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Why is it an issue for you two if she buys expensive gifts for the baby?
How likely is she to get a work visa? Sounds like she's on a student visa. But if she can't get a work visa, she's going to have to go back to Brazil. Unless you're comfortable supporting her while you decide whether or not to marry her?
Tell them that you won't be doing it, OP. End of discussion
don’t do it
yeah and i agree with you but its just not the case here bc im assuming the woman who gave ur mom eggs isn’t ur mom or dads daughter?
Lol big L
No, don't keep dragging it out. Do it now so she can return what she bought.
INFO:
did the accident physically impair you? or did it change how you look? or did you just lose ur progress from the gym bc you had to rest? is this like you just gained weight back, or ur deformed from the accident?
Not only are you a bad friend but you also have really poor moral compass which is hard to change. It speaks a lot of you as a person that you would even consider messaging a friends ex, and if I was in your friends position I would cut you off to make space for real friendships.
She sounds like she makes fabulous life decisions about her love life. What a catch(!) run for the hills.
I don’t play video games either… does that make me worse…
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Leave this toxic relationship and focus on yourself.
You are just a living sex toy in his eyes.
Same here. I'm weirded out by that for some reason.
Could be the:
I’m American by birth, but can’t return to the USA.
that has my mind wandering. (and wondering)
Are women so jaded now that a man posting that he was happy about meeting someone and it went well is cause for concern? Damn, I’m glad I’m married. Dating these days seems rough.
Do a neutral activity on a first date, but something active that gives you the potential for conversation and to laugh at yourself. Play billiards, go bowling or hiking or literally anything else other than chess.
I think I am too old to understand what a pilk meme is, so I would stay away from that for now, especially since your potential date didn't get it either.
I would’ve just said “there’s always next year”
That’s what’s so hard, is on one hand he can be very loving and kind, but then on the other he’s made it clear that he’s not emotionally attached any more. I just hope we can repair it some how.
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Ok, this is how this reads. You cry basically when there’s a conflict and your partner doesn’t look to resolve the conflict, instead they ignore or blame or invalidate you. So yes this is a you problem, but not in the way you think. You’re picking and staying with partners that disrespect, invalidate, gaslight, manipulate or don’t care about your feelings. Pick better partners and this will happen a lot less.
In general when in conflict, each person’s feelings should be treated as just as important, not more than, not less than, but just as important. So one side shares their perspective, receives validation, then the other side shares and gets the same. After that, solutions that work for both are explored and then implemented. You want a partner and you want to be a partner that looks for win/win solutions, not one who repeatedly looks to win at the others expense.
Thank you I will check it out
But do you recognize your own low IQ?
What are you talking about? He's been subsidizing her if she was only paying 1/3 as long as the mortgage isn't crazy and is comparable to market rates.
What's up with entitled people thinking they should be on a deed of a house they didn't contribute to the down payment?
Carry on your life as it is. It's your mother who has a choice to make, not you.
Lol the fact that you think you know anything about my parenting is hilarious and presumptive but I wouldn't expect anything less from little girl like you. And if you think babygirl is reserved for only sexual partners you just proved so much of my entire point. But nice try! Your attempt didn't work, try again! Like I said Goodluck with your life. I sincerely mean that. You need all the luck you can get with your attitude. Peace babygirl
It can’t be real
First of all, I am so sorry this happened.
Your boyfriend and dad do not deserve a place in your life after this. This is betrayal and you don't owe them silence or respect.
Tell the people who care about you so you can heal.
I would also recommend cutting off your dad and moving out. He pursued a relationship with your partner of 2 years. If he's capable of hurting you like this once, what's to keep him from doing it again?
You deserve so much more from the people you love.
You need a long heart to heart moment. Talk to her about it and figure out together what needs to be fixed.
Look, OP. If you're going through his phone, it's because you don't trust him for whatever reason. You went looking, and now you have MORE reasons not to trust him. I mean, beyond the age difference, which imo is super creepy and indicative that his peers have likely rejected him for valid reasons, or that there's some arrested personal development things he'd need to work through prior to being capable of a healthy relationship. Regardless, I'm not getting super great partner vibes from this guy. And if you're looking for people to cosign a decision to end things, count me in.
