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You don’t have the right to limit a parents contact with their child.
Damn random porn shows up on reddit? Why haven't I seen any yet ?
LOL he definitely has looked at it for it to show up. Doesn't mean he looks at it often necessarily but he has to have in the past
How are they identical when one is 36 and the other 32?
Comment and don’t upvote kills their karma vibe
Her brain froze?
I would call the airline and try to cancel ASAP.
For 5k you can spend xmas in NYC and go for Chinese on the 25th. It's all going to be less expensive and more relaxing than what she is proposing, which is nuts.
I think it depends on the relationship they had. If he never loved her deeply, and didn't have that long of a relationship, and doesn't have feelings anymore now, I would say it doesn't make too much sense to disprove of them sleeping together, 2 years after. Obviously if this was a girl he was deeply in love with and hasn't moved on from yet, I'd definitely understand the frustration.
No matter what OP is within his rights to set his own boundaries and cut people out of his life as he wishes and no one could tell him he's wrong for that. However other people should get some leeway too. If you want to hookup with a girl that used to have a casual fling or short relationship with a friend years ago, and no more feelings remain, I think it's fair for you to go for it.
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he didn’t see anything wrong with what he did.
This is him doing you a favor and saying “I'll do i it again”. Your move.
Among other things dating is a test. Step back and give her room to fail.
She'll always have men around her flirting so she needs to learn how to manage these relationships so they don't threaten the primary.
Better to find out sooner than later that she fails the life partner test.
I suggest you both read: Not Just Friends by Dr Shirley Glass
It's based on research of couples that experienced infidelity. Lessons learned in managing friendships so they don't threaten the primary relationship.
Yep, no coming back at this point.
Absolutely bizarre the number of commenters ignoring the fact that this proposal was not what she wanted at all, and she had communicated that. But I’m gonna focus on something else. You’re 22. You’re not ready to get married. Your partner is because they are solidly in their mid-20s. A four year age difference isn’t that big a deal in your 20s generally but it is a big deal when you’re in different life stages.
Please trust your gut here. If you’re feeling ignored or disconnected from them now, it probably isn’t a good time to commit the rest of your life to them.
I have an anxiety disorder and often, even though to me, it feels like I’m on top of things, from my partners perspective, things can look really scary and out of control.
Some ND people, myself included, seem to have a higher tolerance for chaos. Some work needs to be done by us to make sure this doesn’t impact our loved ones too much.
Even if I knew I was on top of it, I’d be making some effort to demonstrate to my partner that I’m not ignoring the Mail. Tell him you’re frustrated they keep sending the same confirmation that they’ve already emailed you, be vocally angry at them for killing trees.
Obviously running to his mother was not the correct response. I’m just trying to explain his mindset that led to him crying and calling his mother. This is more general advice on how to cohabitate when you have an anxiety disorder.
You know what the letters looked like more than I do, but if they’re those ones that say final notice, I do understand why your partner of over a decade might try to shoulder some of that burden for you. I would probably start to open letters if my partner was, from my perspective, ignoring them. There have been too many times where he’s said he’s on top of things, when really he’s panicking internally, I respect his privacy, but I also want to maintain our standard of living.
But it is about the fact that there is nothing remotely sexual about getting changed in a hockey locker room.
OP has already said he tried to “reverse roles” with his girlfriend and she said it wouldn't bother her.
For two people who have so much formal education, you both sound underwhelming upstairs. Your wife and you are supposed to coordinate things, especially big things, as a team. That's not happening.
With you in school and she unemployed, why the hell are you having a makeup wedding when you are already married? Save your money and crazy logistics and you can have a five year anniversary event in two years.
Your wife is choosing separation for her new career development without any consultation with you. That's strange. Is she committed to your relationship? That's the bigger question here because right now you are both independent actors. And I would wonder about the consequences of not having that marital intimacy and closeness over time.
You better get your operating agreement clarified now.
