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Why not just cut her off?
The problem is she was ok with it.
I guess he wants you, after having a post but clarity but up until then his hoemoans, dictated what he did.
As a dude, I've experienced this phase myself in a different way . As soon as the relationship ended. I felt relieved. I downloaded a dating app, started flirting/sexting with others. Then after some nutting. I started to miss her , think about her more. Value the connection we had more. Started missing all the good times. In between, my ego and horniness will again overcome me, and I'll nut and cycle repeats. But whenever I've told her (till she blocked me) that I wanted to get back with her. I meant it. I genuinely missed her and really wanted to do anything to get back together.
As for your case, I don't know this dude. I'm sharing my perspective
It was this part for me:.
this was met with her raising her voice and saying things like “no, i was invited. my daughter is performing, we scheduled a performance”
Totally BS
I'm not even trolling. As I said let the downvotes roll in
Cheating is doing something that violates whatever the parties in the relationship define as cheating. Absent any discussion, in a committed relationship thatâs probably going to include emotional cheating, kissing, sex, etc.
Regardless of gender.
Boundary issues here for her. She has no respect for you
As a dude, your body, you call. He can have preferences, but you decide what you do. I need to confess that now that beards are more mainstream, I am very happy I no longer have to shave every fucking morning to go to work.
Gotta catch them all
But âThemâ is STDs
And in that case, apparently the woman should explain why she no longer does that stuff. This sounds so toxic.
why do you perverts come here to waste peoples time? aren't there other subs for your kind?
Do you really want to be spending time with someone that makes you feel like you have to tiptoe around? That's not healthy.
I will always stand behind my belief that social media relationships are so weird. I have no idea why this means so much, and also why everyone is assuming it immediately means she's broken up with you lol. Idk must be a kid thing.
Ask her why she did it. Obviously even though social media means nothing to me and I feel we all could potentially be reading into this too much, but it is a targeted action to specifically select pictures of you to remove. Just ask and find out why.
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More proof to help OP accept the lies she might tell him. I saw a post similar where a girl said she was covering for her younger brother.
I posted to hand on, strike up a closer friendship with the brother. After being bros, ask about his sex life. If he says âwhat sex lifeâ or âno I havenât had any since this one timeâ and it was before he counted condemns disappearing, he has the cat in the bagâŚ
Or for his case, he has his cat in someone elseâs bag.
I want you to stop being such a snotty bitch. Someone just explained this to me politely and now I understand that he is infact tied to the baby whether itâs his sperm or not. No need to act like that honestly.
having the weong day means you forgot the right one, she even acknowledged that she forgot the right day.
Its great OP planned something for her bfs birthday, but she still forgot the actual day and didnt say happy birthday or anything on the actual day. You may not care about birthdays because your some grown ass adult who dont give a fuck but alot of people actually enjoy their birthdays as adults and like being acknowlegded once a year. Its not very hot to say happy birthday and remember the actual date of it
Had to sort by controversial to find this. I knew it would be there.
Was having the exact same thoughts as you.
He was getting beat up in the other thread because of his “strong urge to cheat”, because he was calling his baby “the child”, “the kid”, etc…
Now here he is back again making her the cheater.
Not buying it either. RIP my downvotes lol
Yeah, you're right on the friend, I really need to cut them out, it's something I'll probably need advice for later down the line.
I actually thought this. I figured the 'young and naive' thing would come in to play, but even my mother has him on a pedestal. The guy is exactly like me, I've had 2 relationships in the past, I've been asked out by guys, I don't click with them like this guy, it's annoying.
I asked him about his reasoning for never dating, and he told me he started puberty at 17 and he just felt behind all his peers and it wasn't really a major focus, he didn't chase, he knew the moment would come, I guess that's fair.
He works as a photographer, also has a side hustle for buying and selling records to other collectors/enthusiasts that he seems to be good at. Seems to have no real interest in a family, maybe it's just me.. but I don't view 30 as old at all. He's actually just been accepted into a 2 year course for an Acting Course (which has me worried, as it has a bunch of 20-35ish year old people, mainly mature students) and I'm going to the exact same school to do Music after working in a Chip Shop for the past 3 years, I'm actually one of the younger ones in my course, as they pick mature students with life experience, so despite having a 9 year age gap, we're doing things at the same time. I hinted at being room mates and getting a flat since prices are so high for being on your own, and he said he'll think about it.
