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That was the initiall agreement between us. The first 3-4 years she respected the boundaries we had .. she was doing everything by the book.. there was nothing to suspect ..
It all slowly started after she gave birth to our daughter.
Yes, almost every time coke was involved
Hey, a lot of people are saying very similar things right now but I’d recommend looking up attachment styles. There’s anxious, avoidant, secure and disorganised – you sound like you have an anxious attachment style to the point where it’s becoming debilitating.
In the same way you got that close within 2 months, that’s how he can leave so quickly. It hurts a lot when you don’t expect it, and you clearly weren’t. It’s very hot to be rational when you’re in pain.
Anxiety over trips is one thing, but you seem to be implying you cannot handle separation from a partner. The healthy normal is to occasionally have to travel away from each other, and occasionally there won’t be very frequent contact. Putting in effort is always a good thing but being unable to handle time apart is something you’ll have to work on in time – hence me suggesting you look up attachment theory, as there will be good advice on how to work on your Anxious approach.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with a breakup, they’re so horrible. You sound like you need to work on yourself for a while, just so you feel better and less like you’re struggling. Letting yourself get too dependent on one person is always so risky and scary, you lose your sense of self – it’s not worth it. And using someone else to prop you up never works either.
There are things you learn un life the naked way. One is, don't make a demand you can't on-line with.
Now, you look like you don't back up what you say, or you say goodbye and mean it.
Next lesson, why you don't snoop in phones
interesting. absent all information, your suggestion is to abandon him during a difficult time. if i were the BF, i'd read this as 'OP will cut and run if things get dicey'
That it is very obviously sexual tiktoks.
No one talks about how their family will be suprised about seeing nipple piercing on-line, if it isn't for attention.
She knows what she is doing and desires so.
Which is fine, but it's also fine to not accept that in a relationship.
I don't see a single difference between this and showing lingerie pics if I'm quite honest.
The intention is the same. Only difference is the amount of skin.
Agreed! Every other person on post similar to this come at the OP rudely saying block block block and I’ve seen people accuse OP’s of wanting the attention bc they should have been blocked since the time of the break up! It’s gross grown adults are so angry and go straight to excessive response! I’m friends with my exes bc I’m not a complete physcopath with insecurity issues like most of these people who advise to block! Grow tf up!
It is illegal for him to request, send /share or possess it so he isn’t in the clear. He needs to delete it asap
Leave her really no sex,ignores you and lives on her phone. Time to say good by
She dating a tumbling, tumbling dickweed.
It's totally valid. Many otherwise seemingly great guys end up having disgusting and unrealistic expectations around pregnancy and post-partum recovery. It's important for you to address this. I would have a serious talk with him, explain your concerns and ask what his expectations are around pregnancy and post-partum. Educate if he's open to learning & changing his views, leave if he's not.
This particularly hits me right now because I'm a month away from giving birth and this has been an incredibly difficult pregnancy. Let alone use the gym, I've been almost fully bedbound for the last 7 weeks. This boyfriend of yours has no idea. None.
That's inappropriate. Period. Point blank. And it looks like I want to fuck my sster's man (which I defeinitely do not).
Your hangups are on you, for you to resolve with your therapist. Everything you claimed here is coming from a very strange and unhealthy place, and it is NOT based in reality. It's a pair of sneakers…not Victoria's Secret.
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If someone treats WITH you, they’ll cheat ON you. Is this really someone you feel you could trust to be faithful to you?
2 options. First you break up. You don't hate him, but you don't and can't trust or rely on him. At this you might not even love him that much. It's fine to break up.
Second option. You forget about any prospect of marriage until he proves you can trust him. He needs to acknowledge what has been doing was wrong especially hiding things from you. Moving forwards the base line he is honest with you do no lies or hiding things. No deleting messages either, EVER. Furthermore what he beeds to do is not spend money, but time and effort on you. The best would if he looked for other job to properly cut people that he lied to you for from his life. I mean assuming he wants to save your relationship.
If he doesn't want to put effort into these things it's better for you to break up with him
Yea I wasn’t gonna talk about it to him, he has such a victim complex he’s entirely incapable of taking responsibility for his actions. He once took me to brunch and for whatever reason got absolutely wasted drunk there and then had a brief moment of self reflection where he asked me if he did something wrong.
And I carefully touched on even just a fraction of the anger outbursts and he straight up said I just imagined it and it might’ve happened a few times and in other families that’s a daily thing, I’m just sensitive and it would’ve been good to have more outbursts so I got used to it.
Realized right there when he asks if he did something wrong he’s purely doing it out of self pity and seeing my brother and me as a failure, not because he actually wanted to reflect.
