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Stop thinking you stay “for the kid”. Giving the child an environment with no love and putting the responsibility on her that you’re staying “for her” is a recipe for disaster later on. You can’t see it yet but you’re already ruining her perception of what relationships are.
Much better to separate and raise the child in an environment where you don’t live together but are amicable and cordial to each other.
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It would be pretty crazy to me that she turns on her snap map location for you just last week and then proceeds to go cheat on you knowing full well you are now able to view her location.
If she was driving between two places and had bad reception, it's possible it was just very far off.
Hi, 36M here, ?. I also love to cook and I'm quite good at it. I think it's time you grow into your mature self a little further and continue to offer to cook for people, but you need to keep that hungry validation monster at bay. Even though you get it (validation) and you want it, and all that's okay, but you need to check yourself on how engrossed you are in thriving off of the validation. It's considered rude to gloat. What you're doing isn't exactly gloating, but it surely IS NOT being modest. You need to be more modest and humble with your cooking and the validation you receive from it. You need to enbody this modesty outwardly AND inwardly, for yourself to grow as a mature human.
It's in poor taste to be charged in a way that seems to serve yourself. If you get excited and enthusiastic about an upcoming opportunity, that's okay but you can't allow yourself to make it a drug experience. This sort of behavior exposes you for having a malnourished self-esteem that's a bit too hungry and ravenous for its own good.
You would do best if you practiced humility and were instead more humble and dampened down in the ego department on matters like these. You don't want to show sooooo much “gaga” face when people are validating you and your cooking skills. You want to be humble, cool, calm and gracious. This way of behavior will carry you farther socially and politically than you ever thought possible. It shows elegance, grace, and good manners. People will also regard you more highly when they think about how you received their compliments later on, after the fact. When someone takes a compliment graciously and in earnest without staining it with their ego, it leaves quite a mark on the moment, and a good mark at that.
Perhaps your boyfriend is sensing this kinda vibe and maybe isn't able to summon the proper words to explain his perspective to you. That's only a guess though. My advice is to heed what I've said above, but to also still love cooking, and love the joy it brings to people's lives. For your “chef's prey”, you know, the people you cook for–the key is to make it all about them and their feelings instead of your own. Just like grownups need to self-regulate their eating sweets and drinking alcohol, it's your responsibility to self-regulate on matters like these as well. I hope this helps, happy cooking!
I am not even convinced she isn't faking it as an excuse to abuse you
Honestly, I don’t know how you get too clingy when you’re a long-distance relationship. Maybe you talk too much but it seems he calls you through the day. The minute somebody starts backing up like that in your long distance relationship where do you go with that? How do you make that work? I don’t know that you do. I would tell him to think about what he wants and you’ll do the same and get back to them and see what happens.
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It’s not a big deal.
The biggest tit in this relationship is him. Dump him.
I can relate.
You need to look forward and not back
1st – Cut social media ties.
2nd – visualize a future where you are respected, adored, and feel safe in your relationship
3rd – contemplate what the barriers are to that future state. Are you lacking in the looks, finance\status, social parts of your self? Everyone can be better.
4th – work towards that future every day. When you work towards it, you will find that you are looking backwards less and less. The anxiety and hurt will dissipate very quickly.
You said you were in a LTR. If your like 90 percent of all people, your looks have probably taken a hit. If your not at the top of your game, go to the gym until you are. The act of working towards that future will change your mindset and forget the disrespect you are being shown.
Just a bit of advice for always. If you want something, want to know something, want to understand something. Never hint. People aren't mind readers and some hints aren't as obvious as you think they are. I'm a woman and slightly dense, so hinting had to be HUGE hint for me to get it. My guy is denser than me and hinting is a misfire every time. I would recommend not being too blunt ex: “hey do you like me or what?”. But a nice warm conversation talking about feelings is good. Also he may be a bit shy so if you're not, go first about your feelings so he can feel more relaxed talking about his.
Most common way women do this is to lie and say they are taking birth control pills when they are not. Nothing wrong with a long term monogamous couple not using condoms but you should be able to trust each other.
You’d be surprised how normal it is too feel like you’re meant to be and think you’ll regret leaving, even in the most abusive relationships. It is impossible to date someone for years and not get that dependency feeling (even in a healthy way). But what you need to accept, is that you’re way too young to cling on bad relationships and bad people. I know it feels like you investet a lot of your self and you’re scared to leave that behind, but the truth is you’re going to be so much happier. You outgrown him.
