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Languages: en,ko,ru
Birth Date: 2002-05-28
Body Type: bodyTypeThin
Ethnicity: ethnicityMixed
Hair color: hairColorBlack
Eyes color: eyeColorBrown
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so you started dating when you were 21 and 44? he's only keeping you around so you don't leave him.
Boundaries are for us, as in your boundary is not to be w someone who vapes. So he vaped and your boundary is that you don't date people who do this. But you stayed. That means it wasn't a boundary. It was an arbitrary rule used to modify his behavior (no vaping) and when he didn't listen to YOUR boundary you ran out and the whole evening is ruined chasing you home now? That's manipulative behavior.
You should go to alanon if your family history is causing you to treat people like this. You should stand back and see who people are and THEN decide. Not tell someone what your boundary NEEDS to be, and it's up to them to do what you want. That's controlling. If he vapes he vapes. Let him be who he is. If you were actually comfortable w your boundaries you would have never told him not to vape, you would say you don't date people who vape (and then lie about it) and then that's it. Now you are causing all this stress. Leave the boy alone stop even thinking about how to control another person and focus on yourself.
So, what I’ve learned in therapy after having OCD for 30+ years is that it manifests in a lot of subtle ways outside of the more toxic/difficult to manage obsession/rumination/compulsion cycles. It’s kind of like ADHD in that it changes the structure of your brain in the way that you think, so it can influence all sorts of other behaviors or ways of thinking without necessarily being a symptom that needs to be managed or controlled. For me, there’s an OCD thing called “just right” feelings, where if something is off or weird I feel a compulsion to fix it or understand it fully. I have a hot time dropping things. Over the years this has led to a very strong ability to notice minute details in everything around me (probably because I would retreat into myself a lot as a kid when I was ruminating and would hyper focus on things around me as a way to dissociate), and also a difficult level of perfectionism that drives me to compulsively obsess over researching things or learning things if I even have the slightest curiosity about them. People with OCD don’t like uncertainty, so if there’s something I’m curious enough about that I want an answer, I will literally drop everything I’m doing and look it up until I’m satisfied lol.
I think I’ll be uncomfortable
Really strange. In the US medical care is expensive and has to be paid for if one has no health insurance. As he has no work they simply may not be able to afford it.
Unless these girls are really oblivious… are you sure you aren’t going to find that there’s a surprise for you too? This is utterly bizarre, but maybe they have a plan to surprise you that of course it’s your bday party too and they thought this was a good set up for that with you seemingly in on your brother’s party?