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Maybe ask her if having him in the same room (like on a cot or something) but not the same bed if she's insists. But I agree with another comment that an honest talk would be a good start.
So your boyfriend of 2 months goes on a work trip and you flip out?
It's one trip. You need to calm down.
A car crash by itself is not automatically a near death experience. I ask again, have you been In any car accidents?
A restraining order can be a wonderful thing.
Dump him
The sub is not going to assist you without context about what you do for a living and what your company is like. You’ll want to edit and probably provide a little background. If you were comfortable enough to do PDA in front of your co workers either you’ve taken a giant gamble or it’s going to be completely fine.
It would work if you lived in England, as Britain and the US support the custody laws. Not everybody does she would have to check where you were first.
She's an emotional terrorist please pursue custody of the younger children and for God's sake be more careful who you let in to your kid's lives
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she did know that i had feelings for her in the start but she most probably doesn’t know ki i have feelings for again. i can really shut up. but the way i lashed out on her probably gave her an idea that i do again. and now things seem like she i gonna get distant now.
He’s not that into you, find someone that looks at you like I look at a medium rare ribeye and a glass of whiskey.
Time to start making an exit plan. You need to set a good example for your kids. Staying with a man like that and being a doormat isn't the right example.
You and your kids deserve better.
I'm wondering if she is some kind of neurodivergent. Either ADHD, OCD, etc. It sounds super normal (perhaps not ideal) for ADHD or even some trauma responses. Rather than coaching her on hygiene that I guarantee she already knows, I'd be making sure this isn't a manifestation of depression, anxiety, or other stress. This is one of those opportunities to heal or to perpetuate her stressors.
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Actually the post does say that the other women on the team use the separate changing area. OPs gf is the only woman on the team changing with the men.
JC, stop wasting your time. He’s not going to marry you if he hasn’t by now.
First times generally suck, so I wouldn't get too hung up on it being amazing. Secondly, lower your expectations of finding another virgin, and get your ass on Tinder.
It's going to be full of crushing rejections but eventually, you'll find a girl. Being inactive or pursuing people who aren't interested is going to get you nowhere. Relationships aren't something that just happen you have to make a move and be prepared to strike out sometimes.
So you discussed it, both decided monogamous, and now she is changing her mind.
So either she’s lied to you your entire relationship, to try to get you ‘hooked’ so she could introduce it later and basically have her cake (you) and eat it too (sex with anyone who walks past)
Or she has realised that what she wanted at the beginning is no longer what she needs.
Unfortunately unless you are wanting to open the relationship, and have a non monogamous relationship with her both options end the same way – the end of the relationship.
So you discussed it, both decided monogamous, and now she is changing her mind.
So either she’s lied to you your entire relationship, to try to get you ‘hooked’ so she could introduce it later and basically have her cake (you) and eat it too (sex with anyone who walks past)
Or she has realised that what she wanted at the beginning is no longer what she needs.
Unfortunately unless you are wanting to open the relationship, and have a non monogamous relationship with her both options end the same way – the end of the relationship.
Baby trapping can happen both ways
Bullshit. He's manipulating and abusing you.
Didn't know you needed to buy an expensive gift to “be nice” to someone
I never had the opportunity, she just kept throwing accusations at me while I tried to tell her about the police report so she would see I wasn't full of shit
Sounds like they picked them over you
Yea. Your gf is crazy. If it is about celebrating your birthday with you, than celebrate before or after the trip.
Honestly you are getting the best gift by becoming a godfather to your niece on her day. Your gf needs to realize that your birthday is a day for you and not her to dictate things.
This made me cry because you’re absolutely right ?
Your husband is selfish as fuck. HE wanted to separate, HE went ahead and slept with another woman and now that you are pregnant he comes running back and demanding from you to….. terminate the pregnancy? First off…. it's YOUR body, YOUR choice. He is the last person on earth who gets any say over your body. It is YOUR decision first, and the only person who comes second is the ONS guy since he is the father. Also from what you described, that guy seems pretty cool and he would love to be in the child's life and likes being with you. Honestly, right now given the situation you are in, your best action would be to kick away all the toxic people (husband and whoever else is giving you shit for your pregnancy. It's NONE of their damn business whatever the hell you want to do with your life, your body and baby) and open a new chapter in your life with your baby girl and ONS. Even if the relationship with ONS won't work out in the long run, you are still going to have your lovely baby girl and a decent(hopefully lol) father in her life. Don't be scared to set firm boundaries and remove the toxic people no matter if they are family or friends. You get to on-line your life and be happy the way you see fit. Don't let others bring you down.
Whatever you decide to do, one thing is for sure. Your husband is a giant red flag.
“There is no divorce settlement.”
I agree with everyone else, and I also have a technical point to make. If the above means what I think it does, she's not his ex wife. She is his wife.
(In the US, anyway).
You can't unsleep with the friend and telling the history was in my opinion the right move to do.
There's really nothing you can do more, your bf has to take his head out of his ass and understand that people have history and stop bringing it as a weapon in every argument.
You just described my MIL ? overbearing to the point of suffocation and wanting to control every little detail. Had he always been like this?
What is your actual goal? Dating your ex or finding someone interested in dating you?
This was actually my first thought.
Out of the women I've been with, I haven't met one that had good hygiene and no yeast infection or other infection, and still smelled bad. I suppose it's possible, but I think it's far more likely that either he's “negging” her to make her feel self-conscious and insecure, or he has no idea what women naturally are like due to his own lack of experience.
