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He has a ps5 and a switch. His current game right now is No Man's Sky. He isn't really into first person shooter games. He likes games like minecraft, madden, ark, stranded deep.
Could be a kind of sleep paralysis.
damn… he has to deal with you every day?
It depends who you're talking to.
It is a terrible feeling! I don’t know if I can look at her the same way again. I would never do that to someone in a relationship.
Horrible situation. But really you should have never agreed to or accepted it in the beginning when you weren't comfortable with it bc now it's going to be impossible to go back to normal. If you never allowed it in the first place he would know and respect the limit. That being said, he should still respect your decision regardless, especially because you tried it FOR HIM and it didn't work, but it's just easier said than done because he's already gotten a taste of it. I think he doesn't respect you and he's gaslighting the crap out of you. Although, the girls shouldn't suffer bc of it. Maybe you can hold it out for a few more years till they're off to college, that's an option, and in the meantime accept that it's over and open up your options with genuine dating (not casual sex affairs that leave you unfulfilled).
Comment Rule 1: All comments must be on topic and focus on the OP, in good faith. Derailing arguments, fights, and moral whataboutism is not allowed. Advice given must be good, ethical advice. Remember, the goal is to help your fellow human.
Sorry OP, there isn’t a way to fix this. You need to leave this guy and rebuild. It’s gonna be fuckin naked, but putting up with this garbage will kill your soul. Wishing you the best
Thank you:)
Correct, it’s a journey leading to the same destination sometimes travelled at different pace
I believe that his mom will walk the dog if he can't. They have a HUGE yard that's gated and fenced in so he just kinda runs around the yard.
Fair enough. You could always block and move on though. Also, rather than them going out their way to contact OP, it could just be that they never blocked OPs number but did on social media. Just hypotheticals obviously and it could be anything, we don't know.
..telling you to leave a selfish boy isn't insulting.
You tell him “I want our sex life to be satisfying for both of us. You cum everytime and I rarely do. That's not an equal partnership. Since I don't cum from penetration, like most women, we need to think of ways I can get off every time like you do. Either oral or you using a toy on me.”
If you aren't willing to deal with red flags you're going to be in an unsatisfying sex life forever. Remember, small problems when dating only become bigger in marriage. They don't go away. Why are you ok being treated like a fleshlight?
The only solution is this is to get a dog and name her Laura.
I'm hoping your dad and stepmom come to their senses before Lilly2.0 arrives.
There is a big reason people date a “project”
Control. They WANT someone “not perfect”
They don’t ever want them to improve. They just want to be able to neg them “justifiably”
Not worth it, you can be more than happy with someone else that doesn’t have excuses for his terrible behavior. Also, chances are he will do it again, my ex did and I was dumb. Go online your life with someone who would rather die than hurt you.
I have been in a somewhat similar position to you before and I need you to recognize something that I needed to recognize: you are the child. She was not your wife. This is not a betrayal of you and you are making this about you. It isn’t. This has nothing to do with you. You don’t get to dictate who she’s friends with. You can think badly of her and this man, but you don’t get to be a little dictator about everything. You’re hurt, but this isn’t actually something you need to be so dramatic about. I almost ruined my relationship with my mother over something like this until I realized it is not about me. And she’s still the same person you thought she was minus how faithful you thought she was to her husband.
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Maybe she doesn't care enough to delete you.
Whether he is a sentimental person as a whole has nothing to do with the story is my point. The main thing is the shirt supposedly has sentimental value to him. Whether or not he as a person is sentimental has 0 relevance so just gonna skip over anything you said talking about it.
My point being that if the shirt is so sentimental to the point he would make OP pay for it you think he would have noticed sooner and asked OP if he he had it there and could bring it back when he moves if so.
The rest of what you said just like has 0 meaning.
Thanks. It’s his first child too and it’s a boy named after him so I have to admit, he’s thrilled.
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What's your friend's race? I ask because if he's brown I can 100 percent understand not getting involved. Shit can easily go sideways.
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So now you'll probably lose the relationship with your daughters.. some piece of work.
Professional means paid and sponsored so much so that you don’t have to work. I work but most of my goals are athletic based and I train 6 days a week. It’s my life, joy and stress relief. It’s how I care for myself mentally, emotionally and physically. So it’s very important to me.
People make it sound like if a friend goes through a naked time and now has insecurities about trust issues like this, that it's now time to make the friends mental state even worse by dropping him. Male suicide rate is crazy, yet everytime someone gets a broken heart and become insecure, we are told to get them out of our life instead of talking to them and maybe finding them help coping and moving on.
