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What I learned later through years of therapy, self improvement, and anger management
i love this part. because its so important to point out that it took a long time for you to unravel this stuff. it won't happen right away. if it appears to, it's a trap. it's a lie. it's a manipulation.
Why are people getting married this young?!
Literally the first post that mentions this. Everyone blames the bf without knowing anything about him.
She might be relatively loose and he might be relatively small. He might need more friction to really enjoy it, it might be death grip.
As for OP, even if you're on the loose side, know that there are plenty of men who enjoy it. Me included. Makes me last longer and gives the sense that you're really enjoying it yourself, as arousal loosens everything.
She “talked” to a random guy for a hour in his car at 2am after a night at a bar… They weren't just talking.
Yep, I feel so bad for him.
Thanks again. You're awesome having time for sad randos on the internet like this. I will absolutely thrive going forwards. Thank you ❤️
It is equally disrespectful, I'm talking about her internal reasons for why she is being late.
I'd assume she wouldn't do the same to work due to the threat of consequence.
lol
Americans definitely have cultural norms for this. When you invite someone to stay with you it’s not okay to ask for rent. And on the off-chance that you do want them to pay, you need to be clear about the amount BEFORE they agree to come.
Tell her that men aged 18 are shipped overseas and die fighting in a country that is not theirs.
The two of you are mature enough to enjoy a week long trip ffs
Do not trust anybody else with your birth control. Especially sometime tho does not align with your future.
“it’s only £40 it’s not a big deal.”
So give it OP back then, dipshit?
Have heard of it and will recommend it ?
As someone with ADHD, this is real af. I’m late for everything. Not because I don’t care or want to be late, but I just have no sense of time. I have to make sure I get ready to go somewhere at least an hour before I have to even leave, I have less the time it will take me to drive there.
But ya know, it's a “happy, fun & loving relationship” WTF????? She's delusional.
Are you dating my daughter?
They’ve hung out a couple times since, and she’s made it clear that even though she accepts that he has a girlfriend, she is not comfortable with getting to know me and hanging out with me as well.
At this point, he should have stepped back from the friendship.
When I was just dating my husband, in fact the first time we were really together as we lived in different states. It was his ex's graduation, they were engaged but they both just didn't want to be single and it broke off before any marriage arrangements were made.
She was excited to meet me. In fact, we were all in the car together (yes it was awkward) and I was talking with my now husband. We're both very nerdy and made a silly joke and we both laughed. She poked her head to the front and was like “I'm so glad you found someone who gets you, you deserve to be happy”.
We all hung out a few more times before she moved away for work.
My point it, she was happy to meet me, her parents wanted to meet me and everyone was happy we were together. There were no snide remarks or anyone snubbing me or any signs of jealousy.
Her not wanting to meet you seems like she isn't over him. He should not be staying with her because of this. Not because he can't be trusted but because he is sending the message he knows she is into him and it's not a dealbreaker for him being alone with her. It sends the message that she has a chance.
He is keeping that door open and it doesn't feel right because it's not. I bet he would not feel so good about you staying with an old BF.
If you want to have a kid, have one. This might be your only chance. You never know.
I’d be reporting the request up front to the union or HR for advice. She shouldn’t have to say she has a boyfriend. This guy is a creep.
Dude if these are dealbreakers for you, they’re dealbreakers.
Report it. Please do. Assholes like this guy try it every semester
She tricked you both , visit and stay with her? Her plan all along is to seduce him when he came and when they are both together he will forget about you
She tricked you both , visit and stay with her? Her plan all along is to seduce him when he came and when they are both together he will forget about you
She tricked you both , visit and stay with her? Her plan all along is to seduce him when he came and when they are both together he will forget about you
His friend had texted me while drunk doing a complete 180 and shit talking Austin after advocating for him. Said that his apology was just to make himself feel better, and said stuff that brought up my fears that I’ve had for the past 5 months and reignited all of the pain I’d been feeling. He later said “take what I said with a grain of salt because I was drunk” but at that point it was too late. I believed him initially and went on to blow up at Austin. None of that makes it okay, it’s just what led to me acting out.
I brought up things he had felt comfortable talking to be about and used them against him. I won’t say specifics because it was personal and used things that were important to him. It was fucked up and neither of us can believe I was capable of doing that. I do not expect his forgiveness, and do not blame him if he won’t let me close to him again. I honestly didn’t even expect we’d speak after I said all of those things but I guess it just shows his character and that he has been willing to speak with me.
