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Model from: za
Languages: en
Birth Date: 1988-04-12
Body Type: bodyTypeAthletic
Ethnicity: ethnicityWhite
Hair color: hairColorOther
Eyes color: eyeColorBlue
Subculture: subcultureHousewives
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I think he would be able to make you change your mind, and when he couldn't he gave up.
🙂
Exactly! A 6 year old should be able to sleep on their own
would recommend that you focus on taking care of yourself and your daughter. It is clear that you have been through a difficult and traumatic experience, and it is important that you prioritize your own well-being and safety. It is never acceptable for someone to mistreat you or cause you harm, and you are right to want to avoid such situations in the future.
While it may be tempting to blame yourself or to think that good relationships do not exist for people like you, it is important to remember that you are not at fault for the actions of your husband. You deserve to be in a healthy and loving relationship, and there are many people who would be willing to treat you with the respect and kindness that you deserve.
In the meantime, focus on rebuilding your life and finding stability for yourself and your daughter. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family members, and seek out professional help if you need it. You are strong and resilient, and you will get through this difficult time.
As soon as you possibly can, and as truthfully and fully as you can. That's how you tell your wife.
My suggestion is that you do your very best to own your role in what happened. Staying alone with your sister in law is one thing. Adding alcohol into it, and then making the choice to continue drinking past the point of being able to make great decisions? I'm sure that the conversation took a turn and became inappropriate at some point. You didn't stop it when you should have. Which was way, waaayyyyyy before she was on you and kissing you. It's not believable that totally out of nowhere, you're talking about fully appropriate things, and suddenly she's trying to suck face with you. There's build up to that. And your participation in that buildup, whatever it may have been? That's all you. The kissing is only a small part of the whole scenario, which was pretty suspect to begin with. I'd be weirded the hell out if my partner's sibling was trying to drink alone with me. Hard pass.
Your post very conveniently skipped the part where you take any responsibility for your own decisions and behavior. It comes off halfway between “it was HER fault!” and “it just magically happened and I have no idea why”. And you know both of those are bullshit. Own up to your part in what happened. Apologize sincerely. Figure out how you are going to change your own behavior in the future to make damn sure it never happens again. My suggestion is that at the very fucking least, you don't drink if her sister is anywhere near you. And FFS, if you have her number, block it. You need to give your wife the ability to trust you. Lord knows, she's going to have a nude enough time with that after this nonsense. The least you can do is try to make it as easy as possible.
You fucked up, OP. But, imo, you're still in a place where it might be salvageable IF you decide to grow a pair, tell her what happened, own how you, personally, screwed up without trying to play it off, and attempt to regain trust. But realistically, from the tone of your original post? I'm less than confident in your ability to do that. If my husband came at me with that sort of lame “oh but it was her fault” or “oh it just happened out of absolutely nowhere magically” bullshit, not only would I be pissed he fucked up, I'd be even MORE pissed that he thought I was stupid enough to believe whatever ridiculous excuses he tried to use, to absolve himself of responsibility. And you better HOPE you tell her about it before her sister does.
Wait till valentine's day if you want to buy some jewelry, it will be 6 month-ish, you'll know more about her taste. I'd have freaked out if my SO bought me some after only 3 months together.
That's a question best directed to your partner. Every man is different. For the love of christ don't get many if any pointers from porn.
Just leave him
If it was normal for women to be hairless, then why does every woman shave/wax. No one’s hairless, we’re fucking mammals, he’s just being a shit head
That's so gross. Tell Casanova to grow tf up.
The answer is any
You do nothing. None of that matters.
You used to date her. Now you don't. Move on.
OP is affected by what's going on. OP does have a right to be part of it.
It sounds like you and your partner are having some trust issues in your relationship. Trust is a fundamental part of any healthy relationship, and it's understandable that you would be concerned about your partner's lack of trust in you.
It's important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about how you feel. Try to express your feelings in a calm and understanding way, and listen to what your partner has to say. It's possible that your partner's lack of trust may stem from past experiences or insecurities, and it's important to be understanding and empathetic towards those feelings.
One way to address this issue is to work on building trust in your relationship. This can involve being open and transparent with each other, being consistent in your actions and words, and being there for each other in times of need.
It may also be helpful to seek the guidance of a therapist or counselor. A neutral third party can help facilitate open and honest communication between you and your partner, and can provide guidance on how to build trust in your relationship.
Overall, it's important to remember that trust takes time to build, and it's a continuous process. By working together and communicating openly and honestly, you and your partner can work towards building a stronger and more trusting relationship.
Premarital counseling would be my recommendation.
I’ll give you that, it’s a good point.