Normalize male friends sharing and talking about deep feelings and struggles to help each other get over their insecurities.
Things fell apart with the AP and she’s on her own and freaking out so she’s hoping to come back to you.
I’m sure you’re a lovely person but I’m really suspicious that out of nowhere she discovered she made a mistake and is ready to come home and act like all is forgiven. If she had really done any soul searching she’d understand that if you were interested in reconciling it would take time to rebuild trust. She would not get to come home and slot right back into her old life.
If she wants more time or family therapy with the kids then that’s another story. And even then she needs to be prepared to hear some harsh things.
“Years to come” it’s been 3 years already. If you don’t like her by now then stop wasting her time
OK then agree to not delete anything from this point onwards? Are you doing things behind her back that she would get mad at you for?
Oof. Poor guy is going to be devastated when he sees this
Nobody on Reddit knows where he is. He’s an adult who told you he was out partying, so the police don’t consider him a missing person. Go to sleep. Give him hell when he gets home.
Sounds like the relationship is over. You're just delaying the inevitable at this point.
Hi. I realize I’m a little late here but I thought I’d chime in anyway. I’m a little less than two years sober myself. I didn’t accomplish this with AA, just did it on my own, and in fact have a less than favorable view of that program.
Fwiw, I don’t believe that no one should drink or that anyone who drinks is an alcoholic, but I do see alcoholism in more people than I did before. Most of them don’t have serious problems like I did, but I do see signs of dependency where I once did not. But I digress.
The point I want to make is this: I’m often asked if staying sober is difficult. My reply is that staying off the booze is the easy part. It’s confronting all the shit you used the booze to hide from that difficult. It sounds like your BF hasn’t confronted all of his shit yet and has just found something new to hide behind. Religion especially is a great shield because you can accept ITS truths instead of searching and struggling to find your own.
Anyway, it seems to me that he has deeper issues to deal with and is nowhere near ready to do that yet. Sadly, he may never be. I would suggest you move on – you don’t wanna get dragged around while he struggles to finds himself, or worse, fails to. Good luck.
do you have any friends or family near by you could stay with? even temporarily? you need to get out of that place and away from her
?
She has shown you what is most important to her: Status. I don’t care what your income is, six figures for a wedding is absurd. She strikes me as someone who would break down in tears that “her” (not “your”) wedding day was ruined if it rains that day or if (gasp) someone else should wear white, etc. If you give in to her about upgrading her ring, where will it end? Will you upgrade her car next? What will people think if she is still driving around in that vehicle? I assume you will be upgrading the house, too, because she can hardly be expected to online in the same house. This is not someone with whom I would want to go through life, because in an instant your life can change. People sometimes get very ill, businesses fail, and other tragedies strike. My husband and I have been married for over 20 years and facing tough times because of a disease that is destroying him, and yet, if I had to on-line with him in a car, I would do so, because HE is my life—not what we have acquired.
Abusive people usually hide what they're like until they're able to get a real hold of their partner, that's how abusers get their claws into someone. It could be any number of things, moving in together, marriage, having a kid, or moving with their partner away and isolating them.
Just because you saw a brief glimpse of them doesn't mean its not there, he might be binding his time. Probably learned from his mistakes from you getting away and is binding his time.
Absolutely not. If someone makes something like that an ultimatum instead of simply seeking a discussion it’s over. I can’t imagine anything more profoundly selfish and lacking in empathy. Honestly I would be bothered by the question after 8 years of monogamy.
This is emotional manipulation. He is putting it back on you that you aren't helping enough and basically saying he will be breaking up with if this 'relationship goes like the last one' – clearly someone else got wise to the fact that they don't want to date a fentanyl user and dumped him. You should do the same.
I know that you feel in love with him, but it's only been 3 months. You don't even really know each other properly yet and you are in the honeymoon period where emotions are high. He is starting to show you who he really is. Believe me when I say that he will not get clean for you and that he will continue to manipulate you in this way should you stay in a relationship with him. You can't fix him honey walk away.
I feel like everything that was rough in our relationship this one simple day would’ve made it 100x better
Why do people think that one Good day, should excuse an overall horrible relationship. Like at least most of these stories that make somewhat sense to why they're not dipping out after what they explained in the story happen cuz they typically say that the rest of the relationship is completely fine or overall the relationship is great or overall the partner is great. She just told us over all the relationship and the guy is not great and still after the one day that supposedly was supposed to make everything better didn't happen she's still questioning if this relationship should end?!?!
