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Kat (brownmeow), 22 y.o.
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It sounds like you two need to have a conversation
As a husband who has been w my wife 32 years this is unacceptable. She tells you this guy is texting her that’s not in her department, they don’t see each other, he doesn’t know she’s married and she even had to ask you “should I tell him I’m married?”, she immediately gets defensive when you try to acquire the minimum information and tell her it makes you uncomfortable and says you’re accusing her to being up to no good, refuses the free Uber ride back home 30 minutes away, spouses aren’t invited, she won’t let you go stay in the hotel room, it’s even her birthday and she doesn’t want you around plus everything else.
This is not a rational response from a wife to her husband who is concerned about her. I’ve been to many office gatherings w my wife for her job and there’s never been an issue.
If my wife were to act like yours and was so defensive she refused to talk to me we’d definitely have issues. This is disrespectful to you as her husband especially when the coworker doesn’t know she’s married and she hasn’t told him she’s married.
So the totality of this situation is all wrong. Whether you trust her completely or you don’t her being evasive about it all is troubling.
The normal response from a wife when her husband is asking about this party, travel and hotel stay would be to discuss where it’ll be, what time she’ll arrive, how long the party will be approximately, why aren’t spouses invited to at least stay in the hotel room after the gathering etc. A civil conversation is what happens in normal marriage w nothing to hide.
What bothers me is they offer free Uber to and from yet she wants to stay alone on her birthday. Won’t allow you to take her or pick her up, won’t allow you to stay in the room and this guy is an issue especially when she doesn’t tell him she married.
All these other people saying you’re just s jealous husband who doesn’t trust his wife must not be married or give a shit about their marriage.
If my wife told me that me doing a certain thing makes her feel uncomfortable we’d talk about it and if it was too much for her I wouldn’t do it. Marriage is a compromise. Not immediately getting defensive and accusing the spouse of being up to no good.
Your feelings are valid. If she isn’t capable or willing to sit and discuss this calmly w o accusing you of jealousy etc then there is definitely an issue so that needs to be addressed.