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Damn your normalising crazy
I think it’s you who doesn’t value your sister. So what, she slept with a guy that means absolutely nothing to you from years ago, big deal. Why on earth would you cut off your sister over some illogical guy code that you have that you never even bothered communicating to her before all this began? Truly, and I say this with compassion and respect for where you are mentally, it sounds like your sister might be better off without you until you get to a place where you can place the welfare of those you care about above arbitrary, Unrealistic expectations.
And it’s not even her husband. They aren’t married yet
Dump her. This isn't something to consider. For the most part, women cheat on men they don't respect. You sticking around would just make her lose more respect. She'll know she can get away with anything because you won't leave her.
OP, have you had this discussion when you’re both awake and out of the bedroom? That’s the best time to tell him that you stayed awake and he still shook you and said you were shaking the bed. Do you have an spare bedroom so you can sleep separately? I’ve woken my bf up as sometimes I sleep talk and move around, but only a few times a year rather than a few times a month/week!
And even so, I told her that maybe it’s best for her to be with an asian person if that’s what she wants. It’s literally her choice, I didn’t try to appeal to her and fight to win her in any way.
I hope things work out for you and I am sorry this happened
I hope things work out for you and I am sorry this happened
Oh, you're supposed to be “happy and bubbly”, you're “not much of a wife”. Gee, tell me what other misogynist red flags he's shown, I'm sure there's a parade of them.
The advice is don't forget it. Your husband doesn't respect you. He'd like you to shut up, not have negative emotions, and do the housework. And if you stay with him, your son will treat women with that same disrespect as he grows up.
Well, you’ll never forget this. And you’ll never trust him again because he seemed sincere before and he wasn’t.
This isn’t your fault and if the marriage dissolves that’s not your fault either – it’s 100% on him for playing a game in the first place and failing to disclose his misbehavior before he was exposed.
Or you don't want him to get involved because you KNOW he WOULD know what to do
How long have you two been together? In this situation, I tend to lean on the side of the kids, not one adult or another. I understand they will eventually have to have completely separate Christmas celebrations with each parent. If you two become more serious and get married, they may even have to alternate years. I think this first one while they are small and able to maybe create a core memory of both parents there may be nice. I'd talk to your bf about what the sleeping arrangements are and if he can spend the night in one of the kids room? You don't mention how old they are.
As long as there has not been any inappropriate behavior from the ex, I do think that one last one may be helpful for the kids. I mean, if the situation were reversed and it was your bio kids and your ex, and you knew one last time to make a memory would make your kids happy, would you do it for them? It's not like they'd be sharing a bed or a room. Just my opinion.
Dang this really sucks. Your friend is trying. It's like she's the antidote and he refuses to take it. Could be a lot of different reasons but your friend will still be a good person even if they are forced to give up.
Why is your entire friend group sleeping around with each other so much?…
I think you need to be honest with yourself about your feelings. If you genuinely don't have any feelings for him then it's not really your business who he sleeps with tbh but if you do have feelings with him then I would seperate yourself from them both.
Your “Friend” sounds shady. I would distance myself from her from now on. Sounds like the type to just fuck as anybody regardless her partners/friends feelings.
I’m guessing there’s some depression or chopping mixed in with his gaming.
I’m not proud of it, but when my relationship was getting bad I definitely turned to video games to escape and I became more neglectful. It also starts a revolving door of depression or anxiety as deep down you KNOW you’re not choosing the best thing, but short term it’s easier than facing something.
Gaming can absolutely be a fun, healthy hobby, but it very readily can transfer into something unhealthy.
The point is that “I want to see some nude girls” for entertainment is still objectification of women. Male privilege still exists and is very evident when men decide to view women’s bodies as entertainment.
I will never open up to a significant other because of experiences similar to this. It’s a damn trap.
Lube! I highly suggest lube. I didn’t have sex till the summer before senior year with my partner, first attempt hurt like hell even with foreplay so my partner researched some lube brands and got the best one they could find. After that we were ready to go, I still felt pain sometimes but it got so much better after we added lube to the mix. Also try to figure out some knew things that she liked and stimulate her during foreplay
Especially since they’ve been dating a few years. So 23 and 35? That’s a huge difference in terms of life stages and life experience.
thank you. I think I will wait a little longer and if there’s still nothing by like 4:30 or 5 today then i will do this. ? prayers up
I'm just trying to figure out the limits of this. If she was bi would she have to ask permission every time she uses the women's dressing room too? What about male doctors seeing her nude, assuming she's straight? Is that an issue?
I think it's weird to use the men's when there's another woman on the team and she doesn't, but that's just because it's socially strange. I don't think that being around very hot people of any gender is inherently weird or something you need to get permission from your partner to do.
You did a good thing. You gave her a year to be upfront. My last partner was upfront about their past relationships pretty early when we were getting serious and the reasons they ended. We were able to have the discussion as to why they cheated, their mindset and how they have since changed. They were very transparent.
Just like others said, it looks like it was set up and you were the only one in the dark. Now he says he regrets it, but when you said “no” it didn't matter…?
Your wife is being super unrealistic, as crass it might be to say, the truth is that people die. Wanting to limit who your child becomes close to because that person might die sooner rather than later is just unreasonable. Your wife has an issue dealing with grief, she needs to work on remedying that because inevitably she's going need to help her own child cope with losing a loved one. Trying to avoid that by never having any loved ones is obviously not how you deal with that.
This has made me so angry, someone needs to give your girlfriend a taste of her own medicine. Horrible cow
Why did you want to date her if you didn’t like how she behaved when single?
He does not appreciate you. I am not in your shoes, but his upcoming house sounds like a torture chamber. Are you into that?
^ And do not let him suicide bait you into staying with him; my ex tried that with me and it only prolonged the misery (and she’s still alive and kicking just fine!!)
Show me where I told her to beg or crawl back?
Yes she does, although I feel like she's already considered them/contacted them, because why else would she ask me?
Unfortunately you are tied to your gf for life now, even if you split up you still have a child together.
Pre child you could have said “look, you know your friend is toxic, you have cut contact multiple time before and always go back, and have the same toxic things happen, and the cycle repeats itself, so now you choose, me or her. If you pick me, know that if she ever comes back into your life, I will be gone.”
Now while you can still say that, you have to also consider your child.
What you can take from this, is that your GF values her friend over you, so DO NOT EVER consider marriage. Probably best to plan your way to co parenting and separate yourself from them, or the toxic environment will bleed more and more into your life and relationships.
How can a thirty year old be so childish? This exact problem ended my sixteen year old relationship. At the time, I was squeamish and didn’t like to show my affection to her. I never gave her gifts, never went out with her on weekdays, and avoided her when I was with my friends. To be fair, my friends were jackasses who poked fun at us all the time and it made me pretty self-conscious about her, but that’s no excuse to treat someone like that.
Clearly your boyfriend loves you. Actions speak louder than words, after all. He’s being pretty childish though. I think this is a tendency with a lot of people, and it isn’t an excuse.
Talk it out with him! Get to the bottom of this, you and your boyfriend together. Good luck!
If you're asking the question then you know the answer. You can still look like a team player that is accepting the token of appreciation by saying you and your boyfriend could meet him at whatever place he chooses. His reaction might give you a clue as to his true intention.
Side note, any other number of things could have been given as a thank you like a thank you card etc. Interesting that it is an alcoholic (inhibition lowering) drink. Just saying.
She didn't actually say that, did she?
Thank you. Sometimes it’s helpful to hear that I’m not just crazy for wanting to leave.
We have a backyard as well. He does go on daily, walks with me, but I want him around the house as part of the family. He is my family.
You e been unemployed so what’s YOUR excuse for not caring for the animals? You seem happy blaming the rest of your family, but you could have been walking/picking up after the animals yourself. You agreed to them, you are not blameless.