I want to speak to a therapist because clearly what I did was wrong and I need to learn how to not bottle up my anger and work through my emotions. I also need to learn to not act impulsively when hurt/angry. I’m just mad at myself that I learned this after doing something so terrible.
She should be able to ask her partner for reassurance. If I asked my partner something like that, he would immediately make me feel secure about it. She doesn't need to hide her thoughts from him.
Your relationship should be in a place where you can talk to your partner about your feelings on the situation and have a decision that you mutually agree on or you shouldn’t be getting married. You need to talk and if that isn’t working you need to put the wedding on hold while you get into couples therapy because you need to be on board with her mother coming if that happens. If you just “give in” and it goes bad then it will ruin your future together or if you just say no and put your foot down it will again ruin your future together. You need to communicate and work through this so you both are on the same page. The post is only your side so I can’t say if it would be a bad decision since your fiancé hasn’t really given her reasons why she wants to. You say obligation and post-partum but I think it’s probably more than that.
Don’t let anyone convince you she doesn’t respect you. It’s prolly not that at all. It’s not something you can fix.
Some cultures (Peruvian is a good example) are just like this.
Another aspect is personality. Some women and men are process oriented. They just won’t leave until they have gone through whatever list they mentally use.
Good luck. She won’t change. You just take it or leave it.
Just ask her. You can just ask “hey, what do you think about moving in together” if you’re low key, or you can do something cute. My boyfriend asked me for Christmas, bought me a new purse and told me my real present was inside, and it was a key.
Just make sure that however you do it, you have a good conversation about expenses, rent, personal space, chores, etc.
This is so off
Even though I really pushed him and made him upset? I do really want the closure but I’m also worried that he genuinely wants nothing to do with me anymore since he did say he wanted space for the week so I’m still on the fence… I worry about ticking him off more than I already did
For how long has this crush been going on?
I think it's very clearly personal. They are meeting for dates. If she was excited to see him for these dates, she would be there on time or early.
You think that a 10 yo child can have “sexual experiences”? Are you allowed less than 6 feet near elementary schools? I do hope not
Coke this days can be cut with opiates, and your average coke user no opiate tolerance/fentanyl is profoundly easy to overdose on.
OP, I suggest you get her Narcan/Naloxone. I don't know where you're 5 in Canada you can get it for free, no questions asked. I don't use drugs at all but even I know three poor souls who accidentally died young thanks to fentanyl poisoning.
Thank you! :))
I understand your point, I think I'm just being vain and wanted something to nice to wear until our wedding as it is on the latter part of next year. Thank you 🙂
Why would you voluntarily do something that you have to threaten a law suit over?
What are the odds that a 23m won't share sexy pics with someone he felt close to, years from now.
It's not rational to send private pics to a young man and then threaten to sue in the future.
You specifically say you know the risks. Given that, what grounds do you have to sue? He could claim you verbally agreed to send them no strings attached.
No. It's time to hire a p.i. and get to the bottom of this. It's time to get your financial and legal ducks in order. Talk to a divorce lawyer. Lock down your credit.
And if you've been intimate with your wife, std tests, and don't be for the next month or 2 while you get the divorce rolling. Figure out a ruse. Don't let her potentially baby trap you. If she's suddenly pregnant, demand a paternity test.
Now, I, of course would not keep it knowing the father of the child is not 100% supportive
This is patently false as your partner clearly doesn't want a baby
Without a lot more information, it’s really hot to say
While it isn't strange for you to feel that way, tell me is being able to have “free” time fir yourself, unconstraint by relationship, and the abilty to fuck around casually worth losing your gf over?
This is the question only you can answer, but let me tell you one thing. Some people never get in relationship with the “right” person for their whole lifes. Throwing away what you have might (but not necessarily will), be something you will regret for the rest of your life.
I want to say that I agree that he seems to be taking things too far. Buuut I also want you to consider what you are doing to the situation.
In your example, you ask him where he wanted to on-line “if he could live! in any city”. When I hear that, it implies that “if I could live! there” means that I would have the money to live! a decent life. So you are asking him to be creative, think outside of the box, and give an answer if everyting was aligned.
And then you tell him he is wrong. How on earth is that going to lead to anything worthwhile? You are asking purely out of interest in his imagination, so why are you telling him how stupid he is for picking an overpriced and overpopulated place – instead of asking him why he would like to online there?
If the whole point of the conversation is to get to know him, why are you so quick to dismiss his thoughts? Just because he says LA, it doesn't mean he actually wants to live there. He probably knows that he can't afford it, or that it would be too hectic – but that doesn't mean he can't have a little daydream about how it would be to online there. Ask him, and get to know him better. Maybe he has a different perspective than you.
