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Very Best of Luck…..
I know that on this thread the “dump her” is way too quick to pop up even for things that are ridiculous.
But here all my spider senses are tingling with red flags.
Come on signs and stars? What's next rocks and essential oils? Don't be a doormat.
(all of that is a joke and while weird this is not a red flag, unless that is how you know she operates when meeting potential lovers. Only advice is open your eyes to clues you wouldn't probably have picked up on earlier and then investigate or confront when the number of clues gets to high to be only a coincidence)
I’m so happy with this update! Congrats to both of you!!! Now get off Reddit and enjoy the honeymoon. !
That’s harsh He needs his moms comfort It’s not like your alone with him Just have him sleep on her side
I don’t see the harm in that on her side I mean that is his mom you can’t get in between
This post is sooooooo fake
You’re 19, get a new boyfriend who’s not a jealous weirdo. Screams controlling
You dump him. Simple as that.
You have body autonomy and if he's telling you that what he wants matters more than what you want, especially when it comes you your OWN BODY, he needs to go.
People aren't doubting you, just your family. My daughter is very smart, straight A's and on the Dean's list every time for the two years she has been in college, still attends Clemson. But honey let me tell you how dumb she is ( using humor ). What I'm really saying is she lacks common sense. People who lack common sense can appear to be dumb and even naive, when actually they aren't. I believe that maybe the same for you. It's not a bad thing. I never once told my daughter she was dumb or spoke negatively behind her back, I simply explained to her what she wasn't grasping. You're family is very wrong for talking to you like that. You have exceeded what they could never do and you intimidate them. You are not dumb. Technically the meaning of dumb is- temporarily unable or unwilling to speak. “they stood dumb while the attacker poured out a stream of abuse” make dumb or unheard; silence. “a splendor that dazed the mind and dumbed the tongue” Know your worth, acknowledge your accomplishments and don't let others condition you into something you are not.
sitting with it and smiling with it? thats weird. I have bears i used to hold to sleep, i have a pillow now that i hold to sleep out of habit. I don't smile at it. That's just creepy
There’s no way to know from this whether Sean has a crush on you. The only way to find out is to find out.
Basically, you can cheat on your partner, leave your partner, live in the dark, or find some polyamory-style-solution.
Better to leave your partner than cheat on him.
She's 19
what is it about Reddit and not being able to assume sincerity people's actions? it's not transactions that I'm looking for, it's comfort and understanding and validation that I am desired. there are certain things you require in a relationship, and if they're not met, you don't feel comfortable being vulnerable. that is the issue, this isn't an abstinence punishment.
Well, if you’ve always been faithful (which I assume is true) then take the test and just play like you didn’t suspect a thing. Maybe when you see his ancestry, try to get him to take you and your kids to vacation in that area? I’m sure you can think of other ways to rub some salt into his wounds haha
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You probably will and just won't realize it tbh ?
Life at 19 looks very different than life at 29. Even if you were head over heels for this guy, it wouldn’t mean the two of you would remain on the same trajectory.
What do you mean by “race differences?”
You keep referring to her as your girl- which is odd and a little creepy. I wouldn’t be shocked if you other behavior was creepy and that’s why they left. She brought a friend bc she wasn’t comfortable to just chill with you alone- not a good sign. They then left with you- another bad sign. Either your behavior or what you said seems to have turned them off or offended them.
If she can easily lie about this, what else can and will she lie about? She’s a big reason why people don’t believe the real assault victims.
It doesn’t matter if it’s why you left. It was going to feel crappy for her to sit there eating while you didn’t have anything to eat.
If there’s no logic behind your principles and you stand by then even when it hurts others, they’re crappy principles.
I only stated that because I was asked if I don’t view her as an equal. And I don’t want her to pay for the bills if we were to marry because those will the responsibilities that I want to be accountable for. For context the amount she makes more won’t be by much, but it is something I am proud of that she will be accomplishing
But instead he's talking about wanting to move in together.
You've only been talking for three months.
This is a red flag. You just don't want to see it because he treats you nice and calls you pretty.