Think like your friend who you care about the most just told you this story, read your post like that and see what advice would you give to someone.
Oh, sweetheart. What a frightening and infuriating ordeal. What kind of asshole would judge you for that? That said, I will judge him. You’ve been together for only a year and he’s already demonstrated several times that he does not care about how you feel and has no interest in behaving like a responsible adult. He is not a person to compromise with because he never actually does, whatever he whines in his defensive, patronizing taradiddles.
Nat knows what she’s doing. He will never be smart enough to catch on. Move on boo, it’s nude but he’s too blind and so is his family.
And treating him like a child, sorry
At least 10 people
There's very little to read into. Put things into perspective here; it's been two years and you describe yourselves as “close work friends.” I'd have logically assumed that meant that you were legitimately close friends, but that's not the case.
Regardless, you laid out a bunch of examples of her being cordial and you're looking for deeper meaning. She's not hitting on you. Even if she were or is, what do you expect to come of it?
Let it go.
Good for you for deciding on therapy. I highly recommend the book Adult children of Emotionally Immature Parents. It sounds like the real damage in your relationship wasn't their polyamory & lies, that was the surface-level trauma, but years of their emotional and physical neglect.
I suggest looking at websites like Psychology Today to see if any therapists in your area will click with your specific issues, parental neglect, anxiety, childhood trauma & work on sliding scale. You can look at local clinics, often times therapists getting their hours completed also take sliding scale. In your case though, I wouldn't shop around for the cheapest, I would look for the best fit. If you are new to therapy know you can ask for a 15-20-minute free consult. Any therapist worth their weight will talk on the phone or meet you for a free chat. I am sure a good fit is out there & if you are getting married, now is a great time to really be willing to examine any patterns you have from experiencing neglect in childhood & work on healing, so you don't repeat them in your marriage. Good luck!
Yeah there seemed to be no in between. No wondering if he can use material of her or what they made together. No using your imagination, which I think is healthier anyways. But I digress. He went straight to doing the one thing she asked not to do. What did he think was going to happen when they had kids, or were apart for some time, or maybe she just didn’t feel like keeping up the on-a-day standard? I think he didn’t think things through at all.
Yes.
First and foremost, make sure you are safe.
File for divorce and make sure he is served.
You don't have to interact with him at all.
10 years and you still don’t know how to communicate about gift limits .
Nobody gets to 450lb due to a medical condition alone. She has to be over eating too
Okay and?
He thinks you’re beautiful, that’s what matters. Talk to him about it, there’s no point on asking us until you know how he feels. We can’t guess
Things change, you have to talk to him again and explain that your feelings have changed and that this situationship that you’re in is no longer working for you. You need commitment or a clean break.
There is always the possibility that his friends were teasing him because they can see that he likes you more than he lets on?
You're hiding a friendship from your girlfriend. You're hiding it for a reason. I can't think of any worthwhile or innocent reason to hide a platonic relationship from your partner.
YTA
to take blame away and project onto me?
There’s a 3way app on the App Store. Make sure to consider all possibilities bc 3ways can ruin a relationship. If he orgasms from her or has a better time with her don’t be mad at him bc y’all wanted it
She’s lying. She cheated.
If a guy tells you he usually doesn’t date girls that are your race, run.
You are literally the experiement and he probably won’t treat you right.
Anytime I hear any weird comment from a guy I dip.
I’ve done a lot of acid. It doesn’t make you accidentally cheat on anyone
I understood the concern here being that prison itself could have changed his father. Not that it’s true, but rarely is prison in the US framed as rehabilitation, rather that its quite a dangerous place.
Then he can sleep on the couch from now on. I would record him so he can see what he's doing when he's sleeping.
Probably also for a sense of control over social situations. Having strangers react negatively to you becuase you told them about the hundreds of men you slept with makes them the assholes in your mind, but having them potentially react negatively to you just based on your personality is a much harder pill to swallow.
That’s what I think. Three weeks after sex seems a little early for me to know you’re pregnant…
This girl set everything up and either wasn’t pregnant but lied to keep him, then faked a miscarriage, or she was pregnant, but by someone else.