Narrator: Yes
Thank you for all your help and understanding! I really appreciate it
Sound alike you two haven’t yet agreed on shared responsibilities. Time to draw it up
Read up. There are none available for her specific sport.
If you wanna stay, treat him like he treats you. I don’t see him actually changing though, it may be time to leave him.
Talk to your bf. A relationship isnt worth it if you cant talk to each other about stuff like this
Go to therapy. Along with your ED, your ex did a number on your self esteem.
Get therapy. Stop pretending you don’t NEED it when you’re still totally triggered and need a week off from nail polish colors. That’s deep.
You’re doing yourself a huge disservice by not getting the help you actually need.
DUDE. I have a hormone disorder where my brain reacts all crazy to normal fluctuations in hormones. I’d say it’s similar to pregnancy craziness, but worse. I have dramatic mood swings and bouts of anxiety and depression. The cravings are so strong that it makes me feel physically violent if I can’t get the food I’m craving. People who have it are often misdiagnosed as bipolar and medicated for it.
I am all too familiar with how your body’s stupid juice can impact your mental health. Those feelings feel SO REAL and they’re absolutely valid. BUT (taken with a grain of salt), if your stupid juice cocktail is not your normal cocktail, it’s a very good idea to wait until you’re back on your normal cocktail before you make any big decisions or changes, have emotional conversations, or reach out to someone that has hurt you.
You showed her how you feel about her when she isn't doing what you want her to do or thinking what you want her to think. You don't think much of her at all. She won't be able to talk to you about life decisions going forward because you aren't trustworthy or safe to talk to. Trust is earned in drops and lost in buckets, and you kicked the bucket over last night. Your relationship may also have kicked the bucket as well.
That said, you want kids and she doesn't, so you may not be continuing forward anyway.
Do you regret hooking up and marrying your son ex-best friend? You should. I would have tried to kill him. What are you hoping for in this meeting with your son?
I would consider couples therapy to help get you back on track.
I’d be more sad if he said he was more attracted to my body than my personality. What does that mean when I get old??
You’re not his girlfriend, you’re his ride.
Sorry that your husband is turning into a hater. Call him out. Give him assignments to become a person who respect s women and also anybody as human beings with free will. If he can't or won't deal with his homework, tell him clearly he is turning into someone you do not want to be married to.
That doesn't actually mean anything. Plenty of people get engaged and never get married. Your boyfriend is doing the right thing for his children and that bothers you?
Show her the post
So, this is weird, no question.
My thought is that logically he wouldn’t bother to be in counseling with you if he weren’t thinking on some level that you would be together – but he’s essentially told you that he doesn’t know if he’ll ever want a relationship, but if he does, it’ll be you.
However, it sounds like you’ve been in counseling for around 4 months now, and the absence of progress isn’t working for you. I think that it’s reasonable for you to require one date a week in addition to counseling. You won’t always have a mediator, and being alone together is part of the reconciliation process.
If he refuses, I wouldn’t put a lot more time into this.
He was rude, and then his wife was, too. That doesn’t erase his own initial rudeness.
Not a single person here believes that you met her conveniently at the exact legal age.
And honestly. Legal or not, you're fvcked and married a woman the same age as your daughter. Thats fvcking disgusting you gross pedo.
Leave her tf alone. You made it clear you don't give a damn about her, you made your bed now fvcking lay in it.
I hope she reached every amazing milestone and you won't be there to ruin it because you will only ever be a disgusting reminder that her dad is a pedo who fvcked her friend and then chose said friend over her.
Let him go. Not just based off of his accusations but the mania that seems to be behind it. He went from 0-100 REAL quick and doesn’t even seem open to listen to reason. He’s 28. He’s too grown to be acting like such a child and you’re too young to settle for it
Talk to a divorce lawyer and bring all your informantion.
Then talk to friends and family to get support ready for you and kids.
Then kick him out or move out when you serve him papers.
Be strong. You got this.
Is she offering to pay you back? If not, let her know your payment plan idea, and if she doesn’t want to, then know that she will always expect you to foot these bills
Intimacy is an important part of any relationship, and it seems she doesn't appreciate this fact. If she was compelled to seek treatment for her vaginismus with her FWB, why wouldn't she for you? It's selfish to not seek treatment and be content with your partner's sexual needs not being met. She may have various problems like anxiety, but that is no excuse.
Rom com is a great way of describing it.
I never thought of it going too well and her getting scared, that’s an interesting theory.
