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I'm a nurse in Australia, for context. Please do, tell us everything. We have a duty of care to ensure you go home to a safe place with a responsible person. He doesn't sound like either one of those. The story you've given would raise flags for emotional abuse, and we wouldn't want to discharge you into that situation. We have social workers available to help you sort out arrangements, and would probably suggest you contact that first girlfriend who brought you in to help collect your belongings.
please don't get married you're only teenagers. it may seem like he's the one but always put your own life as first priority before any relationship
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Your gut is probably right.
Religion?
Why are you blaming your wife for MEN taking her harmless friendliness the wrong way? This is NOT your wife's fault and it seems you are of the mind that women and men can't be friends cause men only want to fuck women and that's it. It IS controlling to tell her she's not allowed to be nice to men least they think she's DTF. That is their own fault for thinking that and she's never acted any different.
How do I curtail this behaviour
Are you serious? She's not yours to “curtail”. She is not a pet or a child. You don't have to 'teach her a lesson'. She is being nice to people! Wtf is wrong with you?
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It sounds like he was trying to use you in hopes of having a booty call.
I personally think your first reaction was the right one.
Did he lose his mother before or after these messages started?
Some people react to death in odd ways, not excusing anything but this could be the trigger for this change in his behaviour.
You have only known him 2 years? so you may still be finding out things about him that you didn't think he was like that.
But he clearly is, also is not being honest and open, he doesn't want to give you more information which means that there is more that he is hiding. He is too stupid to understand that by not being transparent he is making himself look worse.
He isn't trying to regain your trust, he is backpeddaling for this to seem much less than he knows it is.
If it isn't a thing, then why would you need to hide it?
He has clearly been enjoying the interaction with this lady, now maybe they were never going to do anything but his messages are most certainly not just being friendly.
Of course he doesn't want to leave, he has a home and you that he didn't think about when doing this, or that he might have consequences for what he was doing, thinking it wasn't going to hurt to get some attention. Like I said stupid actions, wins stupid prizes.
If you think you will always distrust what he is doing on his phone and who with then that is one conversation to be had, if you think that he could fix this, then he will have to be transparent and do things to show he has learned a lesson, firstly by giving you access to his messages for a while. You make it so he has to show you that he is committed to you with time frames and actions. Good Luck with whatever you decide.
I'm sorry, I think this is hilarious. Give her a few hours to calm down.
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If shes still taking care of your needs, I wouldnt worry about hers until she tell you to. Honestly, a lot of girls in her position wouldnt even take care of your needs, so I wouldnt stress about it until she doesnt want to have sex after those couple months.
We’ll just to meet up and hang out, go on some day dates and such- although to be honest I didn’t really consider how that could make her father more guarded, we’ll have to think some more on that front…
File for child support, the court ordered DNA test will hold him accountable!!
This is not either a safe nor a healthy relationship for you. You told him NO not once but multiple times, and he forced himself on you. That is rape. It doesn't matter what you wear or if you were sexting all day. Him getting angry and blaming you is just a massive sign flashing in your face to get the hell away from this guy as fast and as far as you can.
There is nothing wrong with you, this is a him issue and you deserve better.
Omg i would just leave if i was you.
You made a deal to first fix sex life and then open relationship. Things weren't fixed and if he started flirting with other girl before relationship was open then he cheated on you at least emotionally.
Just because you were a virgin doesn't mean a shit. You can have perfect sex with person A but then have terrible sex with person B.
At start of my relationship sex with my bf wasn't so good but we adapated to each other and learned what turns other person. You need to work together on this and he can't just be that problem is you.
And please if open sexual relationship isn't something you want then don't agree to it. It will only bring you heartache.
You are over thinking it and hurt. She didn’t see anything more, you did and that’s horrible but at the end of the day it was an experience you said you enjoyed. Sometimes you get disappointed, you don’t have your expectations met but that’s how it is.
Don’t tell yourself this is some terrible thing you need to move city for, you need to not let a rejection hurt you so naked. Plus who is to say your door is closed forever anyway? You could still have a chance, she just might be more of a physical person when she likes someone but it could be that she could still like you regardless of who she slept with after. You haven’t known each-other long at all anyway. Idk.