Grow up and take ownership of your animals, dude. It’s abusive and saying “I didn’t want them” is not an excuse
Call him and get it over with, people might tell you that you owe it to him in person but honestly I hate being dumped in person, I want being dumped to be short and sweet so I can go be sad at home and not look at their face. It’s better than sending fake I love you texts for weeks until you can see him.
Let’s say Fiancé gets a promotion but they have to move for it. OP says no because she’d have to take time off to find a new job and possibly settle for a lower paying job making their assets very uneven. You think that’s cool in a marriage? Tearing each other down instead of being a team?
Do you actually know she stalks his account or does she just follow him, in the end who the friend follows is nothing to do with you or your GF
Wtaf. You need to leave him alone. I hope he puts the toilet seat down. He doesn't want to get lectured by his mom/fiance.
Let her know that when some crackhead rapes her, that you'll accuse her of cheating. Just forget this one, she's too mental.
Idk man, maybe it would be better for you if you worked on your internalized misogyny and double standard. I'd bet you don't think twice about exposing your male nipples. If you stopping thinking about nipples as inherently sexual and got on board with your girlfriend's #freethenipples, then you could stay happy in your relationship. Otherwise it seems like an incompatibility because I guarantee that she will be deeply hurt if you bring this up again.
She is allowed to wear whatever she wants – within legal parameters. And you are allowed to not like that. You are also allowed to have boundaries but that doesn't mean getting to control what she wears. Your choice is to either accept what she's wearing, or end the relationship and find someone who dresses conservatively enough for you.
One thing I would recommend against is fighting with him over it, because that way he still has leverage. He can argue with you until you are blue in the face over whether it’s right or wrong, and he doesn’t have to budge an inch. If you simply remove yourself from the situation, he’s got nothing.
People move at their own pace, and some people aren’t as driven or ambitious. Some people are completely comfortable doing their own thing, enjoying their job and friends, etc., without the need for a super high paying job or appearing ‘successful.’
There’s nothing wrong with this, but it sounds like this type of person isn’t compatible with you. But I’d also say that if you were truly in love it wouldn’t matter. It sounds like you aren’t.
She’s right, you should dump her and find someone who respects you for who you are.
Yeah we didn’t bother going abroad till the kids were 5ish, just too much packing
I do feel bad but I still think I didn't do anything that bad
I know this is in reference to Nat being in the hospital and you trying to stop your dude from going but you did do something bad. You completely ignored your own instincts about this situation and you let yourself get emotionally involved with someone who wasn't really available. He basically wanted a girlfriend he could treat like a sidepiece. He did it often and you advocated for yourself when you should have been like, “nope, this doesn't feel good, I'm out”
I think the only way you deal with this is to completely withdraw.
I'm going to have a talk with him and tell him he needs to figure out his relationship with her, but I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I'm so sick of being a silver medal.
Don't even bother telling him that. He knows he needs to figure things out. Instead you treat him like someone who has lied to you since the beginning of your relationship. He was never as available as he pretended to be so it's done. Everyone has made their choices.
Be all business. Keep the line of communication open for as long as it takes for him to get his stuff and then just cut him out. block him everywhere. Honestly if you could get your mutual friend to keep his stuff and get him to deal with her instead that would be better for you. Don't even for a second to him or any of your other friends make it seem like you are an option anymore.
I'm still angry that this part was even a conversation
Chloe told me she'd be surprised if Joe wants to work things out
Who wants to work things out? Certainly shouldn't be you. He would be so lucky if you gave him that option. But that shouldn't be on the table.
So your girlfriend is crossing your boundaries, making fun or you and then gaslighting you. And threatening you….
She’s abusive.
Right, its the uncle who is sick. Not the chick… makes total sense.
He's a 30 year old man, dating an 18 year old girl, and pressuring her about sexual acts that she's clearly stated she's not ready for.
He's a shitbag.
Please, please, please see this and stop this now.
this guy is literally dying but whats more important here is clearly the feefees of someone else. wheres the sympathy HE needs?
27/40????
To be honest. Who cares what he thinks?
Breaking up is not a mutual agreement. It’s a one sided decision
Same and I mentioned it in therapy. My therapist helped me to realize it's a way of testing the listener and seeing how they respond.
Both of you are too young to be engaged. Ask for the ring back.
As for the open relationship, you are not into that so it's killing you. It's time to realize this relationship is just not meant to be, then move on.
Or she's planning an exit strategy.
(I still have too much faith in humanity…)
That's a crappy situation, I think, you should not marry him, this is an irreconcilable difference. It's unfortunate for both of you but you cannot romantically be together anymore….
Does exclusive mean something else in your country? In mine it means you don’t fuck other people. You are both cheaters. You are both liars. But you are both young. I’m sorry about your mum. Maybe you should take some time for yourself and maybe see a therapist to help steer you to make better decisions and what you want out of a relationship. I don’t think this one is it. It’s not healthy and doesn’t have the solid foundations to last.
How is cheating the solution? Please make it make sense.
Bro is absolutely naive and plain dumb if he thinks this is a good idea. Like if ya nude to believe people can think like this.
What does an engagement mean to you? Traditionally speaking an engagement means that you'll get married within the span of a year. If you adhere to that, I think it's a terrible terrible idea to wait with living together until you are engaged. Especially if you plan on having a big wedding. Not only will you have the stress of planning that wedding – which is enough for a lot of couples to still fall apart. You'll also add the stress of finding a place to online together and the experience that living with your partner 24/7/365 is a totally different thing than dating and always having the opportunity to just go home.
But if 'engagement' is just something marked with a ring and an undefined time period until marriage – sure you can insist on that rule. Allthough I still think that you are putting way to much expectation into it. Just because your then fiance bought an expensive ring doesn't mean that you won't fall apart once you start living together. It just makes it a more pricy decision for your partner to do so. Also that whole 'engagement first' puts a lot of pressure on your partner and yourself.
This statement makes you look anything but immature, regardless of what the poly-living idiots are calling you.
Is there something else about going to a game that may have her upset? Do you get blackout drunk and brawl with the opposing team's fans or something? Come home and piss yourself? Did her ex do these things? If those aren't regular occurrences, y'all should be able to enjoy time without each other – whether that's alone or with other people. My husband goes to concerts all the time without me, but always gives me a heads up in case I want to join him or we have something else planned that he forgot about (I'm almost always glad to have a night to myself once in a while). If you do, indeed, want to occasionally do things with your friends/family/by yourself that don't involve her or that she's not interested in, tell her that, and why it's important to you. You should both have things that enrich your lives outside of your relationship.
Cause now he’s saying he’s going to keep things to himself and not “tell me shit anymore “ cause of the way I reacted and he hasn’t texted me since last night .
You can’t work this out. There are some things that are automatic relationship enders and this is one of them. No one is wrong in what they want but staying together means 1 of you is going to be very unhappy in the long run.
Just move on, you’ll both find partners who are a better fit for each of you.
well then it’s like, does she want control of the situation or does she trust you enough to make the plans yourself? it can’t be both ways. if for the past couple years you’ve been good about planning for this holiday then why would she be so worried about this year? honestly if you can both sit down and unpack all this stuff and come to an agreement before v day then that’s probably the best option. i know that being told what she said out of left field would completely ruin my excitement for the plans, but i hope that doesn’t happen for you.
the expectations and fantasy of the perfect romantic valentine’s day really gets to a lot of people. so like if it doesn’t happen the way they envision, it’s basically ruined. i don’t get it, but maybe that’s how she feels?
He could've done that without watching videos of nude people. Her issue is with watching others.
She knew I have trust issues, and also she herself asked for me to unfollow every girl, so she clearly knew that following other ppl (especially ppl who ONLY post thirst traps etc) is wrong. Anyway yea I broke up
Update me! Keep your head up my friend
What are some small LOW EFFORT things you can do? I mean, you are wanting if to know what is the least amount of work you can do to keep someone?!? Wow. I have zero advice for your relationship only one piece of advice for you, you better step it up because one day someone will come along willing to put in a lot of effort for him.