Then clearly you and OP's girlfriend have entirely different thoughts about the human body and nudity.
gf sounds emotionally manipulative. lol at ppl who are saying to take the 350 and do something nice for her. literally all this dude wanted was to buy himself a watch and now she has to buy it bc her feelings matter more and then on top he has to reward her for that? you all are taking crazy pills
She should just tell him directly, or through message that she isn't interested and ask to be left alone. Only after you should get involved. If he refuses to respect her boundaries of course
He is wasting your time.
If you grew up with a manipulator or narcissist like this, is more likely to choose what we know for a partner. The way to break a cycle like this is to recognize it so we take the right steps out of that relationship.
When he complimented you and within that compliment insulted you, It was deliberate. It breaks you down and makes you doubt yourself but he can say “hey, I said something nice too”. It is absolutely NOT your fault. We aren’t taught these things when young. We don’t get a psychology class early on, let’s say middle school, to spot the manipulators, narcissists, and/or sociopaths.
But now you have homework and learn all you can about these antisocial behaviors. Take control of your relationships and what boundaries you will set and not allow others to step on. You cannot control how others behave towards you but you can definitely stop them from psychologically hurting you by either cutting them off or if need to “grey rocking” them.
The fact that you recognize now his bad behavior and are asking for help, it means you are ready to learn.
OP you did well. Your mom cannot control your relationship with others.
Yea honestly, I get the mom’s view? Having to deal with divorce and that shit is nude enough and sharing your kid but your kid actively playing happy family with them? I’d probably cut OP off for my own mental health as well. Sometimes you’re so damn tired you deserve the right to be done.
Isn’t the woman who you fell in love with, someone who loves and respects you? Honestly I know it sucks but it sounds like she’s not that person anymore. I get wanting that back, but there’s no taking back the way she’s hurt and betrayed you. You don’t do that to people you love
I'm not a mental health expert by any means but I think if you were a sociopath you wouldn't care about someone else being careless about their health and you wouldn't care if you were a sociopath.
Honestly, I think I felt like a creep because of the Diner thing- where I asked her after a party (around 9pm) if she wanted to grab coffee.
Actually, I asked another friend of mine the same request because I wanted to grab coffee and catch up (were 100% plutonic friends, and she is engaged)- and she scolded me saying it sounded like I was asking her on a date.
Obviously, I told her I wasn’t asking her lol, and the idea of going out with her made me gag (as a joke)- but it sort of dawned on me at that moment maybe I should have not asked my (23) friend for coffee because it was too much.
Child support is not a father, and raising a child alone puts them at a lot of statistical disadvantages. Maybe your case will turn out to be an exception, but banking on that is a dangerous gamble to play with a child's life, especially since children don't have a say in being born (and to whom).
Stop talking to her on video chat. If you’ve told her before that you find it disrespectful and she still does it, that means she doesn’t respect you enough to give a shit.
Stop talking to her on video chat. If you’ve told her before that you find it disrespectful and she still does it, that means she doesn’t respect you enough to give a shit.
I think sadly you have pinpointed the classic problem with friends with benefits. You might think of him as a friend, but your boyfriend will always look at him as your former lover.
In addition he is a very close friend where you clearly have close emotional ties.
As having been in this situation as a former FWB I can only suggest to start cooling your relationship with your friend. Stop communicating with him on social media and texting and meeting up on your own. You can though meet him on a very irregular basis on a one or one but in a public setting or with your bf. This is manageable to keep the relationship sort of alive without impacting your relationship with your bf. Be though clear – if there are problems – and there always are one time or another – keep away from your friend. This will only add to the issues.
Ex bf and former FWB have one thing in common – they had a sexual relationship with one of the partners. That means the other partner will in the waste majority of cases feel unhappy about it. The more you demand that you should keep the relationship going – especially if it is close – the bigger threat it is toward your relationship – unless the partner is clearly VERY relaxed anout the setup.
I think sadly you have pinpointed the classic problem with friends with benefits. You might think of him as a friend, but your boyfriend will always look at him as your former lover.
In addition he is a very close friend where you clearly have close emotional ties.