Still, why was he at a party without his girlfriend? Getting black out drunk? Where was she?
Either way, I feel bad for his ex.
Have you had the “how many past partners did you have” talk yet? If you did as long as you included that girl in the number, I wouldn’t go any further.
President Clinton?
No, I don't think texts will be delivered if he blocks her. I'm guessing he probably saw her first phone call and text and is probably panicking.
Your mistake is in not leaving a cheater.
Break up.
Ex girlfriend*
Or it’s because you didn’t respect her boundaries a few days ago and ended up drunk “assembling furniture” and intended to sleep over at your “friend’s” house while your partner has been home with your child ?
When you say “naked” do you literally mean “naked” as in “birthday suit” nude? Completely, utterly in the very hot, next to her stepfather? What did the stepfather wear? Nothing also?
I'm not blaming her as it seems to me that she's used to a certain dynamic in her family so she doesn't know how it would look to other people outside the family… but not your fault too if you don't want to deal with that type of family dynamic.
The sooner you get a lawyer and get divorce papers drawn up, the better. If I were you, I’d just act like you accept it. Tell him you understand, and agree it’s best to separate and you want both of you to be able to move forward. Ask him if he’s willing to move forward with papers quickly so you can both sort the logistics, and then get everything in writing and signed ASAP, because once it’s signed, it’s pretty nude to go back. If you’re worried about him going back on what he said, the faster you get everything done and signed, the better.
I’ll refrain from giving my opinion on that! But yea hopefully everything works out for you boss. Live your best life.
Lol I love how we can point the obvious as in you are too immature for a relationship. Literally she gave you boundaries and your proceed to break them I am sorry lol no one is going to hold your hand in this world grow up. Literally play stupid games you win stupid prizes she told you no but you decide to do it anyways so move on you clearly can’t respect her and her boundaries so move on
I worked with a disabled young man who would often pop one during cleaning/clothes changing, he was always so deeply embarrassed, and I would say, « no problem, bodies can be wierd, don’t be embarrassed, friend. »
You can maybe tell your wife you felt zero for this woman and it was pure physiological response. You’d be cheating if you leaned in and enjoyed it, but you were clearly mortified, and were trying to say so to your wife by telling her the story. I Hope your wife has a little grace about it.
Keep in mind I am a very gentle person who rarely gets angry, it was a one off incident that was exasperated because I had a bit to drink.
Dude. Don't even try that.
He did not call/text after the job interview. A job interview is big enough news, you'd text or call your SO. Then FOUR days go by. He knows you'd be worried and makes zero effort to contact you. You ask for the ring back, and he says, Sorry. Depression. That is a condition he never mentioned before. He didn't get diagnosed in those 4 days. So, it's an excuse. Then, he lies and says he isn't talking to anyone. Nope. He's just mot talking to YOU. He's seeing if you'll buy that. And, you seemingly do. Now, he knows he can blow you off, so he continues to do so. And, you are both still contacting him and making excuses for him. Those are all signs of manipulation.
I was snowed in at a hotel with no tv and I got bored.
“I guide those to a treasure I cannot possess”
This needs to be said to him, not us. You’ve changed a lot and he sounds like he’s insecure about his place with all the changes.
It’s not appropriate that he’s taking his insecurity out on you. If you want to sort this out it might be time to get a therapist involved. Good luck, OP.
Give him some space and let it work it out himself.
You wouldn’t know respect if it jumped up and but you on the ass. You treated him like shit because you’re a paranoid, insecure little girl. Do yourself and him a favour and let him go, you don’t deserve him.
No one is saying your marriage is in trouble. Therapy is so that you can process complex emotions in a healthy way. .
If the plan is that you both pretend everything is fine and he just stops 'moping about' and 'gets over himself' well, that isn't dealing with it, nor is it realistic. You two experienced a trauma. Accept that you need help.
Actually, she took the job knowing she’d be working with this guy and didn’t even talk to you about it first. I don’t like it.
Just because she’s been medically cleared doesn’t mean her body is READY. She can talk to her doctor about this, but given that she’s still in the throes of hormonal changes there’s a more than decent chance she isn’t at a place where sex is fun or even tolerable. It took 40 weeks to grow the baby (give or take) so it stands to reason it would take more than 9 to recover.