They are bangin'.
Funnily enough I told him I’m almost certain he would find something to pick apart if I were ever in labor
So you are putting your real love relationship in which you have everything at risk, for the sake of keeping in touch with a mentally ill pedophile who groomed you and couldn't even keep your health safe by being loyal to you when you were together.
I see no pros in holding onto H in any way for any reason. It's not worth risking what you have with G.
I get that it’s difficult but you’re setting yourself up to get mentally destroyed if this relationship doesn’t work out.
It’s your first relationship. Most people go through multiple relationships before they find “the one.” Heartbreak is a near universal experience. I really do understand where your coming from but you need to find a way not to let these anxieties plague you and your relationship because it’s destroying what should be a good thing.
I was almost on his side until he stopped wanting to hang out with you. For reference, I had a similar issue with my gf. I was actually the one who gained some weight and felt like she wasn’t attracted to me anymore. She stopped initiating sex and for the first time (after a year of being together so I was honestly winning) she turned me down. It ended up being a combination of a few things on her end mentally and physically that were the cause, but that’s not important rn.
I took a day to think about how I was feeling and brought it up. She also thought I viewed her as a sex object and we talked about it together. Things are back to normal now, but there were a few months where we had very little sex. The difference is, we still went out and did things, because we’re friends first. That’s the most important part. If he just sees you as a body then it’s not a real relationship.
Well, you are a rare gem, sir.
You’re way overthinking this. Be direct.
This isn’t an issue of you being codependent. Of course she can make her own plans. The issue is her bailing on you for what’s logically a lie.
I hang out in r/cscareers and also on Blind. This is unfortunately Dev Salary Culture. On Blind especially, it stands out that everyone has giant salaries where TC is mandatory info in every post.
That said:
You need to nip this in the bud NOW. Don't do the thing most women do where they try to overlook blatant negging and take this BS, and still be resentful of it privately.
Confront him.
Actually, probably break up with him over it because he's got it in his head that sharing TC with strangers is fine, that demeaning you in front of others is fine, and has no clue he's massively fucked up. He doesn't consider you an equal. At all.
Omg THANK YOU!! Preach!! I’ve literally told him that’s how I feel. Like guys just keep girls as friends around for that reason. Sorry not just guys, girls do it too. He gets upset that I think like that and says I don’t trust him. What should I say back?
Absolutely not. Stand your ground.
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My girlfriend just told me that her and 2 of her friends( also females) decided to finger each other last night when drunk . She affirmed that it was sexual and just curiosity/funny thing and only for a few seconds to see what it feels like. She also said that she’d never consider doing it sober whether that matters or not. I’m not sure how I feel about it . While I don’t feel like it’s cheating , I do feel very uncomfortable with it and kinda grossed out that they would do that.
Not sure how I feel and if I should be annoyed? Defienlty feel uncomfortable.
Edit1 : not fully fingered just stuck fingers in vagina for a second or two . If that makes a difference
Edit2 : obviously I would feel differently if it were a male . She insists she’s not lesbian or bisexual which I believe. She also she’s says that she didn’t find it sexual at all and thought it was gross and nothing pleasurable about it. None the less I still think it’s weird af
You're scum
Thank you, I agree with everything you have said, I really wanted opinions as I felt the encounter went really well, I'll just wait for now.
That sounds so scary!! I’m so sorry you got that message.
I have seen those messages before and they turned out to be a scam – so best case scenario- it’s that.
As for the money problems – I suggest you start selling some stuff and looking for a different job starting now.
It really isn’t up to your bf to continue or not because it’s your body.
If you really enjoy it – the keep it going. You are an adult and are in charge of your life.
UpdateMe!
Like building lego houses
What are you trying to say? Did your gf cheat on you and post it? I don’t understand
yeah isn't there the phrase “it's not working if you enjoy what you do”? so yeah not many people enjoy work lmao
Allergies can get more severe the more you are in contact with the allergen. And he first thought his mild symptoms were due to pollen. I can totally see how he didn't realise he was allergic before the move in. I'm allergic to nickel (skin allergy) and at first I thought it was a reaction due to how nude it was outside. It's not like you sneeze and immediately know WHY you sneezed.
Wait no wasn't 7 I miss hit sorry its been 5 I am having issues typing on my phone right now as ya kinda shocking and trying not to die here….
I did forget to mention that we did compare prices throughout the year and it all costs the same, which she accepted. So her family can actually afford July 2025.
I said no to all those other months because my family cannot attend those months due to having children and other commitments.
Her family is consists of three adults with no children or commitments. My family consists about 15 people, not including kids, so I get how without that information I look like I'm just turning her down but the truth is I have a larger family that can only come during school holidays, which is July time
This sounds like a core difference in values. To peopke like you and me, living overseas would be an exciting adventure with lots of opportunities for growth. For him, it represents an uncomfortable amount of change and a threat to his security and stability. This is why I can't have relationships with people who are extremely conservative, we fundamentally see life differently.
I'm assuming you're on medication/have regular doctor visits to monitor your health condition? Maybe bring him along next time and have the doctors explain what the situation is and what level of support you need.
I told you he denied it being a wet dream
Also I admit I am immature but this was extra of him as well
I told you he denied it being a wet dream
Also I admit I am immature but this was extra of him as well
Do you think since it was the first time since the pause she will end up trimming again? Maybe she just didn’t expect it and wasn’t prepared. I’d wait to even think about saying anything
As much asshole your husband is for doing this, let me say that the other women does not have your best interest at heart. She’s basically doing this because she wants to get back at him and don’t care the outfall from that. Whatever you decide to do, don’t let her influence your decisions.
Absolutely. You’re young and still coming into your own. I think you’d benefit from talking to a therapist about your insecurities, jealousy and sadness. From personal experience, you struggle less with jealousy as you get older. She clearly picked you for a reason, don’t self sabotage
For reassurance, I'm sure he won't move on as quick as you think he will… sure he will have distractions but he will think of you as well. He's really doing the both of you a favor, long distance relationships have a very low survival rate, especially if you're continents apart.
This is one of those “let them go and if they come back” blah blah moments.
You're still young and life is just starting at your age, you'll move on and this will just be a bump in the road.
“a lot of women lie”, thats a lie. This isnt a very common thing as the comments are making it out to be. A couple reddit posts and stories doesnt equal real life.
Mostly likely not willing, but always seems to have an excuse which he thinks is valid. Like, needs to relax after a big few days
In terms of your actual question, people didn’t treat me differently between 19 and 20. So no, I don’t think there’s going to be a change.
Why did you think your parents would be supportive of you seeing someone double your age? They are right to be wary, someone in their mid thirties dating someone who’s barely an adult (sorry but true, you’re only just over the threshold) raises red flags. Age gaps create power imbalances, which can open the door for manipulation and abuse. Doesn’t happen every time, but age gaps do facilitate it. You’re too young and inexperienced to see why this is creepy; you’ll probably understand when you’re 36, and you look at 19 year olds. The older you get, the younger they seem, there is such a huge maturity difference between someone your age and someone his.
You haven’t talked in 10 months
I had no where to go because we lived together, I offered to sleep on the couch, he asked me to sleep in the bed. It wasn’t a messy it hateful breakup, I wasn’t expecting it but he said it was for his mental health
death and grieving is different for everybody. Try to give it another week or so and see if he resurfaces.
I just read my husband 21m and that was the end of the post for me
I understand her curiosity but you’ve made your position clear to her on this. She is telling you she values her sexual desires over your marriage. It sounds like you’ve thought a lot about this and you clearly want monogamy. If you can’t come to a compromise (which understandably you don’t want to do) then separation really seems like the only option.
But with condoms?
