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i think just wait. maybe she is trying to “tease” you and she's doing it wrong..
Ok, trust is something built. If she cares about her boyfreinds feelings she will tell her business partner to stop his flirty messages.
For example: if there is a girlfriend that meets random guy in bar and they get very drunk together and she neds going too drunk to return home and sleeps in this newly met guy house is it cheating? No, because nothing more has happened, however it is still inappriopriate every sane buyfriend in such situation will at least start to doubt her fidelity, even if in reality there nothing of the sorts happened. The fact that this hypothetical girlfriend acts this way is disrespectful for her boyfriend.
Going back to case at hand, if she respect her boyfriend and does not want him to feel insecure she will make her business partner stop even if it might be inconvenient for her job-wise. This something her boyfriend can expect and in fact he should ask directly for her to do that.
I think the issue sounds more like for whatever reason she is having problems and she isn’t treating you well. I think I would worry less about hiding and more about how you feel? Is this relationship still making you happy? Do feel like there is a future? You haven’t been together that long and doing long distance is really tough ❤️
Well I don’t think it needs to be explained you seem to be aware of your own problems. Just try not to let your mind overwhelm you into being clingy. Everyone enjoys their space.
My partner is Asian and has asked me several times why I won't visit or talk to my parents. I remind him that it's a choice and what they did to me doesn't deserve forgiveness.
He is just sad that I'm not close to them and that it's not something he he has ever experienced.
However your bf is a dick.
Also, I'd like to add that dogs should be muzzle trained as soon as possible, the younger the better.
Muzzles are sometimes needed even when the dog is friendly, like on public transportation (I am talking about my country), and especially when they get older, they can become a grumpier and even aggressive, so being able to rely on a muzzle immediately is a huge help.
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Not always, if my husband asked me for a paternity test because his arsehole mates made him believe otherwise then for his own sanity I would do it. Not to show him his behaviour would get the result he wanted but to make sure that he wasn't able to drive himself crazy with worry.
But …my husband has the sort of friends who wouldn't do this kind of thing and would set him straight.
So there’s one of two possibilities:
She’s irrational and can’t make up her mind. Don’t let her get to you, she’s the confused one.
She thought you were trying to seduce her by being shirtless and was being sarcastic about it. Thought it was a douche bag move after she decided to go slow and decided to block you.
Not really sure which is it. I’m guessing its 1.
Just divorce her already, ya idiot. Quit treating her like crap and just end the relationship.
Get a lawyer to right a sternly worded cease and desist
Just be careful. You are rationalizing things the same way I did and I realize now I was making excuses for behavior that ultimately unraveled the relationship.
I would do yourself a favour and cut your losses. It seems he has already moved on. Because his “headspace” was in the room.
1000% divorce worthy territory for me as well…. And she’s been “silent and cheerful” about it for 21 years.
When a partner demands you dump a friend, it's never a good sign. She'll start picking apart all of your friends, to get you to dump them too. It's the first step in isolating you from your support. Next is your family. It's a very controlling action and one you shouldn't even entertain.
She doesn't have to like the words he uses, she also doesn't have to spend time with him either, but she cannot demand you “dump” him.
Sounds like Bob was the “little girl” this time and melted under the consequences of his own actions.
I think your note was EPIC and deserved.
However I think you should have ran it by the hostess first.
Boo. These are all allegations! If the events played out, as you say, this was an intense discussion where you felt a boundary was crossed. You then set a new one when you told him to stop. He, in your words, Stopped. Effective communication.
Seriously no wonder she didn't like the taste ?
This is such a thoughtful post, OP. I’m glad you two have each other.
I agree this is something to talk through with your bf. He has never had someone in his life model boundaries around his father. It’s not your job to do that for him, but you lovingly having your own boundaries could be a very healthy model for him. Think about some level of discomfort that you can tolerate in order to be supportive vs what would make you fearful or resentful. Talk about his goals for being involved with family and different ways you can do that without violating your boundaries.