I’d say talk to her once you have recovered from your hurt, you aren’t dating and it isn’t like you told her you felt any certain way. I’d for sure keep up the relationship and see how it develops .
Statistically speaking if my daughter was a lesbian she would be less likely be killed by her partner. Less likely to be abused too.
I don’t think that’s his reasoning though. Those comments are red flags and you should run.
29
god, you sound and act like a 15 year old
I don’t think you’re wrong. I get that your husband is feeling ill and just wants to stay at home to recuperate – especially since he haven’t seen his family for 2 weeks due to travel delays. But he’s putting his newborn baby at risk. It’s unreasonable for him to expect that he can isolate at home (with no closed spaces) while exposing everyone at the risk of catching covid.
Covid sucks. But what sucks more is seeing your love ones suffering from it and you’re struggling to care for them when you’re suffering from it too.
Send your husband some food and meds often. It might help him feel better that he’s still being cared for (even if it’s at a distance).
I'd judge him not by what he says (“I'm waiting for marriage”) but by what he does (grinds until he cums, hey in my book that IS sex).
I'd seduce him, is what I'd do.
I can't tell you what to do, but that is what I would do in this circumstance. If you decide to do that, figure out your contraception method in advance.
Perhaps OP can go back home and live! with her parents?
I love my parents so much. I love my boyfriend as well. If I needed my parents support for 3 months I would go stay at their place, instead of forcing them to stay in my tiny apartment with my bf for 3 freaking months while I sleep in a FUTON post surgery and they sleep on my bed (and his) bed. Seems like an incredible uncomfortable situation for all people involved.
Not at all. It happens to all guys at least once. It can be literally anything. Stress, alcohol, anxiety, maybe there’s a noise in the wall that’s distracting him, it could be literally anything.
If you like the guy, ask him to go out again. Whether that’s a hookup or a date is up to you. Don’t bring up the fact that he lost the erection. And definitely don’t get upset or mad if it happens, just tell him it’s okay and go back to making out. It’s probably just some performance anxiety and knowing that you’re not upset would be a big relief.
You are entering into adulthood and it's scary…you should talk to him about it. Also do you have a part time job or any adult responsibilities? If you don't then you should start.
Just break up. It is my experience that open relationships are just ways for someone to get permission to cheat. If she is asking now, she probably has someone she wants to have sex with.
Also, someone who says you are her soulmate shouldn't need to have sex with other people.
Bro what is he mad about. The big ones hurt. I genuinely can’t have sex with my boyfriend without a little pain and he always feels so bad after sex even if it was the most mind blowing sex of all time??? I’m very jealous of people who have an average partner
Unfortunately, the only way to know the answer to the question of whether or not it’s a good idea, is just to try it.
She's depressed! Get her a therapist, hire a cleaning person, and talk to your wife! Ask her how she's feeling! Ask her if she's in pain! Get her to a doctor and make sure everything okay, and all her levels are normal. Endometriosis can be so debilitating. A full hysterectomy is a very serious procedure Also, if she's going through early menopause, that can be bad, too. It doesn't seem as if you care what she's going through – because you don't know because you haven't asked. You seem more concerned about what's going on with you. What about her? What happened to in sickness and in health?
It might be good for you to examine your views and why you feel like you have to financially take care of her but she can’t financially take care of you. Is she less capable than you? Do you not view her as an equal?
Yeah sadly it’s from personal experience as my ex had a friend at work who pulled this on her. Oh I’ve run into money issues I am going to be made homeless I can’t afford the rent. My ex paid this girls rent for ages but eventually told me what was going on as she was proud of helping her friend, I was shocked this girl treated my gf like shit had a well paying job and still my GF was telling me how great her friend was. Me she didn’t even invite you to her birthday party, has never got you a present for your birthday and despite the fact you give her frees lifts to work and other places has never once said thank you she hasn’t even thanked you for the money (which she spent on drugs as she had no rent) . Worst of all she told you that if she gets the chance she’s going to seduce me and fuck me in front of you! So WHY ARE GIVING HER MONEY AND WHY DO THINK SHE IS YOUR FRIEND?
FUBAR = fucked up beyond all recognition (it won’t let me reply to you)
They've said what we all think.
