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6 years of this and im starting to think the same way. Sucks but I've made it very apparent that this stuff buggs me and she has squat to say about it or it always turns to an argument.
I’ve told her in the past she makes sex with more like a one night stand, then something meaningful. But how she is if she wants it it’s either in that moment or not for a long while so I just do it.
Oh, I was up front ? I gave him a chance to fix it. Instead he took to lying because of course that’s easier. It was a shame though. I just don’t want to put up with disrespect like that long term. But he’s a good friend to have.
You can give him a chance to see if he’s changed and if not kick him to the curb
There’s no harm in trying, right? Maybe he’s moved on, maybe it’s one sided at this level but….what if it’s not? Send him a message and see rather than wasting more time wondering what if
The police.
I don't know what to do to stop all of this nonsense. How can I fix it all
Unfortunately, you cant. You are only in control of your own behavior. You cant make him spend time with you. You cant make him communicate in a healthy manner. You cant make him do anything. You've tried to talk to him. He hasnt changed, well, he has, just not in a positive way. You're hanging on to how things used to be when you need to accept that this is who he is. “Shit happens” is his way of completely avoiding responsibility. Just leave.
Are you happy, honey? Genuinely happy? Would you be happy with this behavior long-term? Would you be happy if he treated his children like this? His family like this?
She’s doing it purposefully.
She’s made her decision. You’ve made yours
This isn’t something you can force; of she prefers Seattle, you essentially “making her” move back to Texas will only create resentment. If she’d be happier in Seattle then that’s perfectly fine for her
You don’t want to on-line in Seattle. Which is fine too. But ultimately, could either of you truly be happy living together? One of you will have to give in and most likely resent the other to some degree
Don’t give her an ultimatum. Have an honest conversation about whether you actually should be getting married, because it genuinely sounds like you’re heading for a major problem in future
Kids are one subject that you should not compromise on. However, a lot of people change their opinion on having kids. Some want them desperately until they have them and realize they only wanted them for the idea of them. Some never want kids and it’s thrust upon them and they say it’s the best thing that ever happened to them. People opinions change over time. You may flip flop twenty times over the next few years.
I have an 8 month old puppy and he is a challenge on a regular basis but… he's a puppy. He'll learn his manners just like my adult dog. Eventually.
If you're wife isn't going to treat him like he deserves then, as much as I hate it when animals are re-homed, you need to find a new home for the puppy.
I’d go down there and rip the cords out of the walls. But that’s me.
Then when he come home for a visit, offer to get his gas money.
How sad, bitter and full of regrets must one be to go on reddit and preach about how 22yo dating 18yo are creeps. You would not even be able to tell the two apart in a picture but sure. Enjoy being alone.
??? I actually didn’t even notice the age. Yeah not naive
Yeah, I was thinking there might be something else. Like maybe everything is so “tidy” because his wife tidies often and he doesn’t realize it (or she at least perceived things this way). Or maybe there is otherwise some unbalanced distribution of contributions and this is the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Couple that with the anxiety of dropping to a single income household (whether that is rational or not given the circumstances), I can understand the increased tension.
Luckily there’s lots of great advice here about how to have an open and honest conversation. I hope this sorts out quickly for you both and we see you stronger on the other side, OP!
I don't think the concern is men seeing her in a sports bra and shorts so much as all the dicks that might be bigger than OP's that she gets to see.
I actually dont know, here nursing homes dont offer consultations, I only know about this because of her so I would recommend looking for psychology cabinets (whatever they are called) and consult there if there is anyone who has experience and is specialised on these kind of cases
And don’t let him gaslight you into thinking he was just trying to make you hate him. If so, then why would he react to you leaving if he had accomplished his mission? Doesn’t add up. Don’t be fooled.
So your bf telling you a story of something that happened at work, and making a funny little comment about it “(at least I know both genders like me)” makes you feel like he's bragging and like it's pointless to tell you? However if he told the story and you were mentioned it wouldn't have been pointless and you wouldn't be questioning why he told you. This is ridiculous and you need to get over yourself.
Well you’re lying too by not telling her about all of your snooping
Yeah I'd end it, tell mama boy he can spend all the time in the world with her now as he single, he basically just told you your not priority and fact he long distance with you says it all, as an adult which what you hope he'd be at 25, partners come before family sorry. He shown you your not priority at all
You either hire help, or get a divorce.
