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It is a learning experience. You will have quarrels and issues in your relationship. Everyone has them. This is what she will do during them.
Personally, I think she is not someone you want to plan your future with., she will be with you only when it is nice and easy. If you do not want to just break up from the get go, you should confront her properly. Refuse her excuses, whatever easy reasoning she presents you should shut down. Explain to her, that since this is what she does the moment you have an argument, you don't know how you can plan a future with her.
Try to get her to be honest about her actions and motives, if you feel like you have failed, it is probably pointless to try to work it out with her.
I knew my GF was still friends with this ex, but she had told me repeatedly he was just a friend, she wasn’t attracted to him any longer, yada yada. I know, probably an idiot for believing it.
Nah, do you think her ex is the problem? If yes, you can ask her to stop contacting him as consequence of her actions. My take is, it is much worse than that. She has contacted him, because it was the easiest, if he wasn't in the picture, and you had a disagreement lasting longer, she would just look for other people/strangers. I don't think it is about him specifically, which as I have said, makes it worse.