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That's disgusting, dump him.
Thank you!
I am so, so sorry you're going through this. I cannot imagine all the hurts you're feeling right now. Please make sure that you have a therapist to help you through the grieving process so the kids aren't further effected if your mental health tanks. I lost my Mom at age 21 and I was not okay for about 5 years after. I can't imagine losing a sibling at this stage in life. Make sure you're surrounded by a loving, strong support system and please keep finding reasons to take good care of yourself, for those precious babies who need you. ?
she's a bitch and it's his fault
I do think that was a bad time to talk about forming any kind of potential relationship though.
Are you sure being extremely drunk and moments before sex is a bad time to work out the next steps of your relationship? lol
This girl wasn’t even his first choice of girls to date out of his friends. She was the second (which is also the last haha).
Don’t date or sleep with your friends unless you’re fine with losing your friends.
Yes you should tell her, but you need to tell her the truth.
That he told you that he had a girlfriend, and that you still had sex with him. You both are at fault for what happened.
Feeling shitty after the fact doesn’t absolve you from your part in it. As soon as he told you, you should have said good bye.
Text him that you wish him all the best in the future. Then you block him everywhere and go no contact.
I mean, my biological dad wasn't really a part of my life that much. My stepdad was more of a dad than my bio dad ever was. Situations are tough. If someone I knew was having fertility issues, I'd consider helping, but if I have a partner, it would definitely be a discussion first. I think people are getting hung up on the wrong part.
Yes it’s cheating. I have female friends and colleagues and I have sent very hot pictures to none of them. This isn’t normal behavior between friends in any society.
Even if her friends were planting seeds of fomo/discontent,if the relationship was solid they wouldn't have grown. As they said, there is a lot of change between 19 and 28 and if you weren't growing together, you grow apart.
No, but Christmas shouldn't be about expensive presents. It's the thought that counts. Write a beautiful letter or write a card and tell her how much you love her. Maybe, if you have money, buy her flowers or her favorite candy?
You have to get her something.
My advice is get some nice bubble bath a bunch of candles some wine and put in some effort to make her feel cared for.
If shes the woman of your dreams then make her feel that way however you can.
yeah i know 5 months is nothing but he's been my bestfriend for over a year now so that makes it even harder. probably shouldve put that in the post
Tbh i said i love u within the first week of me and my gf dating. It isnt something u should put too much emphasis on but something that seems to fit the moment. Like if ur making out or u just feel a surge of like lovingness to ur bf u can use that to just tell him u love him. It is pretty much just a phrase and u should relax about stressing when u should say it and just let it flow out naturally
Thanks. I did meet two of them with the potential to meet a possible third, but I worry she thinks I'm totally over it.
And you still let your mother manipulate you? Please, put your phone on silent mode and ignore her completely when you go out. She treats you like a child but the worst thing is that you LET her do this.
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Men in their 50s do not have respectful, balanced relationships with women in their 30s.
Why are you still with this person? There is absolutely no reason to be in this 'relationship'. You need to just block this person and move on with your life. She doesn’t love you or give a shit about you. You don't love her either,you only love the idea of what you want her to be.
Were all of her reactions that physical? Did she always strike you when she's “triggered”?
A weight gain of 12lbs in 8 months, when I imagine your appetite has been improving as well after you started your meds, is totally normal. The fact that you’re still only 124lbs, you’re nowhere near overweight and are in fact on the lower end of the healthy weight range. When I went on antidepressants I gained 5 stone and went up 3 dress sizes. Your bf has no idea what he’s talking about, and your weight gain isn’t unhealthy.
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Let me just say this: this is not normal. You two need to find a way for you to be able to online your life as you see fit because you DO have a life outside this relationship. If she can't do that, this isn't going to work out, especially since you're long-distance.
So go marry Wendy to keep her happy.