What happens after that is on him – he should be handling this better, but I wouldn't throw this all on him.
He did end up admitting it he was just embarrassed which is understandable. Being bisexual myself it’s hot to come out. I explained everything about how I feel and he understood and said he’d be better for me. We will see.
Either he was telling you what he thought you wanted to hear, or he meant it and it freaked him out.
No.
You read text?
8 month. That it is FWB is only something stated above somewhere.
If they really HAD been FWB and HAD HAD sex before, why would he have ghosted her?
That would be stupid.
Nothing.
Because you do not want him to be apart of your future.
You proved this by applying for and doing the first interview for a job in another country without talking to him.
Sure you don’t have to, but then because you didn’t, you don’t get to be upset when he takes time to reevaluate the relationship and find that you no longer have his trust or respect.
off topic, but i like your username lol
I do feel blessed to have him, I love him a lot
What happens if he enters a space that signal cannot get through? That would probably result in “signal unavailable” while the messages still go through to an alternate device.
Though 11:30 pm is bedtime or about the time nightlife picks up. Could he be out bar hopping with friends? If he isn't cheating, but feels the need to “sneak around” as you put it, just to have a night out…. that does not bode well for a healthy relationship.
However, I do have to ask – who insisted on sharing locations? Was it you or him? And Why? I understand having location shared when it's a Minor Child or an Elderly parent who may need help – but your partner? That just seems unhealthy to me. You either trust them or you don't. And if you don't trust them…. you shouldn't be with them.
He was totally involved. Unless they somehow got the key to your room, he either let them in, or took the dress and gave it to them. I think his mother has it. They don't love or care about you at all. It's all about them and appearances. Everyone would have understood if you had postponed the wedding. Only assholes wouldn't. A wedding doesn't heal the loss of anyone, especially a child and definitely not when you lost her 3 months ago.
I'm sure you already know this, but it bears repeating for others, but get tested for STIs. Just because he took condoms with him doesn't mean he used them consistently and correctly, or otherwise couldn't have contracted something.
I know it's not what you want to be thinking about right now, but you have to take care of your health above everything.
Dude.
Original commenter said he regretted it
I replied saying I agreed he regretted it and that he handled that regret poorly (in terms of his behaviour to her)
You replied to my comment saying he regretted it, simple as that. (Which came across as you saying that only the original comment was valid…. I.e. he wasn’t a coward or an arsehole, that he was entitled to act that way because he regretted it, due to what I had just replied to. Hence my ‘you’re joking right?’.
After your subsequent reply, I then realised you just missed the original comment so tried to point out what the topic of the thread that you were replying to was to clear up any misunderstanding between us
YOU then replied with an angry msg full of insults, about my shitty life and thinking I’m special.
you’re trying to start a fight and being unnecessarily antagonistic…..And I’m the one with the shitty life?
Ok, buddy.
A little self reflection goes a long way. Not every minor disagreement due to misunderstanding needs to turn into a big angry, insult-throwing fight.
Good day to ya
She has a lot to work through.
I think younknow the answer babes. And please get tested just in case.
Thanks for reply. Yep it's pretty much that. We go a week things feel there getting better. I'll get frustrated and something like I would like if we could be close again. Then it starts all over again she withdraws we have had sex and it's so bloody awkward now. We used to have a great sex life and she always said how great I was. Now she won't even Passionately kiss me. Only kiss me goodbye in the morning and say love you. Its a total head f**k. My main problem she asks not to talk about things but sometimes you can't help want to talk about it. Not like there's anything else to talk about When you can cut the atmosphere with a knife?
Choose between having kids and being with him. It sounds increasingly like you will have to choose, so decide ahead of time when your priority is going to be.
Yeah, I do agree that sometimes feelings just happen and same with attraction, I was mostly just hurt about the lying. I would’ve been okay if she just told me she liked him and wanted to go for it, but all of the lying was just a lot and made me question our friendship which is where I’m struggling to be happy for her now
Yup, let her break up with you if something as small as a like is sufficient reason for her to torpedo an 8 year relationship, especially considering she doesn't include you in her socials. She sounds completely unreasonable and fucked in the head.
They can have vid of her being beaten and raped in front of child and it won’t change
It’s not an old friend, it someone you f*cked before , there’s a difference to your girl.
The weed isn't what destroyed his life nor did it affect his intelligence or memory, his actions did. I have a friend like that as well, brilliant guy but spends his time in degeneracy. Also felt like I had to lecture him on basic human decency. Not much you could really do for someone like that. You can't monitor him 24/7. The truth is, it doesn't matter what you say, because the moment you hang up, they'll go right back to it. Not up to you to fix.