I never even remotely indicated that I think that way at all.
You would let your partner spend money on your family's needs if you saw her as an equal. You don't. Your “traditional views” are rooted in misogyny.
My girls literally chasing her career rn and I’ve supported her the whole way.
Didn't you say she will earn more than you AND be a SAHM? This is not happening.
“I was abused as a child and am self conscious about the scars.”
That's all that you have to say right now.
Because it is odd?
That argument makes it sound as though you have only two choices: homelessness or living there. Fortunately there's a whole lifetime's worth of other options for you.
The guy is cheating on you for 8 months and you were at a pretty low point in your life when your grandfather passed away and he went and kissed another girl. Why are you even considering staying with this person?
She needs to see a therapist. My brother’s wife started having impulsive radical changes in a similar way and was easily swayed by social media/media in general that were due to schizo affective disorder and bi-polar. She started supporting trump after being super against him, started believing in religions she was super against (also cause of documentaries) and then it started to escalate and she started to attack people for their beliefs/“lifestyles” and making very serious claims against them. Turns out she was in psychosis and when she came out of it she felt horrible and couldn’t believe she was thinking that way. She grew up super religious in a very toxic family so I think she’s triggered by religious media and it messes with her badly so she has to stay away from it completely.
Not saying this is your situation but it started very calm with her then escalated so just keep an eye out and definitely seek therapy.
Totally normal. Way to communicate your feelings, as naked as that can be. This is an opportunity to learn how to take care of yourself as an adult. Try to do things you know you enjoy, even if you don’t feel like it at the outset. Explore. Talk to new people. Be patient and you’ll find love again! Perhaps you’ll even maintain a relationship with this person. You’ve obviously been through a lot together and the bond you have is worth maintaining, if you can do that in a healthy way.
Just my $0.02. Good luck!
Break up !!!
Regardless of you giving your rights away, you will be required to pay child support. That's an arrangement that shouldn't never have happen.
It's a fair question to ask and hopefully she answers honestly.
There's a difference between being hung up on an ex and hung up on the actions of an ex (which may explains the rants and bringing him up… ie: to get it out of her system.)
Yeah, this is biphobia. Are bi people not allowed friends because they could possibly be attracted to any gender? Really?
The money is gone and so should she be. Lol
Honestly to relive it and explain it again in this post was probably really tough. To look the man you love in the eyes and have to explain it again will be harder. Believe you have great strength to endure this. I understand how you feel and it's truly never something you fully recover from. When I got pregnant with my daughter I sat in my (now) husband's arms and cried for idk how long. I mourned the child I lost and feared for the child I was planning on bringing into this world. It was extremely helpful that he knew why I was crying and was prepared to support me correctly every step of the way. This is an important conversation to have and I truly do hope you have it.
I always had a rule when I was dating. If a girl threatened to break up with me, I would tell her that I don't want to have the kind of relationship where we threaten each other to get our way. I won't ever threaten her, and I won't ever accept being threatened. If she ever wants to break up with me, she should just be honest with me about it and I promise I will understand and wish her well. And if she ever brings up breaking up again, then I will take it to mean that that is what she wants, and I will accept.
Only ever had to follow through on it once.
If anyone is angry over this, then you'll have to see that this is a fundamental difference between two people. OP gf deserves to be free and live! her life as she's most comfortable with, and so does OP. You can't ask gf to suppress her desires and how she wants to date in her relationship. You also cannot force OP to ignore the fact that his gf wanted to open their relationship so she can explore sexual relationships with other men. This is a good thing because they both deserve to explore and be with a partner that has the same view regarding relationships and intimacy. I wish you both luck in finding the right person that will be compatible with your dating life.
She has taken medicine which helped before but does that thing I’ve had many mentally I’ll friends do and only take the medicine when they feel down versus consistently. I’m very appreciative of your advice
Those are the ones I tend to read the most, I'm proud of the ones that realized something was wrong with them, but the ones who still don't get it are something else lmao, one of them to this day posts on r/adultery
So your wife is a lesbian.
This is unreadable to me, but based on the title, if you were broken up when you sexted, no it isn’t cheating.