Its a pretty dumb to appease others at your own expense. Stop socializing with Wendy, she doesn't respect your boundaries
You tweaking
You did a good thing, your sister isn’t a good person and she has a history so.. if she didn’t want to be labeled a cheater she shouldn’t cheat. You did nothing wrong I’d follow up with him and let him decide what he wants to do
You're wrong, for you're only assuming, and he was honest with his response.
Chlamydia during pregnancy can cause SERIOUS problems with the fetus/baby. The reason it's tested for in pregnancy is because it can have long lasting effects on the child.
It seems like you may have trouble with self-respect, but please care for your child. Your partner could have caused serious illness in your child. This isn't something to take lightly. I recommend speaking with your doctor about the risks of Chlamydia during pregnancy and birth for the child to see how serious it could have been if you didn't catch it.
Also? Many antibiotics also shouldn't be taken during pregnancy. What if you had a strain of Chlamydia that was resistant to some antibiotics and you needed to take something that could affect your pregnancy?
You need to get him off porn. He is losing himself in fantasy vs reality.
He has a porn addiction and ruining your relationship. Get him therapy.
I asked my husband to marry me and it was a great decision. As long as you’re clear on your goals and you don’t think he will take this as a sign of disrespect re: his boundary on when he thinks marriage is appropriate
I agree. But the strength is standing against their manipulation has to come from your girlfriend.
You are totally allowed to have boundaries like “Your family will never move in with us” or “The max money we can send monthly is X dollars”.
Do you both want kids in the future? I know that together you both make very very good money (upper class), but childcare and other associated expenses can be a lot. I think it would help to frame how that money can enrich your lives, rather than just saying no to giving anything. Not that there is anything wrong with a no, but as your girlfriend she deserves to know your reasoning behind it.
I think you should think about if this is someone you want to date. He doesn’t sound respectful to either his girlfriend or you.
My partner needs to be in bed by about 8:30 due to his schedule. That doesn’t always work for me so he goes to bed and I stay up and then sleep on the couch so as not to bother him. ?♀️
What is her issue?
Who's going to pay her rent then?
You’ll never know: that’s a bad place to be.
If I were in your place, I would make very clear, There’s a difference between “secrecy” and “privacy.” You’re entitled to your privacy, but the more stuff you delete or that he asks you to delete, the more stuff you hide, the more you drift from legit privacy to secrecy that’s poisonous to our relationship.
That’s not being controlling, it’s just stating the facts.
My wife and I both have friends and even friends who were exes. We give each other privacy to conduct those relationships. But we don’t “hide” that stuff. We share it, because the more solid those walls become between us, the weaker our partnership becomes.
If anybody asked me or my wife to delete messages, I think our reply would be, “sure, after I share it with my spouse whom I trust totally to keep your confidences.”
Maybe you should have just been loyal to your wife to begin with?
I basically told him to tell me if he ever felt like actually hurting himself. So I can get him help. He regretted telling me that in the first place. I wasn't planning on leaving him. We were just talking about future what ifs. He wasn't like actively threatening to hurt himself. We were in a good place. But sometimes I think I'd just like a little break but I'm afraid of what he might do.
Last time I hinted at taking a little break he nearly started hyperventilating. I don't really wanna leave leave , I just want some time to think about what we're doing here.
I love how you keep making out telling him will counter the wrong that you did.
The fact you need to tell him you fucked his girlfriend is still WRONG. It isn’t a GOOD THING. And it won’t make you “look more slimey” you are the definition of slimey. Her bf will just realise that.
My chaotic side would love to. But I want to prove that I’m the better person by not getting back at him the same way :/ maybe i’ll just exclude him in certain coop games but not a whole server ? Idk
He vibrates with insecurity
Take the dive and try something new. Maybe one day you could rent your own chair like hair salons offer their stylists.
However, beware of the coding boot camps bc I've heard bad things about the “guaranteed employment after training” ones (essentially they hound you until you find work, and there are some weird clauses in their contracts). Maybe dip your toe with some community college classes instead.
Nope she needs space because OP isn’t her first choice. 2 weeks are you kidding me. She will ditch op the moment this guy sends a text. Never be someone’s second choice.
her baby… her child? her 2 year old? that was a baby at the time?