I actually don’t have much left to do for my studies. One subject unfortunately I have to replace because apparently the professor died or something and there is no way to do the exam anymore even though I did the whole course… (such things are part of the reason I really want to get away from that Uni too)
She is entitled to her private thoughts and private search history. You are invading her privacy. Nothing you found seemed that concerning to me. I search so many random things on-line all the time. It rarely means anything significant. You are going to destroy your relationship by snooping. If you don't trust her. Break up.
You will looks petty and people won’t really care. Just move on and find your own happiness.
Ask how’s he’s doing first and add how nice you both together when you were out the last time and you’d like to meet him again and get to know each other more .
She sounds like a terrible partner and I don’t understand how you stayed with her for 18yrs
Three children? All from the same woman? Was he single when you met him?
You can always know what your GF says to your daughter. Your daughter may not always tell you. I agree that you should be worried. Your daughter may be worried that she is the cause of a fight between you & your GF. So she would be blaming herself.
What could a 38yo woman have to talk bout with a 22 yo boy?
Have you seen their chats? Is it just text or voice/video?
Wow, most of the time your relationship is toxic? Would you elaborate on that?
We bought them together.
So I don’t think a little bit of innocent flirting is bad or wrong on its own. That said, it sounds like you went a bit too far and crossed a line where you aren’t comfortable with your own behaviour anymore. Next time, stop before you get to that point – you need to feel good about your own behaviour.
Bro this ain’t working and you know it isn’t , y’all incompatible so cut it
Train 'em the way you want before he gets any bad habits. /s
Thank you this is really good and mature relationship advice. I think putting it into words with him like growth and fixed mindset can make it easier to communicate too, because I’m finding it very hot to think of how to bring this up without it seeming like an attack. I simply want to discuss it with him not argue
Do you know the best way to not start a fire? You throw the matches in a dumpster. If you put matches on your counter I can assure you that there is a higher probability of a fire starting. I don’t care if you don’t understand this or think I’m an idiot. The one thing I’ve learned is if you don’t want burned you walk away from fire. You don’t sit next to it say my that’s a warm fire. You come home smelling like smoke even if it’s sandalwood you still smell like smoke.
Why doesn't your husband work?
It's great that you're aware of the importance of setting boundaries in your platonic relationship with your coworker, and that you value your relationship with your long-term girlfriend. Here are some guidelines that could help you maintain a healthy platonic relationship with your coworker:
Keep it professional: Remember that you are coworkers, and your primary relationship is a professional one. While it's okay to be friendly with your coworkers, you should avoid any behavior that could be perceived as flirting or romantic interest.
Avoid one-on-one time outside of work: Try to limit your interactions with your coworker to the workplace. If you do socialize outside of work, try to do so in a group setting rather than one-on-one.
Be mindful of the topics you discuss: It's okay to share personal information with your coworker, but be mindful of the topics you discuss. Avoid discussing anything that could be perceived as sexual or romantic in nature.
Don't engage in physical touch: It's important to maintain physical boundaries in your platonic relationship with your coworker. Avoid hugging or any other physical contact that could be perceived as sexual or romantic.
Respect your girlfriend: Always keep your girlfriend in mind when interacting with your coworker. Avoid any behavior that could make her feel uncomfortable or jealous.
As for whether male-female platonic friendships are often closer than typical male-male platonic friendships, it really depends on the individuals involved. Some platonic friendships may be very close and intimate, while others may be more casual and distant. The most important thing is to establish boundaries that work for you and your friend, and to respect those boundaries.
If your girlfriend needs validation from other men now, do you think she will need it in the future? Does that bother you? If the roles were reversed would she be upset? How do you feel about other guys hitting on her and asking her out constantly? It’s your call dude but most guys to don’t want to spend their life with someone who craves sexual attention constantly from multiple men, there’s a lot of women in the world, don’t waste your youth on someone who wants other guys attention
How is this intimate? It's like.. an organizer for makeup? Am I missing something?
I agree with other people saying to lawyer up immediately, and stop her from moving out of state.
Please stop seeing this old man who rapes you, insults you, treats you like garbage, and is trying to trap you with a pregnancy
Yeah… her insecurity is destroying my patience with her 🙁
Therapy. You clearly can't do this on your own.
It might help you to separate all the issues, even though they feel to be firmly attached to each other.
1) If you came into some money that was equal to the entire amount you spent on supporting him – would that make you feel better?
2) If HE refunded you that entire amount – would that make you feel better?
3) If you could have access to embryos fertilised by someone else – would you want to use them?
4) Since the majority of personality is being shown to be determined by genetics – do you want to roll the dice on your child to possibly being significantly like your husband, considering what you are seeing in him?
5) Have you considered whether it is an acceptable risk to create a child whose father is ambivalent about their existence? Have you considered the likely effect of this attitude on a child?
