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she needs to tell me that. i’m upset that she’s upset because i don’t want to upset my girlfriend over my feelings. and now i have to go to work knowing i made her mad. and it hurts my heart that she’s upset more than anything. i just wanted to talk it over.
Don’t generalize. She’s an individual. “Girls” don’t do this regularly. This was a singular experience. Ask her.
It’s not even a given that the boy will feel comfortable sharing a bed with you, and his needs have to be taken into account. Absolutely make sure that the boy has his own bed (and room).
Is your sex drive only so high when you are in a relationship? What are you doing while single
He knows he's already got you to fold once when it comes to her so chances are he's just gonna keep pushing til the very end.
I hate looking at it at the moment because it's all raw.
If she still wants to work on things with you, why would she like looking at it any better?
Either she wants to work on the relationship, or she doesnt. If she doesn't, she won't want the album. If she does, then you absolutely shouldn't assume it would be any easier for her to look at than it is for you.
The kind thing to do is put the book away, or get rid of it, and let things play out as they will, before you do anything.
Girl you're so boy obsessed, you're not gonna go to college or get a work bc while others around you are working to improve on themselves, you'll be obsessing over a boy. You'll probably end up getting pregnant bc you seem to make bad decisions l. Your family will abandon you and your bf will take out his frustrations on you. If you stop now, you can change the trajectory of your life.
Literally looked up her name
your ex cheated because they were cheaters, end of. it wasn't about you being “good enough”. For the love of god, Beyonce got cheated on, people who cheat are just assholes, that's it.
Same here
I don’t know if trauma ever goes away, but there is a way to cope with trauma and to lessen it’s grasp on you (cognitive behavioral therapy). It’s what I’m working on with my therapist currently. I wish you luck.
why the fuck are you living together if you have only been together for 3 months? Sounds like you are a trainwreck and make a lot of bad choices. No wonder you were fired and still haven't found a job 3 weeks later. Get your shit together because who wants to be together with a loser.
A very quick look at the subs about “JUSTNO” in laws will tell you that it is absolutely valid and reasonable to prioritize the mental health of your future spouse, your future kids and yourself.
Plus, not being abusive or involved into criminal activities doesn’t automatically make someone a keeper. You are entitled to have whatever dealbreakers you need and if you were constantly fighting about it, your ex obviously wasn’t planning on respecting your boundaries.
I’m sorry if she said this to you, I think people have no filters sometimes. I would sit her down and talk to her about it and tell her it’s not really appropriate to say things to you like that unless she has a specific example she’s trying to make. It’s unfair and it’s hurtful and a diminishes your relationship with her I don’t think people realize because they’re so self-centered that they think they get to say whatever they want they never think about how it sounds.
Fuck that. She can't break up with you and expect to be able to stay. She needs to figure her shit out and go
Wtf …
Most women learn about what makes them climax at a much younger age, between 16-20.
And yeah, while the brain and relaxation and right mood are important, the partner during intimacy is vital. If that partner is unwilling to learn how to please a woman, then yup, no more sex. Because then masturbation alone is enough.
Sexuality with a partner ususally should be a lot better than masturbation, with better orgasms. If it isn't, then the partner is a problem.
This person got bored and wrote a fake post. This isn't real.
18 and 25. so creepy both of you.
Either losing interest in you over the chick, or testing you to see how you react.. What to do? In the first case not much other than accept defeat, in the second, call her out but don't react to it. This is immature behavior, look for someone who is more mature and actually respects you
Id say go NC with her she isnt wrong she can sleep with who she wants, as a ex you dont really have a say in it, as for friend if he isnt used to drink its possible she took advantage of him being a lightweight? No offence to him just guessing from what youve said. But yeah with her if you think shes trying to spite you best bet just got NC with her and live! your life
He's a mommy's boy and you were lucky enough to see a glimpse of your future if you stay with him.
Cut your losses and dodge the bullet, send him back to his momma.
Coming from someone that has an overbearing “ethnic” mother. He is enabling her. That is a red flag that isnt obvious. Unfortunately this kind of behaviour is even praised in some cultures, but has very little compatibility with you in the long run. The type of guy that recognises these things is emotionally intelligent and a keeper. The ones that dont, well sorry to burst your bubble.
Trust me when I say, and I dont always say these things, hoping most people in love can work through things together. This will cause problems further down the road. I keep my mum at arms length as otherwise she would intrude on every single thing in our lives. She is very hot work as it is, let alone if I was enabling her behaviour, instead of actively pushing back.
Men like this will never put you first. Same goes for women.