I know. I’ve even mentioned this to him. I know I have my issues too, but he’s told me I’m the healthiest relationship he’s ever had. So our relationship failing is not entirely my fault. It’s just because I’ve stayed. That’s why it’s so hard. I was forced into a position where I have to make a choice that I don’t want to. I don’t want to leave, I didn’t want to move out. But I’m so miserable.
Ah I didn't mean confront like that I meant like – do I even bring it up and have a conversation or just leave it alone.
Honestly? As someone who has had many crushes on various coworkers in the past that went nowhere… Just wait it out. More often then not they just sort of go away. When you are working closely push those thoughts out of your mind and try to focus on work. Hell, you might even want to try actively looking for things that bother your about her.
You took the problem off their hands, of COURSE they want you back together!
You should never have hundreds of things to forgive your partner for.
Lol, what a bitch. You mean your EX boyfriend right?
I tend to believe it some sort of a scam because a decent person with morals would’ve gone to the parents first and then the cops. Funny the scammers only threaten to ruin his reputation and mentioned nothing about reporting him for sending nudes to a child.
Aw, I'm sorry to hear that. It does sound like she realizes that she's not a good fit for you. You haven't been dating too long, so it's a good reminder that you don't really know her that well. She has the right to be happy just the way she is, just like you do.
Here's another thing: never rely on others to make you happy. You can do it yourself. When you know how to make yourself happy, then you have something positive to contribute to a relationship. You aren't dependent on the other person doing the right thing all the time. Wish you all the best in moving forward.
Agreed. He’s probably processing everything in anger. Not logic. I feel bad for the young man that just had his entire perception of parents marriage thrown away.
So what birth control actions were you taking to stop pregnancy? If you didn’t want another kid why not get a vasectomy or use condoms? It takes 2 to tango.
All of this can be some down to a simple response.
You need to sit down and define what is a boundary. And you need to communicate those boundaries to her. If she is not willing to respect those boundaries then break up.
Everything else is nonsense
Are you going to couples therapy yet?
I decided against IVF and all other options, my ex and I tried for about 3 years with 4 losses including 2 ectopics. I also now have tokophobia, pregnancy to me = pain, bleeding, death/grief (I almost died, needed a blood transfusion, etc.) I also have endometriosis and IVF can make endometriosis worse since you're pumping your body full of hormones, etc.
If my partner gave me the ultimatum of IVF or they'll resent me, I'd tell him to go elsewhere because he's not getting it from me. I'm childfree after infertility now, I've done the grieving, I'm done with that chapter of my life and enjoy being childfree. I would not mentally or physically put my body through more treatments, tests, trying to conceive or pregnancies.
I'd suggest you see a therapist solo AND as a couple. Don't do anything that doesn't feel right to you. Hopefully you can discuss this and compromise together, but if not, you make YOU happy whether that's with him or not! ❤️
I'd also be blunt with him. He's not the one going through the IVF procedure, unless he's on hormones in which case he can complain about his participating in that..but you're the one going through the whole procedure, your body is the one that takes the most damage here, and he needs to see it from your perspective too. I'm not saying ignore his feelings, but it doesn't seem he quite understands yours either. Communicate, communicate, communicate.
That's a very difficult task. There are so many variables that it is impossible to map out a process. I hope you can figure it out and get issues resolved the way that you want. IMO the best way is to hope she figures it out for herself because there are so many ways that any conversation could turn sour. But, you are the decider.
How did you marry this guy?
Sounds like she gave you the perfect gift for her birthday. She's showing you what all the red flags look like that you need to avoid in any future relationships. Study them well, because she's absolutely full of them. If you ever go on a date and they remind you of this ex, GTFO
You’re upset that he didn’t invite you, that’s fair enough but how you go about communicating that is a bit problematic.
He doesn’t have to invite you and I don’t say that to be harsh just as a starting point. You could let him know that you feel left out and that should address that.