I could help her, and her me.
No, you can't, and no she can't. This is some serious white knight savior energy & you are too old to be thinking like this. If someone attempts suicide let them get professional mental health help. You aren't a shrink, you aren't going to save her, this isn't some grand romantic moment where you take her to the zoo and she's now all cheery and fixed. Also, a person coping with suicidal ideation isn't going to help you. Leave her be.
I don’t repeat my opinion 5 times in the same subreddit, no I don’t think I’m that special but thanks for trying to relate with me
As I said in my comment above, it's most likely a control tactic. It's called negging. He's trying to put you down and give you an insecurity so you'd feel as if no one else is going to put up with how you “smell.” This way he keeps you down and hopefully in the relationship thinking you can't do better.
At least, that's the most likely scenario. Maybe. Maybe there is a chance it's something else like someone else said that he's in a rare few that has a hyper nose.
So you have a couple of options on how to deal with it. The clear one is to break up with someone who actively tries to sabotage your mental security in order to control you and make you feel bad on purpose. I get why you may feel like not jumping into that, though, but there are other options and anyways you're going to want to call him out on it.
Maybe you still want to stay with him after realizing this is mentally abusive and would rather try to stop him. So how do you do that? You hold him accountable and call him out.
You tell him straight up that sniffing your armpits looking for orders is way out of line and quite frankly weird. That you realized he's negging you and that he needs to stop and apologize if he wants this relationship to continue.
If he absolutely refuses that and sticks by him, smelling odors. Demand he goes and sees a doctor. Hell, it could even be that he is smelling stuff but that there's something physically wrong with him.
Your score doesn't drop because it's a more expensive car finance manager here
I personally know someone who got pregnant three times while on BC. She tried the pill, got pregnant on the pill. Then she tried the implant, got pregnant on the implant. Then she tried the shot, got pregnant on the shot. Although the success rate is very, very high I guess for some people it just doesn't work.
It is possible that she tampered, it's also possible that it genuinely didn't work. We of course can only speculate so much, you obviously will be able to figure out the truth eventually.
Good luck.
Your first mistake was being in a relationship with a married man. Like the good ol saying, “you made your bed, now you gotta lie in it.”
He also sounds like a douchebag who isn't very respectful. Are you sure you want to be with someone like that? You know if he cheated on his wife with you, he WILL cheat on you with someone else.
Why did you lie about your age?
Yeah, I'm surprised not a lot of the comments talk about this. The age maturity gap alone raised a red flag for me, OP is being used.
Wait so he apparently raped her and she wants to go out with him?!??! Wtf dude she either lied about it or is in denial. Dump her.
I didn't give up my education, I'm still going to college, but now online.
Even my mom told me I should get Botox (I'm 26), cause it's better to do before the wrinkles form. I was just astounded at the suggestion.
What you do is you leave him. He's 28 and he's not going to change, because he is selfish and immature.
You know what's in your future if you stay? Imagine having kids with him, and he'll be asking for oral a day after you give birth or when you haven't slept in days.
And sooner or later, he'll cheat and he'll be gaslighting you because you didn't give him enough oral.
Cut your losses, tell him to suck it and find someone who actually does respect you.
If you want another kid, then you are going to have to leave him.
Neither of you are wrong wanting what you do regarding kids, but the incompatibility means that one of you is always going to resent the other, you for not having another child, or him if you manage to ‘convince’ him to have another.
And do not try to get pregnant by deception (going off your pill, removing your iud, poking holes in the condoms etc) as all that will do is make you a single parent to 2 children, and have your name slammed around your family and friends as someone who assaults their partner to get pregnant.
This is surprisingly normal and will probably last a good few more years. As humans, we constantly question our own decisions and are never sure if the choice we made is the right one. You seem to know that, so the main thing I can think of is that you partly blame yourself for the relationship going the way it did. But I don't think you should..sometimes relationships just don't work. Maybe seek therapy and express these feelings of guilt to try and find the root cause.
