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I don’t think you’re even ready for a relationship. “Everyone” doesn’t hide information that would change their partner’s perceptions of them. In fact, if you do that, you’re taking your partner’s agency away in choosing to be in a relationship with you.
This would honestly be a deal breaker for me. No I don’t actually normally kiss my boyfriend after head but if he rejected my kiss… what?? Too gross for you but you expected me to do it? It’s YOU not another guy’s business….
But then again some women dislike being kissed by their partner after oral so it’s completely individual. For ME though, I would find this disrespectful.
Reading this, youre afraid of “saying something wrong to upset him”
Reading how you say he hit his car then screamed at the top of his lungs before driving off.
Because of sharing ONE chore.
He acts like you bought a whole ass house before asking him. it was a LAUNDRY BASKET.
You both work, yet you do all of the chores in the house and he has the audacity to complain how his is folded? Nah.
You seem like youre afraid of setting off a fuse in him? Like escalating it with something you say. Youre afraid of his reaction if you voice your feelings. That is BAD. Do you want to on-line the rest of your life as his nanny?
There are people who sleep in separate beds in a relationship and its not less of a relationship. If he thinks youre not in a relationship anymore because you bought a laundry basked so he can fold his shirts how he wants then oh boy.
This isnt about not asking him beforehand, hes using the not asking part to make you feel bad for standing up for yourself.
Tldr: youre afraid of his reactions when you point something out that bothers you and youre doing all the chores around the house while he has the audacity to complain about how you do them. Is this really what you want for the rest of your life?
Have you had a conversation about what the “deal” is?
Put this way the talk is coming.
Most people go off line a fire cracker before or after the “event”.
I have had a few friends in similar position and in all cases denial was the game play. The person in the wrong will deny all the way. But … if you have evidence then you are good to go.
Put it this way you need a game plan to get evidence to allow you to be best prepared for her when you have the “talk”.
And lawyer up. Even if you don’t use the lawyer in the end.
Do you track her phone?
I am going to make a wild guess and say she’s going to hook up with an old flame ….
Good luck brother but remember to keep your powder dry and play the game.
I recently spoke with a guy, now passed, whu had caught his wife playing away with his business partner. He evidenced up, lawyered up, then outed them. He then passed away. He was brilliant. He kept cool and got his ducks lined up. I will try and find a link to his first post and put it here for you.
I suppose if you want to give it a try you could buy a cell phone lock box and ask him to put it in at the beginning of the date. They won’t open until the timer is up so there’s nothing he can do but exercise his patience muscle.
And if he’s not a doctor on-call, it doesn’t really matter if he gets an emergency call. There’s nothing he can do to save someone’s life, so he can just wait for the outcome like everyone else.
calculated
Dude manhandled some eyelids and put a flashlight in her face, things almost guaranteed to wake someone up. This was deliberate for sure, but definitely not calculated… Man's an idiot, just another reason to leave his ass.
You don't feel heard or respected – because you aren't. Only you can decide how much longer you are willing to on-line like this.
The more you stay friendship with him the more you will develop feelings for him , and it could be results for more things with your current boyfriend, just cut him off and Focus on your heathy relationship.
Wait however long you need to. Get a bank account, a job, line up an apartment. Move out, block your mom, and inform your brother’s GF.
Until then, you are happy, you are obedient, and you have no issues with your brother’a cheating or your mom’s enabling.
He lives there for free and doesn’t contribute to anything at all. Yes I drew that conclusion from 2 paragraphs.
There is also other things OP needs to ask herself.
Do you see this relationship as long-term? Marriage or cohabiting, kids, house etc.
If yes, then what are your thoughts on faith? Are you Christian, Muslim, Hindu, agnostic etc?
If yes to any of these then would you like to raise your kids in your faith? If yes then would you atheist bf be happy to raise his kids in a faith? I'm guessing no.
Yeah! I'm glad you could get back in contact. Hope it works.
Break it off!! Immediately!!!
