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My husband is a US Citizen and he sponsored me for a green card. USCIS will throw your ass in jail so fast your head will spin if you get caught engaging in immigration fraud. Not to mention—you’re on the hook caring for her if you get married as you have to prove you can sponsor her and support her financially for a predetermined amount of time. Your daughter will adjust. Don’t torpedo your life for this person.
Pls go home to ur family. you need to be around people who loves you and ur baby. Prioritize the safety of your pregnancy over anything else. What will happen if u gave birth there and no one is around u to help u out and be ur pilar of support? u might suffer a post-partum cuz of this stress.
Yes you should. Have him delete it and unsend it if he has… This is a massive breach of consent.
This is immigration fraud and is illegal.
You forget that her having a bf while married and being a lying manipulative brat is what will put her on the street. The fact that she wants him to commit a crime and join the army where he could get blown up by an IED tells me exactly how evil she truly is.
This is one side of the story. I saw no effort in your story to understand her motives. If you want to fix it, suggest pair therapy to her. If not, then break it. Do not stay in the hesitation stage too long.
And do not listen to morons saying it is cheating. Even if it is, without knowing both sides of the story it is impossible to understand a situation which is the result of years of relationship dynamics.
So what you are saying is that she has a problem, and her problem is mental health and depression? What is she doing to fix her problem? Is she on medication? Is she speaking to a therapist?
The truth is, because you are not a therapist, you cannot help her. All you can do is be yourself. If you feel like her depression is starting to spread to you, then please do what you have to do to be more distant and not get depressed yourself. Because she is only awake for 4 hours (not sure how she can hold a job like that), it sounds like this is a great time for you to focus on you and get back to all of the things that you haven't done in a while.
Sounds like you realize the old adage is true, Fool me ONCE, shame on YOU…fool me TWICE, shame on ME.
You know you should cut her off, that she is using you.
Run away and stop telling yourself Magical thinking like she's your soul mate and you never stopped loving her.
You weren't with her for a lot of reasons. A lot.
Like everyone else said you’re reading way too much into it. It’s kind of weird that you’re that paranoid about it. Anyone would ask someone why they’re up so late if they get a text a that time.
I should’ve just said that he always drinks over the amount he plans to or says he will. It’s always past his limit. Someone here mentioned that 2-3 drinks a few times a month isn’t a lot.
I know 2-3 doesn’t seem like a lot, but I think that if someone can only handle one drink and plans to leave early or has to be somewhere important the next morning, but ends up drinking past their limit and staying late, that’s a bit concerning am I wrong?
The respect is gone. Once the respect is gone, it is so naked to get it back. You’re already taking care of yourself and getting healthy for YOU. Great way to lose additional weight is to lose the man. Love yourself!
garbage people get garbage lives
I never said that
Babe you couldn't keep your story straight for 10 minutes ??
you'll never find someone who truly loves or appreciates you
Thank you for telling abuse victims they are unlovable, doing the lord's work ?? because a man breaking his vows means I am in the wrong lmao
No, although I’ll admit I know more about her past relationships/flings than I would have liked to. I don’t feel good about saying that, but it’s true.
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You are…upset that your gf feels so turned on by intimacy with you that she literally is compelled to jill off when she’s cuddling with you? Like, I would understand if you felt weird about her doing it without telling you but insecure? Huh?
So basically you’re an absolute narcissist that’s learned nothing from this post other than you’re going to project your insecurities onto other people because you refuse to take any constructive feedback
basically, no but you have my thanks
Thank you and yes it’s just one thing after another it seems that it all starts falling apart.
He really had no choice in the matter
Gotcha, so his name isn’t on the savings account at all? If so then yeah he can’t touch it. I think people are just concerned for you. Personally this situation is very naked for people to wrap there heads around. My sister who is 18 is in high school. I couldn’t imagine her moving into a middle aged man’s house and raising his child as a young teenager. I’m 21 now, but at that age I was just learning how to drive and didn’t even know how to get tags for my car. I think it just shows that 13 year age gap creates a huge power imbalance. If it works for you now I guess that’s fine but, people are just saying to protect yourself because the age you made that decision you were waay to young. I couldn’t date an 18 year old as a 21 year old. I mean what would we talk about, there HS DRAMA lol. Or would I have to ask there parents to take them out. They can’t even drink, that’s the type of gap we are talking about dude. That’s why it baffles a lot of ppl; this whole situation is not ideal but, you are already there. The marriage and adoption will leave you with good protections though. When your 30 I’m sure you will understand our perspectives.