In my experience, guys with crazy high body counts usually have some issue you should probably be aware of. Womanizer, trouble committing, untrustworthy, not into monogamy, risky behaviour, impulse control, etc. From reading everything else you wrote it seems like his body count isn't the only red flag. You need to look at his behaviour patterns as a whole…his stonewalling, ignoring, gaslighting and devaluing you mention in other comments are all pretty big flags along with the extreme body count.
Or he’s insecure and not ready for a relationship if he can’t trust his partner
Unknowingly??
Break up with him and demand a payment plan. Also file a police report. HE WILL DO THIS AGAIN. Trust me.
Its a pretty solid no from me, dog. She's bi but FFM is off the table? Naww.
You've already ended the relationship now just say the words to her
Of course we’re not exclusive, it’s why I tell her she’s free to do as she likes – we’re both single but personally (again meaning she can do as she likes) I’d turn anyone else down as of now for her sake – I’d see getting with someone else before coming back to my bed as a red flag as of now. She sent me a photo of a receipt at 3am and it was £111, so it’s assuming but I don’t understand why she’d have that if it was him so spent it – in regards to the food, she uses Snapchat a lot and sent a pic of the food and wine he was getting in, in more a stand and eat/drink at the bar kind of place. A bit silly if it was her £111 but again, each to their own. I say it leads to nothing but although it doesn’t lead to anything it’s constantly attempted.
These are however just replies to some of your points but I do understand the points and they’re the kind of things I was here to get. So thanks
Plenty of fish in the sea bruh
Let her go. You're young and free and will have a million other opportunities.
That actually makes sense to me, lol.
Yes, I trust him.
He's such a good guy. He is not unfaithful. He just doesn't love her the way he loves me. But he genuinely tries to make her happy and, I think, she is happy with him. He's not going to walk away from her unless I say something.
If it were me, it would be over. What is there to “work out”?
i donno if this is real .. 1 sentence was off.
“he’s a great man” mm no sis he ain’t !
But fuck IT IS RAPE .. and being a wife has nothing to do with it .
You need to get your things in order .. especially being there is kids in order
Ask yourself what he would do if you physically resisted, as in, pushed him off repeatedly. If you kept bucking him off of you, or yelled loud enough to wake the kids to stop. Would he physically abuse you?
My guess is he would, because he's already raping you. He doesn't respect you. He doesn't really care about you because he won't take “no” for an answer. You are not his play thing or his possession. You are his wife, which is an equal partner in this marriage. He is crossing so many boundaries here.
Yes, it's rape. And you should leave.
I’ve had one and my dad is also a urologist. The people who claim they are anywhere near as successfully reversible as anything above 80% either have old research or have cherry-picked that data. It is nowhere near that high and it is a form of sterilisation, not contraception.
Newest studies show that a vasectomy is only around a 40% chance of successful reversal after 8 years, so if you want kids in the future, don’t get one.
Jesus, go stalk your ex's profile some more
You really think someone as obviously desperate to control as you are (we've all seen your username) was going to put up a post and not be outed for what you really are on here?
Or are you such a manipulative narc you think you can brainwash me too? Go on then.
Again, that’s the impression that you got from the above?
Let me just say that I sincerely hope you're trolling.
We’ve gone out.
Why is it all on him though?
the wife needs to be WAY more aggressive at shutting htis shit down. She needs to put her foot down, tell people exactly what the deal is, INSIST on her husband being involved in social events, etc
She seems relatively unconcerned that her husband is having such an awful time, she needs to stand up for her marriage.
Like clock work no empathy. This is a situation the wife put them in for her job opportunity, it is because of the way she looks people do this and when OP brings it up for seven months the wife has been telling him to suck it ul and get over it. It makes perfect sense to resent the wife even if she can't help the way she looks because she isn't really providing any path forward for him when he is receiving the brunt of the consequences for this move. Your inane bs suggestion of “just confront them bro. Heh when they call you a pedophile just be petty back and call them rude that will stoo them” when he has for months shown proof of his wife's age and they bave reached the point where he is being harassed by police is pathetically stupid considering the energy you're coming to OP with.
I do agree that OP needs to 1. Approach this with a more me and my wife vs this problem as opposed to me vs her vs this problem 2. he needs to be more forceful with opposing people when they state such horrible things and 3. Probably hella therapy if they cant move anytime soon but acting like his feelings are completely irrational, unjustified and unfounded to the extent of blaming him for his situation when he's come here asking for help is disgusting.
Makes things so much easier….and you’ll get something you want.
I've found the only way my girlfriend commits to cleaning/tidying anything is when I inform her someone is coming over. We will both then spend a good few hours cleaning.
Other than that, I'm in the same boat to be honest.
yes. You’re over reacting. She’s allowed to let you know how she feels. Even if it hurts your feelings.
She didn’t insult you, she didn’t say anything derogatory. She just told you how she feels.
I think if you aren’t 100% sure it’s a yes then it’s a no. In the most beautiful way you are a baby adult. Let yourself learn and grow into adulthood, and do that by putting yourself first. You don’t sound like this is someone you want to keep spending your one life with and I know 13 months is a lifetime at 20 but it’s really just a tiny blip of your life if you are lucky enough to get older.
I think you should explain the quandary you feel, even at the risk of this ending the relationship. Why stick around in a situation that doesn't meet your needs?
And do not under any circumstances have a child with him as you’ll be doing 100% of that work too.
Need a bit more context. What are you arguing about? How long does he go radio silent?
I needed that thank you
Dude, you have to separate and format your Text. It's unreadable on mobile.
The way out is breaking up with him. He treats you badly and has zero interest in treating you better. There’s nothing he’s going to change because he does not actually want to change.
I am concerned that you do not seem to see leaving a terrible relationship as an option. When the person you are with shows that they are an awful person, don’t spend years hoping that they will miraculously turn into a decent human being. Leave.
My mother is like that, she's a mild narcissist who doesn't respect the fact that other people exist. She just ignores boundaries and doesn't respect others, doesn't think that they are and what they want is important, and putting away things at home is just a symptom of that.
So people are jumping to OCD, while I think it's often more of self-involved behavior, “I do the things I like you what you want doesn't matter much”
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GO TO SCHOOL
You’re his girlfriend. Why does he need this other friend? If he isn’t doing all he can to make sure you are secure and happy in your relationship, that you are the number one priority, he isn’t worth it
You are totally missing the point
Most abusers do not become abusive until pregnancy or after marriage, because you’re finally “trapped”.
My advice would be to listen to others and seek help for DV
is the fact that he mentioned that he’s afraid of what his Facebook friends would think of our relationship.
Can you blame him? You're less than half his age, of course people in his life are going to comment and hudge.
At nearly 50 and you barely in your 20's there's no way you two are on the same page in the slightest.
Run. You are not compatible.
And she's been begging for a baby since month 2! OP, she didn't really know you at all at that point. The level of disregard for her children here is a serious issue. As others have said, get confirmation of her pregnancy and paternity before you make any further decisions.
My BF is similar to you. A lot going on with work makes him want to just spend time alone. I completely get it, but our opposite schedules make it difficult to have time together (we’re long distance and he works nights).
We share our locations, so I can check and see when he gets home safely and vice versa.
If he asks for alone time, it hurts because I miss him, but I understand that he still loves me. After being recharged, he’s more talkative.
If she’s obsessing over your activity or refusing to let you spend time alone (working on your hobbies, reading a book, talking to other friends, playing games?) that’s a red flag. She can feel sad and miss you, but she should also be taking time to herself to work on herself. If she’s not working on herself in some way, then she’s not going to mature in the long run.
If you can’t find a compromise (for example: hanging out on a call while you’re both reading a book, without talking for a set amount of time), you need to sit down and talk about boundaries. Write down your boundaries that you would want your best friend to follow, and share them with her.
I think you need to give up the cat to a better home. I don’t know how it will ever feel safe around either of you.
