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OK, and do you ask everyone you ever kiss, or share a glass with, to get a test first?
You're an extremist. Grow up.
This is it, OP.
No one here is gonna have magical words that save your marriage. You need to recognize that if she doesn't want to play ball, you can't make her. Her agency is hers, and she's consciously electing to not meet you halfway.
A lot of people fall into the trap of thinking that their relationship is would be perfect if they would just change a thing or two that I want and don't realize that it's not up to them if the person changes. You cannot make your wife change if she doesn't want to.
And in reality, its just like the sex. If she doesn't want to do it, and you or the counselor corner her and make her agree, is she gonna be enthusiastic? No, and honestly it will feel worse just like the sex does.
Go to counseling, see if shes willing to actually participate in your marriage or if shes gonna continue skating by on the bare minimum, or worse- be resentful while doing as asked.
You deserve a partner who gives a shit. The important thing is finding out if she is one, and deciding what to do if she's not.
That's true. I will forever treasure the time we spent.
I think people can fall in love with the same person again as emotions and feelings are constantly changing and as we change as people those feelings could come back. I wouldn’t hold on to this idea though if she’s made her feelings clear then don’t hold onto that.
Horribly and obviously fake. Great job!
There are more than enough cases proving the exact opposite of your statements that they „won’t prosecute“. Are you trying to help? If yes, just delete the comments. It’s okay to be wrong sometimes.
Not steering it anywhere. In my native language it is used in the manner u are suggesting.
Brothers don't have identical genetics unless they are identical twins.
In my state, when a married person buys a house it is considered to be joint property regardless of who is paying for what. You may want to check into that.
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Those are just two different ways to say the same thing. They're both ultimatums. One is just a better way to communicate it.
I don’t know if this helps, but I’ve been married for 10 years and I see the “I’m not sure if we’re right together but I can’t imagine my life without them” thing a few times, and I feel like it’s kind of shitty advice? Like if you’re around anybody for long enough of course you can’t imagine life without them, that’s just habit.
For me the way I know my husband is right for me is that I CAN imagine life without him – it just fucking sucks. It’s an absolute wasteland, I’d literally just be staying alive for my child. I can picture a different life without him, and even if I met somebody else wonderful and amazing it still feels like it could only ever be a cheap imitation of how my life is with him as my partner. So if you weren’t with this woman, what would your life actually look like? What’s the best case scenario you can imagine, and how does it compare to the reality you have with her in the present?
I don’t think you should marry her ONLY because you’re afraid to lose her. But you also need to understand that all relationships have some level of incompatibility, even if they’re very minor – what matters is how you work through them. It sounds like you’ve both done a lot of work so far to get better at being partners; clearly you both have the ability and willingness to work on yourselves and on your relationship. I always say that even when my husband and I aren’t super in romantic love (which ebbs and flows with the stress of life) we always make a great team. I think that’s actually a better predictor of your future than whether you desperately “want” to marry her by emotional standards that don’t seem to apply to you.
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INFO: have you had the exclusivity talk as yet??
thanks. ?
If this guy was any more of a doormat he'd have WELCOME tattooed across his forehead. Good lord.
Omg poor Lauren… you should be ashamed and it’s very concerning that you want to defend this. She deserves better. When someone is an ex, they should not remain a supporting character in your life ESPECIALLY if they have not shown respect for your current relationship. You need to take a naked look at yourself. This is beyond selfish. You are the asshole. And a huge one at that.
How is the top comment on every one of these to throw away the whole relationship?
I mean there’s not one answer?
I would tell you (as a female in her 30s) that you shouldn’t worry about your looks too much. Yes I did when I was 20, because appearance was a (or so I thought) a huge deal… it’s not. I would much rather be with someone who is “unattractive” then someone who is naked but an ah Or aggressive or just not a good fit. Look for a guy who supports you and all you do! If you want to have kids, look for someone who views the domestic sphere as a 50/50 split and has similar views on the ideological spectrum- especially when it comes to raising kids. All of those things matter- their face does not.
That said, you are young and will realize this at some point! I hope it’s sooner vs later- I know it would have saved me a lot of heartbreak.
Never go back to a cheater. They will see your acceptance as permission!
First off, I'm very sorry for what you went through.
tldr: Your boyfriend probably got naked because of how close he felt to you, knowing you would share such a private thing with him.
Someone mentioned crying sometimes triggers boners, and I wanted to add on. Sometimes emotional vulnerability can make men get arroused. You were telling your bf about past SA, which is traumatic, but it's also your most intimate secret. I hate that my body does this, but I'm older and it's happened to me since childhood. When my female partners have shared that type of intimacy with me, it causes an erection. I wouldn't be surprised if some men get erect for tears, but for me, it's the conversation that is causing the crying. If this was what happened, it was innocent and you don't need to be worried. He wasn't getting erect from the literal things you told him.