Good for you! He made his position clear (as shitty a position as it was) And you made your position clear (no thoughtless, selfish assholes)
Way to value yourself Op and not settle for less than you deserve!!!
I genuinely don’t understand what a friendship with your ex can bring to your life, if they message every day to talk about their day, clearly someone is not over.
Yeah and the guy would always come second in the relationship. No thanks lmao
Gives me an ick too.
Not a desirable trait to say the least.
It also poses the risk of it being early signs anger issues.
Thanks for your input. I should clarify that I know I should break up with him and have gone no contact since our conversation but ultimately it breaks my heart to have to end things with a person I thought I loved.
Did your friend call or text? When he called at 01:30 AM. It's wrong. The text is OK. The reason is that he is trying to get your immediate attention. Why couldn't he wait till the morning? In this day and age. Mobile phones can distract you from your prime relationship. Does your BF see your friend ring you alot? Your BF is wrong to go through your phone and play the choose me card. It's controlling. But you agreed to a compromise and boundary that you broke and the request you asked your friend to comply with did also. You can switch the call-in function off. It's not wrong to have our time. But his reaction is OTT.
She’s right. It was very thoughtful of her.
It's really not if it defeats the entire purpose of getting the watch.
That would still be giving a reason
She blacks out when she drinks. Your girlfriend is an alcoholic; she's not going to outgrow it. She needs professional help. If she's not willing to get that help, you need to break up with her.
Congrats. Good luck to you.
Great advice! Thanks!
He needs to bring his work habit home with him! If he's not actively trying to do something about the problem, he's disrespecting you greatly. Nobody enjoys smelling or listening to someone else's farts!
So me 25M and my ex GF 24F, broke up over a week ago for what is probably the 7th time. All her wanting to breakup. This time was for spiritual reasons and she said that she wants a god filled relationship and me just going to church with her on Sunday’s is not enough.
Wow. Keep your family jewels well away from crazy, OP. Make like a squirrel and protect your nuts.
She sounds loopy as hell.
Couple days later she calls me crying asking if I can watch the dog cause she was going to LAX and how she really needed that trip because she’s not okay.
Correct response: “40 bucks per day. Not negotiable. If you're not going to make it worth my time call somone else.”
I told her I have plans and idk if I can. She once again got very mad and said she’ll remember this and hung up on me.
Hahaha, you might even pour yourself a shot of scotch, then shed one single tear.
I never reached back out and have been staying strong but just saw on IG that she went to LAX still and she still follows me on IG and I still follow her.
Fix that, OP, and block. You don't need insane people stalking you on social media.
How should I keep handling this situation?
Block her number.
Yeah and the pages don't stick together
My advice would be to move on. If events played out the way you described them, those are some huge red flags. Yelling at you in the store, humiliating you in public (twice), then instead of taking you home, making you walk in a snow storm, and then blocking you like you did something wrong? Nah, you'll find better, although it sounds like he set a very low bar.
massaged the truth
BA BOOM …. TISH
Your mother is crazy
Yeah, that's a bit of a 'record scratch' WTF thing to read.
What do you mean she was being flirty? I’m curious as to know if she was just being nice or something or if she actually liked you but is now upset you didn’t wanted to date her but not be fwb or if you misread her somehow and she wasn’t flirting.
She’s trying to let you down more easily. If she didn’t miss you mon-Fri for the last several months, then nothing is going to change by not talking for a couple of weeks. She feels guilty about breaking up but ultimately it’s what she wants. You’ve already admitted the intimacy has been dying for awhile. I’m sure that she’d love to downgrade you to just a friendship but that isn’t practical. The longer y’all delay the inevitable, the more it will hurt and longer to take to heal. I would get to no contact much quicker. She’s got you high on ‘hopium’ after a few confusing words whereas her actions clearly show she’s been over this for awhile.
