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I love him, I know he loves me. We both fucked things up by not being completely honest with each other in terms of expressing what we need. Since this has been our only issue, although a very big one I am wondering if us finally addressing the elephant we’ve been pushing off so long would fix things. Not addressing it is what got us here
Yes this is abuse. At first I thought maybe she was being a bit greedy since she doesn’t work, but… holy crap this guy sucks. No access to any money, no credit card? You are his wife, a human being. He’s essentially treating you like a full time live in maid. The worst part is that you do MORE than a maid would ever do, and a maid would actually get paid, and not even have to worry about his sexual needs or nonsense like 3am pasta.
I don’t know what your disability is, but you NEED to research support systems, job placement groups that specialize in people with issues, and find a way to build up your own independence. Right now you are his slave. Be your own person.
Reverse the genders here and see how you feel about it if you were the one forbidding her to go to bars with her friends. She needs to work on her control issues, you need a new gf
Cheaters sabotage relationships. Not people who speak up about the cheating. The cheating sister seems to historically do a really great job at sabotaging herself.
‘Cheating is low on the totem pole for me’ says a great deal about your moral compass. Yet you speak of loyalty as a virtue. Being loyal to shitty people doesn’t make you a good person. It makes you an enabler. Complacent.
Your gf is in the grip of an illness, and she is also mistreating you. I would think you would break up with this person. There are no good scripts for dealing with someone who is focused only on themselves, who needs empty apologies, who won't hear your POV, who gets very angry with you? Where are you her parents? Does she have access/is she in therapy?
It seems like a sugar baby relationship is one that emphasizes the financial dependence of women on men which isn't really compatible with feminism at all. Some forms of feminism might advocate letting women “do whatever the fuck they want” but just because a woman does whatever the fuck she wants doesn't make her a feminist. Would a woman who chose to advocate for the restriction of women's reproductive rights be a feminist? No.
Depends on your background or your country (I still know Countries where you need to find a reason to win more money during the divorce) I guess. If you look at op's posts you'll see that something is definetly off with him.
Stop kicking yourself : you can not do anything about the fact that he can lie really well. You also can not do anything about the fact that you live apart and were not there to find out about it. You can do something about having friends who are not loyal to you, and that is drop them. They are the ones that should be ashamed, not you. Drop them as well.
Something else you can not do anything about: you are better than all of them combined. Cheaters, and people who enable cheaters are the worst. Find friends and people who have a good moral compass like you do. And don't waste you life kicking yourself for having learned this lesson. Hugs to you.
It sounds like you value different things, and that’s important for compatibility. It’s great you are so sure of what you want, and what you’re priorities are. From personal experience, I know the regret of putting personal life goals on hold for someone else early in life. Go after your dreams; you don’t sound super sure of him, there are other people out there who will support you and listen to you when you tell them what you value and how important your goals are. You say you aren’t sure if you’re giving it enough time, but we know early on if we feel strongly about someone or not. It’s nice you’re willing to give someone a chance, though. You shouldn’t have to keep telling someone how you want and need to prioritize your time. A secure person who values you for you will hear that and respect you enough to listen when you communicate so clearly.
This is going to a bit blunt. You proposed to him and he said no. This isn’t about him not getting a hint. It isn’t about phrasing the question just the right way. It isn’t about the ring. You’ve mentioned wanting to get married multiple times. He knows in no uncertain terms that you want to get married. He has told you that he doesn’t want to get married yet. Finding a new way to ask doesn’t change the answer.
You’ve been together 4 years and he’s 30. If he doesn’t know by now, the answer is likely no. It’s possible he’s really is just not ready yet, but thinks he will be someday. It’s possible he doesn’t want to marry at all. It’s possible that, while he may love you, he doesn’t want to marry you. His not wanting to get married “yet” may translate to “I want more experience with other relationships.” It doesn’t mean you’re not great and he’s not happy right now, but he may not feel this is his “forever”. That’s ok, even though it would hurt. What you want is a forever relationship. If he doesn’t want that with you, then he should tell you rather than keep you around for his comfort, preventing you from finding what you want.
ya don’t go there lol I dated a guy exactly like this and he cheated on me. learn from my mistakes
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I love him, I know he loves me. We both fucked things up by not being completely honest with each other in terms of expressing what we need. Since this has been our only issue, although a very big one I am wondering if us finally addressing the elephant we’ve been pushing off so long would fix things. Not addressing it is what got us here
Yes this is abuse. At first I thought maybe she was being a bit greedy since she doesn’t work, but… holy crap this guy sucks. No access to any money, no credit card? You are his wife, a human being. He’s essentially treating you like a full time live in maid. The worst part is that you do MORE than a maid would ever do, and a maid would actually get paid, and not even have to worry about his sexual needs or nonsense like 3am pasta.