â
The only person that's judged him is him. I didn't really want to put this in the title, but apparently his dad would bully him when he was younger for being a late bloomer, and never really defending himself. He told me admittedly, everything he's done, including following his dreams have been late, but he's always made sure he has a back-up plan in place.
â
If it wasn't for him, I never would have tried for that music school, I'd have stayed in the chip shop for years.
itâs her i can on-line without, but with the mom its a different story I donât know how to deal with.
This woman is going to be a constant presence in his life for the next 18 years, and probably longer. He will need to talk to her multiple times a day when the baby is little, and probably on a daily basis until the child is old enough for a cell phone. And even then, they will still be in regular communication. This woman will be at major important holiday and family events for the next 18 years, if not longer. You need to sit down with a therapist and figure out how to handle this. And if you can't handle it, for the child's sake, you need to rethink this relationship.
You survived cancer and you will survive divorce. Youâve got a second chance at a beautiful life: donât waste a moment with this cold-hearted alcoholic.
I'm quite a bit older than you and more direct, so personally, I would just say: “Hey, this is OP, the New Years party was really fun!” If he answered that, I would then say: “Want to lunch together and hangout for a bit?” In this case I would also flirt, but split the bill.
You will need to go back to your attorney and find out if thereâs anything you can do with the co-parent agreement regarding her. It doesnât help that you became friends again and brought her back.
I lived with just my mom and slept in bed with her until 5th grade at school someone said a scary movie was gonna make me want to sleep with my mommy after I replied I always sleep with my mommy I got made fun of pretty bad so probably before 5th grade lol
If he's this controlling he may not take it well that you're divorcing so I would plan this extremely carefully because he may snap. Feel him out. Tell him that since there will be no kids for 10 years then you're going back to work full time, passion projects or volunteering, meanwhile you're gauging his temperament so you can know how to plan your escape. Most important to keep calm and focused.
I also thought that perhaps he's gay but using you as a cover.
Finally, get out.
I'm sorry OP
The only thing you can do is basically end it on the spot and move on.
So, this âloveâ who feels hurt being 2nd best, was absolutely fine with you being out of her life until her 1st choice decided to get rid of her cheating assâŚ. and now you being in a committed long term relationship with her being your emotional side piece is a problem??
Yea.. she surely doesnât sound like sheâs going to immediately jump to the next better guy once sheâs done using you as her emotional crutchâŚ:
But that you prioritize a cheaterâs feelings at the same level as your loyal, long-term partners, clearly shows that you donât deserve what you have. So you might as well go with your toxic affair fling, just make sure to leave your ex alone once the taboo excitement of the affair wears off.
Is your husband an addict, abusive or prone to affairs? If not think long and very hot before you compound your regret with even more regrets
Come to New Orleans. Our city is filled with immigrants and lots of job opportunities. đ it's always a fun time. The food is great too.
Lol Yeah seriously. People get caught red handed and cry their innocence all the time. Donât think I would believe someone in that case âcrazy geneticsâ or no
Look, why do you want to marry a guy that in your words is sketchy? You either trust or don't trust.
I do hope there's nothing wrong in this story, but talk to him about last night, work and the screen being fixed.
Ayyyy you gotta face them. You asked for advice cmonnnn
While you both do share blame in this, the majority falls on your shoulders. Theyâre your rings and your responsibility. You put your rings in a place where your kids can reach them. Itâs also a place where you know theyâve found them before and played with them.
Your husband left the bedroom door open. That will happen to both of you in the future just as it has in the past with the makeup incident. Iâm sure he feels like crap for this, but when you blow up at him heâs going to get defensive.
At the end of the day – theyâre trinkets. Expensive trinkets, but trinkets. Your husband and children are more important than trinkets.
