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Couples counseling or break up
Have this conversation with him one last time, a real serious sit down conversation and spell it out. Men have a habit of promising to change after a break up. Giving him this honesty and chance is more than fair.
He is holding you back, life is too short. You have given it long enough, i would have gone at the not paying repairs if i am honest but you clearly would like this man but a better version/ future.
My money is on he will not change, or maybe for a short period.
Get rid of the boyfriend. He doesn’t even sound like boyfriend material (incredibly selfish and not trustworthy). Let him stay on the opposite coast and you keep your space with your fur babies and let them have their zoomies, the zoomies are the best part! Are your cars neutered/spayed? They will eventually calm down a bit and hopefully grow out of the “missing the box”.
Ok, you need to recognise that you're being passive agressive. He needs to recognise that he's shutting you down. Both of you need to improve communication skills.
Yeah after re-reading that it’s like a light bulb moment. I’ll look into it, thank you
Thing is we never celebrated monthsaries and anniversaries. He said he always forgetfull
I wait until I'm finished bathing. Most people hold their pee if they can't get to a bathroom right away when they're out in public, so I'm pretty sure holding your pee in the shower for a few minutes isn't going to damage your kidneys.
After my first kid, we tried at 8 weeks and I just wasn’t ready. My baby tore me in 2 places. Second kid was roughly the same without the tears. Took maybe 6 ish months for me to get back into things. After my third and fourth, I was ready to go by 6 weeks after. It all depends on you and your body. Take care of yourself first. Also, part of my sex drive didn’t come back until my babies were sleeping at least 6 hours. You are exhausted and focused on your baby. Communication is key though so don’t block your spouse out, talk it out and go from there.
It's time to plan the escape and get out of this situation op. He's abusive and just crossed boundaries of which there are no return. Today it's a small mark on your hand. Next time he could punch you in the face or shove you down the stairs, and I promise there will be a next time. He's showing you his true colors and they are ugly. Please believe him and get away before he actually hurts you.
I'd stop all physical Interaction and sexual contact for that stunt and start sleeping on the couch or another room, preferably locked and inaccessible to him. Find a friend or other family member to stay with instead of them. Tell his parents what he did and request another room to bed in temporarily until you can leave.
Find a new place. Scour the newspaper and talk to locks real estate agents. You can even hit up your local DHS and ask them for emergency shelter away from your abusive boyfriend.
It doesn't matter this much you love him. Dont let him use that against you. Remind him that what he did was assault and it is NOT appropriate behavior. You have full rights to call the police if it happens again.
Take photos of your hand, send it to a new and secure email he doesn't know about, and start documenting the interactions between you two in that email. Do it again if he ever hits you again. You may discover a pattern of abusive behavior as the months pass. If it doesn't stop you need to get out.
Look for a better job if finances are a problem. A temp second job can very quickly net you extra money to move into your own place. Good luck op.
Does nobody have any self-respect anymore.
Actually it’s a very accurate comment. Congratulations on your hike. I personally don’t think you could’ve saved the relationship by staying, but leaving for five months guaranteed that it’s over. You had every right to take your trip. But you left knowing that your relationship was on very shaky ground. You gave her time to think, to see that life could be different. All in all, you had a great trip and she gained perspective. On the other hand, what she’s doing right now is shit. Obviously, she has cheated on you and probably still is. Even if she’s not still doing it, she’s only there because she needs a place to on-line. If I were you, I would stop pretending like there is something to talk out and save.
Where I on-line ya graduate highschool at 18/19 – coulda been more like 4/3 years.
I'm a Christian, and can't really justify divorce anyway. My daughter would be devastated. My other friends would stop talking to me. We only have one car, which is under his name. Not that I have any money, because he makes me send him all my money as soon as I get it so he can pay bills… I'm just tired.
It's only puzzling that she called him her best friend if you can't see the real story here, she feels trapped. It's a coping mechanism. “It's not that bad, he's not a bad guy, he's my best friend, I'm just not in love anymore, I can still make it work, just tell me how, la la la la la”
Those of us who've been here can recognize this.
just put your foot down. you arent married. tell him you will move back to your area alone if need be. when i was your age i went along with everything he wanted and i lived to regret it. he did not stick to his promises about 'final destinations' etc
So you’re sex life dies down and immediately we go to lusting after other women? I don’t think you’re ready to be in a committed relationship
Your dog is telling you something about your boyfriend. Your dog knows and understands him better than you do. If he'll abuse a dog, no matter what you think now, he is very likely to be abusive to you at some point. Abuse, often, starts with animals.
Dump him, he's embarrassed of you, hot pass.
And then adopt an athletic lifestyle for your health.
One cannot help but wonder at the BMI associated with the term 'midsize'. Are we talking overweight, obese, or morbidly obese? Either way, don't do it for your shitty boyfriend, do it for yourself.
Also means no kissing probably. OP literally asking to wear a paper bag. Hope she can work through it. Conventionally attractive is only one way to be attractive, and overrated at that.
Nothing sexier than self-confidence.
What was said was unkind and unfair. Your feelings are completely justified.
However, he probably wasn't thinking through what he was saying. He is trying to say you need to take some self care, it's just come across as a selfish message in the delivery.
Perhaps talking to him and asking for some help to give you back some time for yourself would help everyone in the household.
Also a toddler and a baby is the toughest job out there. It gets better, it really does.
He sounds like too much headache.
Did he check in with you before buying the car? Is going on a honeymoon meaningful/important to you, and if so have you relayed that to him? (Totally understand if a honeymoon is important to you. Just some people don’t care much.)
