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she says she wishes I was more like my brother
Umm… Is no one even going to touch this? How does she know your brother's peeing habits? Maybe you can get some advice from him.
And it's always your fault..?
The elephant in the room is she felt lonely enough to reach out to others. I’m guessing there’s things left out of this story but based on what you shared, if the loneliness isn’t resolved she will die inside. I left a marriage of 18 years just due to the lack of the amount of contact and affection I needed, I was not in a good place. I’m happy now but it’s with someone else.
I can tell you as someone who is a Domme and has had many D/s relationships that he is abusing you and brain washing you and manipulating you. While there's nothing inherently wrong with the kinks that you have mentioned the fact that there is such a large age gap between you two and that he is already pushing your boundaries when you have said no and not give him consent multiple times shows that he someone you can be safe around. The things that he is doing to you now will take years for you to unlearn and move past in the future. Also you will also age out of his taste as well. He is using you. And right now you don't have the experience to understand that he's also abusing you. That is why he is with someone so much younger than him. Somebody more experienced would know to stay away from somebody like that because they would know that he's a bad person. You are not a child for him to be yelling at you and telling you that you have to stay and do what he tells you to. This is part of the brainwashing that he's done to you. I really highly recommend that you get out as soon as you possibly can. If you like you can DM me and I will give you as much information as I can to help you understand. I am a kink educator and an educator on informed consent in BDSM relationships.
I dont like it, but if he were to go theres nothing i could do.
He tells me if someone flirts with him which makes me trust him more, because then hell usually tell what he said back etc. And i feel like i know everything that was going on.
Her mental health issues are no excuse for treating you like crap. You need to run.
I think you’re too insecure for this relationship if your constantly accusing him of cheating. Get out- find some clarity and move on. If you really think they are they aren’t worth your time.
I'm wondering if I sleep with him will I ruin my chances of a relationship?
You already answered your own question.
our last argument we had after our breakup he said he never wanted to be with me and his goal was sex from me when we met. I know lots of guys who pretend to want a relationship but really want sex but won't admit it to me because they know I'll never talk to them again if they told me.
If a guy only wants one thing, he only wants one thing. The end.
The mistake you're making is in thinking that this is something you need to do something about. Somewhere in there — maybe from television, maybe from the internet, maybe from magazines, maybe from your family — you've gotten the idea that your job, as a single woman in the dating world, is to find “a guy who only wants to have sex with me” and turn him into “a guy who wants to stay with me forever.”
What you're actually trying to do is sort through all the guys who only want to have sex with you to find a guy who actually wants to stay with you. And then, once you have found him, you do.
Now, I think the question you're trying to ask is, “If I find a guy who wants to stay with me forever, can I convert him into a guy who only wants sex?” And the answer to that is the same. Just like if a guy only wants one thing, you can't change him, so if a guy wants everything, you, uhh, can't change him.
Besides, if a guy wants to stay with you forever, then one of the things he wants from you — along with the falling in love, along with living together and starting a new life together, along with getting married and making a legal and public declaration of undying love, along with adopting pets or even having children and sharing in the joy of nurturing — is to have sex with you. And if you do so, you're saying, “I'm right there with you. You want it all? So do I. Let me demonstrate, as — ha-ha — as explicitly as possible.”
Or at least, that's the way I saw it the last time I had sex “too soon” — which was on our first date, a mere 4 hours after meeting each other. We also had sex last month when we celebrated nine years of love and six years of marriage. (Our wedding was on our third anniversary. It was a Tuesday.) So either: 1. My marriage and my two sons and the house we bought and the cats we adopted are all gonna wink out of existence any minute now, or, 2. There isn't actually any such thing as “too soon”. You can guess, based on my life experience, which of these hypotheses I put my faith in. 😉
Having that conversation in front of her might actually get her thinking and hopefully your brother isn't able to manipulate her into staying with him
It does and I am not saying it isn’t. But it also tends to either disappear or become less frequent when you don’t cover your vagina with cloth for longer periods of time. Especially if the cloth was polyester.
He’s taking it home to pour into his cum jug obviously. Jeez, a guy can’t even collect his own seed anymore smh
That’s basically what I’ve started doing. I just fear the place will literally become inhospitable. I basically hide away from the worse one of the two wherever possible because for certain she’ll ask me to do something more for her, to which I’ll say no.
Wow tell them what happens in your relationship is none of there business and if there ok with the partner talking to them as if there just the next H O E then there idiots, your ex is an idiot what did he think was going to happen when he said I'll move in someone else to fuck me better?? Did he think you would be like awwww babe ok I'll move in ? maybe dumping by text wasn't Best, I would of dump him as I was walking out. Maybe text him, say although I apologise for how I ended things I don't appreciate your mother texting mine horrible things when it was you who said you will get someone to move in a fuck you better, that statement there was the end of us and if my walking out of your place wasn't message enough then I am sorry, but your comment was not something a 27 year old male should say, if you would of been patient waiting couple more months me could of moved in together but now there no hope for that.
I agree with all of this.
The only addition I'd make is this: depending on how you're raised (+ personality factors), it can be really nude for a young person to fully grasp how marriage “should” happen. That getting married and having kids for the sake of meeting some sort of life objective often doesn't feel right in the end, and that it's much better to stay focused on the person. A lot of people don't stop to think that being married means spending your life with that person…they're thinking about it as “having a husband/wife”. Which can lead to shallow relationships, unfortunately.
Anyway, I feel empathy for OP's girlfriend. I think she just has a little maturing to do. And frankly, so does OP. Being this afraid of commitment at his age is a bit weird. Like… just talk to your girlfriend about not setting stressful goals for your relationship…?
She is treating you well since she hardly has any other choice.
She had good thing going with you, and she has destroyed it herself.
Btw, why did the pregnancy happen? You know, cause if you have been using anti-conception, and she got pregnant in the same as she was “talking” to other guts behind your back…
Stable and a good marriage from your point of view but not for her. She wouldn’t be sexting another person if she’s not looking for attention from other men.
Also, she’s the one that is blowing up the relationship, not you. She’s cheating and if you don’t confront, she will continue to cheat, and the next you know, it’s already PA.
This is some next level BS. You need to leave this man immediately. You are not in the house, don't go back. Your relationship is built on a lie. From the beginning, it was a lie. He shared you a man you did not consent to be shared with because his brother needed booty. This is perverse beyond measure and God knows how much he has done. End this nightmare.
Apparently rape is fine if they “weren't really serious”.
WHAT THE HELL.
That just makes your logic even worse then.
Tell her you need truth today or you’re done.
Real simple. Something happened, and she doesn’t get to sweep it under the rug for her own benefit period. She is an adult, this is part of being an adult- and she can be honest with her partner or she can not have one. And as a woman- I would simply never even dream of not offering any explanation as to where I was or why I was at a man’s house. My partner and I have been together for only 6 years and I cannot fathom disrespecting him like that. And I have plenty of male friends, respect and morals go a long way.
This man is not mentally/emotionally healthy. He did you a favor. Consider yourself lucky and move on.
Idk what to help with. Not convinced any cheating is happening but if it makes u uneasy I guess u could ask her to get a different job.. but really no trust=no relationship
Sounds like he’s a big time creep
They should agree to tell together
…. Well, yeah. Exactly that. Which is why I’m confused at the sarcasm I’m detecting. ?
Your explanation makes total sense and the fact that he doesn't believe you despite the fact that he's the one who was unfaithful previously says everything you need to know about his trust and respect for you.
Why did you break up for six months and what changed for you to get back together? And how long have you been together all told?