As having been in this situation as a former FWB I can only suggest to start cooling your relationship with your friend. Stop communicating with him on social media and texting and meeting up on your own. You can though meet him on a very irregular basis on a one or one but in a public setting or with your bf. This is manageable to keep the relationship sort of alive without impacting your relationship with your bf. Be though clear – if there are problems – and there always are one time or another – keep away from your friend. This will only add to the issues.
Ex bf and former FWB have one thing in common – they had a sexual relationship with one of the partners. That means the other partner will in the waste majority of cases feel unhappy about it. The more you demand that you should keep the relationship going – especially if it is close – the bigger threat it is toward your relationship – unless the partner is clearly VERY relaxed anout the setup.
Possibly, but doesn't seem like it based on how she talked about her memories of him.
No way are you the one in the wrong here, this dude needs to learn that NO MEANS NO and stop being a baby when someone doesn't want something. I'm proud of you for sticking to your boundaries:-)
honestly unless you find the most perfect amazing way to word it and run it by multiple ideally female friends, I wouldn’t bring up therapy. Especially if you mention therapy because of her appearance, because she would probably take that as you broke up with her because she’s ugly (even though you would not be saying that) and I might cause her to spiral further.
Depression or not, you two don't sound like a good match at all.
That has also been in my mind for a while too. We never lived with each other to see if it would work.
Its a whole different beast when you have to live with a person every day, I once tried to ask her to live with me about a year and a half ago but she refused.
But yes, I was already leaning to help myself, with the psychologist next Tuesday and all that.
I want to go back to throwing sass at my friends and laughing from deep of my chest again instead of being so quiet as I became.
That man’s gay as hail.
That man’s gay as hail.
Oh he doesn't care about that. He's a vile POS.
Who cares it’s your life
I don't hate her I love her but she's too much sometimes , and just spending time eith a friend after 2 years with her feels more fun …
I'm just helping someone in need She doesn't need to be this insecure
Mind your business.
She's your coworker. Not your friend.
You need to learn boundaries with the people you work with.
Everyone has problems. You're there to get money to live.
Not hear about her problems. Not to gift money. And not to potentially be reported for creepy behavior.
So if you have to ask if she would interpret it as creepy, then you're not good enough “friends” for her not to..
Which is why you should mind your own business.
This is a dick move. The fact that you think it’s okay to have sex with someone and not tell them is beyond me. It was his choice to make and she stole it.
His behaviour was a red flag but so was yours
Do you have a history of completely ignoring his boundaries?
Girl… look at your own post history. Why are you marrying him at all.
Sorry man, but I don’t believe her. The fact that she struggles being physically intimate with you leads me to believe she physically cheated.
You say she only wants to be at work and not be around your home. Is she still working with this guy? If so, has she said anything about plans to find a new job? How does she expect you two to move past this while she still works with this guy?
It doesn’t add up man. If I were you, I would continue to improve yourself and speak with a lawyer to make sure you’re in a good position for divorce.
DNA test.
Also, she really ought to see a therapist. That is some insane level of denial there and really needs to be looked at.
Most people think that their duty to their spouse supersedes their duty to their parents, when these come into conflict. However, it might be possible to work out a compromise solution, to spend some time in Mexico and some time with your parents while they are still alive.
Exactly. If he hates it so much there then he can just leave imo. How ungrateful and childish
He was drunk and testing the waters
He was an option in the beginning. My point is just, even though she cheated, it is pretty low severity and I don't think it warrants blowing up a long term relationship where they are talking about marriage. If she cheated six years into a relationship that would be a different story.
You don’t need to be in a romantic relationship with her to be a parent to your child. Being stuck in an unhappy relationship isn’t going to help you be a good dad. I think it’s time to be honest with her, and start figuring out how to co-parent together.
i really think that her parents are including both of them in the invitation and she's just not seeing it. maybe the comments about staying home to watch the dog have lead her parents to believe that that is what op would prefer? – which is totally understandable.
Definitely bring it up with him tomorrow. I don’t envy your position. Has your wife done anything to reconcile since you found out she was still planning on seeing her AP?
People grow up and change. That's what's happened here and you've grown apart.
