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I read a statistic somewhere that 80% of divorces are filed by the female spouse when EMPLOYED. I’m not sure how accurate that is, but it sure makes some sense.
If you stay at home because you both decide that is what’s best for your relationship, that is one thing. But a partner who demands it is a red flag for me.
Yes, talk to your friend.
Did she not want you to go or did other factors keep her from asking?
You are so close to getting the point it’s laughable.
The patriarchy also does not benefit men and is a capitalistic system in which no singular gender truly benefits, but the upper classes. Yes… a factory worker in the 19th century was essentially a work slave, and the women back home were domestic slaves (but let’s not forget most factory worker males in the industrial era had wives who were ALSO factory workers with even worse pay and dangerous work. the only true “stay at home moms” were from middle and upper class families).
The original commenters point still remains that at this time women could not own property, hold their own bank accounts, or be truly financially independent. If not a husband, it was their father, their brother, their uncle. If the patriarchy does not exist, why was that the case? if men did not fundamentally see women as a weaker sex who needed to be controlled why couldn’t they legally exert their independence?
You are literally just describing the symptoms of patriarchal capitalism and it literally benefits neither gender on average.
I have a lot of respect for stay at home moms, my mother was one, and she worked very naked. But my father was in a financial position where she could stay at home, and he did not force her to do it. it was a mutual decision that made both of them happy. I, on the other hand, am getting a Masters degree in a lucrative area and want to work. If I was dating someone who saw my work, effort, and degree as less than theirs because I’d give birth to our children, and tell me that he expects me to drop my career? Why not drop his? Don’t be obtuse, it’s sexism.
I'm a petite person (like slight ass, no boobs. Short, skinny) and my partner's ideal woman to bang would big ass and big titties (like huge curves, small waist). There is absolutely no way I could ever look like that. But I'm completely okay with the way I look. I know for my partner, the big ass big titty, tiny waste curvy girl would just be a fantasy, and he wouldn't actually want her as his wife. Just to have sex with. Hitting the gym to get fitter and stronger is always good. But don't stress beyond that.
listen, it's fine to share your preferences but that's about where it ends.
know how I know? I wish my wife were hairier. ha! but she hates hair down there. (frankly, the 'prepubescent' look grosses me out.)
funny thing is I wear a moustache and fucking can't stand it. I'm growing it purely for her, but she is aware that I could go cut this bullshit off RIGHT NOW. it's 100% my choice.
so, we both express what we like, but we also both know it's the other person's body. if I didn't like her choices, I shouldn't have gotten with her from the start.
so! you shave just as often as you desire, and no more. look him dead in his eye and ask him, “hey, Steve– is it a dealbreaker…?
if it is, you guys weren't going to work out anyway and at least you'll now be free to find someone who loves you for YOU.
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I don’t even know
Give your girlfriend a lump of coal!
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Nah partner, I'm not the kind of person to just ghost. I don't feel like that helps anyone. I'd like to think even when things don't work out, people I knew think back on me fondly.
Wait, how tall is she? I don't see that info anywhere
My SO and I have the same health insurance and I opened a letter recently from them and realized after looking at it that it was for him, not me. I apologized and immediately explained the situation and handed it to him.
In the US it is a federal felony to open someone else's mail, tried in federal courts and with possible sentencing to federal prison. Beyond the lack of respect, trust, and privacy exhibited by your boyfriend, this is considered a crime committed against you in several countries. Breaking up is incredibly reasonable. He should be thankful you aren't reporting him to the authorities.
OP doesn't play hockey though and doesn't understand. What he's describing is not how any rink I've ever played at has been setup.
I've literally had to change into gear in a lobby before lol. Hockey locker rooms are not the usual gym locker rooms and are assigned to TEAMS for the game the day of.
Obviously because she either 1. Wants you back or 2. Trying to make you miserable.
Either way she's too much of a wuss to use her words and communicate like an adult
First, you're not actually married. Second, she's just a teenager. What might have sounded cute in her last relationship when she was 15 or 16 now just sounds cringe and she probably realizes that. Third, why do you want the same pet name she called someone else? Insecure much?
That’s the only thing you could buy yourself to let you commemorate this achievement? You really couldn’t just let her enjoy giving you something thoughtful and find some other present to give yourself?
You were a jerk. Apologize.