Only if one has the itch to teach him a lesson… be understood.
That's so impolite. Why is he even dating if his span of attention is shorter than that of a one day old chicken?
That's so impoliteThat's so impolite
Yeah I would breakup or at very least distance tf out of myself. This is emotionally abusive. You deserve to talk and be heard but this man is telling you to shut up? I dunno if any of this is healthy.
well it looks like you guys have settled on the most logical solution so hope it works out for you both. of course im sure you know you will have to work at keeping the relationship healthy but you might find this to be the best of all worlds
Tell him you only do anal, and that's not technically dating, so it's ok and he can keep giving you money.
Strong chance he's depressed.
So you didn't grab her arm first to prevent her from leaving?
You're a liar. An abuser. A piece of shit. Leave her alone. She's right to get as far away from you as possible. I hope she warns all other women off you as well.
Get therapy or stay single. Someone like you is a danger to women.
If he loved you he'd give a shit about you and how you feel. Tell him have fun, keep on them dr. appts. People lie about that shit. Then go get a man that knows a Goddess when he sees one!
After one year stuff never missed once likely isn't worth getting back.
No I don’t want him if he wants to cheat or does cheat.
Lady, you have some serious problems of the head space variety. Wow ? Maybe EDUCATION and some time off the Internet would help. Just, wow. Wow.
So you acknowledge that the age gap is weird? And that a nearly 30yo man is ditching his teenage gf with no issue or care? This relationship needs to end yesterday.
He’s not my first love. I’m not that new to adult life unfortunately I’ve been living independently since 10th grade so about 5 years. Which I know is only 5 years of being an adult but that’s 4/5 more then most people my age
No i cant eat popcorn. I cannot have corn or dairy.
Your education is more important and unless you want to take on all the financial responsibility your dad is covering you need to either break up with him or start lying to your Dad and making sure he doesn't find out. Honestly it's easier to break up with your current BF and start going as low contact with your Dad as possible and let him pay for everything he is. When you graduate and get fully on your own you can be as open with your choices as you want to your Dad. Your Dad seems very controlling and is damaging his relationship with you. If you do choose to roll the dice and see what he does and not break up with the BF make sure you have all the information you need to get the loans you need and all your important paperwork.
I know it's really easy to say break up with him or let your Dad cut you off but you really need to step back and see exactly what would happen, what you would gain or lose, and what you would need to take on if you did either of these things. Make this choice with your head and not your heart and from this point on don't let your Dad in on your dating life either way it goes.
Just dump him and go no-contact.
Oh ew. How will this “man” behave if you get pregnant again and have complications during the birth or struggle with illness throughout? He is selfish. Sometimes the hardest thing to go through can be a blessing in disguise. Is this somebody who you really want to have a child with?
Sometimes it’s not obvious until stuff like this comes out but you two just might not be compatible.
So she licked your ass or near it while giving you a blowjob? Played with your ass with her finger or with herself with her finger and then used it on your dick while giving a blowjob? Or are you under the impression that because you got a urinary infection, she must be licking ass and walking around with fecal bacteria living in her mouth?
I wasn't an easy teenager either, but I wanted to be. There's so much now that you don't see or understand about yourself, your life and your mom. Give yourself some grace, give her as much love and appreciation as you can, and continue to work on becoming the kind of person you want to be. She didn't sign up for a perfect kid, and I'll just bet she isn't a perfect mom. So don't be so very hot on yourself:)
Enforced monogamy is what you have in the situation where there are no other options available.
Imagine a world where it was illegal to rent an apartment or sell a home to couples that are not married to each other. Now imagine that it was frowned on to rent a domicile with roommates outside of special circumstances such as while attending university.
In that case, you'd on-line in your parents' home while your girlfriend lives with her parents. You both live! this way until you marry. Then, for the first time in your life, you get to live with someone you're not related to.
A few hundred years ago, enforced monogamy was the norm. Now, we live in a world with voluntary monogamy. Anyone can opt in (or out) at any time.
