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Probably he was unfaithful to you all the way, who knows? You are doing everything right, don't give him another chance, in addition, get private security if you can afford it. With a violent ex-partner about to losing it all you never know, I tell you this based in cases I've seen in the news. If you believe in God, pray for him that he may cope with his new life, and for you to meet a new partner who loves you and care for you properly.
I agree. Op seems pretty detached. 10 months is long enough to have developed some solid feelings. Does he actually want to stay with her or is he just comfortable and stringing her along?
The greencard issue shouldn't be used as a guilt point but it's not like it's not relevant. If she wants to stay here with you the greencard issue needs sorted. Otherwise she'll be gone.
Because there's no need to cry over spilled milk
I just used a credit card again and need to find another job.
After six years I thought I had my own friendships with his friends, and that spoke volumes last night when I realized they’ll shut their mouth really fast when I need someone to stand up for me
Let her win sometimes
I don’t think it’s a big deal that you looked since he’s literally your husband, you’ve likely sacrificed more than plenty by now and that’s some pathetic and cringey old man behavior
He did mention that peeing outside for the first time is like seeing color for the first time and I'm like “I'll just take your word for it” lol
Call MCFD 1 800 663-9122 which is 24/7
The fact he hit you is already bad, but him not even offering an apology is even worse, he should be begging for your forgiveness. I’m sorry it sounds like you don’t have anywhere to go. Maybe talk with his parents about it before making a decision?
He never acted this way before because you always did exactly what he wanted.
Newsflash – you do not owe him sex. Seriously, being in a relationship does not mean you owe your partner access to any part or orifice on your body.
He’s using you, and you’re letting him.
The argument was the “breaking up and therefore won’t be exchanging gifts” type. I found out the first week of December that he cheated on me back in October when I was on vacation with my mom. So he thought the relationship was over when I found out. Thought I would throw him out.
Yeah I’ve gone to rehab twice. plural raves can mean once every month. it’s common practice for me to dye my hair but I do that every 6 weeks. OP isn’t stressed about that so it clearly isn’t as big an issue as you’re trying to make it.
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Will do, I've contacted the lawyer who handled my eldest son's custody to see my possibilities
Then may I inquire as to why your post history is filled with you asking women on reddit to DM you to roleplay your sexual fantasies and discuss kinks?
please tell me this isn't real. I've read a lot of MIL issues since joining Reddit and I know it's more common than ever for young women to want their man to go no contact with Mom but this is WAY too far out there.
I do not feel like my ex is my backup, but I understand the sentiment.
The question you posed is a good one, I feel. If the relationship wasn't abusive and toxic, I think I'd still be with the guy. However, if the guy wasn't abusive or toxic in the first place, then I probably never would have left!
Well did she actually go to her parents house or someone else's house
I would ask her that if you should be ashamed for wanting it so much, should she be ashamed for wanting it so little?
The way I understand it is that you don't sign for half a loan, even as a co-signer. You sign stating that you are liable for the full amount. If he takes the money, cashes out, and heads off to… anywhere creditors or lawyers aren't going to go to track him down, she's liable for the full loan.
OP, don't sign. And why is his credit score so bad? Has it airways been this way? He is your husband… on paper only at this point as far as I can tell. You could be dating and living together and nothing would be different. I would be super suspicious at this point, and I'd start checking into his financials. But that's me. And the only snooping I've ever done was in my parents' “important” folder. It contained birth certificates, my dad's professional licenses, property papers, insurance numbers, and our letters to Santa. Super secret stuff. That was the file to grab if the house was on fire. Letters to Santa.
30 years later we still tell Mom what we want from Santa because we get two extra things that way. (The budget doesn't go up, there are just fewer things combined in boxes so there are more boxes to unwrap)
I'm not a snoop, but If be checking papers and considering hiring a PI.
This is some toxic, childish logic.
If their partners discomfort is hyperbolic, unhealthy, etc. Then is that really the right metric?
Offer him solutions instead of saying “this is bad, fix it. “
For example, the dry lips can usually be fixed by applying medical grade petroleum jelly before bed. Same with the dry skin.
For hair, he can ask his hair stylist on how to take care of his hair type.