OP – what would you do in his shoes? What if his parents attacked you? What if they told you that yoo were horrible and unworthy of basic respect and dignity just because where you were born? And then pushed you in the street or pulled your hair? Would you feel inclined to shower then with praise?
Get real. Sorry you’re in a tough spot cause your parents were awful, and you love them, but you get to choose if your culture is one of kindness or hatefulness. Your man is being completely reasonable.
I (44F) was also never 100% sure that I didn't want kids, but what I do know is that it simply never, ever felt like the right time to turn to my (now ex) husband and say “let's do this thing.” We were together for decades, since we were teenagers, and I have realized since we split that I never quite saw him as an adult.
He would sometimes talk about wanting kids, often with similar ambivalence as I felt, but I always was left with the impression that he never really understood what having kids would actually entail, and how much our lives would change.
The physical act of carrying a child is so significant and demanding that I would sometimes find myself getting annoyed at him for being fairly blase about the idea that we would just one day suddenly decide to have children together. It felt like it was an easy decision for him to make, because it wasn't his body, and because the burden is often on the mom to be more physically present for a new baby
He never really talked to me seriously about what the decision would entail. Like you guys, we would often muse about names and things like that, but anytime that it really came down to “do I want this enough to start trying now?” the answer was always no
In short, I think the child question was more revealing than I was aware of it being. We had stagnated in our relationship. We still cared about each other, we got along well, it was very scary to think about ending such a long relationship, but we also couldn't really envision things realistically moving forward. We were just in this holding pattern
By the time we split, we had turned 40, and I have had to accept the fact that I'm not going to give birth to a child. But I'm not heartbroken. One thing I know for certain is that if I had truly wanted to have a child, I would have. It wouldn't have involved all that wondering, and questioning, and musing, and whatever. I would have just done it. And I take a lot of comfort in the fact that I at least know that. Could I have been happy being a biological parent? Maybe. But I also know with certainty that I didn't want it enough to make sure that it happened
You say that your wife never thought she would want to travel internationally, but ended up liking it. The thing is, a trip will end at some point. Even if she absolutely hated it, she at least knew it would be over in some predetermined amount of time. The same isn't true for children. There's a permanence that makes it a much different kind of risk
My guess is that this is a pretty difficult and confusing subject for your wife, like it was for me. The best warning I can perhaps give you is that my husband's ease with the subject did nothing more than rub me the wrong way. It felt like an easy decision for him to make, and one that I would end up carrying the brunt of. That made me resent him
If this is potentially a dynamic that also exists between you and your wife, I would recommend that you be gentle with her. It may be that this relationship is going to end, but whether it does or not, you don't want to have alienated her with romantic visions that don't take into consideration the potential risk and challenge that she would face to make those visions of yours come true
yeah, and i doubt she's trying to be rude, she's just being upfront bc she needs to gauge how serious he is about sorting it out, otherwise SHE will be the one paying for it
even the title of this post, “my gf is making me feel bad” not “how can i gain independence and plan for my future to be a good partner to her.”
Your pearls. Unclutch them.
So, from woman to woman – would you continue to dance with a man, after he tried to kiss you TWICE?
I also dance with whom I want. But they'll also know damn sure, that I'm taken. If thez feel like they can still kiss me, they show utter disrespect & don't deserve to dance with me at all..
Wtf.
You dumped him. You went on Tinder, and were upset to see him on Tinder too. You then asked him for a hug and cuddle, and he declined.
You resent him for not treating you like a GF after you dumped him?
You're both wrong. This relationship is toxic. This is not what it's like to be with the person who's right for you. You should end it.
Everyone is allowed to have preferences for who they want to date. She wants to date someone who shares her faith. Nothing confusing about that.
Have your mom put it into a trust for you. Have her talk to a lawyer on how to structure it so none of it goes to him.
Your mother is not owed grandchildren. Stop discussing your sexual self with your mother. IT IS NOT HER BUSINESS.
OP: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE INTERCOURSE EVER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO.
If your partner wants children and you do not then you are fundamentally incompatible. FUNDAMENTALLY INCOMPATIBLE.
Don’t know why you’re being downvoted. I worked for a remote office once and we got flown in for some events. They didn’t pay for our spouses to go, but the spouses of the local employees definitely attended.
Your mother is not owed grandchildren. Stop discussing your sexual self with your mother. IT IS NOT HER BUSINESS.
OP: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE INTERCOURSE EVER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO.
If your partner wants children and you do not then you are fundamentally incompatible. FUNDAMENTALLY INCOMPATIBLE.
The thing is, it should be a dealbreaker.
And guess what? For 98% of women he dates it will be a dealbreaker. I can’t imagine being in my 20’s and committing to basically being a forever child in my own house. I think you need to admit that this is a dealbreaker for you. Your boyfriend needs to admit that he’s trying to make a permanent decision for your lives without your input. Pretending this is “temporary” when he’s planning to on-line with his mom forever is manipulative and disrespectful. It’s a terrible foundation for a marriage.
Duolingo
That's fine and it seems she's guilty but what about the rest?
Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Nothing was going to satisfy him, so why bother? In any case, a shit relationship should be ended as expediently as possible. When someone abuses you both verbally and physically in times of conflict, the best move is to be away from them ASAP.
I would be really, really fucking concerned on where exactly he's spending his time on the internet, because that sounds like Manosphere shit.
Your girlfriend is toxic! If she doubted you, why not ask you directly? She doesn't trust you, and you have no reason to trust her.
Going to your friend's DMs, then flipping it on you when asked…That's so low of her