Wife/partner comes first, period. Why would he want his mom there? I would like a romantic getaway with my partner. He didnt. Remember that this was not his first thought. How do I get out of this conundrum with mum is what he should have been thinking, while keeping you in the loop, so that if he was failing with mum you would at least empathise.
Come on mate. I know it sounds like the worst thing in the world but honestly the plus side is that you’re only 2 months into marriage. “I’m a cup half full kinda guy” you’re very lucky to see this side of her now rather when you do have kids and are actually attached to her in one way or another for the rest of your life. Take the out and start fresh
Exactly my thoughts.
Right this was my first thought as well
Exercise.
Get plenty of sleep.
Try to destress.
Avoid caffeine and processed sugars.
It would be a good thing to let her read this I think. This is so wm written. I am sending you so much strength and a hug across the miles. Remember just one day at a time.
Men have been envious of women since the beginning of time. He’s an ass. You’re allowed to be proud of your skills AND giving to people at the same time.
Go to the cops, you know who those bastards are, make them pay for it.
Otherwise it'll be worse for the next girl. Think about saving the next girl from this trauma.
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Dreams are just your brain doing whatever it chooses to do at night.
While they can reflect your mindset at times, they don't have any deeper meaning to the point of seeing them as a meaningful sign.
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If we have an argument or a discussion whereas she doesn’t get her way or if I won’t give in, she’ll threaten to take things away from me almost like a parent grounds their children.
For example, when I didn’t have a vehicle few months back, we would get into an argument and she would say “Well, I guess you can find your own way to work!” Meanwhile we’re in a place that has no public transit, etc.
Theres also been many times where she will kick me out of the bed at night and force me to sleep on the couch and I insist on wanting to sleep in the bed because I’m truly tired. I calmly tell her that I don’t want to argue, she’ll keep egging me on and provoking me. It’ll eventually get to the point when she says “this is my bed, I bought it! Get out!”. If I don’t leave the bed, she’ll start ripping the blankets off me until I leave the bedroom.
There’s also been many times where she’ll start an argument out of nowhere when I’m trying to sleep.
TLDR; When I’m reliant on my GF for certain things, she’ll use them as a weapon to control me.
She sounds terrible with money. It’s not a bad thing if she’s “lost feelings” imagine having a future with someone who isn’t smart with money, ESP borrowing money from you and not listening to your voiced concerns. It would be very hot to be super empathic after it happening twice in a short period of time.
If you want to work things out with her just think of future, financial compatibility is also a thing.
I mean.. I am laughing at your question.. what would you like to do? Either use it or don’t. Next time your husband speaks out of turn you can tell him to plug it or else lol
Just avoid as much as you possibly can, I wouldn't add to her drama saga by calling her out on anything (if she's truly a narc this would achieve nothing anyway). Personally I would most definitely make an excuse to not be at the party.. Just be as indifferent as you humanely can be, works great with SIL to not indulge het attention seeking in either a positive or negative way.
She might have been nervous
I think his penis needs to not be a part of their sex sessions.
That's such a rude thing to say. It's like you don't even care about his sexual pleasure, only care about the woman's.
They're just official, honestly I don't see why anyone would think they are worth more than an expensive holiday at that stage, but maybe that's just me. I understand it might put stress on the relationship but you have to have a good amount of trust and she sees him at work and the new boyfriend doesn't seem to have an issue with that, so I don't think it would be that big of an issue here, compared to losing out on a lot of money
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So ofc like any other guy with an attractive gf, my gf gets hit on by other dudes in public. One of the primary ways she rejects them is by giving them a fake number instead of saying that she have a bf. The first time she did that and told me I didn’t really agree. I thought “why is she even entertaining it” or “just tell them you have a bf and go on with your day”. But she says that the men nowadays don’t care about that. I feel like that is true to some extent but I also feel like most men would take the hint and leave. I don’t know if I’m overreacting, or this is some hidden trust issues or insecurities. Any advice from the women or men?
Two words, “strap on”
I’ve been married for 27 years and my wife at least stopped wearing her engagement ring ages ago. But she does wear the wedding ring all the time.
Her reason for not wearing the engagement ring is because the diamond is larger than the stones on the wedding band and she doesn’t want to lose it if she accidentally bangs it against something while out of the house. She will wear it if we go out together to an event.
I think this is perfectly normal.
Is your relationship good other than this? I'm guessing not. Sounds like he just doesn't like you, to be honest, and he's making up reasons to be mad at you.
You can't compromise with someone who's being unreasonable. He's asking you to be a mind reader. Go on strike. Stop cooking for him. If he wants his plain ass pasta and sauce from a jar he can make it his damn self, it takes 10 minutes.