This sounds sexual tbh and the fact you can’t even talk about what he’s saying shows me you are not mature enough to be engaging in these activities
Yes, I can’t see it as anything but.
I’m the shitty half of a sapphic relationship so I like to think that I’m at least somewhat capable of reading lesbian flirting.
I’m aware
No…? It’s been 3 months. And you WORK together??? Too soon and you’re shitting where you eat. That’s not something you divulge for a WHILE.
You can discuss it with him and if it makes you uncomfortable you can also break up with him. You are within your rights to do so. However I should point out that nothing here indicates he has any sexual interest in your children.
You need to fully grieve and get over your anger and pain before attempting g to date again otherwise it’s not fair to any future partners that you may treat them as if they are her and mistrust them.
You will get over it. It could take a year while you grieve all the “anniversaries” like birthdays, Christmas etc.
Good luck. You will prevail!
My first through was that your mom might have been SA'd. Considering she's been on bed for months, I think it's time to get professional help.
Is it possible that she cheated, or that you were swapped at birth? Totally. But maybe, just maybe, considering her reaction, I'd say SA.
Thank you.
I just hating thinking I’ve caused anyone any trouble or grief. I want him to get help and get better for his own sake and his own quality of life and I am just beating myself up that I went this way about it – especially because nothing that sinister happened that night but it still did happen.
You’re right that grieving and I think it’s just my own issues that makes me want him/miss him but hopefully in time, like you say – I’ll get over it. I hope I never go near another man like this but I think there is something about me that means this is all I will ever get, so best I just remain on my own.
She FUCKING WHAT MATE!!??
I was already like “no good, bro” just at your post…but she has had contact with him here and there over the years and never deleted his text messages????????
??
My friend, she is very very messed up in the head. How could you possibly build a life with this person, knowing that she is capable of this level of duplicity?
Six months. You haven’t even gone through any of the naked stuff that you have to go through in marriage. Pregnancy/birth, caring for a baby/children/teens, job loss, bad economies, parents growing old and needing help, random catastrophes, grieving lost friends and family….there is so so so much good and really tough stuff still to come.
Six months into marriage you should be LOCKED IN…not “curious about other dicks” and taking walks on the beach with strangers.
I say this as a mother, as a woman who married a bad partner and stayed for 15 years trying to make it work, as a woman who remarried the most wonderful partner ever, and who has been through a lot in life: you need to burn this situation to the ground and start from scratch.
Do you know how fucking lucky you are that you didn’t get her pregnant??
DO. NOT. GET. HER. PREGNANT.
Walk away. Fuck the sunk costs. Don’t find out what else she’s capable of. There’s nothing but anxiety, doubt, and heartbreak here for you.
You will love again. Start over. Don’t walk this road.
Lol dude what the fuck. You “found out” he was moving in with you? You didn't… just say “fuck no, that's not happening”?
Well you liking them for their aesthetics is a type of racial fetishism. If you don’t indulge in linking them to stereotypes in order to appease that fetish then it’s fine.
Yep, John Wayne Gacy used to do similar, his “handcuff trick”. I'd be backing away from this dude at light speed.
Yeah, do tell her but jeez dude this timing is awful. Feels a lot like a bait and switch to wait til after the wedding. People's sex drives are different, and it's an important aspect of compatibility. Maybe she'll do okay with less sex but if she really needs it this often you've set this marriage up to fail by waiting til after the wedding to start to sort this issue.
Definitely sounds like you're as convinced it's a >poof< >gone< situation.
So do the blocks (make them REAL, not some soft-delete to trash), block the phone numbers, etc., and just know enough is enough.
Are you sure she wasn’t still doing them while with you?
Find someone better.
Are you asking why I allow my husband to have sex with me…? Idk I figured we should probably do that and almost no men finish women before they start intercourse…
I…just don't understand the problem? I don't understand why you're upset, OP. The scar(s) have nothing to do with you, it doesn't bother her, so…?
Sounds like you're trying to assume something that doesn't exist for her. Maybe think about that some more.
Good luck.
As a clinical researcher who not only reads trashy romance books, but who has written three of her own… What you read in your spare time shouldn't matter! What a judgy butt head. I can read science papers, but would you catch me with a non-fiction or biography? Hell no, I read for enjoyment. Get it, girl.