Examples: 1. If I were him, I’d want you to be able to hang out with my brother. Sounds like that’s easiest at the brother’s place. Could we invite the brother to come over to bf’s place more often instead? Could we start a game/movie/pool night at our place or a bar or something halfway between our places?
Could we have times where we hang out at bro’s place when we know parents are not there? If BF and brother would like boundaries but aren’t ready to be reminded of the abuse and don’t want drama, could you suggest a light hearted “tradition” that helps them start to build boundaries? “Hey parents, we’re starting a ‘kids only brunch’ thing on Saturdays, sorry Old Folks! Hope you’re proud of us doing sibling bonding time! No parents allowed till after 1 on Saturdays, but I’ll be around of you come by after :)”. They’ll probably break the boundary at first, but learning how to enforce it may be lower risk than confronting people about abuse. If they learn to respect the boundary, you’ll know when you can leave to avoid the parents.
If I were you, my maximum willingness to be cordial would be about 1-2x/mo at group functions. I would require never being alone with dad and never being around dad when he’s drinking.
If parents ever ask why we’re scarce, I’d encourage but not “require” bf to say, “I’m uncomfortable around dad when he drinks, so I won’t be around if dad’s drinking.”
If the dad ever touches me inappropriately or the mom and dad make inappropriate comments about my body/sexuality or bf’s body/sexuality in front of me, I will answer, “Don’t do/say that; it’s inappropriate.” I’d want to talk through with my bf why it’s important to me to speak up for myself and for him since no one else did, and how he might handle his feelings of discomfort in a healthy way if that happens.
You’re in a tricky spot because it’s nice if you can support your bf without making his situation about you, but you’re also a SA survivor so you also shouldn’t push yourself into a triggered state just to be supportive. Talk about things and be gracious with each other and your different experiences, is all you can do.
This person is clearly in crisis but unless they ask you to drive them to the acute psych intake center there's not a lot you can do about that. So focus on yourself and beginning to process the breakup. This is bigger than just her cheating on you. Forgetting to submit important work, disappearing, becoming promiscuous without a history of that. It sounds like she's experiencing a manic episode of some sort.
He’s probably getting pissed because his wife is controlling and trying to say he can’t speak to any women. Did you make this clear to him before you got married?
And of course you never text men, right? Because if you did that would make you controlling AND hypocritical
So how far does communication go?
Pretty dam far…
It is a pillar in the foundation of relationships.
What warrants communication? That is up to you do decide.
I think that a part of the responsibility is up to the communicator… Is this a reasonable thing to address? Or is this something I should learn to decompress on my own?
Communicating about every little thing that bothers you, can start to have drawbacks.
So, to me, its important to pick reasonable things.
Now, is this childish? Well, you're clearly upset about it because your on reddit asking what you should do.
If something has pushed you that far and you may be on the fence whether it is important enough to discuss… well, perhaps take a more casual approach when you bring it up.
Alternatively… You don't have to play the same games together. You both are gamers, awesome! But that doesn't mean you have to dive into every game.
What you could do here, is next time when he feels like he wants to log off… Go “Okay, well I am going to stay on for another, I want to finish this task”… Additionally “I am going to hop on to play x game. Want to join?”
You don't need his direction to play this game.
And then afterwards you can tell him:
I enjoy playing this game.
And I enjoy playing it with you.
But, I don't like it when you make me feel like you're doing it out of charity and making it come off as a chore.
So, if we are gaming together, I would rather feel that its something that you want to do.
If you could adjust that next time, that would be awesome.
And if you're not into this game anymore, totally fine. I am going to keep playing it.
We will just find another game we're both share the same excitement about.
Sounds good?
End of conversation. No conflict. I am going to play it with or without you. Feel free to play something else. And next game we get into we will both enjoy it the same.
He sounds insecure. Did you take his virginity?
You might try throwing the question back: “did you do X with your ex?”
Or throw out a suggestion: “Don’t worry about that. I’ve never done X before, and I’ve always wanted to”
Or be empathetic: “Yes but I’ve never done X with you”.