You’re wild for this.
Engagement ring
Bottom line: go ahead and break up With Ava.
Ava’s pathological jealousy (you’re not “allowed” to watch movies with nudity?!?) is only going to get worse.
She’s going to go ballistic as you start working with women. Your life will be an eternal nightmare.
Maybe the most damning thing you wrote I’d that Ava makes you feel average, when (on paper anyway) you’re extraordinary.
Also, you talk about Ava in terms of her qualities & attributes, but nothing you’ve written indicates that you love her madly. I promise you, the only thing that makes marriage worthwhile is mad love.
So break up now. Enjoy the rest of college and the start of your career. Start thinking about marriage when you hit 30. You’re never going to be in a position where it’s hard to find a date.
Have you asked your girlfriend why she doesn’t like it? If she can’t give a real answer other than preference, then why is she dating you? If it’s hygiene related, time to take the lesson and step up for yourself. Communication my man.
It's really scary to me how much he is “dreaming” about doing this to you. Did he know this about you before you were bf/gf? Maybe he targeted you because you didn't press charges the first time and he thinks he can get away with it with you? Set the boundary that he is not allowed to talk to you about it again or you are going to leave him. When i was 19 i was very naive and easy to sway. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF !! Stop allowing him to talk to you like that!! You are valuable and a million other men will wait in line to treat you soo much better then this!
You don't deserve your boyfriend OP
That doesn't even make sense. A new experience is just that. A new experience.
I didn't say anything about this being a good fix for a relationship with an issue, but your premise that someone wanting to try a threesome means that they are saying their partner is not enough for them is baloney.
People need to realize that it's not just women this happens to.
Block her.
It’s good she has friends. It’s a good thing she’s loving her life and her new friends are building her up.
You’re jealous because you don’t have the same support. I mean, it is what it is. Jealousy because she’s thriving and you aren’t. If you keep obsessing over her life you aren’t really living yours.
Yes this, but also call her bluff.
If I were your bf, I would rather get a bullet in the back of the head rather than one to the gut and bleeding out.
Either way, he’s going to get hurt. But the sooner he hurts, the sooner he heals..
Leave. Don't tolerate violence.
I am sorry that you have been through this.
I am so sorry to inform you, but you have been raped by your boyfriend.
Coercion isn’t cool, it is a form of sexual assault to, but refusing to stop as you cry and beg is the textbook definition of rape.
Should you leave? Yes. And you should also press charges for criminal sexual assault.
Yeah, that would be a wrap for me…
The only thing bottom of the barrel here is that opinion.
How is she planning to pay for this travel?
It just sucks so much because our relationship is so good and literally everything else is so good. I just feel like I have this big hole in me
Is there maybe a way to say this that is slightly more aware of the OPs obvious insecurities?
Contempt and stonewalling, top 2 Gottman characteristics for predicting divorce.
This is not nearly enough to properly gauge your situation and why she may be disinterested. Do you have kids? Is this a recent change? Any medical issues? Does she work? Has she complained about chores/being tired/ other grievances? Is there any history of abuse or trauma? Relationship issues? The list goes from on.
If you want to read about why people lose libido you can visit r/deadbedrooms (and before anyone says so, yes use your judgement and take what you read with a grain of salt). Good luck
This, for sure. Honestly, OP? There's no way I'd personally be able to move on from this situation without some sort of confrontation. I'd have a glass of wine, say my piece, and be done with it. But there's no way I could just ignore that shit. Your maid of honor? The only things I can think of that would excuse that kind of behavior would all be things that would make me at least consider postponing to support my friend.
You been dating one- ONE- month. And you online together. You all have issues.
You made choice, after choice, after choice, that you supposedly don't know why you made them (erm…) and that you claim you'd never do again. Before you made those choices, were you not the type of person to never do that to your partner or what?
My advice is to be a better person and take responsibility for all of the choices that you, and you alone made. Every step of the way, you could have said no / blocked / deleted / ignored / told yourself to stop, etc. But you didn't. Maybe you should speak to a therapist so that the next time you're in a relationship, your past trauma doesn't throw you onto some other guys dick. One of the worst things to do when you're open sexually with your partner is to betray their trust.