Yeah I understand that. It isn’t good and I don’t want to go through that
Run like your ass is on fire! Seriously the guy you were dating had a job and place to live. Everything is great. This is totally a different person who is not responsible for his life. He hasn’t landed another job so he spent savings and is in debt? Still no income and now he has to move? I don’t understand why he didn’t take another position just to be employed he could still interview with more companies and then decide the best decision if offered a job.
He could move in with his family or friends until he works and can afford to move out in his own. Why would you allow him to move in with you and not be responsible for something? Hold people accountable.
You need to decide if he lives with you that he has to pay some bills rent/utilities and groceries as well as responsible for his chores. I don’t think it’s going to work out well like you think it will for the future. He’s not a little kid that you take home. He’s 35 and sure he didn’t quit his job but he still doesn’t have income and he’s spiraling down. You can’t save him. Please save yourself. You probably didn’t plan to financially take care of 2people on your own income, so why are you going to allow him to tell you what to do? Do you think he’s making wise decisions? Again sometimes you have to adjust and take a lower position just to be employed and paying your bills. He’s not doing that. He’s out of income and ideas so now you can take care of his living expenses? If you were already living together would you be willing to continue or do you think it might cause resentment?
Wish you all the best!
I wouldn't waste any more time on her. Full stop.
OMG your edit is hilarious. Do you really think that convinces anyone of anything?
YTA. The air of self-importance is nauseating. Who else wants to bet Mike would give a different version of events?
Even if what you are saying is “true” you have no right to interfere and ruin this for Mariah. Don’t give us the BS about trying to be a good friend. You like the idea of someone “being obsessed” with you.
Let it go and move on. Mariah and Mike are adults. What happens between them is between them.
In the meantime, if you need someone to fill in the obsessed position, I hear Target’s got a sale on mirrors going.
I don't mind he masturbates, it's the fact he's doing it thinking about other people, real people, not pornstar
I’m not quitting my job.
Huney, you need to understand a few things. First: he knows EXACTLY what he is doing. He has successfully alienated you from friends and family. He successfully manipulated you into not getting the degree that you set out to get. He is belittling and demeaning to you. But you are allowing it to happen.
However, if you decide to leave, please do not let him know; research some local women's shelters for a place to go where he cannot find you. You may have to take off a week or so from work. You can never be too careful with people like this. He will try every trick in the book to keep you from leaving. Remember, he will never change because all of his words and actions have been successful. No one changes because of another person. People change when they think they are wrong and need to change. He does not think he is wrong. Best of luck.
And all that means is that you dont know what porn addiction is.
By helping him find a therapist?
Your therapist is right, you are not entitled to control your son’s life trajectory.
You saying that you don’t want to control him, you just want him to take you into consideration, that’s just being dishonest to yourself and rephrasing it in such a way that it sounds a little better to yourself and others.
You’re upset that he’s not putting consideration for you and your desires above what he and his wife want for themselves. You’re upset that they’re not living their lives for you, instead they’re focused on what they want.
Your children are not responsible for your happiness and fulfillment.
Your son is not abandoning you by living his life for himself. That language is emotionally abusive, and loaded with your own unfair expectations of him, and your hurt that he is not fulfilling those expectations to his detriment.
If you want an entity in your life that lives to cater to your desires above their own, then please get a pet. Having children with the expectation that they will grow up to conform to your life desires and wishes is wrong.
Please stay in therapy and listen to your therapist. If you continue to put these unreasonable expectations on your adult child, and result to emotionally abusive tactics (which you’re already tending towards) to enforce this obligation, he will likely grow to resent you, and you risk pushing him away, to the point where you actually will not have a relationship with your son, not this made-up scenario where him him living somewhere else equals no relationship.
If I sound harsh, that’s because I mean to be. My perspective comes from your son’s end, with a mother with similar expectations and reactions, who did not realize she was not only wrong but became increasingly emotionally abusive to the point where she no longer has a relationship with her son.
Move on, she has the right to wait for sex and you have the right to be with someone who wants to be sexually active.