Yeah it doesn’t seem like you have relationship problems you’re having a sexual problem stemming from lack of knowledge and experience which is nothing to be ashamed of. I think r/sextips would be a more productive place for this post and they have a great FAQ I feel you would greatly benefit from.
But the down and dirty of it is these women are not relaxed or you are not using all the resources at your disposal. Unless there is an abnormality in the anatomy of the vagina a relaxed individual should easily be able to accommodate a finger and likely more without even breaking the hymen. You also need to give consideration that for her this will be her first time having penetrative sex and there is surely going to be anxiety associated with not only the newness of the sensations but fear of the possible discomfort. You have an amazing opportunity to make this a wonderful experience for the both of you by minimizing her anxieties by taking the time to find what pleases her. Take your time and I promise you’ll reap the rewards.
I can assure you chubbiness likely has little to do with your ability to penetrate her and should more likely be attributed to the angles of the anatomy involved. There are a variety of potential solutions if you feel like you don’t have proper access but the most common and likely going to be the most effective for y’all is to place a pillow beneath her buttocks when lying down to give you full access and a better angle of entry. Of course that is an extremely vulnerable position for someone “new” to sex to be in so take extra care to make sure she’s comfortable.
Honestly props to you for not quite literally plowing through and forcing your way in as I feel many women have experienced first time or not. It should also be noted that assuming her hymen is intact (I’d read up on what this entails) penetration should be much easier from that point forward.
It was a nice idea but you should have waited until after her rough patch at work. It almost seems like you didnt listen to her when she said she was having a rough time at work and if you did listen you just didnt care
I work somewhere just as you described – people being friends doesnt mean the job is not stressful.
If my bf waited until after my big project sale in three weeks to celebrate and then did this as a surprise i would cry of happiness lol. If he did it this week I would probably have a mental breakdown with my schedule being so tight. And frankly, he KNOWS this. He knows ive been stressed at work and offers to get me dinner/snacks or whatever. I would feel really ignored and upset if he tried to pull me out of work during a stressful time because he was bored and felt like going to the spa
they have a kid together he cant
Uhhh zero role. Kids will be better off without a pedophile father.
Of course it’s not your fault! It’s never your fault when your partner abuses you. Ever. He’s made a choice.
Please find a way out of this. His family probably didn’t say anything because that’s their norm. Do not let them drag you into that. You deserve a partner who loves and supports you, and who expresses their feelings (even anger) in respectful, constructive ways.
He’s trying to gaslight you into believing his abusive behavior is your fault. It is not.
Fuck man. Get all the evidence you can. I do not envy you. How is here not coming home til late not a deal breaker? Tell her now.
Plenty of times people only present their side of the story in a biased manner to make themself look better than they would in reality, more frequently than the event your suggesting actually.
He is a coward and probably is seeing someone. File for divorce and hand him the papers.
I fell madly in love with him and his promises of a life I’ve wanted to live!, traveling the world together and other things that never seemed remotely possible before him. I never thought I’d get married either before he told me I’m the one he wants to spend eternity with, but now I fear that maybe its fading.
Dude. You’re 23. You need to grow up at some point
The fuck is he buying a gaming chair for if he can barely make ends meet. Tell him to sell that for a start.
Best of luck!
Best of luck!
I try very very hot never to judge someone that I don’t know, for some thing that I only have limited facts about, and I’ve only heard one side…
HOWEVER (you had to know this was coming?), I’m finding it impossible to relate to this guy and here is the reason why:
I am absolutely, unconditionally, love my girlfriend, with all of my heart. I don’t love having sex. I love having sex WITH HER! I love how unselfish we are in the bedroom. It is the thought of trying to “enjoy” something that I know either makes her uncomfortable, hurts her, or that she just doesn’t like, makes me cringe. I can’t imagine being that selfish. I never once have we tried to convince, much less pressure, each other to do or try anything.
For example, last year, we went to a swingers party that I was really excited about. She was really excited about it as well! We didn’t meet anybody that we wanted to experiment with, but that’s par for the course for us Lol. We usually enjoy being exhibitionists, putting on a show for people that want to watch. We were climbing into a bed, with some toys that we were going to use, and I was SO TURNED ON!! She got a strange look on her face, and I asked her what was up. She told me that she couldn’t really explain it, but she was getting a really creepy vibe and felt uncomfortable. I was disappointed. I asked her questions to try to get to the root cause of her uneasiness. Do you want to know where I asked her those questions? In the car on the way home. We left immediately. And it wasn’t disappointed that we didn’t get to “put on a show”. I was disappointed that she didn’t have a good time.
I realize that’s not apples to apples, but the principal still applies. And if you have a partner/teammate, and how can you seriously find any degree of satisfaction by pressuring the one you supposedly love to do something they don’t want to do?