Well I'm clearly clueless, so please inform me
OP, how is your eye? Update us.
That is one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. He's totally manipulating you
This is a you issue. It’s normal for people to have housemates of the opposite gender. If he was spending a inordinate amount of time with her, then I might be curious, but in a house with 6 people, one being a girl is not at all strange or uncalled for, nor does it require someone to disclose this information off the bat.
From experience, you can't hint or sugar coat – they won't get it. When you're ready to, you'll have to be blunt. “Babe, I know you've been down lately but I really need you to shower daily with soap, and make sure to wash our hands before Seggsy time. “
I'm curious – if you're able to share – what were the “circumstances” that brought him to move in? Are you both working and paying rent? Sharing household chores?
Lmao reading your comments lets me know that you are not ready for a real long term relationship. If you aren't willing to defend your SO, especially on a first meet, from rude behavior from your family why would anyone entertain dating you? I mean think about it from his perspective for a second how would you react if you were in his shoes?
This is the attitude we’ve been having so that’s why we kinda never thought it was an issue !?
Yo from a dude who recently had a similar cardiovascular issue I discovered from masturbating, go to the mf doctor bc turns out I had a heart arrhythmia ???
No op pls abort plan of having kids till this issue is resolved..worst case scenario if he then abusive then you would have no money , no support..pls don't quit job.
Swingers, seriously? You're making a massive jump there!
You should talk to him about it, like she could have rules to never meet his partners and you messaging her could mess her up and their relationship
Maybe she's just using writing as a way of letting out fluttering feelings. Try and put yourself in her shoes.
On the other hand….. Y'all are also very young and have long lives ahead, God willing, don't get too attached to anything this young.
First of all, why with you guys hangout with younger couples? Second, your husband is blaming alcohol to get into that young wife panties!?
and asked if I am writing about the best blowjob that I will give him tonight.
close… I've set up an appointment with the doctors for a rib removal… that way you can suck your own damn dick.
She's six! Her dad telling her he could die tomorrow in an attempt to manipulate her reactions/emotions is straight-up sick.
You made a mistake. You married too fast, with too many red flags and unresolved worries, and it didn't pan out for you.
I'm not saying that to be mean or to make you feel bad. I'm saying it because you will be better off accepting that this was a mistake, instead of continuing to try to find a way to make it not have been a mistake so that you don't have to deal with undoing it. You should just accept it so you can start working on the way out.
Find a good divorce lawyer, follow their advice, and get this straightened out. And don't get married again until you've spent several years with a person, you've seen what it's like to go through life as their partner, and you know you want them by your side.
I mean it seems like it was best for the relationship to end? Just bc your loved one was really really sad doesn’t mean the relationship should have continued?
I feel for you but just remember that a lot of white people (Im guessing your bf is wonder bread white) aren’t built to deal with Latinos. Gotta remember that in the future. Also your brother is out of line not shaking his hand tho. You should deal with that more than what your parents were doing
he is dating two women, so clearly one isn't enough for him. It isn't a you issue, it is a him issue clearly.
No, because what he has aren't “political views.” What he has is bigotry.
People need to get this through their heads. If someone is still willing to publicly identify as and vote for Republicans in 2023 they are profoundly morally broken, the end.
Does your girlfriend work? Outside the house?
He absolutely could’ve felt ashamed, just like he said, and felt the need to run from the situation. He was probably embarrassed, and instantly aware of the pain he’d inflicted on his spouse. That is perfectly believable, he’s going above and beyond to show his remorse, it’s a big assumption to say it’s all an act and an excuse.
you are so kind to share a bit of your story with me and I am grateful for your kindness. I hope you’re in better health.
I think for the past year I’ve really been grieving the loss of the job, and I didn’t think that the divorce would rear its ugly head. For the few months I was still employed, and not yet physically harmed, I felt free for the first time in my life.