Everything he does/says undermines you as a partner and a woman. He is a misogynist that believes you need to be led by the nose. Therapy is opening your eyes but you seem to be trying to keep the rose colored glasses in place. You need to admit that your SO sees you as a pet as best. You'll get along only on his terms. Your concerns are yours alone. He doesn't care.
Walk away and get your head back on straight. With therapy, you may be able to recognize and avoid such lowlifes in the future.
They were probably banging while she was talking to you on the phone talking to you.
Can you introduce your parents to each other over a video call? Maybe she’s right, maybe she’s wrong. But it’s definitely not helping that she has no idea who his family is. That’s an easy thing to address.
You dont owe him shit.
Do you know what bein in love does? Lol
I don't remember , when she asked i just told 21 without any hesitation
His body his choice!
Yes, nothing is the best thing to do. Just let nature take its course. Sucks for you, but that’s what’s best for him, so I hope he sticks to his guns.
we could raise the baby together
This friendship is already over/ruined if that wasn't obviously a joke
If that wasn't an obvious joke then she doesn't respect you at all. Didn't think about you or your life for a second
Just a few times a month we go over our balance and spending, so we are left at roughly the same number at the end of the month (we have very similar salaries).
Yeah, that's the waste of time I'm talking about. More power to you if you don't mind doing that but me and partner both hated it with a passion lol. It's a relief not having to do it anymore ^^'
Did you like it?
You wanna marry a guy who “doesn’t give a shit” about what you think?
I'll be honest if it's a small family wedding and you've only been together 1 year, I'd be hesitant to invite you. She made that decision herself whilst trying to spare your feelings by hiding around a text message.
You shouldn't have snooped. I'd respect her decision.
My friend, plz just drop this douche… you were lied about, your sisters photos used to brag to friends???!!! And he doesn’t appreciate you. It’s been only six months, half a year… don’t drop any more time on this man child, you deserve much better. You’ll find an even better person who actually appreciates you and your titties equally.
Sadly, I still do even after a spa day and dinner at my fave restaurant with friends. I do spend a healthy amount of time with my husband, but he’s just so busy with work it’s not always easy to accommodate to his schedule, whenever he has a vacation we go on a trip and I think one is due hopefully it’d take my mind off things for a while
I’d say ping him in 4 months, the baby being 2 months old will give a better feel for whether he’s trying to be an involved parent (I also don’t want kids and I’d be so put off by him not being involved) and how having a child is impacting his life and by extension any relationship they would have.
In a month his ex is still going to be pregnant and doing all the work on this. His role is non-existent so far, so it would easy for OP to message him in a month and go back to pretending nothing will change and she won’t be impacted by his having a child.
How you deal is tell him to leave,
Your grieving and he pulls this shit,
It's probably been going on for a while and he probably does more than just chat
Don't let him minimise it or rug sweep,
And unless he faces consequences I.e leaving the house he will carrying on doing it as he will see you don't respect yourself
ok I see, thank you
I think this person is making a joke. Like pointing out the absurdity of it. No, the universe doesn’t revolve around you. They will most like hardly talk about you, unless you do some weird possessive type thing, then they may have a reason to talk about you.
So what do I do with that information?
So what do I do with that information?
So what do I do with that information?
While that’s not pleasant, and I’m sure it feels hurtful, I’m don’t think that he mean anything personal by it.
He sounds inexperienced, a little foolish and lacking in self-awareness. Some people lack self awareness and have troubles reading social cues from others, it’s not uncommon. That he blurted out statement of facts with no foresight about how it will be heard and received whatsoever tells me he has some growth to do., some work on himself.
A boundary would be him saying “I am not going to move in with you while you have that dog.” Seems like it’ started that way. But now he’s saying she has to get rid of the dog or they’re breaking up. That is beyond a boundary. That’s control.
The second the Clorox wipes touched that area I would have noped out. This chick is definitely an odd duck.
I mean – you're saying that she's not seeing any problem and she has a healthy relationship with her family about it.
Either you need to start being more secure in your ability to pull a nude, confident lady – or be better at explaining your side of things and where you're coming from.
Left and gone where? To some other girl? That's the only thing people talk about leave leave leave. He never done anything for me to not trust him. I have a bad gut feeling sometimes, a feeling of unrest, like I HAVE to see him OR see WHAT he's doing, I can't stay away from him, I can't. When he went to his parents in the holidays, it took 2 days of being seperate for me to have a break down
Maybe I’m an asshole but like fuck the tone policing I am blunt and if someone is already making me act like their parent, I’m not gonna fucking talk like their parent to. If I want someone to grow up and behave differently, they’re going to know that I want them to grow up and behave differently and it’s their choice what they do with that. Don’t feel like you have to coddle your partner an OP. You don’t need to be coddled you’re a grown fucking man do your life or else she’s right you are exactly what she said.
Talk to him. It's the only way it can improve.
Maybe you don't have to think about what to tell her, you can read her what I wrote here.
Building a career after college can be a gamble. You can follow all the rules, work really nude, get the best grades possible, plan everything out, and it still might not work out. Like Captain Picard says: “It is possible to make no mistakes and still loose.”
I applied to PHD programs after graduating from my undergrad. I was rejected by probably a dozen schools after spending over a thousand dollars on application fees. It really messed me up because I absolutely had been planning on going to grad school and paying my way with a grad-assistance job. I really struggled to find a job in my field that I could do with only a bachelor's, and the pickings were slim. I thought I had chosen a degree that would be practical and have good job prospects, but I was completely wrong. When I did get jobs in my field, I realized I was actually really bad at that type of work. I was fired and forced to quit multiple times. I scrub toilets now.
But that was probably about 8 years ago now. Finally I applied for school again, this time for my masters, in a field I didn't ever originally intend on entering, and now I'm getting my degree in biostatistics. I really needed time in the job market to figure out what I was passionate about and what I wanted to do.
I'm only a few years older than you, OP's girlfriend, and so I probably don't have some kind of infinite wisdom, but I just want you to know that I absolutely understand your struggle. You have a lot of advantages over what I have since your degree is in something more practical / marketable, and you have actual job experience in your field. You have lots of good prospects ahead of you, but you may have to accept those prospects aren't in the places you wanted them to be. I hope things work out for you.
Unfortunately, it's not worth wasting your time trying to figure out how it happened; it's happening. Sometimes you work late, he cleans, but gives you shit for it. He says it bothers him that he comes home from work and the chores aren't done. He's literally ignoring the fact that he's come home from work and you're still working. You say that you let him know that you didn't have time to clean; have you let him know that you're literally still fucking working?
Either way, you two discussed this and came to an agreement as far as you know. It's not happening, and he's talking down to you.
It's not “like” those expectations have changed; they've changed. He's explicitly told you as much. Maybe he does in fact expect you to be a 1950s housewife (which logically you're not since you work).
You need to stand up for yourself. You don't guess. You tell him how you feel and you stand firm. You don't need to waste time trying to figure out how it happened; it has happened. The good news is that you're not yet in a legal relationship. So if there's any advice I can give you it's to understand that the relationship you have now is the relationship you have when you make it legal. If you're not good with the current situation, don't just assume all will be good because you got married. Get yourself into the position you want to be in first. If it doesn't happen, then it's time to make the nude decision.
I would divorce, and go see a counselor…This is beyond disgusting. Go to an attorney, and get a divorce. I am so sorry you are going through this. It is rape, and I would go an attorney, then the police. Please let us know you are ok.
Leave him. Leave him. Leave him. Leave him. Leave him. Please leave him. He's not the last guy on earth and he's so fucking far from even being one of the good ones.
Leave him. Leave him. Leave him. Leave him. Leave him. Please leave him. He's not the last guy on earth and he's so fucking far from even being one of the good ones.
You are right. What he’s doing is sleazy as all hell and not all affairs need to be physical in order to qualify. An affair is betrayal of trust in a relationship. He should ask himself, would his fiancé be okay with this? Would he be okay with his fiancé getting it on with one of her old exes is cyber sex?