Thank you, I'll take your words to heart and remember them when I see him again today. Sorry for your loss too.
it seems like the flattered one to me, but he needs to talk to her about her feelings on the matter.
Find new friends, find new hobbies. Let the trash mix with the garbage and enjoy your life
the money thing was what made me feel the most guilty, to be honest; he did ask for it (I wasnt just like “you're poor! have £250” lol) and I'm in a position where financially I'm absolutely able to spare it, but I completely understand that I've put him in a weird spot where he owes me now. you're probably right on the texting thing though, that won't be helping matters at all.
he does have a girlfriend, I don't think they're massively serious and she is aware that we're still in contact, but it does make me feel doubly icky about it all, I don't wanna be a homewrecker or anything and I do think I might be getting way too familiar and not respecting their relationship as much as I should be, I'll definitely be taking a step back. it hurts but I'm happy he's happy at least.
thank you for your advice 🙂
Honestly, your write up and all your replies just show that you are exactly 19. Incredibly immature and naive about what a relationship SHOULD be, and what the one you are in ACTUALLY is.
Good luck to you, but I think you'll have some tough lessons you'll be learning soon.
Maybe save this thread to laugh at in a handful of years.
thank you for the advice! I saved your comment to bring up in therapy i really appreciate your input
Im in a relationship that I dont wish to be in anymore but when trying to end it with my partner it never goes well. We have been together for almost 6 months now and have gone through multiple break ups, all initiated by me. I dont have any attraction or romantic love for my partner anymore and I’ve expressed these feelings, yet they insist the relationship continues.
A break up is not a negotiation. If you say you are breaking up, then you are broken up – the other person does not have to like it.
If they will not respect your personal space then I would suggest that you move out of the shared living arrangements.
It’s really good to hear from someone who is in the same cultural difference part of the relationship and to know that this isn’t normal.
Can I ask if when his mum said that stuff about you did he defend you to her? I can’t bring myself to believe that just being a Mexican mother gives you the right to say anything you want and get away with it like this one does.
Honestly I think about that comment a lot. It was nearly a year ago now and the look he had on his face while he was saying it and the laugh that he had.. I have literal nightmares about it and wake up covered in sweat. And after the things he’s done to me before I really don’t doubt that it’s something he truely meant. Which is maybe why I don’t want to leave because there isn’t anything I could do to protect my family if he wanted to do anything at all to them. Protective orders don’t even help because it’s just a piece of paper until they break it and then it’s too late anyway.
There is a whole lot going on here and none of it is being communicated.
How did she betray your trust exactly?
How is she suppose to know a friend of hers makes you uncomfortable if you do not say anything?
Wtf? Yea… if tell him to gtfo…. thats suuuper messed up especially knowing your history. A man who loved u wouldnt do that shit
Let him move on.
That baby can call you mom one day! Just because you’re not working doesn’t mean to go for abortion, he can support it!
Well, we know we can't really change people. We can only encourage them to grow and improve.
But in the end, if your boyfriend doesn't want to change for himself… There is nothing you can do. Apparently, he doesn't acknowledge his behavior to be wrong.
And your complaints will only further annoy him to no reason.
It would help if he was open to therapy perhaps… But I doubt he'd cooperate or is willing to even listen to anyone at all on this matter.
So the whole “22 year old boyfriend befriending a 17 year old” thing isn’t weird to you?
You aren’t butting into anything! That’s what’s great about Reddit!
I’m glad our stories helped you in some way and that you’re free from your abuser. It’s sooooo difficult to even get to a point of recognizing that we aren’t crazy or the problem in the relationship.
For you to have accomplished that and to have totally cut them from your life is truly an amazing feat and I hope this isn’t weird but I’m proud of you! ❤️
It’s really hard to quantify to those who have never experienced anything like it how truly deeply these abusive relationships affect us. Reading others’ stories here has helped me soooooo much on my journey of healing. It helps me process things that have happened to me in a different way because when I see it happening to someone else I realize how bad it really is. I’m not sure if that makes sense lol but for me it’s easier to recognize the bad situation you were or are in when you see it through another person’s eyes.
Our minds and our reality get so twisted up by our abusers and getting out is like trying to separate chocolate and vanilla ice cream. A lot of it just feels like it’s so mixed up that it’s turned into a new flavor altogether and that’s nude to accept sometimes.
It’s really sad another person is taking the force of his abuse. We just have to remember that there’s always going to be someone they’re hurting until the abuser gets medical help. Try to remember how very hot it was for you to leave and if it’s appropriate and safe then maybe just make sure she will have access to support when things get really bad. It’s really all we can do as survivors.