I think I’ve finally processed losing my community through my old job – I had so much of my identity wrapped in it. I had a fancy title and a big business that everyone was in awe that I worked at. I constantly prioritized my job over my relationship. Looking back, I was often frustrated with him for being frustrated with me – in my head, the only reason I worked so very hot at my career was to provide and to take care of him. Growing up, most times he did not even have basic necessities. I would do anything to afford him a better life, to take him on trips, to see concerts, to do as we pleased without worrying about finances.
These realizations, and having time to process these things definitely gives me hindsight bias. Thank you for reminding me that honestly, even I don’t currently recognize myself through the insane growth I’ve had to go through this last year.
When we split, my ex husband took our dog and moved back into the neighbourhood we lived in when we were engaged and happy. Hearing that he has this new partner living seemingly – a similar life that I had: when I was young and in love, a mom to my very own dog (a life long dream!!), at the local bar where we met, doing the same walks around the neighbourhood that we did when we were happy. Working my dream job at such a young age, healthy, naive.
These thoughts keep me up at night. My therapist has recommended all sorts of things such as meditation, a bed time routine, exercise right before bed – but I just can’t shake it. Awful feeling.
When I left him, I meant what I said – “I wish you all the best.” But it’s so nude to reconcile that I can genuinely, with my whole heart, mean that for him when it comes to fruition- but simultaneously feel so sad for me when I look back at the year I’ve had.
Not only that, asexuality is not black and white. There's a whole spectrum and as someone who fits on it somewhere (I'm still figuring it out) it can also mean that you enjoy sex but only in specific circumstances. Mine is that I require a deep connection with the person to be interested in and to enjoy sex. If I fall out of love with someone, I'll happily not have sex with them at all. I'll happily go years not having sex and be single if I don't have that connection with someone. Nothing would convince me to have a one night stand or a friends with benefits situation. It's got nothing to do with how “attractive” they are either, like OP thinks. I'd sleep with an “ugly” person over a model if I had feelings for them. It's wild that OP is making this all about them when she's probably got nothing to do with it. They weren't compatible and that's OK, she's had a glow up herself!
He wants you to sit around and wait while he fucks other women? So you can cook and clean while he parties?
What is in this for you? And before you say you love him so much, make sure you’re loving yourself too.
You don't need many friends, but you do need good friends to talk honestly through your problems. It sounds like your cousin is a true friend. A therapist will give you an outside perspective without the emotional charge of someone who cares for you, but I think you should also think over what your cousin said: she puts you first in this, and is saying what she thinks is best for you.
waiting out bad behavior never results in good behavior later on. Learned this after 20 wasted years in marriage. Just cut contact and move on
More the fool you. 7 billion people and this is the one you stick with.
Did your girlfriend confirm that she was the one who cause the injury, or did she leave you to flap in the wind?
Better yet. Understand what addiction is.
Why is that? Do you not have any hobbies you like to do a lone? Do you watch TV?
Oh no. No way. Listen, I get it. You care about her, and want to keeo your family together, but this situation was already unhealthy before this incident. Now it's escalating into a situation that endangered your daughter. There is nothing in this world that would make that ok. It's now dangerous. If you allow her to just apologize with no consequences, or starting therapy now for her issues, you are sending her a message that this kind of thing is acceptable. As soon as she realizes she can behave like this, apologize, and everything will be fine, stuff like this will continue to happen, as well as escalate to the point that you, your daguhter, or both will become victims of abuse. Stop it now before that happens. Your job as a parent is to protect your child, and if you let this stand you are not doing your job as a parent. Therapy for this crazy woman, or get you, and your daughter out of there before things get worse.
Personally I’d become a nudist. Oh you didn’t want to see me chillin in my birthday suit? Shoulda knocked. Do some weird poses too.
It is a cop out.
You need to cop yourself out of this disgusting relationship and find a better match for yourself.