I’m responding to you directly on here because I think something that’s not even being considered and is entirely possible is that your wife really does think she’s playing her best but she’s just not ray good at chess WHEN he’s multi-tasking and teaching. I was absolutely amazing and naturally gifted in soccer, I played all over the world and got a scholarship to play in college until I got injured. I assumed (wrongly) that my skills would translate well into teaching and coaching and (when still in my prime) volunteered to coach my young cousin me team. I wasn’t trying to demonstrate things poorly but it turns out my brain didn’t actually know how to articulate my skills to others and when I would try and demonstrate things I wasn’t even really doing them correctly. So when we would do shooting practice and I was the goalie I would have to be spending more of my brain power telling the kids where to aim Etc. I really wasn’t trying to let those kids score goals against me at practice but it turns out when I’m giving instructions on where to stand and how to shoot and worrying about are the kids having fun, am I explaining this well, am I teaching them bad habits, etc. I’m not able to also defend a goal.
Maybe your wife is just spending her brain power talking to him about his moves and options and not really expending any on her own moves and is truly just missing things.
I understand some people suggesting maybe she doesn’t trust you etc. but from everything you’ve said it sounds like you two don’t routinely lie to each other or handle issues like this- so maybe consider that she’s just not great at multitasking: maybe teaching chess and playing it at the same Time is a different skill than playing chess.
Aren't you forgetting that awakening your spirits makes them angrier and stronger than before?
Pay money, more help.
Sounds like a sadist. ?♂️
Dude, dogs are so much better than people. Since you are so young, I say you ditch he person who has an issue with dogs. For me. If a dog doesn’t like a person, I’m very wary of them. If a person doesn’t like dogs; Same thing. Go get you some unconditional love with a wet nose, waggy tail and a happy furry face.
I have no idea how to navigate this but the following questions comes to mind after a quick read through:
If your boss didn’t want a couple involved, why didn’t he discuss is with the both of you? Are all the other managers male?
I have no idea how to navigate this but the following questions comes to mind after a quick read through:
If your boss didn’t want a couple involved, why didn’t he discuss is with the both of you? Are all the other managers male?
Yes I do that but oftentimes it gets annoying after a certain point because now none of is talking. She resonates to thinking she’s not good enough and feels shitty and I tell her i’m here and we’ll get through this.. what more can you do?
The lying is 100% wrong, because it makes him look guilty when he's just doing things with his best friend. And honestly there's nothing wrong with any of what he's doing (except the lying, of course). Not sure why you'd be so upset about him bringing her food he makes? Tell him he doesn't need to lie because you're not mad about him hanging out with her. You trust him and just want to know when they do something together because keeping it from you makes you feel excluded from his life and it's hurtful.
Yep. ☝️✨
Neither of you are ready. Yeah sure the hormones might be screaming but you need to grow up first. You don't have a job, your parents are housing and feeding BOTH of you, they don't need to add raising a baby on top of it. Build stable careers, move out and save money first.
Good luck and hope you find a beautiful new life!!
ok Kathy, time keep moving forward.
All the fucking time. A ton of straight sex sucks to watch
The age gap is in the title, If it makes you feel any better she knows exactly how old I am.
Do you think a longer relationship will mean more or less head smashing?
Real people get to decide for themselves.
Leave.
Before (hopefully) his abuse turns physical.
Get yourself somewhere safe as soon as possible.
You’re not even that far in, just call it buddy.
Your friend the therapist is absolutely disgraceful. It’s ok to stick your dick in another woman if you’re paying for it, is it? Dump your bf, report you “friend”
Nothing you’ve written here says ‘kind supportive husband’ he sounds like a petulant nightmare man-child that you have to tiptoe round, keep happy (impossible task), make sure you don’t speak out of turn and you’re all fine! Note: *none** of his behaviour is normal reactions or ok. He’s training you to not ‘defy’ him or to be able to talk about anything without it all being your fault.*
He didn’t want to go to the family day out, he manufactured an argument so he could ditch you all, insulted you in front of your children (they aren’t daft, they must know he’s volatile), he then harassed you all day knowing that you had your hands full, he drove to pick you up knowing you had a busy day and made you drive home (what a dick), sulked again when you got dinner for everyone and is still punishing you and demanding an apology. What an AH, what the point of him exactly? Making you and your kids miserable?
If you were my friend I’d be helping you escape him. No more joking chats, no more hypotheticals, just business and household running talk with him, he’s worth nothing more.