Wait you think he should have stopped making food and walked 10 min in the rain just to walk 10 min back just because she felt like it? There was no real reason for him to go there and clear reasons not to. I think her even asking this was selfish, let alone getting upset about it when he was cooking her food.
Bud, this man raised you and always has been there for you. He might not be your biological father, but he damn well is your dad.
This is one where you are going to have to ask him.
Tell her she needs to decide what she wants from her current relationship. She is already emotionally cheating, not a great foundation for the start of your potential relationship. So tell her you want to keep things strictly professional (school related), while she figures out if she wants to leave her boyfriend or not. And then you two can see from there if that changes anything.
She should make the decision to break up with the other guy regardless of you.
Sometimes it does heal, it happened to my parents and thus my baby brother was born, he will probably be shocked/ surprised do try not to take it personally and make an appointment to get things checked out. If he loves and trusts you he’ll get checked out and then you can discuss the next steps but not before.
Just tell him and say what you just said.. it’s 100% yours. Say if he wants you’ll do a paternity test no questions asked. Boom case closed. What other answer is there? It CAN and DOES happen obviously.
Dump your friend, she isn't looking out for you.
Is your friend single?
. . .
If being on the internet since I was a preteen has taught me anything it’s that a lot of men on-line hate women, esp women that have sex. Not saying your bf falls into this group but I think it’s easy for ppl to look down on sex workers (much like a bunch of other industries) even though they absolutely require their services. Your bf might also just be saying this stuff to make you more comfortable or he has a strong case of post but clarity.
Same, I’d feel empowered. Cue evil laugh
I grew up in an extremely religious household, and my father constantly used threats like that to control his children. Now he has one kid who talks to him because she wants his money, and she’s miserable because of the constant tightrope walking she has to do. The other two of us noped out, and although I miss my dad, I don’t miss the abuse and manipulation, and my children are emotionally healthy.
Please don’t allow your dad to continue to manipulate you. You need to on-line your life for you, not for him.
Sounds like she is very toxic.
Maximize your time with your dad and minimize your time and communication w her. A therapist might be good support as you go through this, so you don’t overstress your husband.
Thanks for the advice! I always go back and forth thinking we can make this work somehow, but every time I try to imagine how my life would be in the future if the 2 of us get married is nothing but misery. So myeah, gotta leave those feelings behind for the better 🙂
I think you should WAKE THE F UP AND GO TO THE GODDAMN POLICE!! Sis, really, this man raped you, abuses you and wants to control you. Get a plan B asap and just get him escorted out in handcuffs like he should be!
In my relationship we have time scheduled or set aside for self pleasure. It is really important to us that we are open and honest. This may be the case. She feels like your hiding something. Try to both be more honest. See if there is a way to experiment together. There is nothing hotter to me then watching my man pleasure himself. If you involve her then maybe she won’t feel like your hiding something. Even if you tell her in the morning Then have a good chuckle about it.
I have met nobody in his life at all, all I have to go off of is what he is TELLING me.
So I am just supposed to believe and have faith that he is worthy of my trust without wanting him to explain?
You said if he has given me no reasons to mistrust him then I should accept it. But in my eyes this is a clear reason for mistrust?
They’re right. 9 years ain’t long enough to know if you want to be with him forever? Get married already. This ain’t about culture or religion
Had my fiancée destroy a 2 year relationship so she could run and cheat with a self confessed Nazi who flat out admitted he just wanted someone to have sex with
I’m sorry bro, set yourself free you deserve happiness without the shadows.
Exactly! I’m 45F and I don’t even want to put up with her as a friend!
RUNNNNNNN
Someone who isn’t trustworthy doesn’t get trust in return.
It's ok to watch some porn. Owning an account doesn't really make a difference I think. But it could become a problem if he watches it way too much like an addiction level, because it will affect the sex life and his view of women pleasure. Also him seeing it as “normal for guys” is concerning, girls can have a porn account too and there's nothing wrong with it.
You can tell him that he dropped this info out of nowhere and it made you uncomfortable to talk about it in public so you need some time to process it. Or you can ask him why did he suddenly asked it and have a conversation from there. Maybe there's an underlying reason he brought it up. Also his comment about you shouldn't be upset is bs. He obviously wanted a reaction or had another agenda bringing it up out of nowhere. You have a right to process this information the way you want to.