She may also not feel mentally/emotionally ready? She’s been through a ton, might be feeling touched out, and is likely tired. Add in feeling some pressure to “snap back” or “get back to normal” and it’s not exactly a recipe for romance and sensuality/sexuality. The mind-body connection is real.
I do think she should get checked out just to rule out something physical, though, but this may be a matter of time and patience.
The UNCLE IS ONLY 5 YEARS OLDER THAN OPs GIRLFRIEND…he isn't from some 'older generation'
“I knew before I ever made things this serious with my fiancee that she and I were inherently sexually incompatible, yet I decided to feign compromise while actually using it as justification to harass her daily for sex or otherwise to allow me to do something I agreed I wouldn't do while we were together and then whine about how unfair it is when I don't get my way.”
That's you. That's how you sound. And for the record I love sex and porn, and I'd never last with someone who didn't feel comfortable with me watching porn in any capacity, or who had too low of a libido. But what I sure as hell wouldn't do is know that, decide to still date them, and then spend just about every day trying to change them. She's repressed/conservative in the sexual department but YOU are just creepy and pushy.
Stay broken up and go get a fleshlight. That'll be there for you whenever you so choose.
Imagine having so many options in life that getting the “ick” is even a factor in your dating life.
Good luck finding a perfect person.
It’s just that the whole thing happened in the span of 15 min and we were texting for the most part, so there might not have been a clear demonstration of emotions there.
Then again, I did make it clear that I don’t appreciate that kind of behavior. I’m just not sure if it’s enough of a dealbreaker for me to end a relationship of 9 months because of a single moment.
He is not „conservative“ he‘s an asshole. He is dehumanizing trans people and blaming THEM for the perpetrator‘s actions. Does he say the same about black people? „Black people get attacked because they‘re black!! Christianity has nothing to do with this!“ is literally what he sounds like.
Girl please, this would be a huge dealbreaker for me. We cannot support transphobic/racist/etc. people by being with them.
You're right — I know she would prefer I tell her the truth now. Would save us both the trouble. I'd love for her to attend the party as a friend but that's probably not going to happen 🙁
I wouldn’t call that gaslighting but if that’s what you want to call it why would you want to marry somebody that gaslights you
He can stay unhappy about it. You are 20 years old and just starting out your life, you don’t need to add a child to it until you’re good and ready; or never at all if that is what you choose.
Getting pregnant while being long-distance also gives him the opening to try and convince you to move in with him. If you do that you are away from friends and family, and have no support system.
I mean if his trying is not enough for you and you clearly can't make him see your point what would the next logical step be?
You made a pretty good judgment call in the heat of the moment. Stick with it!
Some guys don't handle ED very well
If I had to guess I’d say it’s ruined with the new girl unfortunately
Lying seems like a bad way to start a new relationship, i don't see why early on means lying is ok.
Just because your spouse has put up with you for 30 years doesn't mean you did anything special to get there. I know multiple people in miserable long-term relationships ?
Ok so… I think that you either must be a little immature (I don’t mean this as an insult just an observation). Do you have much dating experience? or is there a purity culture element here where you married your wife having minimal experience with other women? That is the only scenario where I feel like you’d still be thinking about this other woman in an innocent way.
Otherwise, I feel like you’re probably looking at her socials and thinking she looks good now and using this as justification to contact her. If this is the case you really need to process why you want to reach out. And most likely your marriage is in trouble. Just because you have a seemingly normal marriage that ticks all the boxes of societies standards, doesn’t mean it’s happy.
Think about both of these things. Only you know which is true. You should not be thinking about someone you dated two weeks when you were 15. I’ve literally never once thought about a high school relationship that lasted two weeks. Definitely get some therapy.
ive always been very firm on my stances about getting what i offer back,
you deserve what you offer. and you shouldnt have to settle for less than what you offer. in terms of everything, attention, affection, quality time. etc.
it sounds like your partner is emotionally unavaliable for you, and the gaslighting is a huge red flag dude, its like she is trying to enforce a strange power dynamic and taking advantage of you. like what the f bro, you need to realise your worth and find somebody who loves you and appriciates you for who you are.
you are wasted on this woman. you are worth more than this treatment
Tell him that your pregnant and keep the baby. The baby don't make decisions whenever they are born it's not fair in that child! Please do not kill the baby.