What exactly is the question here, you have a bf that puts 0 effort into the relationship tells you he wants to end it and cheats on you and you somehow think you will recover from this to have a happy relationship again.
Have some self respect and leave him and also report him to the university for getting high and sleeping with students. for what it's worth in my opinion the guy is a piece of shit. a 31 year old sleeping with a 19 year old is creepy as fuck. In a way I think you're lucky you're not going to be the “endgame”
Sorry you're going through all this before Christmas, but honestly sounds horrible.
“i dont even know if i love him” ” is this true love” ” i might feel the same” “my true best friend” ” i love him too (i think) but if i do i would say it”
If she did she would say it.
Here is the cool thing about communication it solves a lot of problems. ASK HER! “Hey what was that poem about?”
I’m sorry but if my HUSBAND said he was in love with someone else- my BEST FRIEND…instant deal breaker for me. For him to have gotten to that place must have taken time and effort that he should not have cultivated in the first place. Feels like emotional disloyalty to me. Couldn’t do it myself. As for bestie, she knows what’s up. Based on the details such as being touchy and what she says, she’s well aware of their tension. I’ll bet you $100 if you end things, they’ll get together. Tell you they didn’t start feeling romantically about each other until AFTER the separation/divorce. Nope, I would cut my losses, let them “find” their happiness, and find someone who doesn’t allow himself to fall in love with someone else
I mean… it's possible she's in the same boat, but if so, she didn't put that in the post. The whole thing is about one one-time comment, to which OP is overreacting
The guy was playing you lady, he couldn't be the best boyfriend because he was talking to 2 girls at the same time and telling you half truths about it. Sure as shit you were only around to get the other girls attention. I know it sucks being alone but you dodged a bullet. He moved on and doesn't want you, you don't have to understand anything more than that. Fucking gut punch and i've been there.
All this that you’re telling us you need to tell her. But you need to take her someplace sit her down and ask her to turn off her phone and tell her that you’re telling her because you’re not gonna go on with the way it is and if she cannot make time for you and addressed things in a loving way that you guys should probably move on. This will only get worse. She’s clearly not a warm sort of embracing kind of partner so if you stay with her, that is what you’ll end up with.
See a therapist. Don’t try to block out these thoughts. Accept that you are having them but that you are not your thoughts and they are just thoughts. Counter them with evidence to disprove them. Practice mindfulness such as mediation. Explore possibility of this steaming from underlying concerns of where the relationship is going.
I mean ultimately you cannot negotiate passion or attraction. You may be able to negotiate participation, but it won't be the same as if it was accompanied by desire.
These are always tough situations, refusing to have sex is breaking a traditional wedding vow the same as having an affair and I think quite frankly they are on par.
I think you can try therapy but my friends who have been in similar situations their wives have told them they can go have fun on their own time. For some women it just shuts down.
OP, it sounds like you need to find out why your bf looking at other “Instagram” girls bothers you so much. Fantasizing doesn't equal cheating. You need to work on your self-esteem, stay single for a while, and learn to love yourself, before jumping into another relationship.
I'm prepared for the downvotes, but OP needs to hear this.
Instead of saving for a house right now, how about committing to hiring her some daily or weekly help to cover the household tasks and/or watch your current child. It isn't something you need to commit to indefinitely, but putting your financial goals on hold for 6 months to a year will get the two of you some much needed respite.
She works 24/7 as a stay at home parent. While I don't doubt that you are also working demanding hours, they are not as many as hers. So, give both of you a break. Hire some help in to give both of you some breathing room, so that you can come up with a real plan for how to handle your household.
It sounds like you two have an unhealthy dynamic where she is the boss of the house and you are her staff. You need to split the mental load of running the house. Find a set of tasks that are solely yours and then take them on completely. Buy supplies, schedule the time to do them, and then get them done. It will be very hot for her to let go of that control after so long, but she needs to do it for her mental health, too.
That will let the two of you come together as peers to address real questions on how you want to raise your children, run your house, and take time off to spend on hobbies or with each other.
I'd ask him, since it was apparently so easy for him to erase your mom from his life after she died, why can't he do the same for you? Pretend you're dead because he's dead to you, his wife has a kid on the way, so it's perfect replacement for the one he's lost! Just like he did with mom! Of course that's twisting the knife but that's exactly what he did, I wouldn't let him forget it. Of course that doesn't really help you move on emotionally, a restraining order might help though.
She's working you, bro. I see misery in your future if you marry her. You'll regret it. Mark my words.
Sounds like he may work for the CIA.
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What exactly is the question here, you have a bf that puts 0 effort into the relationship tells you he wants to end it and cheats on you and you somehow think you will recover from this to have a happy relationship again.
