I’m(M33) thinking about calling off my wedding (which is 3 weeks from now) due to my fiancee’s(F30) comments about bringing my son to live with me.
7KI lived in America up until I was 15, and then my mom sent me to live with my dad in Guyana. I was originally supposed to online there up until I was 18, but I ended up coming back to New York when I was 24. During my time in Guyana, I had a son with an ex-girlfriend. I moved back to NY when he was 2, and his mom and I decided it’d be best for him to stay with her in Guyana. Better for him to know his culture and stay grounded. I have been back there many times to see him and he’s come to stay with me here as well. In the end, he was always supposed to come here to live with me.
And this is where my fiancee comes in. We’ve been together for 2 ½ years and she has met my son. I’ve always been very vocal about the fact that he’s going to come live! with me, and this year is the year where he will permanently be moving here. He’s going to come in the summer, and then start his first year of middle school.
I started to notice her not being on board with the whole idea last year when I was looking for houses. I was thinking about moving somewhere nearby in Jersey due to a better school system, but my fiancee disagreed. There have been other pretty minimal things here and there since, but she’s never outright said that he shouldn’t come here, but has said things that have heavily implied it. However, each time I asked her to further explain, it would end with the fact that she wants him here.
Well, our wedding is literally 3 Saturdays from now and yesterday she explicitly said the words that she does not want him to move in with us. We started arguing about something else that was pretty minimal, but it escalated to a bigger discussion about our future. That’s when she said that she prefers if he remains with his mom. Her main reasonings were that she didn’t want to fill a step-mom with no mom present, she’d feel so odd with having him around pretty early on in our marriage, and she just feels like we should wait until he’s older, or he “not come at all and just comes for vacations”.
From day 1, I have said that my son is going to online with me, even giving her a time frame. I always said that I want him here right before he starts middle school. I’ve said this for 2 ½ years. If she felt like this the whole time, then why not say something earlier. Why wait until only weeks before our wedding? I’m genuinely thinking about calling it off and I need advice on my options here.
submitted by /u/throwrae8r184
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