I sincerely hope you stop feeding into this behavior by continually “trying”. What if you told him that you had a deep, rooted desire, a lifelong fantasy, to have sex with three guys at once. You’d really like him to help you find two suitable gentleman to join you guys in the bedroom to fulfill this fantasy? Would he say something along the lines of “well after what you went through trying to fulfill my fantasy, of course I will show you the same respect!” or would he be turned off by the idea and therefore it’s automatically “off the table”?
I hope you realize I am not suggesting that you have that particular fantasy. I’m just giving a hypothetical to see if he would put forth the same willingness and effort that you have repeatedly endured, to make your fantasies come true (despite the fact that your personal feelings were completely disregarded?)
In my opinion (fwiw)Anal sex isn’t the problem with your relationship! Not by a long shot. Selfishness, fairness, empathy, and mutual respect are the topics that need addressed, from what you have shared so far??♂️.
Why does your weight mean anything to him? It is a number on a scale. That number should not determine your self esteem level. Obsessed with you was a Massive Red Flag. Please rethink this relationship.
While he was rude about it, a little structure would go a long way. more people would be willing to read it and provide advice.
Because they're working on their marriage… Lol. You cannot invalidate it with the separation because working on marriage means they're trying to remain partners. Partners don't lie, skirt around former plans, then pop then up last minute causing the person to scramble around the logic behind it.
Fair. Although she doesn't consider us a couple which is what hurts. She just broke up the moment shit got hard. And that frustrates me since it feels like she can't rely on me.
And fair but thats my weakness. I don't really know how to live! for myself. I'll workout and get healthy and stuff for the benefit of another but not myself. Maybe that can change when I'm in an area where gyms aren't a luxury I can't afford. But yeah. I've never really been one for self care. And I gave up on my dreams and goals a long time ago. My parents shot down every single one and told me to be realistic and get a full time retail job. Been trapped in retail dead end hell ever since. Literally worked so nude for 1 company I was doing 8 peoples work in half the time. And eventually the stress got to me. I gained 120 lbs. Knees gave out. That job Literally worked me until my body failed. Didn't even get a single raise in 3 years. They also didn't pay my medical leave but I only just found out years later. And for what. Min wage thats less than half of what I need to pay rent. Life is a joke here. My parents can afford it cuz they make half a mil a year. But I got 20k. And they give me a very hot time for struggling when you need 50k just to live here. So yea. I gave up on myself so long as I'm trapped here. Avoid California its Literally the worst.
You need to sit him down and tell him that his behaviour that day was completely unacceptable and that if he acts like this again, you will limit your contact with him. You also need to tell to tell him that so bad was his behaviour, that it actually made you worried about what life is going to be life between him and your mother now that you have moved out.
Your dad does seem to be suffering from mental health problems, and there might be other things contributing to this. I would keep a close eye on your dad's health and speak to your mother in private about both his mental and physical states lately. Although the chances are small, sometimes medical conditions like early-onset dementia can cause outbursts of aggressive and out of character behaviour.
Beyond that, just reassure him. Tell him that where the new home is situated doesn't bear any relation to how much you value him VS your partners parents and that you love him a lot and want to stay in contact with him. Invite him down for a beer or barbecue at your new home or go fishing together (just hang out you & him) and show him that your relationship will continue on in new (and good!) ways now that you're in a new chapter of your lives.
A lot of people deal with empty nest syndrome by taking on new ventures or adventures in life and getting a pet dog. Your dad's whole purpose until now has been in raising you and it is important that he finds a new purpose and develops a new sense of his identity that doesn't entirely revolve around being a parent. This will be tough, but it will help with your mother's encouragement and support.
Just a question: when he is at your place: Does he flush the paper or put the paper in the trash can because he is raised like this?
I have the image of having a cat and they get in the trash an all the poopy paper is all over the apartment when you get home with some important guests…
Start focusing on yourself. Do you have hobbies, healthy distractions, or things you want to improve instead of focusing on your son living his life in a way you don't approve of? Your attitude is driving him away emotionally. I hope you realize that. He can't even share happy news with you without you making it about yourself and how he's not following tradition. Why are you acting like you can never go visit him? Get back on his good side by not being selfish so that you can be welcomed into their new home and family. No one wants to be around someone who resents them.
Either try a new therapist or change your mindset. Try writing your post from your son's perspective. Think of having a parent who doesn't truly want to see you happy unless it aligns with how they picture their life. If you have expectations when it comes to other people (including your family), you're setting yourself up for disappointment.
The whole buying a house as GF and BF has never made sense to me.
What could possibly go wrong???