Do you have kids? If so, who’s doing the childcare, grocery shopping, organizing your lives? Do you pull your weight regarding housework? 9/10 times wives/mothers lose interest in sex because they are either a) dog-tired from housework and childcare b) start seeing their husband as another child who they need to take care of and therefore lose attraction to him c) both. I’m making an awful lot of assumptions here but you’re giving zero details on what your life with her looks like which is usually what happens if op doesn’t want to share details because they will make them look bad.
Also, DO YOU SHAVE YOUR BALLS FOR HER? Because if you don’t shave you balls for her, why are you expecting that she shaves?
That’s nasty
I bet your browser history would tell quite a story, lol
I can’t say it. But I’m embarrassed by it and now I wonder if I’ve taken myself out of being seen as “gf” material
lol for real. This guy is too dramatic to online with a partner or anyone for that matter.
Sometimes things just don't work out. Oh well.
right? wtf is up with this post
Was really hoping it was millwright or something obscure like that… All those nasty, cheating millwrights and their lechery!!!
5 years of sex and this MF took 16 days to break a promise
Your girlfriend is a liar and not a good one at that. No employer is purchasing a hotel room and sticking two employees of the opposite gender in there. She is trickle truthing because she plans to share a room with him. My company couldn’t make me share a room with any of my male colleagues. I’d laugh and say next question.
The whole relationship is a red flag. He didn't consent to having his body touched, told you, and you violated that. That can be incredibly triggering for some people, and obviously is for him. The fact that a near fist fight ensued because of it shows that neither of you are likely to be working with a professional to understand you triggers and communicate effectively and respectively. Start couples therapy now if you truly want a healthy relationship. Or, if you want to spend your marriage throwing things at each other when yall get triggered, then don't, people have been doing that since the dawn of time.
If you have to ask… you already know the answer
Y E S
Your concerns are not that he can't be trusted, but that some situations predispose themselves to bad behavior.
I see three issues:
1) 4 people he doesn't know. This is not great
2) 3 couples except V and C aren't.
3) this is a party/hookup local
Talk with your bf. Ask him to think about the situations that will be going through your head while he's there. Tell him you trust him, but some of that is that you trust him to not put himself into compromising situations. There will be no way for him to refute a charge of hooking up. How would he feel if he came back to see you crying at a picture of him holding someone else?
The first scenario is that it turns out 1 of the other couples isn't a couple. C hooks up with the guy, and the odd one out hangs with V all weekend, just being sweet, then kisses him.
The second is that C and V are having fun (innocent) and a group spots them. C likes a guy in that group and makes sure it's OK for here to peel off. V is now alone when some attractive women come hang out with him. Soon he's tagged in a photo he thought was innocent… or one of them is drunkenly ugly crying on his shoulder. Where is his gf to attest that it was innocent, because here are 5 photos with these girls, and in one… one of the girls was practically in his lap.
Shirley Glass PhD wrote “NOT 'just friends' “. It is about how people in situations that allow infidelity often cheat.
How can you protect each other and your relationship? You make broad rules that the two of you don't break. Some ideas: 1) no going to alcohol serving or 'pick up' places without the other. 2) no overnight mixed company trips without the other 3) no parties without the other
Sounds like this trip would be against all three of those. These rules would not be to restrain each other, but to instill confidence and a sense of security. “Because I don't want to cause even a seed of doubt, I'll not put myself in a position…”
Oof you were 19 when he met you at 32 that's a redflag he's coming off as controlling I don't mean to bring age into this but age is a factor in this. He gave you an ultimatum that's never the way to go in a relationship. You shouldn't have to be uncomfortable because he had “quirks” and that's not even addressing what it is its just how it's handled.
As others have said, the age gap is a huge red flag. The fact that you actually feel he is only using for sex pretty much guarantees that he is.
If you continue the relationship I would hazard a guess that he'll become controlling over you, particularly if you try to spend time with people your own age. Will probably keep you around for a few years then leave you down the line for someone who is younger again.
People like this are super manipulative and make you feel like it's what you want. It might take a few years but down the line you'll look back and be disgusted about this situation, whether you stay with him or leave him. There was a post here only a few weeks ago about someone who had stayed with their older partner and then suddenly realised the circumstances of them getting together were off. When they tried to speak to their partner about it, their partner was instantly defensive and argumentative – because he knew all along he was in the wrong.
Reddit often has people who are quick to say leave a relationship, but in these circumstances they are right. A lot of these people are older, understand your partners perspective and understand its wrong. Or they've already experienced this themselves.
Honestly you should listen and leave this guy. You're still young, online your life, date some people and gain some life experience. You'll be much happier for it down the line.