Once a cheater always a cheater. You say you dont really have a place to go (friends, family etc) and you built a life with her.
If I were you I would just burn every bridge behind me. Take a vacation, try to move somewhere else and leave her. Maybe the distance will help.
I would frame this in his “frame of reference”. Is he still doing the same surgery as 10 years ago? Has he learned new things since then? The children are not toddlers now, what is that they want to do at lunchtime? They are developing their own independence and making their own choices guided by parents is a part of that holistic personality growth as well.
Making your choices a part of all of your lives doesn't have to be at the exclusion of say cleaning, but to do what you need to do you need a reward and money doesn't seem to motivate you. So what is it that you need to do that would work? Could you learn something new that is fun for you and has a benefit for everyone?
Just because 8 years ago you agree to something doesn't stop you growing as a person, no one does stop, you need more than cooking and cleaning to stimulate your mind, consider that as an approach as well, he has to learn new techniques, well so do you to be a better wife, right? Or does he expect you to never leave the house? That is a whole other issue.
Very hot not to when your super intimate. Then also being best friends and laughing n shit daily u just fall for them sometimes. Naked when it’s basically like a bf.
yeah, that is child abuse. neglectful child abuse at best but i cannot understand how any functional adult cannot see that bleach does not go on baby skin
I never said that. Mariah is beautiful, all my friends are baddies
Have you tried talking to a therapist? You can do it online.
The problem is that early exposure will lead to a spousal support settlement if it impacts her career. As shitty as it sounds, i have seen that happen multiple times over at /r/survivinginfidelity .
The best practice is to wait until declared divorced and then discreetly tell the other party.
Oh I never asked her to babysit!! Never. I understand that. and I understand health comes first! This just came so out of the blue though because for months she told me she would never go and wanted to stay with us. You’re right though boundaries are appropriate which is why I’m respecting the space she requested. It was just so sudden
Yeah I’m starting to feel like I’m on an episode of Dateline. I can’t believe this is my life. It’s dehumanizing and embarrassing. I feel very helpless and that makes me feel angry.
We usually see each other every weekend. Not for more than a day or so though. Recently life has been busy for both of us so it’s been a little more infrequent, probably more along the line of once every two weeks. I’ll probably spend a Friday and half day at her place and the same for mine.
We had a separate convo about a week ago about her basically being on her phone a bunch when I’m w her. I didn’t come off accusatory or anything, but I guess what she gathered from it was I can’t be on my phone when I’m w u, which was not the case or what I was attempting to stress. I think i need to just talk to her about setting boundaries and what we want from what I gathered from most responses
It makes me so happy to see that you are maybe starting to trust your bf when he says he loves the way you look, I really hope you can start to feel better about yourself, you don't need surgeries to be accepted
Dude, nothing in your block of text suggests you are well beyond it. It’s been six years – you need to figure this all out and consider talking to someone professionally.
They also need to stop. They are going to end up killing her if they don’t. I won’t mince words here: the bottom for her may be a very lonely experience and then her crying and begging for REAL help from a treatment center or AA, and a lot of patience. OR, the bottom may be she keeps going and drinks herself into an early grave, either by an accident of cirrhosis. It’s scary, and it sucks that you feel powerless, but this is beyond your ability to control. There’s a chance she has severe depression. That often goes hand in hand with these older adult addiction situations, and that’s why the “i may as well just die” feeling is there for them. Maybe have her talk to a therapist and get to the root of why she’s wanting to numb it all.
Not really much you can do here. It’ll probably get better after the birth. Just be more careful with the birth control until you’re both a little older
If you have not been able to look at or talk to anyone else the last two years why didn't you get back with her when she wanted to?
Pretty sure they were dragging the guy for getting super wasted at his anniversary party (and every Friday) and making a jab at his wife about her weight when she jabbed him for drinking too much.
If sexual acts around her boss is okay for tou to see but the rest is not then the only solution is to get out of that relationship asap. Because that can only be even more revolting than it already is.