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Wow, this is the most unkind post I have ever read, let alone received. I did get my answer though. I intend to move forward and try to lead with kind intent. I do feel empty, like I have nothing to look forward to, but I do not want to be unfair in situations where my emotions and drama tendency can take over. Thank you for your blunt truth on the matter.
I'm saying this with the best of intentions but I think you're misplacing your emotions about his comment. Look, obviously his comment is news to you and if he had said this now, then it would have grave implications about your relationship. But he didn't say it now. He said it seven years ago.
He's reacting this way because, to him, this is a comment he made so many years ago. Your emotions are fresh, his are old – that's why he can't really grasp why you'd be so upset. You can talk to him about it some more and ask him to just apologize for the sake of it, but it does come off as “seeking for anything to be angry about”, especially since we all have said things in our lives that we never really meant or that we'd never say in our current circumstances. You're asking your partner of seven years, whom you've wanted to marry, to sincerely apologize for a comment he made under pressure, to a limited amount of people, as a teenager, ten months into a teenage relationship – all because his kid nephew remembered this throwaway comment. It's not even that he made you feel less loved or that he said it TO you.
So yeah, I understand that this comment can leave a bitter taste in your mouth, but letting it go under the circumstances or taking it on the chin can help you with your tension toward your partner as well.
You opened up this entire thread under the topic of “I'm not marrying this person because his teenager self made one stupid comment he explained he didn't mean”. Take a step back and reflect if that is truly the appropriate response to the matter. Because it does sound like you're letting your frustration of not feeling heard, get so powerful that it's about to implode your future marriage. Talk to him, but if he doesn't tell you what you want to hear, then it might be time to figure out if this is your hill to die on or a topic you have to let go for the sake of your relationship.
It would be nice if he could apologize to keep the peace , but I absolutely understand that he most likely feels like it's ridiculous that there's so much emphasis on ONE sentence from his teens all of a sudden, and that all of his expressions of love over the years are thrown out the window because his nephew remembered a statement from a completely different time before he had invested so many years into you and your relationship. It's as is you were mad over reading one of his old diary entries out of context.
Personally, I'd say that we can't win all battles, and sometimes we have to table a conversation for another time or even just let something go, especially if it isn't part of a behavior pattern or has any implications about the true state of our relationship. You gotta chose if you really want to throw your relationship away here. Take some time before you make a life altering decision like that – and get off of Reddit for it. This platform usually gets people's emotions all up, but we only know this tiny snapshot of your relationship, so we can only give you (biased) opinions on that lil bit. Good luck.
Exactly, it's normal and human nature to notice attractive people even while in a relationship. But those only last like one second and then you already forget they exist. To full on stare at other women next to your GF is extremely disrespectful. And staring at your sister… Yeah, sweet home Alabama.
My dad was in his 40s when he got my mom pregnant so he's certainly not a good option, I don't even know him. And I'm unsure if any of my relatives would take me
Did you not pursue a second date or did you straight up ghost her? Because it sounds like she is letting you know it's over and therefore I think maybe you did not communicate that to her.
Yes do this he’s an asshole u don’t have to shave everyday
This is the definition of toxic. Even your language towards her “Your a princess that knows no bounds”. Your talking like you've had it with her primadonna BS. Just leave man.
So you haven't matured or grown at all since you were a teenager?
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Can you buy a place on your own, just in your name? In that case at least your life is not stalling because you are at an impasse at the moment. Honestly, I don't know that this is salvageable long term, if he cannot give you an enthusiastic yes to your questions, I'd be devastated to hear that no matter the reason. His love is conditional on you altering your body and that just doesn't sound right, even if you want to do it for yourself. I will say you sound like you are very mature and insightful about this whole situation and I don't think anyone is in the wrong here. Except maybe both of you are wrong for entering this relationship and developing it both knowing that it is conditional like that. Good luck, I hope you figure it out.
The need for space thing is very real. It's not an insult. You really don't sound compatible.
You really must try to listen to the women in these comments. Saying “no” outright is at best, meaningless to many men (not just pick up artists lol) and dangerous at worst. Having lived in major cities most of my life, at 33 I have been hit on by strangers hundreds if not thousands of times. I have NEVER had a man graciously leave me alone when I’ve said no. Most- not some, MOST- get aggressive and frightening when you say no. Even in public spaces where I did feel generally safe. I’m queer and have had men plead, beg, harass and follow me while I am literally hand in hand with another woman, more times than I can count. This isn’t some kind of weird anomaly, this is completely normal to the majority of us.