Apologize to your husband and magically the rings will turn up. Or they wonât. Weâve lost our rings dozens of times. My wifeâs original ring has been lost for several years now. Mine was missing for 2 years and then turned back up. Neither of us care, because theyâre trinkets.
His brother did this on purpose. He doesnât want you to marry his brother. He doesnât want to lose his brother. You need to look long and very hot on if you want this to be the rest of your life because youâre going to postpone a lot of major milestones, especially if you guys decide to have kids because of his brother. I wouldâve told my fiancĂŠ we get married tomorrow or Iâm done after everything youâve listed of stuff that has happened. I wouldnât put up with that for the rest of my life. And I would make the brother pay for the wedding if you do get married for all the money, youâve lost because he had a panic attack and is blowing it way out of proportion.
Some parents, especially Filipino moms, find it very hot to cut the umbilical cord. My own mom tried to “bribe” me with an allowance because she can't understand why I would want to work when she can just give me an allowance and be at her beck and call anytime, all the time.
I didn't confront her about it. I just went on doing what I want to do, when I wanted to do it. When I got a job, I moved out as soon as I can.
I didn't ask permission. I simply informed her of my plans. No better way to show your parents you're growing than to make decisions for yourself and stick with it.
Pero pasaway ako eh. Matigas ulo. ?
You accept your wife for who she is. She is still dealing with trauma and you would be a huge ah for even mentioning her weight, unless her physical health is being affected.
Theyâre gonna be upset but heâs just gonna have to do it anyway. Them being upset doesnât matter. His mom sounds like a real piece of work.
Your siblings did nothing wrong. You are acting like your family owes you anything? Just because youâre born in the same bloodline doesnât mean you have to love each other. Have you considered that maybe they donât like hanging out with you because youâre a lot? Because youâre dramatic? You are using criminal terms to describe them (âcaught red handedâ), come on now Shakespeare. And cutting them out of your life because they wanted to spend a couple of days one on one without you? Calm down already.
My dear OP, this man is telling you he is not ready for a real relationship, or he doesnât want a real relationship with you. You arenât fun right now. You interrupt his sleep and you need emotional support when he would rather not have to give you anything.
You are going through a really very hot time right now, and you deserve support. Your boyfriend has made it clear that the support wonât be from him. Better you learn this now than you get married, have a kid, and find out he gets all pissy when you are upset because your child is sick or not neurotypical or whatever. Move on. Find someone else who can help you. Your boyfriend just informed you that he either doesnât care about you, or he is an utter trash person. You donât want to be in a relationship with either of those choices.
This is nude. Do you have a therapist? Do you have the funds to get one? I canât tell you how much therapy helped me in a situation not that far from yours. Be strong. Be what your grandmother would want you to be. Find a way to get help that isnât from him. Throw him to the curb and either move out or ask him to.
Yeah leave his cold hearted ass. Heâs too old for you anyway.
Ring the cousin and tell her to remove it. What kind of arsehole does that to their family?
He is 23 and enjoys his youth. I really understand him and think this lifestyle is just a thing you do in life đ
But your view on things is not wrong either. I think both of you just develop in a different direction.
doesn't think therapy actually helps
counsels people as part of his job (So he thinks he's not helping his clients?)
regardless, wants to be your therapist anyway
What a shitshow.
Oh you poor sweet angel…..block him. He broke up with you because of all the fights which is understandable but him getting mad at you for moving on isn't. It sounds like he likes how you're begging and running after him. There are people like that (they don't want you but don't want someone else to have you). This is toxic imo and you need to cut him off.
You're young so I know it seems like the end if you two don't get back together but it's not. Trust me, you can do better. Leave him alone and move on with your life, don't be his safety option.
If you are genuinely asking for my reason, it's because I would like to have a relationship with him once I move out. If you believe this is impossible, you could just say so.
I am trying out some anger management techniques (ie, disengaging) but they are ineffective when others will not allow me to use them. If you have any additional advice, then I am open to listening. If not, then the problem still stands.
I cannot commit 100% to a Christian lifestyle… So maybe it has ran it's course
That's valid. I did assume your gf is a tad smarter than a complete moron.