No….do not tell her anything. If you have to force her, you lose.
Ultimatums don't work long term. Especially with a 25 yo adult.
She is “who” she is. She failed the life partner test – just dump her
You are lucky your not married to her or stuck with kids
Why can't he help you?
Set up another “trap” a fake positive pregnancy test.
This is why you DONT move in with someone you’ve only been dating for 2 months
You’re not attracted to him that’s fine that’s your perogative but DONT string him along and I suggest you find somewhere else to online
It sounds like you’re not ready for a relationship and shouldn’t be dating anyone until you’ve had some therapy , There is NOTHING wrong with being single whilst you figure things out
My suggestion? The night before, swap them all out for granny panties and get a good lawyer.
You removed yourself from a toxic situation. You have a right to do that without explanation. If he is falling over the edge that’s on him to manage his feelings. You removing yourself does not make you a bad guy in any story.
I think you did the right thing. In my experience, most people who do multiple cosmetic surgeries are never satisfied and always find something new about their bodies that bothers them. The issue isn't the body, it's the mind. They mostly have self esteem issues and fail to see that changing their appearance won't ever change that emptiness inside. Therapy is a good idea and your boyfriend is a keeper.
I don’t think he’s lying. I think he’s 25 and unsure. I’ve been 25 and unsure, so that’s what I’m responding to. He’s not a shitty boyfriend for not being ready to get married yet, he’s simply responding to something in him that’s not yet ready.
OP can move on if she’s not interested in waiting. She probably should, TBH. I don’t know many people who started dating at 15 and have a wonderfully fulfilling marriage.
You responded to my post. For the record.
FWIW, It is YOUR money after the wedding as well. Just because you are married, doe not give your spouse full, unfettered access to your income.
Well if you take viagra it will get your member hard as a rock. Small or not you’ll be ready to give it to her lmao and I’m sure your relationship will get a lot healthier too
I don’t want to go though lawyers. Plus there’s kids involved I can’t just pack up and leave (especially since I’m my house).
Yeah he needs a dog not a wife. You aren't waiting on the step for him to materialize. You said yourself things came up that were actually important and needed your attention that were..Not Him. I mean if he wanted to be a couple he would have known and been supporting you emotionally through whatever that is……see where I'm going with that? Lol Man babies see you have a thing happening in your life and then ask for attention at the worst possible time instead of getting attention while supporting you therefore “paying forward” for more attention and feelings of being grateful and happy from having real needs met.
Thank you . That sounds like a good idea . Il give it a try ?
I think his sexual orientation is questionable. Just an opinion.
He says they're family to each other. Doesn't make it right, but it would be as difficult for him as ghosting his mom. Granted, if my mom acted this way, I'd have given up on a relationship long ago. I'm questioning my BF about this today, why is he hanging on to Steve so much, and why doesn't it bother him that Steve says these things.
Is she trying to get a green card or residency in your country? Sounds like her strategy is to use you. And she is pressured for time. Is she due to have to leave the country soon?
You already know the answer. This is not the person for you. Find someone that you’re a better match with, she’s not it.
If it is bothering you, ask him about it. If you question him first, you have a much better chance of having an honest, mature relationship
Do individual counseling too, maybe do that first, “grumpiness” just won't go away on couples counseling alone. I'm overly dramatic but the grumpy word is just you trying to make emotional abuse sound funny.
No! Horrible idea!!!!
Yea…not like I didn't try but she has hangups not contributing etc. I guess I didn't want to wait another few years because we been together for ~10 years already.
I kinda wanted to start living through the next stage of my life.
I’m think you’re right. He’s hasn’t left. He kept claiming he was going to pack and have someone pick him up. No one came. No clothes are packed. He’s just watching tv and not talking to me.
Thought policing is controlling behavior typically based in insecurity. This is her problem to deal with, not yours.
I’d take this topic off the table and stop discussing it with her. Hell, lie if you must and tell her you have stopped using your imagination.
I normally wouldn’t suggest that someone lie to their partner but if divorce is seriously on the table over you using your imagination while masturbating then I think that’s what I would do. And then I’d continue addressing her general insecurity in therapy.