Have some self respect and leave him and also report him to the university for getting high and sleeping with students. for what it's worth in my opinion the guy is a piece of shit. a 31 year old sleeping with a 19 year old is creepy as fuck. In a way I think you're lucky you're not going to be the “endgame”
Sorry you're going through all this before Christmas, but honestly sounds horrible.
There’s nothing to do, you repeated the same behaviors and she’s had enough and broke up with you. She realized you’re not going to change
You're a great candidate for r/raisedbynarcissts
HINT: SHE DOESNT KNOW IF SHE LIKES YOU.
“i dont even know if i love him” ” is this true love” ” i might feel the same” “my true best friend” ” i love him too (i think) but if i do i would say it”
If she did she would say it.
Here is the cool thing about communication it solves a lot of problems. ASK HER! “Hey what was that poem about?”
I’m sorry but if my HUSBAND said he was in love with someone else- my BEST FRIEND…instant deal breaker for me. For him to have gotten to that place must have taken time and effort that he should not have cultivated in the first place. Feels like emotional disloyalty to me. Couldn’t do it myself. As for bestie, she knows what’s up. Based on the details such as being touchy and what she says, she’s well aware of their tension. I’ll bet you $100 if you end things, they’ll get together. Tell you they didn’t start feeling romantically about each other until AFTER the separation/divorce. Nope, I would cut my losses, let them “find” their happiness, and find someone who doesn’t allow himself to fall in love with someone else
Did your husband graduate from one of Canada's top business schools with really good grades?
I mean… it's possible she's in the same boat, but if so, she didn't put that in the post. The whole thing is about one one-time comment, to which OP is overreacting
The guy was playing you lady, he couldn't be the best boyfriend because he was talking to 2 girls at the same time and telling you half truths about it. Sure as shit you were only around to get the other girls attention. I know it sucks being alone but you dodged a bullet. He moved on and doesn't want you, you don't have to understand anything more than that. Fucking gut punch and i've been there.
All this that you’re telling us you need to tell her. But you need to take her someplace sit her down and ask her to turn off her phone and tell her that you’re telling her because you’re not gonna go on with the way it is and if she cannot make time for you and addressed things in a loving way that you guys should probably move on. This will only get worse. She’s clearly not a warm sort of embracing kind of partner so if you stay with her, that is what you’ll end up with.
See a therapist. Don’t try to block out these thoughts. Accept that you are having them but that you are not your thoughts and they are just thoughts. Counter them with evidence to disprove them. Practice mindfulness such as mediation. Explore possibility of this steaming from underlying concerns of where the relationship is going.
I mean ultimately you cannot negotiate passion or attraction. You may be able to negotiate participation, but it won't be the same as if it was accompanied by desire.
These are always tough situations, refusing to have sex is breaking a traditional wedding vow the same as having an affair and I think quite frankly they are on par.
I think you can try therapy but my friends who have been in similar situations their wives have told them they can go have fun on their own time. For some women it just shuts down.
OP, it sounds like you need to find out why your bf looking at other “Instagram” girls bothers you so much. Fantasizing doesn't equal cheating. You need to work on your self-esteem, stay single for a while, and learn to love yourself, before jumping into another relationship.
I'm prepared for the downvotes, but OP needs to hear this.
Instead of saving for a house right now, how about committing to hiring her some daily or weekly help to cover the household tasks and/or watch your current child. It isn't something you need to commit to indefinitely, but putting your financial goals on hold for 6 months to a year will get the two of you some much needed respite.
She works 24/7 as a stay at home parent. While I don't doubt that you are also working demanding hours, they are not as many as hers. So, give both of you a break. Hire some help in to give both of you some breathing room, so that you can come up with a real plan for how to handle your household.
It sounds like you two have an unhealthy dynamic where she is the boss of the house and you are her staff. You need to split the mental load of running the house. Find a set of tasks that are solely yours and then take them on completely. Buy supplies, schedule the time to do them, and then get them done. It will be very hot for her to let go of that control after so long, but she needs to do it for her mental health, too.
That will let the two of you come together as peers to address real questions on how you want to raise your children, run your house, and take time off to spend on hobbies or with each other.
I'd ask him, since it was apparently so easy for him to erase your mom from his life after she died, why can't he do the same for you? Pretend you're dead because he's dead to you, his wife has a kid on the way, so it's perfect replacement for the one he's lost! Just like he did with mom! Of course that's twisting the knife but that's exactly what he did, I wouldn't let him forget it. Of course that doesn't really help you move on emotionally, a restraining order might help though.
And this is why you don't listen to pasta kids….