Texting him to take some time apart WHILE he is away is the problem, firstly he’s on holiday so he’s not going to care as much. Its something that will bother him and potentially add a negative element to his holiday and that could build resentment.
I would leave things for now, if you hear from him then enjoy the fact that he his happy and deal with the issues when you get back.
Fair enough. I’d then just bring it up next time.
She’s almost definitely fucking her stepdad bro. I think the only reason to think otherwise is that admitting this is almost so weird it might just be true but that seems unlikely. Sounds like she is gearing up to condition you to think that is ok so she can eventually convince you fucking him is just something casual family members do.
Ok, but needing a divorce a few years from now or staying in a bad relationship because you’re married, will be a lot messier.
First thing I want to say is that dragging it out for longer will help no one and will probably hurt her even more. Been there, done that, and it wasn't good for anyone, it just bred the resentment from my side for a person who did absolutely nothing wrong by me.
On the other hand, I would think about where the issue lies and if it's something that can be fixed. Because being attracted to your partner is your mindset and it can be worked on, if you really want to. As you said, you lost interest because you kept looking at things outside of your relationship, it's also possible to gain that interest looking back into it. But you must be sure you want it and you want to work on it.
Some issues in relationships are irreparable and irreconcilable, but I think the key to having a long lasting relationship is to learn to love your partner through the life changes and through different stages of their growth (obviously doesn't apply to toxic and abusive situations, but even there can be exceptions)
She should not have used your card without asking you first. Since she had your phone she could not call you. If you haven’t already, talk to her about her using your card, try to be calm and explain that you don’t mind her spending a reasonable amount of money on herself, but if she is going to treat friends, then get your approval first. How she reacts will tell you whether you should continue dating her or cut your losses and move on. This situation is an important relationship flag, it will show something about her as a person and give you an idea of how the two of you handle important relationship conflicts. Don’t just stew and not address the issue with her.
you fucked around and now you’re finding out
Didn't bother reading. Cheating is cheating, there is no justification. Just leave. If you need to, stay at a friend's house.
I don’t know him but they went to college together and have all the same friends she said they never had any romantic past. They’re still friends and she sees him occasionally. She slept there bc she was out with friends late and missed her train so she slept there for two hours until the next one
outside of the context on this one.
Let's just assume that this is a conversation between you and me.
You are telling me a funny story that happened at work. I, after hearing say “omg haha did that really happen to you?”
Would you think
a) I'm questioning your story
Or
b) I'm just engaging in the conversation
As long as she's earning her own money and these purchases aren't adversely impacting any shared finances (or longterm financial goals) they may have this boyfriend needs to back off.
Not only is he abusive, he is openly admitting it to you.
He is not your parent and you are not his child. More importantly, he is not your superior in any way; nor have you consented to his “teaching you” things, much less doing so in a way that belittles and humiliates you.
You are an adult, with agency and autonomy. IT IS NOT HIS PLACE TO DECIDE WHAT YOU DO OR DO NOT NEED TO “LEARN”. And it is certainly not for him to decide that you need to be harmed in order to bring you in line with his ideals for you.
You are not his pet, and even if you were, there are laws that would require that he treat you more humanely than he is. You are not something that belongs to him, and it is not for him to determine your needs or your fate. You belong only to yourself, and you are allowed to tell him no, that it is enough, that he must stop and you are not having any more of this.
But most importantly, for your own safety, you should leave. If you cannot stay temporarily with a friend or family, then look up shelters in your town. Take your kitties and go to the nearest police station if you have to and tell them that you need a domestic violence shelter, that you are afraid of your fiancé and have nowhere to go. There are resources to help you. But please, just get out.
Then she married him. Damn
This is definitely break up with her territory.
While it does sound like you possibly aren't carrying your weight with regular household chores, if she had a problem with that then she needed to address it like an adult with grown up words.
Passive aggressive button mashing and snide comments are not something you need to put up with.
“Your kid will end up in jail one day if you don't get him therapy. I'm leaving before he kills me.” should suffice.