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Wow.
She went all this way and allowed you to audit her phone deeper than anything ever seen and you still don’t trust her even though every single questionable one was before you were serious? (Couldn’t find one questionable case in what you described.)
And she even blocked people just because of your insecurities and has had no contact with almost all since you arrived?
Going to be honest. If you don’t trust her now, how will you ever? Don’t see how you can stay together after all this. Will she always have to provide an audit of her phone because her word is never enough? If her having consensual relationships in the pst makes you visceral, how can you ever undo that?
I would advise you to seriously think about why you can’t trust people and have to go through her life with a comb and that’s still not enough. I don’t see how she can stay with you.
Good luck. Really hope you find someone that can put your mind at ease and that you can find happiness.
(Going to be brutally honest so you understand why I think you are way beyond the line. If she came up to me and described the same thing I would ask her “why do you want to be with someone who not only never trusts your word, doesn’t trust you when he makes you jump through all these hoops, and after that still doesn’t trust you? If deleting and blocking you haven’t talked in 4 years isn’t enough for him, what will be?”)
Sorry if i’m too blunt. Don’t mean any offense but I think your actions and need to satisfy your wandering mind and need for an illusion are making it difficult for you to be happy
Realizing there is no such thing as the one, there is a great many.
Since this is resolved, just wanted to add:
Most probably she tried to deny it at first because she did not think it at the moment and then realized how it must have affected you when you approached the subject and thought you might want to end things with her over this. Its a completely understandable fear.
Im glad this got resolved with good communication.
Yes, as matter of fact, there are many that are still married. Several are amicably divorced. For two of them, it saved their life-literally. What do you think we do? Do you think the only couples that go to counseling have this type of situation? It can come down to miscommunication, different definitions, etc. It is a great “racket”, and there demand is very high, especially after the pandemic. You know doctors and dentists have the same never-ending supply of stock. A persons mental health is just as important as their physical health.
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I don't know how. I feel like I'm stuck waiting for him to come back as pathetic as it sounds
People (I'd say females but I'd get taken apart and maybe rightly) can be v touchy and unpredictable. The best thing you can do is think of you and keepnmoving forward. Eventually you'll meet someone with similar principles. Or not. But keep being a good person. Its the most important thing you can do.
Your wife's a covert narcissist. Read up on that. How dare you EVER criticize her, for ANYTHING? Because if you do, she'll try to play the victim card “I'm so worthless,” “nobody could love me” etc. until she extorts an apology out of you.
This personality type doesn't change. Either let her beat you down, or move out.
I mean read other opinions, I could be wrong, but that's what I'm hearing in your description.
She was a minor who was raped. Her name definitely isn't gonna be linked to his death because it's been sealed in all the court records and online databases.
Is he annoyed at you, or just annoyed?
If he's just annoyed at something else, I recommend holding hands.
When my fiance gets upset because something happened during our time out, he tends to walk faster as well. I think it's just nervous energy. But we hold hands, so he never leaves me behind. Sometimes he pulls too fast, and I have to tell him to slow down. Sometimes I have to say it multiple times, if his head is somewhere else. I think it's just something people do, walk faster when they're aggravated.
So try holding hands.
This is disgusting and unsanitary.
I just want to be clear about the turn of events (and you should discuss these with her).
She is meeting random guys in a bar and having deep conversations with them. She then, against your wishes, invites them to her house, alone, without telling you. Lets him sleep over and doesn't tell you until the next day.
Honestly there are only 2 possible scenarios I can think of here.
She is incredibly naïve and is incapable of a proper risk assessment, sure she didn't end up dead this time, but what about the next. She cheated and is trickle-truthing you.
Further to this, “She doesnt understand why i am mad. Asking me things like if i am jealous.” really makes me think that she doesn't value you at all as a partner so I would question the whole relationship on that alone. While yes I get that she can have male friends and stuff like that and you need to be ok with that because it's her life, but getting drunk with a stranger and inviting them back to your place is hookup culture and I think the odds of her not having cheated is slim, but even if she didn't she sent a clear signal to him that she wanted to sleep with him (why else allow him to go home with her alone, drunk) and so she risked a lot with that move.
I honestly don't know how some people function.
I hope this isn’t true but maybe you are right. I will think about this. Thanks for replying