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Bro, It’s either a shot test (unconscious) or feeling you out (on purpose) for doing it
Either way, if you want her to respect you, which she clearly doesn’t, don’t talk about your feelings with her unless she ask you to do so first. Remove attention. Do not fight. Pull back. Naked if you have to. When she asks why, then tell her
NTA I think anyone not in a long term monogamous trusting relationship should get one.
Because I want to.
You don’t make that mistake three times
Tell her now that she needs to get help bc you are at the point of wanting to break it off.
If the baby is yours this will be a lifelong connection you both have. I say this as someone that had a similar experience.
Relationships are work and if you want to be in your child’s life then there’s a few things you need to consider.
First, at least in my state, she would have sole custody of the child. You would be required to pay support for the child. In my state it is 20% of your net income.
For me it has been very rewarding to have my son. We ultimately married, and while we are having issues right now I hope to resolve them and keep my family together.
So advice from someone that made a lot of mistakes:
1) Learn to communicate. Talk about the things that bother you. Not about how your partner is doing things that bother you. Separate the act from the person. You like the person. You dislike the act.
2) Consider relationship classes together. Classes focus on enriching and building your relationship. Counseling focuses on addressing problems in your relationship. At least in my experience. Address problems but don’t dwell. Learn to build your relationship into something strong and you will weather a lot of problems.
3) Do not at any point for any reason no matter how upset you are ever ever ever threaten to end the relationship. Threatening breakups or divorce undermine the foundation of your family. I learned this the hardest way when I would do it to signal to my partner that I had been pushed too far and needed help. Threatening breakup or divorce is a purely destructive action that only damages trust, safety and security. These are all things that someone who is pregnant will need in abundance. They are moving into a very vulnerable time if their life.
5) Be patient. Take one day at a time. There will be a lot of tough days. It will seem aggravating and illogical and senseless and crazy sometimes. But the best time of my life started when my now-wife was pregnant. It was a great experience. It was scary. It was frustrating. It was wonderful. When you are upset, write it down. Get it out of your system. And then delete it. If you are still mad, sleep on it. If you are still mad, talk to someone else. When you are calmed down, talk your issues through then. Talk about the issue and not the problem. However many days it takes to calm down, take those days one at a time. Anger is a secondary emotion. It comes from something else. Fear or hurt or something else. Understand the real reason you are angry and talk about that. People respond way better to “I’m scared” or “I’m hurt” instead of “I’m angry”.
There are so many more pieces of advice I could give. None of them I followed and I am in a bad place as a result. My wife filed for divorce. I wish I could be back at the point you are at and do differently.
This can be a life long path you go down. An incredible path. But you have to learn that you are part of a bigger whole and that’s it’s not just how you feel about things.
If she isn’t ready, that’s fine. Don’t do anything that pushes her away. As naked as it might be, talk about other things. Ask about her experience. Be a safe place, someone she talks to. She will gravitate towards you if you are not a source of stress, chaos or conflict. And after time, you will figure the rest out.
Good luck
Well you clearly didnt choose your daughter, because the moment your wife's abusive behaviour towards your child started, you should have divorced her. Instead you allowed it continue until the point that she screamed at your daughter and sliced her own arms open and accused her of being the cause of that.
You failed as a father, and this is going to fuck your daughter up for years to come.
Uh no not at all what I’m saying, I feel like anyone in a high stress situation like that regardless of gender would be subject to making irrational decisions afterwards
You wanna talk stats but you can never predict what an unpredictable person is gonna do, they know there’s a single female in the home by herself. That’s an easy target. I’m saying going to stay with her friends would be a better option then stayin in the same house.
Don’t twist my words to fit whatever weird thing you wanna make up in your head
And she’s the older sister. What a role model she is.
This is exactly the point I am at. I want to work on myself and fix myself but I believe I have already screwed up this relationship.
I have the thought that if I would have meet her with this age and having screwed it up in other relationships, she would have been the woman of my life (she probably is)
I never took accountability for my actions and never thought about the future me, that lead to repeating patterns and making the same mistakes again and again, but this time something have make click, and not just because of the relationship, but because of myself. That’s why I doubt what to do.
I totally get that buying it for yourself is commemorative. but I think the way you handled it wasn't very tactful. I'm assuming from what you said, that you mentioned the watch to her and didn't tell her it was important and symbolic that you buy it for yourself. from her perspective, you mentioned something you wanted, and she probably saved for a while to get it for you to celebrate this milestone. I know for me, when I plan and save to get someone something I know they'll like, I'm really excited and happy beforehand imagining their smile when they open it. she probably built up this whole scenario of making you feel happy, and then you just dumped on her. that's got to hurt.