I will never understand the idiots that think this is just porn. Porn is something you watch but THIS is something else that requires interactive sexting. I feel bad for his fiancé, he is either not ready to be married or he doesn’t deserve to be.
No you should definitely not take any blame for the accident here, he's the only one at fault and you shouldn't enable his reckless actions by bailing him out. If it's a heavy blow to his economy maybe he'll eventually learn not to endanger himself and others on the road.
If you're worried she thinks you're a “pussy” you're with the wrong woman.
Why is it trauma dumping? Sometimes people need to vent.
So he’s literally Hitler now? Yikes
No hes working at the hospital from roughly 9am to 9pm. Lots of stress but no need to check his phone after work. He doesnt do any of those things you mentioned or similar
There are absolutely tons of resources online, as well as books you can buy, about telling a kid they're going to be a big brother. I'd approach it like that, because he's super close to them, so it's more than just a cousin thing.
Reassurance, positivity and many, many reminders that love doesn't run out or get in short supply when there's more people to share it!
There are absolutely tons of resources online, as well as books you can buy, about telling a kid they're going to be a big brother. I'd approach it like that, because he's super close to them, so it's more than just a cousin thing.
Reassurance, positivity and many, many reminders that love doesn't run out or get in short supply when there's more people to share it!
If you made a list of reasons you don’t want to be with her, just fucking end it dude. She absolutely deserves to find someone who will love her without letting their pretentious and classist bullshit stand in the way.
If I was in your position, I would end it with this man immediately. Only because if he thought the need to be curious then I obviously don’t peek his interest enough.
But that’s just me
Why in the world would you say something like that?
OP has had her beloved cat stolen by the one person she should be able to trust the most. Her emotions are probably everywhere, dealing with the grief and shock and worry about her cat, how he is, and all the other things that go through your mind when your pet is stolen or missing.
And then along comes you pulling theories out of your ass and speculating about the worst possible thing that could happen. Don’t you think OP has already been tortured by her own brain thinking those things? And now instead of support and help she reads your completely insensitive word salad. What the hell is wrong with you? Try to be a better human in future.
He refuses to heal from his childhood trauma or address the harmful, aggressive schemas he has developed. “Real world” can be harsh and he has no doubt seen how ugly things can get, but he seems unwilling to challenge whether that should be his reality for the rest of his life.
Unless he makes some drastic changes to his mindset and begins the healing & recovery process, I think his resentment and anger will only keep piling up.
I think his life experiences and the way they dictate his worldview makes you two incompatible.
I'm sure you would be perfectly OK with a 35 year old woman dating 18 to 20 year old man. Yass slay queen slay. Cougars can do it, but when a guy does it he's a “Groomer”. Maybe you should stop shaming grown people for who they choose to date, marry, or be with. Especially if they are consenting adults.
We dont have any help at all with childcare unlike most people so dont really have this option. We cant afford babysitters.
Oh sweetheart; she’s not ready for anything serious at this point in her life. She needs to grow.
Shit happens in high school, rumours fly, but they don’t define us. You will always have some sort of past and that’s ok, it shapes who you are now and who you will be in the future.
Explains to her that yes you have a past and now in the present where is matters it’s about you. It’s. You are happy to take it slowly but you can’t be judged to this extent.
She can not be ok with it, but you can also not be ok with her not being ok with it. If you are not Compatible or move on for both your sakes.
She just doesn’t sound ready for next level intimacy and that’s ok we all grow at our own pace, but remember people always have a past and that’s ok as well.
U online together, he's with u & ur jealous of his co worker friend. This is dumb.
I understand all of that, you made that clear on your post. But you are missing the point. You need to let him walk away now. Don’t put him through this. Don’t put yourself through this.
Also, as someone who has been through her own mental health struggles, and seen plenty of others navigate their own… the whole basis for this renewed push to sort yourself out is for your relationship.
You aren’t doing this for you, because you deserve to be happy, and mentally healthy. You aren’t doing it to improve your life, or because it’s the smart thing to do. You are doing it for someone else. To make them happy. And that is unlikely to end well.
Aside from all of that, you can’t un-say all of the horrible things you have said to him before. They will always be in his head now. The damage you have done to the relationship will always be there in the back of his head.
“I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it”
-Voltaire
some people clean while they cook and others feel the need to use every fucking pot, pan, spoon, bowl and knife they can get their hands on :/
If one follows his reasoning…
…he feels as if he was dating himself.
And that gives him the ick.
I think, dating someone like him would give the ick to everyone.
Seen how he gets off against others not speaking into his mouth he mustn't be nice to be around every day.
The list of possibilities isn't endless, but there are enough that without being a mind reader or having a heart to heart with her, you'll never now.
I'm hoping that there's really nothing big going on here and that you've got a basic case of bad communication. Hopefully you'll find out when you talk to her. Godspeed!
Who would you even sit with at her BFs wedding???
I’d say go to each alone.
Good sex makes you act fucking stupid and I have been very fucking stupid.
Exactly this. Don't worry about being a burden in 30 years time. Think about the love and fun you'll have in those 30 years first. THEN worry if he decides to leave you
Or, you may find out he's got a serious kink and want to divorce him in 5 years time. Who knows. Just go for it
You're welcome…best of luck
Maybe it does, but do you really wanna be with someone who wishes they were sleeping alone every night? That would kill me.
I'm hoping that you're not going to start seeing me as combative here. You have no idea how invested I'm in helping people battle mental illness. That's why I'm pushing, honestly.
I'm guessing that you're already dead set on that treatment, but as far as I know ketamine is the only hallucinogen that has been FDA approved to work against depression, and it's administered by trained staff and psychiatrists. Have you ever seen a psychiatrist?
I don't have to read your story to tell you to leave but I did and you should leave.
Thank you for not just getting mad again and hearing me out. I know he needs therapy he’s on a wait list. I was just hoping for some emotional support. I should have explained that better in the op.
Dude….. what
Seemingly perfect is such a red flag for me now. These charming types who are super romantic from the get go and promise you the world until youre emotionally hooked. And for me, this was the problem with my failed relationships. It was all about having each others emotional needs met instead of building a supportive partnership.
It sounds like youve learnt a lot – “i feel like no one is worthy of trust”. This is a bittersweet thing. It means you value trust greatly. As you should. Maybe youve lost trust of yourself? Use this single time to build that back up so when you are ready to date you dont fall back in to the same patterns of meeting these types of men.
Ive always felt we are bound to repeat our cycles until we actively try a different approach and stick to it. Discover yourself again and find new ways to bring joy back in to your life. It does take time but youll be so proud of yourself when you see the little glimmers of your new self and thats the self thats going to meet the right person. Good luck. Be kind, compassionate and dont give up on yourself. Its okay to fall down but picking yourself back up shows true strength. You never deserved this treatment. What these idiots did says everything about their character.
Another option is just taking an extended break for a month somewhere if you can – heck even a couple weeks. Look into getting away and seeing how you feel, even if its just staying at a friends for a couple weeks
Bro. She is probably cheating.
I really appreciate this, he’s never ever made me believe he’s not attracted to me. The opposite, he tells me all the time that very attracted to me and I can see how much he is. When we had that conversation he told me that he has never been as attracted to anyone as he is to me and I actually believe that’s the truth for lots of reasons. You’re so right, I really need to let it go because my relationship actually is great.
No, you should not. It's been three years. You need to allow yourself to move on.
I see where they’re coming from, there is a lot of deep seeded insecurities for women because of the comments and degradation we have received for our entire lives regarding loose vs tight vaginas. We’ve been conditioned to believed that loose = bad because men in our lives and online make constant correlations between looseness and promiscuity. So I totally understand the insecurities and frustration of these women, I’ve definitely been there.