But that’s a good point. If someone thinks ghosting in this situation is ok, then they’re not someone I want to be with.
This isn't normal behaviour. Violent attacks on the furniture once a month is not normal, and it's somewhat alarming that you've become so used to it that it is your normal.
He needs help with anger management, at the very least, long before any sort of relationship counselling. If he's unable to realise he has an anger problem, you really want to think naked about not being there, because at some point there's a very real risk it's going to be you on the receiving end, not just the fixtures and fittings.
What advice are you looking for?
And once he comes over with your mother not being around:
never let him in!
I didn’t want her to just constantly sleep on the couch but with my back pain I wouldn’t be able to sleep on the couch.
I figured that my daughter would find other means to sleep rather than the couch since she works full time. I did want her to eventually move out but I didn’t expect her to gut her room out.
I also didn’t want her to provide the only form of transportation, if I could I would’ve bought an old car for us but I cannot afford it.
Your experience is not universal.
I see you. You are carrying a lot of weight on you and I think you may not realize the gravity of how truly awful your husband is. Others gave you advice re: financial matters in the long run, so I just want you to know that you’re seen and the way this all went down isn’t fair to you. You acknowledge that you allowed some things beyond what you felt comfortable with and you regret it, and we all make mistakes- does that need to be held against us for our entire lives? In the meantime, I would try to be there for your children and be the mother they need until you can work out a plan and a next step. You’ve got this. You survived so well until now.
I gotchu bud:
Hey babe, you look so sexy in those puffer jackets. I kinda had this idea for the bedroom if you'd be open to some fun?”
Being open sexually with your partner is the most freeing thing ever. But articulating what you want can be difficult sometimes. Just learn to open up ask her if there are any particular outfits you wear that get her excited or if there is an outfit she'd love to see you in because she'd find it sexy. Sex is about both parties and communicating your wants and desires are part of it all! And hey it's supposed to be fun!
It states they have been together “a few years.” So unless OP AND her fiancée agree to a rule of something along the lines of “no ring, no bring” or “only couples who have been together 24 hours longer than friend and shitty bf” this is a tricky rule to establish and enforce. Other normal couples shouldn’t be punished either.
I had similar issues and suggest you delete his contact and move on.
YTA
kind of sounds like you need new meds… do you also have a psychiatrist? or if so, possibly need a second opinion from a different one?
I was so similar, it was ruining everything. I needed to stop one of my meds, tried a new one. was so scared. but it changed my life. I get up, I do so much now.
my bf was becoming similar, he meant well. he just wanted me to get up and do anything so that I could at least function a little, hoping it would help even a little.
I think your husband means well, I think maybe he’s panicky and worried and wants you to try to do ANYTHING to slightly help.. and maybe for a smile.
No real therapist allows therapy with an abuser.
Okay, good for you. You do realize that OP literally asked for our opinions on this?
Do not move into this disfunctional house.
This guy needs to learn to cut the aprin strings, but he’ll never grow/do-that if you enable him to avoid it.
My last bf would tell me when women were hitting on him and obsessing over him but refused to place boundaries when I told him uncomfortable it made me that he was still friends with women who were throwing themselves at him. He even admitted earlier that he craves attention. I had a suspicion that him telling me was just a way to tell me that he’s desirable. I knew that my attention was not enough for him so I broke up with him.
Find someone who AT LEAST makes you feel good enough to not seek attention elsewhere.
If you are rigid and closed minded on the subject, and marriage is something she really wants, then she should leave you.
Why can’t she paint some card ? Instead of painting huge pieces, she can expresses her art on smaller surfaces !
Consider anger management counseling for yourself to show her you are committed. Also, you can become engaged to show intent without setting a date prior to knowing when you can afford the big wedding.
We've known each other for a long time and I usually don't give up on things easily. When his (and my) symptoms are not strong I somehow can see us being together in the future. maybe I'm also afraid to be alone in this city, I'm not really alone but he's the only person I really feel myself with. Never been myself like I am with him, so I'm scared to lose a precious person due to our illness? Is It because of depression and anxiety? I really can't take a decision
Get (or make) her a card. And write how you feel about her inside it. She will treasure that forever.
Man, If you truly want to have a peaceful and happy future, leave her now and find someone with a sound mind and will be satisfied by you and will stay loyal to you.
We talked if she'd ever want to use it on me before we got it, she said she wouldn't want to. She's not much of a top, we switch out sometimes. But she always prefer when I play a dominant role. She sometimes likes to, so I will ask again now that we have it and see if that'll get her to be more comfortable with it, thank you!