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Who on earth said “thanks, Obama” to when milk was spilled?
Well, Obama did. Actually, he most famously said it when his cookie was too big to fit into a glass of milk. That was the point I was making: there was a time when “thanks, Obama” had such a vogue that the phrase was used as a joke in any situation, even by Obama himself.
You’re arguing that OP’s boyfriend is being incredibly manipulative and abusive, instead of seeing this for what it is: a very straightforward case of a person choosing not to turn on his online presence, for no particular reason.
OP is being paranoid and controlling, and you are encouraging her by saying that he is gaslighting her. He’s not. This is not gaslighting.
I realize that, from a typical Western perspective, your GF is unable to be anyone's romantic partner, and you have no apologies to make if you end it. I'll share what I know about other options.
I once lived and worked in a society that allows polygamy. Not popular there, and when there is a second wife, nearly always she is the last one.
Two common reasons: Wife can't keep up with Husband's libido, and/or Wife can take no more of child-bearing, whether for health reasons, overwork (sheer number of children to care for), or otherwise. Under these circumstances, often its Wife who proposes a second marriage, and she put great effort into selecting the bride, as the two of them will have to online together in harmony. After all, she has no assurance that she can end the second marriage if the results don't satisfy her.
In such a household, Wife does not become a ghost – fed and sheltered, but ignored and forgotten. She has seniority over Sister-Wife, not merely in years. OTOH First Wife cannot overplay the Senior card, as you can imagine the consequences. She may have campaigned for the second marriage, and put real effort into making it happen, but
Whether you can do anything remotely like this in YOUR society and social circle is something I must leave to you and your GF. The other option is open relationship. Recreational sex with others, but home is where the heart remains. No kids with that option. Best wishes, whatever you decide.
He likes her and that’s not normal. run
Nowadays people be like normalising cheating as if it's just a mistake and people would learn from their mistakes…. Listen sis , once a cheater , will be always a cheater. Instead of trying to fix what is already broken , move out and find a better person who would understand your value not a piece of $hit who doesn't know how to respect their partner. But you seem to be clueless how life it works that's why you're trying to stick with this relationship and feeling it's all you can get. And STOP NORMALISING THINGS THAT ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE , CHEATING IS NOT NORMAL AND IT WILL NEVER BE , SO NEVER FORGIVE WHO DOES UNLESS YOU WANNA ONLINE IN A LOOP OF CHEATING AND MISTRUST!
It’s not like I moved to his country for him, I moved here for work. You think I’m not overreacting and he actually doesn’t like me?:( I just don’t understand then why he keeps initiating our convos and reaching out to me first
She's definitely cheating… wreck those google reviews of that company amd move on
OH i know your pain.
My friend is engaged to someone who keeps cheating on her, and I tell her constantly to end it (shes aware he is doing this and its driving her crazy) but she keeps making excuses to stay.
I hope she listens to you, because its not going to get better when they're married. I hope you have better luck then I do
With such an age gap, you were essentially raised as an only child, with extra adult figures. You might never have a sibling relationship with them, but you can set boundaries. They are not your parents, and you are an adult now, anyway.
How is your relationship with your parents? Are they as cold and controlling as your siblings? Given their age when you were born, is it possible you are actually their granddaughter?
He’s never hurt me before, and he didn’t out much pressure behind it not enough for me to not be able to breath
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Are you sure she's not trying to push a reaction from you to get back together?
Wtf. No.
not patronizing at all, it makes sense. the dismissal is one of the biggest things here. i tried to say something and i was dismissed with “well you were the one who looked into it, they look like you so idk what the issue is, i have no attachment to them, you’re wallowing in it” etc.
he raped her – it's not a pizza party and cry thing
People eat this shit up, they love it. I can usually tell when it turns into a writing exercise when they start narrating their story like a movie.
I get why people are saying to do it now. Doing it now means he needs to step up and tell her the truth. The way he talks about her sounds like she was there as a convenience trophy. He's dragged his feet for 10 years. He's used her as a baby oven. And now he wants to ditch her. She deserves to be able to find someone who will love her and put her first. You are absolutely right about the dad projecting too. Instead of telling his son to grow up and be a respectable human, he's projecting his insecurities on his son.
**eye roll**
Geez, maybe he should bulk the fuck up. I'm 5'4 155lb and my husband can lift me.
Seriously though, OP, this guy is being a douche bag. You don't deserve this.
And here I thought me being in $4k CC debt was bad…I’m glad you put yourself first OP. This is a lifetime of debt and financial aspects are definitely something to consider in a relationship.
I look objectively worse with glasses. I have a very strong prescription, and the glasses severely distort my face due to the “coke bottle” effect… It gives me what I refer to as “8 face”
You need to speak with your father as a rational adult. He’s probably hearing “ew, she’s fat and I don’t want to” and you need to make this a discussion rather than an argument. You need to start with acknowledging his role as the head of the family and your respect for that role. Tell him that you want to eventually online up to that role for your family after he has passed away. Make your argument more about her fighting than her weight. Work the angle of what that kind of personality will do to the harmony of the family. Encourage your female family members to get to know her. If she is as contentious as you say, they may swing to your side as they will have to interact with her more than the male side. Ask your dad about the financial side of this arrangement. It shows that you are listening and regarding that part seriously. Give yourself time to answer, do not turn it into an argument. Then stall, after this part of my studies, in the summer so people can attend. This summer is going to be a problem, how about next summer? My guess is her father is anxious to make her someone else’s problem. You have to string this out long enough to let your father see it.
This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen…
I feel this will make it near impossible for you two to move on from each-other.
Yes, you may not be in a relationship… but you're likely to do a lot of things that is inside a relationship. Keeping yourselves invested.
Also… if either of you start to pursue other people down the road.. most are going to look at your situation and see it has a red-flag. No one will want to get involved with a person who has actively been sleeping with their ex.
I think you two should be giving it your all, or none at all…
You are never going to be enough, ever.
He is never going to treat you well, ever.
He is never going to change. Ever.
So, the question becomes, what do you want from your life? To be this man's verbal punching bag for his cruel entertainment? To never meet any other man who could treasure you? Nobody is going to come save you. This is on you.
Maybe you are projecting about the “not telling the whole story” thing
Its one beer that you're enjoying for yourself after work.
You're not doing this to avoid him after work, right?
Just a simple decompression and time to yourself. Sounds innocent to me.
Would he feel the same way if you stopped at a coffee shop on the way home and spent 30 mins enjoying a coffee?
Why are you so bothered? I took exception that you shamed this young guy for being a young guy… dumb at least in the moment but still worry of decent advice. I don’t care if you become a nun or blow truckers behind a Cracker Barrel sign, your life is your own. I’m just sticking up for op and his age appropriate bad decision.
Let's rehash based on what you said.
Boyfriend: Repeatedly unemployed. No effort to maintain employment or ambition to find better salaried and stable jobs. Uses your car – does not put gas in it. Buys vapes, blunts, and junk food. Does not contribute to BASIC household amenities, bills, or responsibilities. Gets mad when you communicate like a normal adult would.
You: Graduated and worked throughout Stable employment Responsible for household necessities Dealing with a stubborn 15 year old
Are you still asking, girl? The answer is obvious.
What specifically did he want you to do?
I hope he got some