Maybe do a sweet proposal to him?
Istg reddit comments are something else
Donât ever take these peopleâs advice OP. Just consider them. DO NOT DIRECTLY TAKE THEIR ADVICE.
Youâre absolutely right. Thatâs probably the only viable way to help him without destroying his self esteem
Trauma stigma. People believing you might be irreparably damaged from what happened to you and somehow dangerous because of it.
Break up. Don't be surprised if you run into her in 10 years and she has 2 kids.
If you do go, don't take your girlfriend with you.
Get off the birth control and tell him he can take as long as he likes to decide between a vasectomy or condoms; and in the meantime, piv is off the table.
Don't drop hints and expect him to notice them. If you want to date him, ask him out.
Youâre way too grown up to be worrying about this trivial stuff. Block him and get on with your life.
Go for it
Yeah I felt like that as well but wasnât sure. Could also be that a very âme, me, me, my possession, meâ person wouldnât even think about mentioning.
He didn't even know where to buy roofies?? Girl. Sweet woman babychild sister friend, wake tf up. He is telling on himself. He's tried to have sex with you while asleep and pushed sexual boundaries before. He absolutely thinks he's entitled. Do not get married to him unless you've both attending counseling together and you feel safe and trust him. He may not actually incapacitate you, but he's also not showing any respect for your autonomy and right to say no, repeatedly. What about that makes you think he won't get worse once you're legally bound to him?
Awesome I hope you have a good time
But you would wait an explanation. What if he said only “I love you and I want you too” but that was it…. would that be enough?
You need to work on your insecurities. That's the problem.
What will this prove? Why is this something youâre trying to prove to random people on Reddit? He could have had a crush on you, and you continuously rejected him, and he met someone he had a connection with and moved on.
Not to be rude, but mind your business.
Get student loans
I have thought plenty about moving on but she still comes to me about advice regarding relationships and for support so I want to be there for her when she needs me
canât believe this hateful vitriol is being upvoted.
jesus christ, you need therapy.
If you sent her that kind of message she probably wouldnât respond. It probably wonât make her change her mind if itâs already made up
Iâm sorry but this early on and heâs too drunk to get to your fifth date. Do not go out with this guy. Do you think itâs going to get better if he just knows you better and you bond. But this is a window into his life. This is the time where the guy should be phoning all over just to spend time with you. Not getting so screwed up that he hast to go home and sleep it off. Plus he went out and got drunk when he knew he had a date no bad omen, red flag gigantic.?????
Sounds like heâs a Cheater and manipulator. Sound like you need to be single. Ainât none of this is worth it. Also youâre saying affair and partner in plurals, as if there are more than one ⌠if thatâs not a mistake you need an STD test asap
He doesnât have respect for your feelings. Your health. Or your time. Those are the qualities of an ex.
“it's cos I'm perfection”
Next time he does this reply “well you still haven't asked me out” in a sorta teasing tone. If he's interested he'll shoot his shot if not, he'll tease back about not having time for dating or something.
What about in the longer term? Like after a few months? Is it something that could work? Heâs like my only friend, my best friend. I know i sound pathetic lol. But iâm a massive introvert. Iâve had a relationship before (it was bad) lasted four years and when it ended I grieved but was more relieved. So i guess this is my first âhealthyâ (ish) relationship ending..
No one cares at your age.
Their relationship with their older son's girlfriend might just be an extension of their relationship with their older son. Usually the kid that's tighter with the parents will end up with a partner that's also tighter with the parents. Or maybe the older brother and his gf have been together longer. Or maybe because the brother/gf are older these parents take their relationship more seriously (as in 'there might be a wedding' seriously). But it's also possible your mental health struggles play into it. You can't be shocked that parents would have some hesitation about their kid dating someone mentally unwell enough to be hospitalized for it. But nobody needs to talk to them about it. There's really no point because it's not going to change their minds. It might make them pretend to be warmer to you. But their feelings are what they are. All you can do is be nice to them in the hopes that eventually you'll win them over.