I think my job has just given me personally a lot of insight into female anatomy and given me a comfortability talking about the subject. I hope these women can learn the same, but it’s obviously a touchy subject for some very valid reasons.
But ultimately, it’s not helpful to OP. She has said multiple times that her boyfriend has no issues with “death grip syndrome” or small penis and that their relationship is healthy. But people keep insisting that he is either negging or in the wrong somehow. They’re totally ignoring her point of view to persist with their own biases. It is definitely frustrating, but again, I can’t say I blame them
Your boyfriend is an idiot. Instead of taking the compliment that you are so turned on you feel “loose” he is blaming his insecurities on you.
Yeah some sort of YouTuber or streamer maybe?
Has she tried to contact you?
He did until COVID ruined his industry. I work full time and support a household and still make time for games with my friends. FFS I invited a guy I ONLY know from gaming to my wedding. Games are fine, and if you have that much of an issue with them, either leave him so he can be happy, or get your own fuckin hobby.
I do hold her above everyone else, and she only sent the issue she had with both events in one text. But I'm still trying to figure out how to have a relationship in the first place. I don't know what I'm doing half the time, and when I think I do know what I'm doing, I always fuck that part up.
He Florentino trust you. He did something unacceptable and is turning it around as being your fault.
Thankfully you’ve only wasted three months on him
Um. You can’t tell him you caught him in a lie bc you don’t want to make him uncomfortable? He’d rather lie to you than tell you he got a better offer?
Two things: he’s not that into you, and you don’t have a mature relationship.
You're dealing with this 4 months in? Dude, break up.
You’re insecure
Why are you dating someone you call narcissistic?
? fair enough
Will you be able / allowed to work in your new country? If yes, that makes the moving out process easier. You can pass those finals, get a job and move on to the next phase of your life.
If no, I recommend getting in touch with your family or researching local women's shelters or even visiting your consulate to get assistance in getting back to your previous country.
Best of luck to you.
I agree with you about the blaming part, that's separate.
Being bothered because you're bothered is no explanation; his parents have done nothing wrong.
What you worry and speculate is your issue. We're only responsible for our own actions, not how others might misconstrue them.
He brought his ex-girlfriend to online in his parents' home. Of course they're going to get attached. It's not reasonable to ask them to cut her out of their lives now.
It's reasonable to ask that they not mention her, don't put them in a position where they might meet up, etc. But trying to stop your parents seeing someone when you're not around? Hella controlling, and not OK.
So, your friend doesn’t get to choose if you have enough reason to end a relationship. And infidelity would be reason enough for me. You just have to decide if it’s enough reason for you
So, your friend doesn’t get to choose if you have enough reason to end a relationship. And infidelity would be reason enough for me. You just have to decide if it’s enough reason for you
You’re probably right
You dont have to be overweight to have sleep apnea. I'm 5'9″ and I weigh 140lbs, I have really severe sleep apnea anyway. The fact that certain things like alcohol and heat makes it worse definitely can also be a sign of sleep apnea.
That being said, sleep apnea requires a CPAP machine for treatment. It's noisy as hell and yall should just agree to sleep in separate rooms if you're a light sleeper. Him thinking that damaged the relationship is old school, explain to him that a ridiculous amount of couples do this (including my husband and I, sleep in separate rooms for 4 years now and our relationship has never been better).
It can happen to abuse victims. Labeling it as stupid is not helpful, and ignorant.
Listen to your gut. Is it resentful because of his past abusive behavior? Is it fed up because the fact that he has changed shows that he could have changed any time, but instead was happy to abuse you until there were consequences? Is it suspicious because all that crying is manipulative ? There are probably 1000 people in your immediate vicinity who are more compatible then this abuser.
One thing is to make “jokes”, another to compare you to her sister’s boyfriend’s. Explicitly ask her to stop using that as a subject and to poke around other issues because you feel it’s not a joke for her and therefore not for you.
Same. Dude's a moron or a clown or both. Probably both. Hq
Why aren’t you working on expanding your social circle beyond him?
When do you decide to take action on that?
I feel like I'm reading a teenager story, “they where intimate” “I agreed to them being intimate but they broke the boundary by being intimate “.
You can't use the same word with different meanings like this and expect people to understand what's going on.
Right off the cuff, reading a diary without consent is a huge privacy violation. It's not ok for anyone to go through it, regardless of why they may have decided to do so. You have nothing to apologize for.
Here's why I don't think she interested you for a green card:
She has much better options with an EU passport. She could go to France or anywhere in the whole European Union. Who in the hell daydreams about moving to the US anymore? Those days are long gone. We're pretty much the laughing stock of the entire world right now. She wouldn't even have the basic human rights afforded to most European countries if she moved here.
So your love language is gift giving and spending quality time together. It’s difficult when we find a partner who’s love language is completely different. You’re not wrong for wanting those things, and he’s not wrong for doing different things. Yet… you’ve asked him for these specific things multiple times and he’s waived it away fooling you with the fake promise of “later”.
We all know how this is going to end, with a lot of empty promises and resentment and even contempt. I would end this relationship personally if it wasn’t working for me.
This is called the end of a relationship. It’s over.
You think? Jesus man. She sounds like a nightmare. You’ll find plenty of other people. Dump her and move on. Now.
I agree, I’m hoping I can find the words to explain this kindly.
I’m glad I’m not crazy!
These responses are so out of pocket. Like…maybe just address the question on such a straightforward post? This isn’t a “buried the lede” situation. There’s no reason to suspect Iranian yogurt/an art room/age gap here.
Why are so many people in this comment section trying to convince OP what he does and doesn’t want at his wedding. Nobody seems to be able to take his word that he does not see having this person not attend as an option, that is his choice for his wedding
You didn’t cheat. You were sexually assaulted. There’s a massive difference. I’m so sorry. You did not make the choice to cheat. You were drugged. If he cannot understand that YOU are the victim here, then you deserve better. A good partner should be more concerned about you. You’re the one who got assaulted, you need the support. It’s okay he’s upset but if he can’t see past his own feelings to see that you’re the victim here then you guys have much bigger problems
It is not your fault. All the fault lies on the person who drugged you. You should be trying to work through your own feelings, not having to reassure your bf that no you did not want to be drugged and sexually assaulted.
It's tough, but how much time do you spend with your wife? Do you know anything about her personality or any of the things she loves and enjoys? I know you said she's an introvert, but even an introvert has things they enjoy. Try to connect on some of those things.
You should also go on dates with her. Really put some effort into it.
If you can't make this work, your only option is to have an honest conversation with her.
I know that you want the inheritance, but would it still matter if you were completely unhappy?
It's a common thing in American TV and movies too, so it's certainly not just Reddit.
In my experience as a guy, sexual favours for doing x were always something I was offered, never expected
Then i stopped dating people that use sex as a relationship transaction
All of a sudden, my relationships got much better because there is a huge power dynamic when sex is the currency of complaince
Dating people that use sex as a thank you for doing nice things for them (or as an apology when they do something wrong)
Is manipulative af when you drill into it
Last thing I want is a partner that puts out depending on what they get, dude's an idiot for pushing OP to act like this
It will build a terrible relationship in the long run
Have you tried couples counseling and or a child specialist, unbiased third party?
I'm all for corporal punishment only if it's done calmly. My little cousin convinced after refusing to stop biting me and rubbing his nose on me during boxing.
Have you tried couples counseling and or a child specialist, unbiased third party?
I'm all for corporal punishment only if it's done calmly. My little cousin convinced after refusing to stop biting me and rubbing his nose on me during boxing.
Check and see if he has a porn addiction. Might be the root cause of this “sudden change” or the conversation helps.
this is something im trying to get my head around.
Im 40 and have a date with a 27 year old woman tomorrow.
We knew each other casually from the dog park from 5 years ago.
Back then she was really just a uni student w a puppy and looked quite young. I had zero interest. Now im super keen for the date as we always had good chats and by her photos she's now most definitely an independent woman. But yeh. Im not looking for fun.
