I (f27) recently found my partner’s (m28) secret life

Throw away accnt What a cliché and I right? I’m in some type of shock or something. So please excuse any spelling, grammar or formatting errors. I’m also leaving out a lot, as he does have Reddit, and I just need advice for now. Also this is my first post ever, so please go easy on me.

My partner (m28) and I (f27) have been together for almost 10 years. We have 3 amazing children together (ages 7, 4, and 10 months). We’ve basically grown up together. We’re not legally married, but he did propose in 2018 right before we bought our house, and we’ve called each other “wife” and “husband” ever since.

I’m not going to romanticize our relationship, because it’s far from perfect. But I always thought we would be the couple to grow old together. He works a very demanding job, that my dad also had, so I know the hours are long. And I’ve been a sahm for almost 5 years, and homeschool our children. At first I stayed home bc I was severely I’ll with baby number two (I almost died), but then he asked me to stay home with our kids as it would be cheaper than daycare. This year he asked me to homeschool as well.

We’ve recently been in very rocky waters, as I have a never ending list of expectations and all he has to do is go to work. Because of this we have talked about separating for a few weeks now, but we don’t want to disrupt our kids’ routines. Well in comes a text from my cousin’s ex wife. She explained she needed to reach out to me, girl-to-girl, and sent me screenshots of my partner on tinder. The pictures that he’d used were taken a couple of days before, so I know it wasn’t an old profile. He used a different name (a name that we had agreed on for future baby number four, if it was a boy). I of course thanked her, but I really didn’t want to believe it. He’s always talked down on cheaters since his dad was a huge womanizer, and it caused a lot of trauma for him and his family. So I made a catfish tinder to see for myself.

Well I had no luck, so I just pretended like nothing was wrong and went about our daily lives for a few days. It was extremely hot, especially bc I’m not good at hiding my feelings at all. But I couldn’t stand the not knowing anymore. Yesterday I made one of his favorite dinners and even made a pie, so he could go into a food coma and go to bed earlier. It worked, he was out by 8:30. I let my older kids stay up to watch a few movies so that bed time was postponed while I snooped.

I have never snooped in his phone, or even had a reason to do so. We both have each others passcodes, and will use each others phones often. It’s a line that I’ve always said can’t be uncrossed. I found so much. All in plain sight. Not much was hidden. No, tinder was not on his phone. But he was texting 3 different numbers that were obviously girls from there (they all called him by the fake name). they sent pictures back and forth.

I found at least 4 different Snapchat threads that were him emotionally cheating with more girls (calling each other “babe” and “hunny bun”. Which is what he calls me) texts that say he’s a single dad and “the mom” doesn’t want anything to do with the kids. Explicit pictures sent back and forth. And when I thought that was it, I found the hidden pictures folder.

Not only does he have all the nudes saved of these women (and mine), he has a video of him receiving mouth kisses on his second head. With a girl who used his real name. I used my phone to take pictures and videos of everything and sent them to my email. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with them yet, but I have them.

Also, I looked back at our text thread on the date that correlates with the video (a month after I gave birth), and saw it was one of the many times he would say he’s going out with the “boys”. He even texted me that night and told me how much he loved me, and how he was going to take me to breakfast in the morning.

It’s funny bc I would cry to him around that time and ask if he wasn’t in love with me anymore. I would cry and cry, and he would hold me and say that he only loved me, and that he could never hurt me like his dad hurt his mom. I haven’t slept. I don’t know him. I’m literally sick to my stomach. I’ve vomited all throughout the night. But when he woke up this morning I pretended like I was too tired to get up with him.

And the even funnier thing is I have nothing. No money, no family to turn to, I own nothing on my own (we both own the house). No credit cards, bad credit, literally nothing. He didn’t even have a lot of money, our god credit either. But I am completely dependent on him. And I’m not sure how long I can pretend like nothing is wrong. So I turn to you Redditers. Please tell me what to do. Please give me any useful advice.