I really dont understand these women that insist their boyfriends fight some asshole for them. Fucking people are crazy in the real world and bar fights can end in the most unforeseen ways. I’m sure she would hang around while he is in a coma for a month
Yeah no wonder, a guy that accepts hoes is not territorial , no one is surprised
She is seeing a therapist. She has made progress, but she has a long way to go. She has only gotten to place where she can heal in the past couple years. She’s at least trying to face her trauma, and it seems like some people never do.
r/flr you must submit fully
Oh that’s helpful thx ?
You’re a piece of shit and I hope both women realize it. You use people and then play victim live “woe is me ugh I’m soooo horrible Reddit :(“
Suck it the fuck up. You’re playing with people here. If you don’t like your wife let her find someone who does. She is not a bang maid, she’s not a breeding service, she’s not a paid-for companion cause you’re too afraid to be alone. She’s a human with emotions- a better human than you at that.
Own up to your shit
What you are describing is not friendship. It’s an affair. Pack up your stuff and explain to her you can’t deal with infidelity. Wish her good luck in her new life.
He's resentful of all the good things happening to you and is taking it out on you. He is bitter, envious, and is aware of him stagnating while you're not. Maybe a talk with him would help, but tbh I'm a person with no patience and I would've ditched him asap
That's enough reddit for tonight.
Ok, didn’t read that. OP needs to get out.
He did until COVID ruined his industry. I work full time and support a household and still make time for games with my friends. FFS I invited a guy I ONLY know from gaming to my wedding. Games are fine, and if you have that much of an issue with them, either leave him so he can be happy, or get your own fuckin hobby.
He did until COVID ruined his industry. I work full time and support a household and still make time for games with my friends. FFS I invited a guy I ONLY know from gaming to my wedding. Games are fine, and if you have that much of an issue with them, either leave him so he can be happy, or get your own fuckin hobby.
To me it seems super creepy and weird. I’m on the outside and don’t know the whole story. But if you were my friend I would tell you to not talk to this woman again at all. I’m kind of worried it might escalate. Please be safe. Also if you ever want to DM me feel free.
To me it seems super creepy and weird. I’m on the outside and don’t know the whole story. But if you were my friend I would tell you to not talk to this woman again at all. I’m kind of worried it might escalate. Please be safe.
Perfect imperfection is the observation that imperfections are often more valuable than perfections.
there is a reason this is a saying.
Learn to accept yourself for who you are. The right person will see the beauty in every inch of you
Find somebody else to go down on you? ?
The difference between being an anesthesiologist and not is only a casual $500k probably, no biggie?
The difference between being an anesthesiologist and not is only a casual $500k probably, no biggie?
If she's not actively seeking professional help to deal with her trauma then she's choosing to live with it and make it your problem too.
You're not compatible and it's wasted time and energy to be with someone not wanting to overcome problems. Don't waste each other's time where you're only going to develop resentment towards her.
Yeah honestly if we could afford it we would have gotten couples therapy already. It's just not an option.
Outside of the fraud, depending on someone else in this fashion is risky business, even if it is his brother.
Say he and his brother get into some huge argument (I hope they do NOT!), but stranger things have happened between siblings. The brother is an ass and says, “He never worked for me.” Now your BF has a year of job history that he cannot independently verify because there's no pay stubs and no W2, if you are in the US.
That is really going to knee-cap him at a young age and a rough economy. In this unfortunate situation, your BF will look like a slacker and there isn't a good way to prove otherwise.
Let it be a dealbreaker. Byeeee
I've gotten a lot of notifications from what seemed to be good advice, but when I click on it or go to my post any other way, the comments just aren't there. Which is a shame because I wanted to read it all. Thank you all for replying either way, I saw some bits of it all and even that helped me. On another note, I've written out a reply telling him no and why I'm not interested in keeping contact with a guy his age anyway. I wrote this post when it was late at night for me and I couldn't sleep because I felt disgusted and worried. Now that I've had some sleep and seen some of the comments that reassure me my feeling is right, I feel more confident to reject and block him. Thanks y'all
Bah! I'm an old geezer (not really) and I've learned a thing or two. Nothing more. You would have (and will) learn all this on your own in time.
I have a general rule that keeps getting proven true over and over again: most people are more awesome than they think they are. And I'll bet that will be proven true of you 🙂