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Why do you want to stay with someone who isn't giving anything close to the same as you are to the relationship. You deserve better. Long distance relationships especially only work when both partners want the same thing and over time, figure out what the end game is to be together, like who's moving where. Trust and communication are the life's blood of a LDR. Without either of those, and in your case the communication definitely seems lacking, the relationship won't survive.
Exactly! I think these are the crutch of the issue here. Not saying it can’t happen but I have never heard of company parties of this magnitude and held locally not allowing spouses or SOs. Of course wife’s over reactions do not help ease any discomfort about all this. I can understand she wants to fit in with the colleagues at her new job and all, but shutting down and getting defensive with a spouse is not the way to handle this. The only way this makes sense is if there is something strange going on, OR OP is omitting a chunk of info about how he is handling things might bring on this kind of reaction from her.