6) Have you considered whether it is an acceptable risk to create a child whose father is ambivalent about their existence? Are you right now genuinely able to comprehend and accept that you; a) could be a single parent without any input from the father b) have to co-parent with someone who has very different values which could extend to the quality of care the child could receive when in his care and out of your legal care (ie. custody time/in the event of your incapacity or death)?
1 and 2 can help you discern whether it is resentment over loss of resources; or a sense of being unfairly treated.
3 and 4 can help to discern whether you have invested certain traits in these embryos and see them as whole people – thus not using them or having them destroyed feels like a loss of 'them'. This can be explored with a professional.
Please note that legal ownership of embryos is largely undetermined and can be a property issue complicated and contradicted by ethical and emotional opinions around whether they are 'beings' – and the courts get the final say!! There are past, recent and ongoing court battles over one parent/owner's right to use the embryos with their new partner or surrogate (not the biological parent/owner). This is especially contentious if this is one parent's only way to have a child (infertility/death of the other bio parent). Even extended family have input and the role and responsibility of the IVF clinic has been brought into question. Add in state laws too…. Do you want to risk this? Could you afford the costs and time delay to retain ownership/use the embryos? Would it possibly be better to mutually agree to dispose of these embryos? It's naked and complicated and the options and outcomes are so varied and unpredictable :/
4, 5 and 6 can help you discern whether your extended emotional and physical investment in creating these embryos is hindering your ability to assess this situation with a clear mind. It's a hot ask I know, but it's what you need to do. A psychologist with experience in this area could really help with their knowledge around the potential psychological impacts on both you, him, and these potential children.
When we choose to become parents and choose the person we procreate with – we are loading the child with the baggage of parental history and future parental acts and influences. Our choice at the beginning (which seems so simple!) has lifelong impacts on the child, and the parents carry that weighty responsibility forever.
I'm strong on this subject because I chose badly, and that's a weight I forced on my child and it's a weight neither of us can ever put down. It's permanent and influences every aspect of the life that follows. In these circumstances you have an excellent and advantageous opportunity to make a deeply considered decision. Some things we can't control in life, but those we can should be taken advantage of so we can increase the likelihood of a good outcome. We owe that to children. It's easier and better for us to on-line with the regret of not having kids, than to ever regret having them because we weren't able to protect or support them as they deserve.
Separate the issues and put them down in black and white. Tag them according to Ego, Values, Morals, Ethics, Financial, Emotional, etc. Some things will be negotiable and some will not. Work out which issues can be discarded, managed, kept, or adjusted to. Do your true best and get professional expertise so you can move forward with as much confidence and peace with your eventual decision as possible.
Best of luck x
Save texts and report him
Ignore the message and any others that may come. She made her choice and it is hers to correct. You owe her nothing.
Probably emotional and lashing out given her circumstances, either way use this as the catalyst to getting out of this mess. When she contacts you and she will apologise if you need to but make It clear you will no longer be involved in her life.
Oh, yeah, this isn't exactly comedy. It's his newest shit, or maybe even since he wrote that book think like a man act like a lady or some shit like that and started family feud once upon a time. I'll see if I can find it. It's just things I stumble across being me.
One of the things I told my kids from when they were little ( 27m & 30f now) is to Always Trust Your Gut Instincts! It will rarely lead you astray.
That “feeling you can’t shake” that he is hiding something is your gut instinct warning you to pay attention because something isn’t right & you need to address it .
If you don’t have trust in a relationship & it doesn’t sound like you trust him( understandably) you can’t feel safe & be completely honest & vulnerable with someone because you never feel like they are being 100% real & that’s deadly to a relationship.
I know it’s very hot to consider ending it because you have invested a lot of time & energy into the relationship & you love him, but you deserve someone who you trust & respect & who respects you & makes you feel amazing!
With every relationship, you grow & gain insight that helps you be a better partner & figure out what’s important to you in a partner & what your dealbreakers are. This relationship wasn’t time wasted- you had some good times, learned new things about what you want or don’t in a relationship & you added new experiences & memories that help make you the unique & incredible woman that you are.
Ok thank you for explaining.
I'm going to tell you what I told a bunch of people on a cruise ship stage in front of 100s of people last night: No-one really knows or cares who we are. Let's go out there and have fun because it doesnt really matter.
What you need to decide is what matters more to you. The opinions of guys at the frat (that you may or may not interact with in future) vs possibly dating Jake, a guy that by all appearances is a decent guy that you get along well with.
As someone older, I can tell you decent guys aren't as common as judgey assh*les. take that as approval of Jake but understand Brad and his frat are gonna tease you. And there's a lot of them.)
I have never given 2 craps about what people think of me or my interests and it's lead me to some awesome people and memories. I've also seen others who value acceptance from the group and doing what's popular makes them happy enough.
I know what I'd pick, but I'm not you. At the end of the day, it is your life, and it's up to you to decide what is important to you.