I would definitely think about that, put yourself in her shoes, and give her an honest apology for how you talked to her. because that was objectively mean.
that said, of course you have the right to actualize this important moment for yourself. I think if you really take responsibility for being mean and making her feel bad for trying to be kind, and then explain exactly what purchasing the watch for yourself means to you, she'll understand.
Those are not your friends.
She should see a doctor. That you have to finish yourself is a huge red flag though. Why doesn't she help you with that? It's really likely that even if she solves the medical sex issue you still end up with a dead bedroom.
Yes definitely- especially if its someone you know/in a friend group that you have non-sexual contact with frequently – it makes time and room for too many feelings. If you're doing it for the sexual fantasy alone it far better to go with a stranger that can be “forgotten about” so to speak (incase things go bady or “too” well), its easier to cut that person off or to leave it as one night only and go no contact if need be.
Yea that's not great, usually you'd do something even at home. Id have suggested going out twice if you can have one meal you don't post and one that you do.
Without context to your relationship no one can say if she's really into you or not, at that age she could have just had a dream in her head of what your anniversary should be, but it does seem like she has a social media addiction or is kinda shallow about her public appearance. It will change with age unless she becomes famous or something. The importance of social media is hollow and you do learn that eventually.
Since you already talked to her about being friends more than 1 time it will be creepy.
Presumably you have a supervisor. Take it up with them once you've tried to put it right between the two of you. Let them know that you can't be fielding questions from her when you're with a patient.
I feel like I’m the only person who is going to say this so I’m going for it. I have an extremely open and honest relationship with my husband. We tell each other everything and especially the embarrassing stuff. If this happened to him, I would expect it to go down the same way. And he would tell me all about it. And we would laugh and I would make fun of him. I’m sorry it didn’t go how you expected. Buy her a waxing kit and ask if she wants to get you off instead? Idk her humor but that would crack me up.
She feels that I should be finding things to do.
This tells me everything I need to know.
Why work naked when it just means you have to keep working harder?
So, let me get this straight.
Your only income is working part time – retired? Widowed/divorced former SAHM?
Your adult daughter, who works full time, has continued to live under your roof, paying for the utilities you both use and I'm guessing at least some of the food. She also personally paid for renovations to the room she lived in, which you could either not afford to or could not be bothered to pay for basic maintenance on. She owns the only vehicle in the household, which is extensively customized, and has sentimental value related to her father, which she kindly allows you to use to run chores.
You unilaterally decided to kick her out of her room so that your sister and her kids could move into it, even though your house is clearly too small to house 5 people for any length of time and your income is insufficient to cover 5 people's basic needs either. Your daughter at this point assumes the majority of the rent.
It's now been 3 months of sleeping on the couch instead of in the room she paid for, with no end in sight, despite originally telling her 3 weeks.
You argued with her because you want her to sell her car and buy a larger one in order to chauffeur you and your sister and kids around on her own dime and time – and I'm guessing by implication either drive your sister to work everyday if she took the too distant job, or allow her to use the car everyday. You lied to her face that you would buy her car back after your sister moved out – a car that you can't afford, your daughter knows you can't afford, and one where I can't see anyone who was interested in a heavily modded sports car in the first place being willing to just turn around and sell it back in its original condition at anything like the price they paid. Your daughter absolutely knows that she would never get her very sentimental car back, and also that you hate her car and would love to have it permanently gone.
So, pushed to the brink, you stupidly tell her to clear all of her possessions out of her room (guess that 3 months is turning semi-permanent, though that was already obvious). She looses it and decides to go with malicious compliance, and has everything she paid for in there (which was everything) removed before taking off to get the hell away from her financially abusive leech of a mother (and hopefully an actual bed).
I think the big question here becomes not whether she'll bring back the stuff or sell the car, but have you beaten her down emotionally enough that she'll eventually succumb to guilt and come back to let you use and abuse her some more, or if she's finally done with you. I really hope it's the latter.
You’ve got nothing to explain. He isn’t 2 years old. Do you really think he doesn’t understand it’s not nice? Do you think he’s that stupid?
He’s saying it with the very clear and conscious intention of hurting you. And for some reason you are oblivious.
It’s not about whether you should keep the feeling to yourself or tell him- it’s about the fact that you shouldn’t be with someone who even for a second thinks this is a reasonable way to speak to a partner.
Sounds like some 90 day fiancé shit.