Thank you
thats not being nice my dear. Thats called being a doormat and lacking healthy boundaries. She's a grownup who made her own decisions. She can face the consequence of those decisions like everybody else. She's not special. There's shelters she can go to. She's got her sugar daddy option she keeps threatening you with. She can get a job or she can go to her home country. If you want to be “nice”, you can give her some seed money and send her on her way.
You mentioned in your post that you possibly misunderstood the “___’s gf” part. I’d suggest reaching out to him and clarify if he is in a relationship or not. It would be unfortunate to ruin your new friendship and possible relationship because of a misunderstanding.
Dude Stfu ?they let anybody make a Reddit account
That's very fucked up on his part. You should know what is going inside of you. I don't think scented hand lotion is very good to be shoving inside of your body.
There are better alternatives that you two should talk about if he needs some sort of lubrication on the outside. Ideally, he would not need anything!
You have every right to be upset with this. Scented hand lotions have all sorts of chemicals made for topical (on the skin) purposes only.
What I don't understand is… I agree telling the gf to “be quiet” is weird…but need more context on why: was she speaking loud? Or did you just not like what she was saying? The gf pushing the sleeping girl is very weird too. She could have tapped her shoulder, etc it's not really appropriate to shove someone like how it was explained in the story…. However, the screaming and crying at the house should be the bit where the gf is explaining her emotions, thus letting the Op understand. Was she screaming and crying about the stranger danger? Or screaming and crying about being told to be quiet? All in all, a weird situation and it seems a really great dinner was ruined by 2 people not communicating well while the other was sleeping.
What I don't understand is… I agree telling the gf to “be quiet” is weird…but need more context on why: was she speaking loud? Or did you just not like what she was saying? The gf pushing the sleeping girl is very weird too. She could have tapped her shoulder, etc it's not really appropriate to shove someone like how it was explained in the story…. However, the screaming and crying at the house should be the bit where the gf is explaining her emotions, thus letting the Op understand. Was she screaming and crying about the stranger danger? Or screaming and crying about being told to be quiet? All in all, a weird situation and it seems a really great dinner was ruined by 2 people not communicating well while the other was sleeping.
I 've been waiting for almost a decade. Don't get your hopes up.
What I don't understand is… I agree telling the gf to “be quiet” is weird…but need more context on why: was she speaking loud? Or did you just not like what she was saying? The gf pushing the sleeping girl is very weird too. She could have tapped her shoulder, etc it's not really appropriate to shove someone like how it was explained in the story…. However, the screaming and crying at the house should be the bit where the gf is explaining her emotions, thus letting the Op understand. Was she screaming and crying about the stranger danger? Or screaming and crying about being told to be quiet? All in all, a weird situation and it seems a really great dinner was ruined by 2 people not communicating well while the other was sleeping.
I know it's petty, but I can't help it. How do I deal with this?
You learn to stop caring what others have. It doesn't help you.
Focus on you
Makes total sense to me that a toxic person like you has toxic friends around you. Seeing how you are self reflecting, I would also cut them out of your life since they seem to condone and encourage your past deplorable actions.
I remain appalled that someone like you works in a mental health field, and hope your toxic attitude doesnt bleed over.
And lets be honest here. The “perspective” you came here for was validation of your actions since you didnt like what your therapist said. Fortunatly no one here gave you what you wanted.
My final advice to you is if you do end up apologising is don't do a “non apology”. Don't make the apology all about you and how you have been affected and how much of a victim you are. Simply acknowledge you were wrong and actually apologise. Say the words I'm sorry, acknowledge the hurt you caused. Say youve been working on yourself to do better, mention therapy, and ask what you can do to begin making up for your past wrongs. That's it. If you say other things you will cheapen the apology.
100% if my friends dude was hitting on me it would make me very uncomfortable. I'd stay away on purpose. Not just not to hurt my friends feelings but because this man is a disrespectful jerk, that's not attractive to me in the slightest. He's a creep. 100% he cheats or does happy ending massage etc.
Go spend time with daughter without your partner!! She is 22 and can choose who she spends time with.
Your partner rating her is creepy!!
you shouldn’t have forgiven either of them tbh. let’s be clear you can never leave your girlfriend alone with anyone never mind your so called best friend because he’s capable of sneaking off and having unprotected sex with them!