Yeah, the omission would be the biggest issue for me.
exactly! & he is already cheating. no one does all this crap just to argue
Then, there's no future with her. Sorry to tell you. I speak as someone who came from an abusive family who would try to guilt me into putting up with their BS because my genetic donor raised me so he can't be wrong… I'm married to the most wonderful man in the world and you best believe the first hint of toxicity I cut them off completely. My sibling has not done the same for their marriage and you would not believe the level of cruelty that's directed at even their children in my genetic donor's quest to isolate and demean my sibling.
I'd take her back. I am a sucker though. If I could go back in time to one of these messages from an ex I'd tell them this:
I just want someone to sleep next to at night without worry. If you're gonna make me worry and not be considerate when you do then why would we make sense together. You can't forget about me… You have to take me with you when you're gone even if it's just in spirit. I'm always thinking about you and sometimes I have to numb myself to deal with the infinite harm that may come to you while not by my side… And you make fun of me for it… Worrying. When you do that the numbness continues even when you are around. I can't even muster up the strength to buy you flowers. Why buy them for someone who has no values. I could hand you sand or my lungs and heart and you'd treat these gifts as deserved, not precious. To be with you is to be worthless. I loved the way you treated and respected me. Eventually I found that wasn't you, it was you acting how you thought you were supposed to like it's tv. If you dedicated yourself to the role you might've ended up believing your own act and becoming a better person alongside me. If you dedicated yourself to anything you'd at least be something to me. I can't even appreciate you anymore because you change so much and are upset I struggle to catch up… Not that I wasn't running ragged so you could online your life. Not that I had any space for my own change without you seeing it as a threat to the attention I give you. Everyone has baggage and you left yours at home with me to party and go be someone else. I became a reminder of your own responsibility. The easier you made your life away from me the harder it became to come home to me. I will not be with you if I am unable to get good sleep near you.
Anyways, I did like that she said she talked to her mom about the alcohol. Even though she's saying she's going to get better this is a good time to ask what she actually needs. Maybe she wants to cook dinner with you or more romance. She should least look inside herself and tell you what she felt was missing. That way, even if you don't get back together, you get some free advice on how to be a more engaged partner for the next person.
I'd say ask for a coffee date in public that way if she cries you can believe her tears. The only reason to block people is because one of you is out of control so if you think you're in control of the situation, handle it. Heck, bring a friend. It may be awkward but if she wants to plead a case then a jury is fine too. My big sister helped me like that once and it felt good for her to jump in and say “you really hurt him.”
Free advice for her too: replace any alcohol bottles in her place with water bottles. The reflex to drink can be trained out. Get to bed at the same time for a while. Seeing herself struggle with the pangs should make it clear to her some of this wasn't her choice. The lifestyle is addictive. Not that she wants to hear you tell her what to do some more lol, but maybe ask some of the ways she's trying to get better and try to listen for good habits she's trying. Key word is trying, a lotta talk from people and as soon as you give them validation for the idea they just skip it since they've collected the good vibes already. “Oh, is that gonna work? Let me know next time we talk.” That almost sounds like a reward if she does good.
I don't really believe in break ups because people can always change. I also don't believe it's a good idea to walk into a burning building without some protection. She is burning her life down and you want to help. That's what good people do. Do you know how to help? Do you know when you're off balance or do you wait until you fall and things hurt. Meditation is stellar. Sometimes it's guitar or your hobbies. Something that relaxes you so when something else is barely off you clearly know. If it lasts longer than a few days then address it. You need your own mental space too.
When she was throwing gasoline on herself you tried to stop her. She was waiting for something in her life to fall apart. Only when you left did she feel the gas fill the room to the point she was drowning. She wanted something else to end her because “everything bad happens to her.” Seeing her own stupidity about to take her under was very scary. It was no one's fault but her own and she saw that.
If she's taking responsibility then to me, if she tries again, she's not ignorant of her actions. That's some mental security if you did take her back.
Yup. I feel hella disconnected with him. I don’t want to imagine what having kids with him would be like. We are pretty much roommates. I’ll have to figure this out soon because I don’t want to waste my youth feeling like this
He wont be in jail the charges brought before him are a joke it's just the left panicking because we a year away and Trumps support is insane already. I love American politics and Trumps gonna win. I don't even support him and he gonna win. Democrats have turned everything to shit and brought the world to the brink of WW3.
