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If we say no, what do you do?
If we say yes, what do you do?
If it's not that Girl, it'll be someone else.
She's a cheater, the friend did not put a spell on your wife. Your wife blatantly cheated and will do so again, she has no remorse.
Your ex is your ex. They should stay in the past. I’d be upset if I was on her shoes. I wouldn’t do that to my wife. There would be no communication with someone from the past unless it was absolutely necessary.
I’m so sorry. It really sounds like you were assaulted again.
Put it this way: if YOU really wanted to have sex with someone, and they opened up about being brutally raped and had their life threatened, what would YOU do? It sounds like you are the kind of person who would be shocked, and reassure them that you don’t have to have sex right then, and that the both of you can take everything really slow, on their terms. You’d assure them that your friendship/relationship is based on so much more than sexual intimacy, and that you want them to feel safe around you.
ANY human being with an OUNCE of compassion would IMMEDIATELY stop their advances, as a bare fucking MINIMUM.
Whining, begging, sulking, pleading, bargaining until they say yes is not consent. Not at all.
I was raped when I was 17 multiple times by the same guy (my first boyfriend). It was some of my first sexual experiences and it took me a long time to understand that I wasn’t actually consenting, I was going into a psychological freeze state because my brain couldn’t process the trauma of being sexually assaulted. I also have just lain there waiting til they cum, it’s an awful feeling, as I’m sure you know. I don’t know if you have many positive sexual experiences to compare that to, but “laying there waiting for it to be over” is not really sex. It’s assault.
I’ve been with many people since I was 17 – some of whom have had sexual trauma themselves – and I understand so clearly now that people SHOULD (and most do) stop when the person is unwilling. And unwillingness is extremely easy to spot, because you KNOW when someone IS actually reciprocating sexual desire. It is revolting that some people actually believe that someone being observably unwilling is somehow still consenting.
I think he does know how fucked up it was that he was like “sorry lol suck my dick tho?” He’s not ignorant. He probably just doesn’t care. I’m so sorry, OP. You are way too kind for a shitbag like him. He’s probably not going to change, at least not any time soon and without significant intervention. My personal advice is get out now before it escalates. You deserve to feel 10000% safe and confident in the aftermath of SA. And you can, and will, in time, (and with affirming and supportive sexual partners).
It’s odd that you don’t trust your husband that Much that you analyze everything he says, go search his car, check his bank account. Why be with someone if you have to play detective like this.
lol you’re both a pair of idiots. You need to use a condom with a hookup because of both STDs and pregnancy, and you’re also a moron if you come in someone without asking about birth control. I guarantee you the judge isn’t going to care whose ‘fault’ it is when ordering you to pay child support.
Start acting like a responsible adult or don’t have sex.
No matter what happens a man shouldnt leave his lady alone at night on the street. JMO.
Okay yeah. Couples should just hide everything from each other instead of working it out together. That's super healthy.
Something you have to understand about drinking and drugs is that they lower your decision making skills. I understand you “didn't do anything” “it meant nothing” to you but you clearly know that it would mean something to your boyfriend. An easy guide to avoid these situations is:
If you want to be good friends with an ex, no drinking together alone. They should at least hang out with you and your partner before you have bar hangs otherwise.
Don't drink or do drugs heavily 1v1 with someone you are, were, or could be romantically interested in. As someone who did cheat in the past, this has been helpful. If you don't put yourself in a position to fuck up your relationship, you won't fuck up your relationship.
When you have a fight, go to literally ANY OTHER PERSON you have to lean on than your ex.
I realize that you will have to on-line and learn these things for yourself. But living with a guilty conscious will not help you be a better partner, nor will it help your relationship. I'd suggest coming clean and saying you fucked up, and talk about what your plan is to not ever do that again because you realize how unfair and shitty it was to do.
Therapy man, probably for both of you.
The difficult thing is, if she totally repressed it there's a high chance she isn't going to want to uncover all that trauma and relive it.
It's a really delicate situation that's basically a mine field. Just be there, be supportive.
I really appreciate those words, I need to hear these things from someone and not doing it all on my own it hasn’t been working.
I do have enough of an idea to place what caused that pattern of accepting pain assuming there’s a benefit from doing that. It was a relationship as a younger person that had the same ups and downs but way worse for me, I chose to stay around and I think it created a pathway that if something bad is tolerated it will lead to improvements. It’s an issue I’ve pinpointed but I’ve never unpacked it. Never thought I was one that would believe in the therapy process. But it seems to be the most common guidance.
I’ll do my best to remind myself it’s me that I need to take care of, and base my discussion purely about me, not “us”. It may take me farther since before I left myself out of it for the most part and used “us” instead. Thank you.
Thank you so much
We did talked about it. But hmmm but in his opinion, he can do whatever he wants for his personal time and i completely respect that because it does make him happy. I have also told him that i think he’s overdoing it — imagine it’s 1 am already and he said he’d want to watch this ep and then he’ll call me. I assumed it’s only 20 – 30 minutes so i was like ok cool no worries. But when i checked it’s an hour episode. Man i got annoyed fr because he’ll be finished by pass 2 am. Then how about me? What am i gonna do for an hour? like i have been waiting for him as well
That kid is his son. DNA doesn't matter. He should fight to get him.
Was this girl one of his friends or where did she came from? And did they flirt in the club before or why did she decide to hop on a sleeping guy?
It was wrong from moral point if view, but I don't expect it commonly understood by 18 year olds (they could understand it in general, but not when it applies to them).
Besides, even if 14and 18 maintain some form of “relation” it isn't grooming by itself. I assume he didn't get intimate with you until much later, or you would have mentioned it. Did he manipulate you into being together. This may not be an easy question for you two answer.
Did he push his feelings onto you, guilt tripping and gaslighting you, or was he just honestly interested in you, and respectfully gave you space to figure out your own feelings?
Ebbie, you are a beautiful soul and I hope nothing but good things happen to you.
I appreciate your clarity. However, I understand that you may not have all the information, which could lead to the perception that I am the bad guy.
Thank you. I saw this but I guess I needed to see this from a third perspective.