I feel some guilt bc i kind of accepted his behaviour during years and i could have harmed people during this
nah man, this has nothing to do with you. What he does and what he believes is appropriate or not are completely disjoint from you.
Clarify what you mean by exploded. Was he yelling at you, throwing stuff around? Or was it a calm discussion?
Right. He’s a grown up-not a child.
Their parents are just jealous lol
She gets to take ur car bc u allow it. U could just stop doing that. Sounds like shes not responsible with money.
she says she had bad past relationships.
She needs therapy for this. And every time I moved in with someone that fast, it didnt turn out good.
, or reminding my old college buddy about a fun time we had back in college, is synonymous with being unhappy and unfulfilled in the relationship.
Sounds mentally ill
feel like I’m losing my life and myself.
So take it back.
And she is incredibly naive to a fault. Girl needs to grow up
Even if she said “Honey, these people know me. (unlike reddit). I'm 100% wildly not comfortable knowing they know our intimate details?” I dunno, that begs a little more discussion other than “I just won't tell you I told them.”
You're doing exactly what you should be doing at your age. Set your life up the way you want it, and when you feel ready you look around and there will be someone doing the same or similar that you click with.
No it's more specifically guy best friends , guys suck. Coming from a guy
You’re going to get a ton do comments telling you that you’re awful and no guy would ever want to hear that. But the truth is that this would bother a lot of guys while a lot of other guys won’t care. Is this something you’re willing to compromise on? Everyone has different levels of what they’re comfortable with in a relationship.
If you broke up for a reason. And that reason is still valid. Do not get back together.
If you want to make it work move closer to eachother.
Otherwise don’t get back together and don’t just be fuck buddies. That’s too much like ordering a steak and just licking it. Sure it will taste good but it will leave you unsatisfied and dying to take a bite.
She might very well have been interested, or she was being incredibly cordial and polite. We'd need more context as to the conversation after you went up, but logically if the exchange happened outside, there could have been something more.
Regardless, don't overthink it. Shoot your shot now. You have nothing to lose. Good luck.
He ended up getting stabbed. ?
He ended up getting stabbed. ?
run away with her.
I prefer to think of it like this:
“Alpha Male' the early version of a male, before testing and bug fixes. Unstable and not suitable for the public.”
Because that's how a lot of these so-called “Alpha Males” come across. Unstable.
Unless it's a surprise for the spouse, husbands and wives shouldn't have secrets of any kind, even if they are somonelses. Imo it should be assumed that you know and not only is the friend a terrible wife she's being a bad friend by asking your wife to keep something from you.
You're not compatible. He's fucking abusive and you're not. You could catch a man on the street with a claw machine and he'd be more compatible with you.
No, he picks her up from school and then when her mom is home he drops her off. They just drive around for about 2-3 hours. He used to bring her to my place but since I was sleeping for work she needed to be quiet. He yelled at me for not letting her be loud and make my sleep for work impossible. I had to stop letting him bring her over, it was effecting my work schedule.
Why do you care what others think of Jake is as nice as you say he is? All that should matter is how he treats you, and makes you feel. Why are you taking everything that Brad says as gospel? He told you Jake was fat & dorky, and he isn’t, so his assessments of Jake appear to be inaccurate. Either Brad is just an asshole for the sake of it or he has an ulterior motive for telling you these things. Could be hazing, could be wanting to maintain dominance, or any other ridiculous reason.
But either way, if you like Jake, and he’s a good person, you should go for it. But it may be worth reconsidering who your other friends are. It doesn’t seem like Brad is a very good person, and it would be a shame for that behaviour to rub off on you.
In my personal experience, you should not mix people that you know with any business dealings that you may have. I do not think you did anything wrong, and I think that your friend is blaming you wrongly for that.
her being attracted to him isn't the problem, she is the victim
the problem is the 30 year old (literally middle aged) adult who is going after a barely legal adult (who just stopped being a literal teenager) because they can't find someone their own age.. likely because everyone their age can see through their bullshit..
or, the most common scenario, the 30 year old wanted someone young and vulnerable and naive with little life experience that they could manipulate and mold into exactly what/who they want.
sadly, these are the most common things that happen in large age gaps where one of the people is under 23/24 years old.. I have heard many many personal stories from people who were the younger one in these situations and then got older and had trauma because of it.. often times they didn't even realize how manipulated they were until they turned the age of their ex..
hell, many of them didn't even leave their ex until they turned the age their ex was when they first started dating and realized how messed up it was..