I don't need to so research dude, everyone has had enough and it is gonna kick off I know that because all those basement dwellers are not in there basement anymore. They starting small groups everywhere waiting fur 2024 I know this because that's all people,are talking about they have had enough if trans people and the left in general. America is close to civil war and the right outnumber the left 20 to 1, why do you thinks trans groups in America are all gun training because they know thsts coming.
I don't need anger management, I'm as mad as most people and we all getting ready for 2024 both in UK and USA.
The left are weak. Words hurt them. 2024 is not gonna be a good year for them
Your aunts house.
Leave. He's a POS, a liar, and a cheater. And he has the nerve to blame you. No liar is worth your time, ever.
If you couldn't be jealous seeing him with an ex then you're probably just not that into him. If the ex-lover suddenly had a new girl and didn't want to be your friend anymore, you wouldn't be jealous?
If not, then maybe you don't need men at all – you seem to be too good for them.
This girl is CRAZY. You need to RUN. She’s already wrongfully accused you of rape. She could destroy your life.
You two just aren’t sexually compatible. It sucks but for many, it’s an important piece of a relationship and a mismatch = break up.
You can’t make yourself want to have more sex. And you shouldn’t have sex you don’t want to have.
As for the porn, you get to feel how you feel but I’m afraid you’re in for a rude awakening. I don’t know many men who don’t consume porn. Especially if they don’t have access to sex.
I don't know, I'm not that guy. I just felt over the years my libido just slip away. I don't wake up anymore wanting to fuck everything that moves.
He is having an emotional affair with her.
Contact an attorney.
I was in a relationship just like this one once. For two years! I was scared to leave because I was scared they would follow through with it.
I agree if people threaten this and follow through then their issues were far greater than you/anything you could have done to fix them. I think a person’s mental health journey is theirs to traverse. Obviously you can be a support system for them but they are the only ones who can commit to the change.
I eventually ended my relationship because it was unhealthy for me. I did some internet snooping on my ex. They’re still alive and kicking. They appear to be happily married with kids. So don’t be afraid to leave.
True, didn’t think about the pictures thing.
But you’re dead wrong about the age of consent. Google is your friend – give it a try. The age of consent (to have sex with anyone else who’s also at or above that age completely regardless of Romeo and Juliet laws) in the majority of the USA as well as the world is 16.
If she is envisioning a future with you then she will have to introduce you or the idea of you to her family at some point. The question is if she’s invested enough in the relationship to push through the awkwardness/difficulty of actually doing that. If she wants to be with you, she will be willing to talk to you and come up with a plan for how to move forward with her family. If she is so worried about her family that she wants to hide you indefinitely and is unwilling to work out some concrete steps with you, then she may not be as vested in you as you might think.
You could always ask him. Quickest way to figure it out.
Childhood relationships don’t always last because you’re both growing and changing, and still are. Having it be an LDR makes that 10x harder when you’ve only visited them 10 times throughout the years (I’m assuming because you said about 2 times a year). You’re at a time in your life where you’re wanting to explore and figure yourself out and this includes romantically.
You can try to do more things together to feel connected but if they have a busy schedule, you barely see each other and you feel you’d be happier with someone closer, go with your gut. Don’t think about what they’ll do in the future, think about yourself. You do nothing for you both to long for something different, but stay with them because of your anxiety. You deserve to be happy and they deserve someone who will love them.
And she is still your girlfriend. Why?? Walk away now and find someone BETTER than her. Who the hell says that to their significant other? I'm still getting used to your face? Wtf does that even mean? Bro, walk away now!!
Sounds like you spoiled your kids from the beginning. ESH, you’re husband is probably over worked and can’t sleep enough so he probably can’t even process half the things going on, and you’re complaining of a 9-5 and 2 kids. I’m sure you knew full well what you were getting yourself into with 2 kids and an overworked husband.
Thanks for your reply! We both decided to not explicitly tell our family about our relationship since we were definitely a few years away from marriage. And our families don't take well to dating as a concept unless it carries the promise of marriage. That said both families have reasonable human beings and aren't going to go crazy even if they have their doubts