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I had a best friend of 10 years that would cancel stuff the last minute. This was the reason i stopped being friends with her eventually. This is a pretty big thing, and shows how much the person really cares about you.
Yeah that’s fucked man. There is nothing controlling about the sober one of the group trying to get people to leave the bar. I wonder what your GF would have said if you left without her. She would have been pissed you abandoned her, but if you stay and try to get them to leave with you, you’re controlling. You’re in a no win situation, especially considering you stayed out way later than you wanted to. The fact she wants you there until she’s done is controlling on her part.
As for your friend, he seems controlling too. Let him do what he wants, but you’re not at his beck and call when you two hang out. You wanted to leave and let him know he can come back with you, but he didn’t want to, like usual.
If your GF usually treats you like shit when drunk, you made the right decision leaving her.
Typo at the end, not is supposed to be now*
You don’t talk it out to someone who would rather use their hands on nth human. What she needs to do is run from that POS. He needs to get arrested.
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I feel like I’m his would’ve been okay if it was one of your stocking stuffers, but to be your actual gift? I feel it’s more of a power pressure moment than anything. I also haven’t tried, ive said one day, and one day i will. I’m just weird with pain and my partner wants to, bad. I would honestly be pretty upset if he pulled that as a main or only gift
I’m sorry for what you’re dealing with, this is an unfortunate pickle.
One thing I’m not seeing here: yes, you are at a disadvantage because you are financially reliant on your dad. BUT, your dad is clearly also reliant on you to a significant degree. You have some leverage here too.
I’d tell your dad you want accept drop off pick up responsibilities but you’re happy to sit for him other that that. He’s not going to kick out the only assistance he has with his newborn.
I’d die on this hill man. They did you dirty and now they’re making you fester in it.
Some people just enjoy the attention and the chase. She might like that you keep trying and texting her.
Sexual compatibility is important in a relationship. This is tricky in the sense that we are not talking about matched desire, but her wanting to be 'purer' in her views with God. If she is the one for you try to wait, maybe there are other things you can do that aren't intercourse to hold you over.
That said looking at the long term, do you want kids to have a conservative Christian world view? Pretty sure she will.
As long as your GF controls herself not much you can do. You get all silverback gorilla or getting defensive it just makes you look unattractive.
There is definitely a way to get over this! However, it might be difficult.
You will regret it if you continue to make decisions based on what's hurtful to a narcissist who doesn't care about your feelings.
You probably need some therapy.
Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel
Thank you! I've added the audiobook to my listening list!
I have been slowly bringing these themes up in conversation. I also feel like I need to have my own head straight in terms of being able to understand my own needs enough to explain them to him. Otherwise it's just an unfair attack.
he told me it was too early to discuss it.
Uhh, if y'all were in your 20's sure, but 3 months is well within the timeframe to mention that. It's critical at your ages, actually. I bring that shit up on date #1 because yes/no on kids is a dealbreaker for basically everyone.
That is a surprising attitude for a 47 year old who thinks this is going to be a serious relationship.
So neither of you held to the original agreement, and that's making you think what? That you're incompatible?
You know what needs to be done, just be smart and don’t hurt your case. Looking forward to your success brother. Updateme!
No problem!
I would leave, but that's me. You found out super early that he's possibly a predator.
You may want to do more research on him and ask other exes as well.
Yeah, have an adult conversation about how while you want to be supportive and understand that she's going through a lot that it is putting a major strain on you. It's understandable she wants to be heard and kudos on you for trying your best to listen and be supportive, but if this relationship is to be a working healthy one then this needs to be addressed.
Being brutally honest though I would leave, everyone has issues and it isn't fair to burden your partner with a barrage of negativity then censure them for not being supportive enough. And if you made perfectly reasonable rules that were mutually agreed upon and she isn't following them that's a lack of respect. Wanting to occasionally vent is fine, but when it becomes so commonplace that your partner feels it necessary to establish rules about them that should be a sign to take a step back and examine the effect you're having.
My dude.
She's not loyal to you. She's loyal to her, and she's given you every reason NOT to be with her.
Get yourself tested for STDs because you don't know how long she and him were going on behind your back.
Also look into the odd lesson in punctuation. That was the longest sentence I've ever read.
A lot of people have trouble stop loving their abusers that were once someone important in their life.
Yeah this is not normal. Yes, my body stinks occasional but I can easily fix this by showering appropriately. This guy needs help bathing
Shut it down. This is unacceptable behaviour for a husband.
On the surface, yes, you were wrong to lie. But let's dig deeper.
Why are you afraid to discuss your emotions honestly with your partner? Does he have a habit of picking fights to invalidate your feelings?
And why is it okay for him to do something when he gets mad at you for doing the same thing?
To be fair I can be really sensitive so some when he says something to me I take it hard or personally.
It's okay to take things personally when they're personal. It's okay to be sensitive and aware of your own feelings and needs. When people tell you you're “too sensitive” it's usually because they don't want to face the consequences of treating you poorly.
I'm a fan of giving it back or chucking it as well (because honestly there's just nothing she could say that would be worth reading). But a third option can be having someone else you know and trust read it, and tell you what's in it. Like a human filter. (Edit I didn't read the other comment first. I agree with the other guy.)
I wouldn't suggest holding onto it for a few years. That's just making it a weight around your neck.
Bud you are so fucked. She is going to destroy your very soul