Also want to quickly point out… never date someone you work with. Almost always ends badly. If it comes to a break up do you really want to see that person everyday still? And if you're not careful they may cause problems for you and try to have you fired or turn everyone against you.
Either way get out of this situation as soon as you can. You're not a trophy and you deserve better.
WIFE according to him, the caps lock makes it even more frightening, calm down sicko you’re making it worse for everyone
Yeast allergy you reckon?
How do I confront her? I hate confrontation with people I am close with, do I just say hey I went through your phone and found this, care to explain?
So you willingly chose to be with a married man and you expect everyone to treat you with respect? Get over yourself. You’re a home wrecker and the wife deserves to know. I hope she beats the living crap out of you because that’s what you deserve.
Yeah, the second you run into any woman that expects you to cover her bills / pay for her meals and buy her things? Run. Don't give people like that the time of day.
I also don’t think I am really into femboys.
Maybe he knows this and that's why he was secretive.
In your head, it's about the stealing but I think you can make peace with that given some time. Don't ignore the bigger issue. If you're not able to wrap your mind around having a partner that enjoys these things then it's ok to end it.
It was actually not her first choice. It’s a pretty depressing specialty. She wanted to be an ophthalmologist, or fertility doctor (she figured that way she’s helping with family planning).
But.. 3 of 4 people in her immediate family had wildly specific cancers.. and so that’s the route she chose. Now that she’s in it.. she is trying to solve cancer herself. It’s beautiful, really. I just hope it doesn’t break her spirit.
my reply was not accusatory in anyway! i was just being very adamant in confirming that he did not push this on her, it’s something that the two of them want. i’m talking to her right now, and apparently it’s a talk we’ve been long overdue for.
He's doing worse than that. He's trying to push you on an elastic leash, so he can push you away as much as he wants, and have you bounce right back to him. It isn't right, and this is not how a person behaves when they love or care about you
Brilliant comment! You absolutely nailed it! This is exactly what went down and this poor bugger couldn't see it because of those rose coloured glasses he was wearing. I truly hope he sees her for who she is and what she did to him, and ghosts her foul a**, now.
Tell him. Because if you get treated while he does not he can give you another one.
“chain restaurants are money laundering schemes” I mean with naked hitting industry analysis like that how could anyone not kneel before your massive intellect
Girl; leave him. I know that you know that. But this will only continue in a vicious cycle – and it WILL get worse. Do you want to have a child with him? Imagine having to deal with him for the rest of your life. You don’t want that. Get away now, and online your life unrestrained from someone who obviously has no respect for you.
Absolutely agree I will be looking for a therapist as a part of my healing process
Maybe i can join him to get stop my nicotine addiction too.
Look, that's sweet but rehab for naked drugs means going to a retreat/hospital setting for a set period of weeks, not a thing you do for cigarettes.
There are thousands of sites from specialists who tell you exactly how to confront and help and addict family member (do NOT give him money), search for them and do as they say. All of them will tell you this has to be shared with your family to get him real help. Of course it will get complicated, his life is in danger. Addictions can't be secrets in families if you want to help. He doesn't have to trust you again, this is more important. If he truly heals in the future he will know you had to tell your family to save him.
Google: “how to deal with addict family member”
I get that there is never a good time, but I feel like there are “better” times, which this isn't currently. On that note, i have the emotional capacity to handle waiting a bit more, if i see a “better” time might come.
Girl…this guy is gaslighting you and he’s a narcissist.
Reading this reminded me of a relationship I had many years ago and it brought back all these repressed feelings I’ve had about the verbal and emotional abuse i went through.
Let him threaten divorce. Is he worth it?
And the fact that he’s looking at escort services AND accuses you of cheating makes me think HE is the one cheating. (Because that’s what cheaters do. I know because this same guy did that to me as well).
Do you have a place to go? Do you have all your papers in a safe place like a binder that you can put in a backpack and easily take with you?
You do not and should not put up with this abuse ANYMORE.
It will take some time to plan your exit strategy but I was able to do mine by getting a substantially better paying job and get out of there. My ex was blindsided and for years afterwards would still try to manipulate me.
Sorry you’re going through so much right now, but it doesn’t sound like he’s your boyfriend anymore. At least, he prob shouldn’t be.
You just started the relationship. It should be a you earn the money” it's everyone earns their own money until a serious point when money has been discussed to be joined. This guy is just a hobosexual.