I don’t know what your disability is, but you NEED to research support systems, job placement groups that specialize in people with issues, and find a way to build up your own independence. Right now you are his slave. Be your own person.
Reverse the genders here and see how you feel about it if you were the one forbidding her to go to bars with her friends. She needs to work on her control issues, you need a new gf
Cheaters sabotage relationships. Not people who speak up about the cheating. The cheating sister seems to historically do a really great job at sabotaging herself.
‘Cheating is low on the totem pole for me’ says a great deal about your moral compass. Yet you speak of loyalty as a virtue. Being loyal to shitty people doesn’t make you a good person. It makes you an enabler. Complacent.
Your gf is in the grip of an illness, and she is also mistreating you. I would think you would break up with this person. There are no good scripts for dealing with someone who is focused only on themselves, who needs empty apologies, who won't hear your POV, who gets very angry with you? Where are you her parents? Does she have access/is she in therapy?
It seems like a sugar baby relationship is one that emphasizes the financial dependence of women on men which isn't really compatible with feminism at all. Some forms of feminism might advocate letting women “do whatever the fuck they want” but just because a woman does whatever the fuck she wants doesn't make her a feminist. Would a woman who chose to advocate for the restriction of women's reproductive rights be a feminist? No.
Depends on your background or your country (I still know Countries where you need to find a reason to win more money during the divorce) I guess. If you look at op's posts you'll see that something is definetly off with him.
Bad Idea, if you two want to build something together do it together from scratch don't sell.
Stop kicking yourself : you can not do anything about the fact that he can lie really well. You also can not do anything about the fact that you live apart and were not there to find out about it. You can do something about having friends who are not loyal to you, and that is drop them. They are the ones that should be ashamed, not you. Drop them as well.
Something else you can not do anything about: you are better than all of them combined. Cheaters, and people who enable cheaters are the worst. Find friends and people who have a good moral compass like you do. And don't waste you life kicking yourself for having learned this lesson. Hugs to you.
It sounds like you value different things, and that’s important for compatibility. It’s great you are so sure of what you want, and what you’re priorities are. From personal experience, I know the regret of putting personal life goals on hold for someone else early in life. Go after your dreams; you don’t sound super sure of him, there are other people out there who will support you and listen to you when you tell them what you value and how important your goals are. You say you aren’t sure if you’re giving it enough time, but we know early on if we feel strongly about someone or not. It’s nice you’re willing to give someone a chance, though. You shouldn’t have to keep telling someone how you want and need to prioritize your time. A secure person who values you for you will hear that and respect you enough to listen when you communicate so clearly.
“Couples” therapy can actually be beneficial for divorcing parents to learn how to coparent together and get their kids through the tough parts.
This is going to a bit blunt. You proposed to him and he said no. This isn’t about him not getting a hint. It isn’t about phrasing the question just the right way. It isn’t about the ring. You’ve mentioned wanting to get married multiple times. He knows in no uncertain terms that you want to get married. He has told you that he doesn’t want to get married yet. Finding a new way to ask doesn’t change the answer.
You’ve been together 4 years and he’s 30. If he doesn’t know by now, the answer is likely no. It’s possible he’s really is just not ready yet, but thinks he will be someday. It’s possible he doesn’t want to marry at all. It’s possible that, while he may love you, he doesn’t want to marry you. His not wanting to get married “yet” may translate to “I want more experience with other relationships.” It doesn’t mean you’re not great and he’s not happy right now, but he may not feel this is his “forever”. That’s ok, even though it would hurt. What you want is a forever relationship. If he doesn’t want that with you, then he should tell you rather than keep you around for his comfort, preventing you from finding what you want.
Yahoo!!
I didn't know it was possible for a grown adult to be this pathetically self centered ?