Sorry for rambling! I wish you all the best in the world ❤️
Especially when u consider that she wants kids, there’s no way to read this situation that isn’t her using him as security for family life whilst getting to live! out her sexual fantasies at the cost of OPs mental health.
Lmao I'm vile! Good luck i hope he shits all over u in ur sleep. Ur clearly trolling. Get a fucking life.
Men are wired to spread their DNA, Sherlock.
Sorry you missed health class when you were a child.
Fertility windows occur once a cycle and unless her periods are about 4 hours total, it's not every 2-3 days. I understand her fear, but she can take ovulation tests and confirm when she's actually fertile, which is usually a few days a month (including how long the sperm can survive inside her).
I guess that would be subjective, but you were saying you would throw your computer out the window for a supermodel. Would you still pitch it for a cute girl next door type?
So why do you care if it hurts him feelings or how he feels?
First of all, I am sorry that you and your girlfriend are going through this difficult situation. It sounds like a very traumatic experience for her, and it is understandable that you are feeling confused and upset about the situation.
It is important to remember that regardless of what happened, your girlfriend was not in a state to give consent, and that is not acceptable. It is possible that she was drugged, or that she simply drank too much and was taken advantage of. Either way, she was not able to give consent, and that is a violation of her autonomy.
It is also important to note that victims of sexual assault often struggle with feelings of shame, guilt, and fear after the event. Your girlfriend may be feeling all of these things, which could explain why she initially lied about what happened. It is not uncommon for victims to blame themselves or feel like they did something wrong, even when they didn't.
It is important to approach this situation with empathy and support for your girlfriend. Encourage her to seek counseling or therapy to help her process the trauma and to provide her with a safe space to talk about her feelings. You may also want to consider couples therapy to help you both work through your feelings and to improve your communication and trust.
It is important to remember that sexual assault is never the victim's fault, and it is important to believe and support your girlfriend through this difficult time. However, it is also important to take care of yourself and your own emotions. It may be helpful to seek support from a therapist or a support group for partners of sexual assault victims.
I don't see an easy fix seeing as you're both very young parents and neither of you are responsible. Also, he's not very emotionally available or conscious. Babies don't suddenly make bad partners better people, it isn't a reason to create an entire human life. & i'm honestly unsure if he's just being a young person and not being able to handle things well, or if he's entirely narcissistic. But because he talked you in to having it in the first place.. i'm going with the ladder.
I know its not really my place to tell to people with a child to split, I do however think its the better option moving forward. A baby may be permanent, but a split still gives you opportunity to live! a more self respecting life away from him. If you have the option, I think its worth staying with parents with baby and getting help until you're more financially stable.
You might want to get his brain checked out.
My uncle, who was always a great dad and super cheerful/personable, became really grumpy and irritable suddenly a few years ago. We thought he was just not coping well with his kids becoming teenagers. Yelling at his kids and being short with everyone. A year later he started getting headaches. He had a frontal lobe brain tumor that was the size of a baseball.
Fortunately it was benign. They took it out and he is pretty much himself again with a slightly worse memory.
I think I've told her the same stuff you wrote over and over again and simply let go of it cause when I did she started getting angry and crying. But yea she didn't stop and like you said it got even worse.
maybe I'll try one last time and really push on the fact that it won't work if she doesnt stop.
Anyway, thanks.
You should probably be in love with the person you marry first.
Does it need a specific name? He's not a good partner and that should be off the table at this point.
I’m not interested in winning I wanted understanding. Thanks for your insults regardless. Internet trolls are just bored morons with a low IQ who can’t think outside of their small insular lives.
This is not good, do you really think you should be treated this way?
Uh, tell her that her mother should come pick her up. She needs to LEAVE the home while you take the time to sort your feelings out and decide whether you want to stay in the marriage. And you also need that time for her to start taking full responsibility for her affair.
I know. I was going to say this one is a post for just no mother-in-law and raised by narcissists. Good lord, the entire post was mE, mE, mE. WhAt aBoUt mE? My ex's mother was like this and she's the reason I didn't marry him. If it wasn't for her, I would probably be celebrating my 25th wedding anniversary but oh well. I still resent her to this day for it. Last I heard, she still tries to control him. I'm just glad I don't have to deal with it everyday anymore.
Hmmm… a man with anger issues and with significant baggage vs a loving little innocent dog. Doesn't sound like a tough choice to me.
Choose wisely, or you'll live! to regret making the wrong choice.
Mans trash. Your body isn’t broken but his brain is! What do we do with trash? We dump it out. You deserve better! He’s not brutally honest , he’s not telling it like it is , he’s just a big crusty asshole