him that if he ever sees her in a professional capacity again I’ll report her. He instantly claimed that I was irrational! I am not too sure how to handle this and whether I am in fact acting irrationally.
Update: thank you to everyone for the kind advice including those who told me that I need therapy myself and am acting out of jealousy. To be clear, I stated that I would report her if he was to see her on a professional level again. The last 24 hours have been rough. I asked him if had/has feelings for her and he responded verbatim “But the sad truth is, if I did I wouldn’t admit it”. So that has left me feeling awful. I have left home with the kids for the weekend to spend Eastern Easter with my family and will use this space and time to plan what to do next. Will I report her? Probably not. He is a grown man that knows the difference between right and wrong. And it does take two to tango. For those who asked how soon did their friendship develop? It was a month after their professional relationship ended. Started with a how’s things text and has been ongoing for over a year. I did ask him how her husband would feel or would he approve of the messages if he was to read them and he replied with “I don’t know”. A little shattered at the moment. My apologies for any grammatical errors.
Why does paternity need to be ensured? A child standing next to a mother doesn't move that the women is the birth mother. The child existing mean they came out of a mother, but not necessarily women standing next to him. One way or another, without raising up her shirt to shell her belly or carrying around the ambilocal cord, the mother cannot prove it. What if the child is adopted? What if courts rule in favor in the father for custody and the father remarries? Why would you naturally assume the fathers girlfriend or new wife is the birth mother?
In many customs, especially in the middle east, women are thought to inferior. In asian customs, women are through to have no genetic value. Thats why girls given away or essentially sold to be married off.
To simply say that the name is to prove paternity largely ignores both old testament values and a long world history of women being devalued. Women's rights have only existed for 40 years. The Name thing goes back thousands. And in those times, you didn't need to prove paternity. Women stayed home and were never given the opportunity to fraternize with other men under and circumstance. If she stood next to a man, the assumption was that she belonged to him. Thats why women in some cultures veil their faces.
I have a 600 day long streak w my cousin. So are you saying i have to be fucking him? Bc most of the time our snaps are a black screen that says ?streak?
Yes, move towards divorce.
Start by not accommodating her, only your children. Ignore her unreasonable complaints, and even openly do the opposite. This part is pushing back against her disrespect towards you until you divorce.
On that note, once you start doing those things, and she confronts you tell her you think you should divorce, since her behaviour is unacceptable, and you will no longer tolerate it. After this, proceed with going to lawyer (actually, maybe begin everything with that), and moving towards divorce. Should continue her ways, sadly this is the way.
Should she try to stop you from divorcing and reform her ways…, I don't know. There are lot of things that would have to be done for this to make sense. She would need to acknowledge she was being a terrible person, overcompensate for her behaviour, by accommodating you instead ( let her make the dinner, and more responsibilities, both as apology and gratitude for your care and love when she was in poor health). There is more of course, but most importantly, she needs to make it clears she regrets her behaviour and is willing to do a lot earn your love and forgiveness back.
Are they still close? Does she have anything to do with you two now? If not, then there is no problem. It was before you two dated. I know it's a mental thing that you don't like they slept in the same bed/flat, but at the same time, did you expect him to not have had sex at all in that flat?
Yeah… you are a walking red flag.