You really must try to listen to the women in these comments. Saying “no” outright is at best, meaningless to many men (not just pick up artists lol) and dangerous at worst. Having lived in major cities most of my life, at 33 I have been hit on by strangers hundreds if not thousands of times. I have NEVER had a man graciously leave me alone when I’ve said no. Most- not some, MOST- get aggressive and frightening when you say no. Even in public spaces where I did feel generally safe. I’m queer and have had men plead, beg, harass and follow me while I am literally hand in hand with another woman, more times than I can count. This isn’t some kind of weird anomaly, this is completely normal to the majority of us.
If he actually wanted to kill himself, he'd be dead. It's a ploy for attention, don't give it to him.
You’re 23 and have a whole life ahead of you; don’t waste any of it on someone who doesn’t add to it. Love is not enough.
Make a plan!!
You genuinely enjoyed your time at the spa, even though she was sobbing and crying at times at said spa? But she tried to “perk up” a couple of times during this fairly public surprise, so obviously it was enjoyable for her too? What?
And then on the way home you asked her what the problem was, and she told you in detail?
And you're talking like she pretty much ruined your day and owes you an apology?
I'm just trying to figure out if I read this right.
The animals are a part time job. Part of our agreement was that she would care for her animals cause that’s how we ended the cats – I cleaned up, I changed the litter and when she wasn’t willing to help out , we got rid of them.
I’m just not interested in taking care of animals. And I feel like I’ve been mislead into a situation like this where I have to cause she won’t. But I’m beaten down. I don’t care anymore
He is a predator, where I used to live and work with vulnerable young people. You are not allowed to date somebody until they are 25 if you taught or coached them for this very reason.
You are in a position of power and influence over somebody younger. They look up and idolize you.
Also is she pregnant?
My bad; maybe I wrote it off the wrong way. I appreciate your advice anyways!
Another reason why “she makes me feel good” Is because she’s the fucking therapist???? Of course you feel good, you just told her some vulnerable stuff and didn’t judge you dude.
Don’t have sex with people who don’t think to have a right to control own body.
Tbf, there is literally only one week a month that a woman can get pregnant. Timing is literally everything, so if she was ovulating during that time, it's totally plausible. After all, people can get pregnant having sex once…
I was a better person. Then i realize no one likes good people. I always cry and het hurt emotionaly by it. Then i started to act like an anti hero, kinda jerk. In the end pretending being a jerk made me a kinda real jerk.
You need to establish that whatever wants your mother has for you- they are really no one else's business but hers, and yours.
She is way overstepping.
If she has concerns about your girlfriend, she needs to be talking to you, not her. You can do as you see fit with your mother's desires, critisims, or complaints. She shouldn't be interfering with your relationship by taking those critiques or “concerns” to your girlfriend. That is not her place.
Mom's got a problem? She should be talking to you directly. Your mother and her issues are yours to deal with in the relationship between you and your girlfriend. Just as her parents concerns and desires would be hers to deal with.
Your mother wants your daughter to conform to her standards? She had better be able to explain to you what's so freaking important that your girlfriend needs to change anything about herself to please your mother. I doubt she'll be able to. But you're not a child any longer, you will always be her child- but that doesn't mean she should treat you like one. Or ever treat your partners like her wants are more important than their autonomy.
Nip this in the bud man – because if you let your mother walk all over this girlfriend, or future partners , you're doing wrong by your partners.
If she is saying she doesn't know where she's at, then you wait till she figures it out, but you don't put your life on hold for her and you don't treat her like you would a GF…
It's her choice. But she involved you. Up to you, would you not make a call about a random building on fire? And if she can't appreciate your burdens, what friend this?
You’re right why waste police manpower and taxpayer dollars when you can just beat her yourself.
Wish I could upvote this x100
They give me mixed signals saying they still want me, and still care.
Yeah. That's an easy solution. Then move out while he's at work and take them with you.
Yeah, all the comments being like “Just tell him!! 1!” are so obviously from dudes. She's known this guy two months, who knows how he's going to react. Exercise caution OP.
I'm having a feeling based on how casual you are being about everything, that your family has swept everything under the rug.
So just to make things clear, it's absolutely disgusting what your sister and Ex did to you. And it is 100% understandable not to want either of them there, let alone your Ex.