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OP, there are certain people in this sub who have a fetish for calling guys insecure. Don’t listen to them. They’re dealing with their own baggage and taking it out on you.
She’s hiding her interactions and the extent of her relationship with her ex from you. That’s not ok and doesn’t speak to your own self worth. It’s entirely on her and you’re 100% in the right for not being comfortable with it.
Saying that she’s hiding it from you because you wouldn’t like it is a reason, but not an excuse. You’ve said she would be upset if you were hanging with an ex, which is exactly what she is doing. She’s a hypocrite and has shown she will hide things from you because you won’t like it. That’s a horrible pattern of behavior from someone you’re in a relationship with.
Speaking from experience, get out now. If she needs to work on herself to realize she needs healthy boundaries with her ex, let her do that on her own and let the breakup serve as a wake up call. You’ve made your feelings about this clear with her, and her response is to hide her contact with him from you. There’s nothing else you can do.
That's inappropriate empathy, though. It's great to feel bad about hurting someone's eelings in general, but when someone is actively hurting yours, it's good to turn that off so you can properly take care of yourself?