They'd be saying that she doesn't owe him sex
I mean, either he is happy with this arrangement or he is not. If he really is just so much of a pushover and just accepting this as is, then there really isn't much you can do from this. I think the best you can do is to talk to him and have him ensure to you that he is happy like this, or have the conversation go to him telling you that he isn't happy. It's this uncertainty that is killing you, and this may never be resolved.
You don’t get to tell her what she can and can’t wear. It’s controlling and not a good habit to start as you enter relationships. If you’re uncomfortable it’s your responsibility to go and work on those emotions, not her responsibility to alter the way she wants to on-line for your insecurities. You’re young. Realise now at the start of your dating life that you don’t ‘let’ someone do something in a partnership – you don’t own her.
By doing it more often. Seriously.
Sometimes either your personality or your previous experiences make you that way. But you need to voice what you want and make that a habit even if you feel some discomfort after you do.
I had similar struggles with an old friendship that fell off. What snapped me out of it was thinking one day “why the hell should I give myself an ulcer over this? I gain nothing by stressing over it and it won’t change a damned thing.” It helped a great deal. You’re upset, so I suggest you turn that into a profit and loss exercise. You are spending all this time and energy and emotion frustrated about something that ultimately changes nothing about the overall trajectory of your life. There is no gain here, just throwing good time and energy after bad.
Nothing about this guy is normal. Every post you make about him is one more red flag, and you've got quite a collection going. This guy is going to financial abuse you, crush your self esteem into the ground, use your health issues to manipulate you, isolate you, and cheat on you, at the very least.
Ask him directly why he feels uncomfortable with you going alone. And explain how demeaning it is that he get to have time to himself but you dont
He has had emotional affairs before
Then , Im sorry to say, this is 100% on you. You should ahve dumped him the first time he cheated. By staying, you are enabling this behaviour.
Leave, block, and dont ever look back. And learn some self respect… why would you allow anyone to cheat on you?
If its me I won't even stay in the marriage as your spouse is your world, your other half & if the spouse can't even get the birthday gift right then you just don't care. Its not about the gift its the thoughts & action to appreciate the spouse. Here to OP he did nothing for her & when he did its the wrong & weirdly sarcastic gift & then the lying on the other gifts. no wife wants these kind of crappy treatment especially on her birthday.
She told him. She's allowed to have her reasons even if other people don't agree with them.
You'll have to make this a very hot boundary. As in, if she moves in, I move out. It's tragic what happened, but if she is allowed to marinate in it without outside force to get her back to living, it's not to anyone's benefit.
Tell him to wear a strap on every once in a while so he can fuck you like you deserve
Break up.
It's not the taking care of him that's worrisome, it's raising him to be the same way. I see in another comment her father is the same. It's obviously something that is being taught and I fear without your permanent influence there to correct her behavioural pattern she may rub off on your son for the worse.
I actually have, and he kinda shuts down and gets annoyed that I’m accusing him of something he didn’t do. I understand that obviously, but I don’t think it really helps in the long run.
Definitely feel welcome to show him the comment. You reached out for third-party input to make sure you're having a proportionate reaction when you're feeling upset about something you defined as a dealbreaker. Part of maturing is understanding what a dealbreaker actually is so you can define them and stick to them as an act of self-respect and confidence.
I don't think this is a slippery slope issue into you putting restrictions on his body. You're allowed to have preferences, and this is probably a good opportunity for you to evaluate and discuss risk assessment. You don't have to like everything he does for him to do it, and the same goes for you.
Would I date someone who actively vapes or smokes? No, it doesn't fit my lifestyle. Do I particularly care if my partner hits a pal's vape or even has a cigarette once or twice a year while drinking? Not really! I wouldn't expect my partner to give up his motorcycle now, but, if we were parents? Nope. The risk is too high. Risk assessment/evaluation evolves alongside circumstance. You're both the oldest you've ever been but still young in the grand scheme of things, and that comes with exploring the world as individuals and a couple.
Don’t care. If true. If not. Encouraging bullying of kids. Horrible.
This is the only answer! I didn't even read any of the post (thanks adhd) just saw the age gap…