Thank you! Now I have to make a judgement call on when to have this conversation with her and how to start it. Hmm.
True that, I just didn’t see it wrong at the time so I’m just confused as to if I should tell her given that I’m not going to do it again and it wasn’t physically cheating.
You are too young to be dealing with boyfriends who are enmeshed with their families. He can move out and live! for himself. His mother is the adult and her children are her responsibility. He has to deal with his family. Not you. Focus on your life and studies for your future
He can't read your mind, just tell him how you're feeling.
The overall system is better, but the school he was going to and the schools around him were not good and the school he attends now is one of the top-ranked private schools in the country & would make it easier for him to get into a top college.
Hahahaha yeah don’t think we would of made it past the talking stage if that was true
Babe, if it’s “happened before” without your knowledge, you did not have sex with your husbands twin. you were raped by your brothers twin and your husband is an accomplice in a sexual assault.
Don’t have a child with this man, don’t stay with this man, and don’t convince yourself for a second that you were not assaulted. This is 100% non consensual.
This is the first time that he feels seen and heard.
This is the first time he feels obeyed and in control.
he can finally be himself without reservations.
How come you aren't allowed the same?
Your first paragraph is advice more people should heed. My mom was finishing a masters in geology when my dad proposed. He let her pick the stone. Not like he's rich but just shopped for it with her once they were engaged.
He is also the one who does most of cooking in our relationship because his love language is acts of service. He would never keep a tab. I guess it’s naked to understand that this is not a regular guy in his 30. He’s really mature and has done a lot of work on himself. Anyway, I wasn’t asking if moving in was a good idea. I was hoping for advice on how to go about splitting the bills.
Agreed
Don't be surprised when the “let's end the break” conversation happens and he slept with someone else or more than one.
So? The guy needed it explained to him that he shouldn't be begging other women for sex while he has a girlfriend. He shouldn't be going outside without a helmet, let alone on a playdate with the girl he was obsessed with.
Yes, we have one booked this week, so this will definitely be brought up
I think I might try that again. We each do our own private therapy every week, and a couples counseling session every two weeks (but only when we are actively having an issue that we're having trouble resolving and communicating ourselves).
Our next couples session is Friday so I'd like to find a nice way to say that her feelings are valid, but I miss the quality time with her.
The fact she is testing to see if he values her over you due to being a long friend, by asking him to cancel on you – just tells me the respect she has for you. I find it odd he’s never introduced you properly also, neither of them are managing the situation to make you feel comfortable. Communication is key – as others have said, tell him you’ve seen the message and it’s made you feel uncomfortable about their dynamic, how he reacts will speak volumes. I wish you the best of luck and pray this is just some unrecognised silly behaviour for them both.
People deal with things differently. She might not want to leave the job for the pay. She might not want to stir up work drama. He might mostly be leaving her alone. She could have a low tolerance for stress and is the type to avoid issues until they come back to bite her in the ass. Personally I would have just quit tbh, but that’s me.
Anything is possible really. I just don’t agree with everyone immediately saying that she has to be cheating with this guy especially when OP already knows the guy is the type to start shit.
Updateme!
So your wife was active on social media and wasn’t acting like herself…so she got placed in a 72 hour mental health hold? To the extent they barged into your home and dragged her away? None of this tracks and I don’t believe this post unless there’s detail missing. 72 hour involuntary hold is for people who are either a harm to themselves or a harm to others. I’m not buying this.
If you genuinely like him, take a chance. Could be the best thing you ever do. Guys hitting on and asking girls out in a gym setting is a minefield. Seriously, just search all the reddit posts about how girls don’t want to be approached or just want to be friends or hate men glancing in their general direction. You should make something happen. Ask him if he wants to go on a ‘lunch date’ with you, or go to see a band with you or whatever.
It is indeed a moot point because it’s irrelevant to the situation now. OP and their partner can not turn back time, and magically change the methods in which they had sex, that resulted in a fetus.
The fact that you think it’s delusional to say it’s a moot point is in fact the real delusion here. It’s comical that your arguing this so vehemently.
Ignore the misogynists and leave this irresponsible man