The gap is super wide but OP has to mental prepare herself for when he gets the confidence to leave and explore. Sending prayers.
Yeah its weird
It is a lil odd that he sprung this on you. My initial thought is that he may have found someone else, possibly even at work.
He may have checked out a long time ago when he stopped putting in effort.
Please don't wait around for him. I know it hurts right now, but if his heart isn't into it, you will just be wasting your time.
She went through will a whole ass wedding/marriage knowing she didn't and doesn't feel the same about you anymore
I wouldn't be surprised if she's embellished this bit so she can tell herself or tell OP that it's totally not some new guy she's infatuated with right now, because that would look bad. Better to pretend the problems started long ago and are nothing to do with cheating
Actually, it is the sentence every one of them would tell you.
He had a moment of doubt.
Probably realized that you were a larger part of his day , than he thought.
He had a moment that would normally be filled by you and your company. Wasn’t sure what to do so he texted you.
Use your energy, compassion, and love on someone who will return it.
In all honesty , he doesn’t sound like a bad person, he just sounds a lil mixed up.
My daughters BF went thru it. I kept my mouth shut (It was tough).
He realized things were more serious than he thought. He broke up with her, only to realize that she made up a large part of his life.
He came back and they have been wonderful together and my wife and I think the world of him.
He just needed a little space to breathe and see that the relationship had moved to a level , he had never been on.
Others may disagree with me, but I’d say , give him space . If he gets his shit together , then decide if you want to move forward.
If he doesn’t then you have an opportunity to use your energy on someone who will return it 10 fold.
He had a moment of doubt.
Probably realized that you were a larger part of his day , than he thought.
He had a moment that would normally be filled by you and your company. Wasn’t sure what to do so he texted you.
Use your energy, compassion, and love on someone who will return it.
In all honesty , he doesn’t sound like a bad person, he just sounds a lil mixed up.
My daughters BF went thru it. I kept my mouth shut (It was tough).
He realized things were more serious than he thought. He broke up with her, only to realize that she made up a large part of his life.
He came back and they have been wonderful together and my wife and I think the world of him.
He just needed a little space to breathe and see that the relationship had moved to a level , he had never been on.
Others may disagree with me, but I’d say , give him space . If he gets his shit together , then decide if you want to move forward.
If he doesn’t then you have an opportunity to use your energy on someone who will return it 10 fold.
I get the girl, she sees your potential. That's one of your supporter right there
He had a moment of doubt.
Probably realized that you were a larger part of his day , than he thought.
He had a moment that would normally be filled by you and your company. Wasn’t sure what to do so he texted you.
Use your energy, compassion, and love on someone who will return it.
In all honesty , he doesn’t sound like a bad person, he just sounds a lil mixed up.
My daughters BF went thru it. I kept my mouth shut (It was tough).
He realized things were more serious than he thought. He broke up with her, only to realize that she made up a large part of his life.
He came back and they have been wonderful together and my wife and I think the world of him.
He just needed a little space to breathe and see that the relationship had moved to a level , he had never been on.
Others may disagree with me, but I’d say , give him space . If he gets his shit together , then decide if you want to move forward.
If he doesn’t then you have an opportunity to use your energy on someone who will return it 10 fold.
There is no real point to the counselling
Sometimes you have to do CPR on the dead person just enough to convince yourself that you did everything you could. That might be the case here – OP feels they need to try so they at least feel like they didn't surrender at the first opportunity.
The more important couselling for OP will be the individual sessions processing all this, letting go of any guilt, are rebuilding/recognising his self-worth to find happiness in himself and with someone new.
Op, you sound insane. Sometimes it takes people longer to fall in love and you're losing your shit and getting offended in the comments. His reaction is perfectly normal and he clearly cares about you and just isn't ready to tell you he loves you. Calm down. I'm gonna laugh in like 2 months when you come crying and moaning that he left you because you're so obsessive, it's creepy.
Those guys are all in the wings. For a potential partner. Reading her texts would show that.
She's 100% cheating. If she denies it, tell her to prove it by letting you go through her phone without her deleting anything.
Ya fuck him for wanting to get something that will increase his enjoyment. What a POS
I had a friend once who was hit by a car while driving a motorcycle, he wasn't killed, but was severely disabled, needing 24 hour care for the rest of his life.
Motorcycles are nicknamed “Donorcycles” for a reason.
I always come back in the room to silly new wallpapers on my phone or a funny selfie sent to everyone on my Snapchat list ?
I always come back in the room to silly new wallpapers on my phone or a funny selfie sent to everyone on my Snapchat list ?
Ya fuck him for wanting to get something that will increase his enjoyment. What a POS
Ya fuck him for wanting to get something that will increase his enjoyment. What a POS
Bunch of losers in the comments had their feelings hurt and would rather torpedo a marriage (whether theirs or OP’s) than go to a gym
OP, I agree with this. I think a lot of people here are projecting their own hurt and their own insecurities here in this situation. And now they are out with their pitchforks.
Please realize that your relationship is yours and you are invested in it. A lot of people who are telling you to leave him are not invested in your relationship as much as you do and are replying in kind to validate their own feelings.
I’d urge you to talk to your husband, even schedule couple’s therapist appointments. See a doctor bout your weight. There are other co-morbidities that are associated with weight gain that could be very concerning, like high sugar levels and high blood pressure. Please look after your own health.
Sometimes I think, what would a good friend do? Because if you can’t even be a good friend to your partner then you are not a good partner.
The way you probably got it from his dirty junk though… make him shower multiple times
His approach is more we can each pursue our own ventures and still support each other. He says he doesn’t want to hold me back. But I think I’m struggling because I picture us in this together. Especially because we have broached the topic of marriage and building a family.
I’m glad you recognize how important he is to you. Meaningful connections always come with some level of depth and it’s okay to be vulnerable. When someone’s behavior changes it’s totally okay to check in with them and tell them what you’re noticing and how it’s making you feel. Since you care so much about this person, it’s also totally okay to use this opportunity of space between you to cool down and process your own thoughts and feelings.
Yes. I know it’s bad. Any advice?
thank you so much, i don't think i'll be happy in this relationship, his words affected me a lot and I feel like my depression is back again to the point where I lost the few feelings I had for him, and it's in my nature to withdraw when sad. I am sure I don't want to do this with him anymore.
It's good to be loved and to love. I have never in my long life felt loved, not even by my parents who were extremely religious, punitive and cold. It has been a struggle to try to love a human someone when I haven't a clue how it feels. You can't pour from an empty cup as it is said.
Yes, It has lead to a lonely life full of material wealth, which I fully realize is my way to fill the aching vacuum of lovelessness, however, I do have my fur babies which I “love” beyond words.
It is, obviously a different kind of love, but it's all I have to give, and thankfully they don't reject or punish me.
I feel for folks abandoned by parents, etc. And for this couple who is the discussion herein, I am happy for them that whatever love they share, as in the situation described, that it is meaningful to them. Cherish it, and grow your love.
Most of all be grateful for love in whatever form.
The song lyrics from “Nature Boy” touches my heart: “The greatest thing you'll ever learn Is just to love, And be loved In return”
Bless the lovers and the loved.
Woman still find a way to complain after being loved.. that’s wild to me
That's a click bait play on words.
A bounty is a guaranteed payment as a reward.
The Texas laws, while atrocious, are not a bounty. It allows someone to sue someone else. There is no guarantee of payment. Can you imagine the legal fees?
Has it actually been successful?
called me a radical feminist for letting our son cry?
I told him it was hurtful and he told me I was sensitive. So I told him well yeah, every inch of my body hurts. My tits ring in pain every time he cries and I still cant feel anything below the waist. So yes, I’m sensitive right now ? He told me I was playing victim
OP sorry to say this but unless you have personally self described as a feminist and attributed your parenting decisions to that, I think you just married a misogynist.