Thank you for the real talk. Should I bring this up with him? That I don’t see the ability for this to go anywhere? I’m afraid that he will agree with me and we will break our connection.
Honestly mate? Reading that. Sounds like you're the other guy and she has been lusting after this person ever since and was already emotionally cheating seen as it has affected your relationship I comparison to before this on-line course.
She goes away and gas a meet up and dormant respond, You know who doesn't reply? Someone having sex.
Brutal to say it like that but you've been fighting a losing battle. If he moved to your city. I bet you a Tenner that she would dump your arse in a second to be with him.
Sorry mate.
You’re right. Cheers.
Uncomfortable is an understatement. It makes me feel trapped and like I'm clawing my way out of my own skin to get out of the room.
Granted, he shouldn't have asked someone to take pics of what should have been your private moment. But it's done now, you agreed to marry him and you should both be looking forward to a life together (not lamenting that one step toward your future wasn't perfect). Life just isn't and if your wedding goes off without at least one small disaster you'll be amongst the few. Stuff happens, it's not a big deal, try to reassure him that this mistake wasn't fatal.
They have both behaved like assholes. She is a bad friend.
I think you should ask to take a 'break, to think things out' but continue living together.
It will either be a huge wake up call and he'll learn you won't accept being treated that way or he'll use it as a free pass and you will see his true colours.
Doing nothing is not an option its a doorway to further humiliation. Doing nothing is accepting behavior that is not acceptable.
Okay, well, the only way to diagnose with 100% certainty is to go in (my kid's diagnosis is based on symptoms, as she's not even a teenager), so that checks out. In kid's case, suppressing the periods entirely seems to control the pain, but I admit I'm nervous and hoping your ex was exaggerating for sympathy, because I don't want my kid to be in pain).
You are definitely doing the right thing breaking it off, and there is no way this would work without a complete block/NC. Keep blocking any mystery numbers that come up, and take good care of yourself.
Tell your boyfriend, it would be super shitty if he found out and then found out you knew and didn't say anything.
She is right to back away from you, sounds like you should give her time to get over it.
I'm in my 40's. Here's my advice about romantic gestures and relationships:
BE YOURSELF! Be who you are. Don't try to copy other people's romantic gestures, it'll be cringe. COMMUNICATE! Communicate your love language, and she needs to communicate her love language.
Honestly, reading this, your girlfriend sounds exhausting to be with. Here's why:
>Then I explained that I thought I was picking her up in the queue, and then she said we had a miscommunication & we're all good. We love each other, and we're in a good place, but I can tell she's disappointed & this bothers her.
From another comment, she returned from a weekend trip to visit family. You should have communicated more clearly where to meet you, but it's completely unreasonable to expect flowers, chocolates, a sign, etc to pick her up (unless it's stated before). The fact she's bothered by it is very concerning to me.
> I didn't know that “dating” didn't mean you were in a relationship since both are used so interchange-ably
Always make words clear, and make sure they understand what you expect.
>. In another example, she was sick and thought I'd want to come over to take care of her. That didn't go over well either
SHE needs to communicate her expectations, and she needs to manage her disappointments. Different people want to be taken care of differently when they are sick. I hate being taken care of when I'm sick honestly.
>But honestly, even if I love her, how am I supposed to know what are the general norms that folks expect in a relationship?
COMMUNICATE! You AND her need to communicate, and honestly, she's not communicating.
> Does anyone know a resource, diet of rom-coms, or a book they can recommend?
Just COMMUNICATE with her. Rom-Coms are TERRIBLE! Do not watch Rom-Coms, and honestly, they are a red flag in a relationship.
> I need generic advice on what most people expect in a relationship in different situations, not in the grand scheme of things
That's based on culture, people's interests, if they are introverts or extroverts, their love language, and other variables. The only way to learn is to communicate.
> I need clear, pragmatic advice.
Communicate! But, it sounds like she's having problems controlling her emotions and disappointments, and if she can not control them, the relationship will not last.
Last I heard it absolutely is tradition for the bride to buy her groom an engagement gift and if she gets to dictate how much you spend on the ring (absolutely NOT part of that tradition, btw) then it seems fair you get to do the same for the engagement gift.
Also, if you are getting married then you can start your own tradition like telling her the max you wish to spend but allowing her to make up the difference. So if she wants a $8k ring set then you can pay the max of $5k you are willing to spend and she can pony up the remaining $3k. I think she'll decide pretty quickly that it isn't that important after all.
No one recited the law though? They quoted and linked to a SA resources page??? I never said it wasn't coercion, i said coercion isn't rape. And it isn't. As defined above, it is a form of sexual assault. Rape = sexual assault but sexual assault =/= rape. It's not that hot. Rape means without consent. She gave consent, but after he wore her down, making it sexual coercion. Both are sexual assault but they're not the same thing. You follow?
Your friend is right. Consider this, maybe your girlfriend actually cares about you and the relationship and doesn’t feel as pressured or uncomfortable about asking to wait because she (who knows why), trusts you. Because she wants this relationship to work and it won’t if she’s having sex with you before she’s ready.
She’s not giving it to these other dudes, she may not have wanted to, she may have done those things for an abundance of reasons and truly none of them matter, what matters is she’s not ready with you, end of story. So you wait patiently and stop putting pressure im sure you’re subconsciously putting on or you leave.
LMAO. You think having your replacement on the bench is a “Red Flag”?
Ok