For smell, showering, and using an anti transpirant.
People are more likely to accept criticism when you offer them an alternative option. But they shut down when you only criticize without offering help.
As my teacher always said “critique should also include ideas on how to do better” (paraphrased of course lol)
I mean in the 2000s, people were still arguing that work emails had a right of privacy. That makes sense because people were testing the limits, but after a couple of decisions ~2006/7, the die was pretty much cast.
That's wild to me, but I've worked in legal for most of my career.
Keep the baby and live happily. You wanted a child for years. This is your chance. You won't regret it. What you will regret is if you terminate it then next thing he tells you he knocked up that chick and he runs off and plays family while you lost your chance
Communication for the win.
I’m glad that you were able to talk and find compromise that took some pressure off of you which in turn will help you support him.
Love sometimes doesn’t conquer all. But trust and communication will get you most of the way.
Your friend sounds more like your enemy and competition than she does a friend. Also, when are people going finally learn to stop allowing themselves to be doormats, and suffering inappropriate conduct over some silly nonsense fear of seeming jealous or insecure? It’s people like you who get cheated on the most, because why? You were never able to distinguish the difference between reasons to be jealous and put your foot down oppose to irrational jealousy?
She has hit on your boyfriend, pulling out the women tricks and she invited him out drinking alone. What else are you waiting for? To catch her in bed with your boyfriend? Put the stop on this now. Discuss with your boyfriend firm boundaries for the relationship. Get rid of your fake friend.
I've heard of people trying to work through trauma by recreating a situation under controlled conditions, but it seems like she also needs a bit of therapy to help cope.
He’s probably glad you’re not smart enough to figure out you should leave his groomer ass and you’re coming to Reddit to ask what to do, even after you admitted he’s just using you for sex. Like dude come on
You're right but OP seems to think kicking her out will also take a year ?
Stop telling him that you're going to leave.
Wait until he's at work. Pack up some important things in a suitcase(important things like legal documents and keepsakes, things you can and are willing to sell) and then leave. Forget the furniture, forget the clothes, forget the plants. Take the dog if you can. And just leave. Call an Uber. Or a cab. Walk if you have to.
Just get out.
Find a pet friendly hotel and stay there for a few days. Call around at shelters(human and animal) and see if any of them have a way to get your dog an emergency foster while you're getting back on your feet.
Run from these crazies lmao
Thank you, I appreciate your thoughts.
1 year old’s party is not an adult’s party.
If you want committed relstiondhip or nothing at all it isn't a wrong approach. You should stay firm on this, but if you do end up breaking the “relationship” do not be in a “situationship” with her either. This whole is a mess, and needs to stop completely.
If she ends up reaching out to you, and agrees for proper commitment she should be prepared to let go of some things. Namely her past romances, and this earring of hers.
Just so you know, dependung in the outlook it could be considered a controlling behaviour. However I think this is necessary here. She clearly has commitment issues in which case you do loose the requirements, but tighten them up. This way she is forced to make binary choice to commit or not. If she can't commit, that is her choice, but you shouldn't stay in this mess.
You can tell him that doing the right actions are often not easy but you still do them. Time too be more determined to make it right and concerned about me, than self pity.
You also need to visualize what you want. If he’s starting to make it about him then you need to not fall for it. You can’t expect better from him, if you can’t be better yourself.
I don't think you're unreasonable, but I do think after 4 years you really need to consider where this relationship is really going?
Ultimately at 42, if he's not earning regularly, will he ever? Is this the type of work he is happy in and content with, or is he actually trying to make changes, because if he's happy with how his life is now, it's unlikely that's suddenly going to change.
As for the cats and his attitude towards them ruining things…
Do you think it would be fair to ask him to get rid of them? Would you get rid of yours? His attitude towards them ruining stuff is something he could change, but he would have to be willing, have the same understanding of how you feel about your things and the quality of them and he will have to put efforts in to getting the cats out of those habits, which isn't easy.
It's ok to have anything you want as a deal breaker, and ultimately our homes are our biggest and most important possessions but after 4 years I feel you need to make a really big decision. If you're not at the same level when it comes to where the relationship is going then why are you continuing.