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What does him being disrespectful have to do with your emotional state?
Would be interested in how fast she would seek help for this as soon as your threaten to leave, or leave altogether. Suddenly she doesnât have the stability you offer anymoreâŠ
I am so sorry. He sounds like a classic narcissist. He was able to hide his nature from you until he felt you were comfortable and reliant enough to control.
I feel for your pain and sense of loss and wasted time. Take care of yourself first. He isn't worth it.
Sheâs a pedo. Call your friends mum and tell her.
I think I do, even if that wasn't what I was thinking I accept it might come across that way and it was my fault for not seeing it before hitting send.
Can I ask for help in how I could handle it better? Thank you.
Because you dump that shit into life insurance. No penalty for withdrawing early. And you keep building. Why am I the only one that knows this?
She cheated on her boyfriend with you. If you date, she'll cheat on you with someone else after a bit of wine.
Giving you 50 claps đ
Is he not in a poly relationship? You should go for it. He might decide he'd rather be mono for you.
And don't feel bad about smoking weed. You have the right to do it, even if you don't have insomnia.
Maybe she is saving herself for marriage or long term relationship then she is worth waiting for. If she doesn't want to be intimate at all then it's time to see a doctor.
They have no idea you feel this way. It sounds like youâve always been the friend who cheerfully does everything asked, and theyâve gotten very used to this. Itâs totally okay to say no to these things! You donât even need a good excuse. Just say you canât or are busy.
Same, living somewhere youâre not happy, especially away from your loved ones takes a huge toll on your mental health. I can understand why OP wants to be closer to family and why the fiancĂ© values the life she built in Seattle and doesnât want to leave that for Texas.
Don't ask him to have sex again. He has been clear what his Boundary is. It doesn't matter what you want.
Please work on your mental health more. It doesn't matter if other people are not telling you the right words. I couldn't afford mental health counselors so I started reading at the library and live!.
Find some people that seem to be HEALTHY in the ways you want to be healthy and find out what they do. You will find that most do not have all the physical belongings in the world.
Find another outlet for your love and affection. You are putting too much pressure on one guy. You give the impression that if he was in town you would be smothering him. People who are being smothered leave.
Time for you to start making more friends.
If you really love this guy then he deserves to have you at 100%. Take advantage of this distance and time to work on yourself. He is not going to fix you. It is not his job in any relationship to fix his partner.
Your partners role in a relationship is NOT that of fixing your mental health. You need to bring the healthiest version of you to any relationship.
What you are dealing with right now is “hormones” you need to read up about them. The role of hormones in your life is to help you fixate and attract a mate. Your words sound obsessive, and not entirely healthy, which sounds like hormones.
Please stop making excuses why you cannot fix your mental health. Saying that a therapist told you that you cannot have been SA because you were in a relationship is not the example you think it is. IT TELLS US THAT YOU CAN FIGURE OUT THAT A THERAPIST IS GIVING YOU BAD ADVICE. SO CHANGE THERAPISTS. Don't change to any therapist, it just means find a better one. You give the impression that you will keep talking and talking about the same thing so that eventually you can play “gotcha” with a therapist so you hear what you want –
sometimes you need to listen to understand, rather than listen in getting ready to reply. Stop replying to everything… listen to understand.
i dont. I really cant wrap my head around this
Man Disney is setting up a lot of women for disappointment.
This is a lesson my 5 year old is in the process of learning. If you say no when I ask if you want any, you don't get mine.
Yeah my relationship with one of my sisters had always been strained because she was always “the pretty one.” Next to her I look super plain even though normally people don't think I look bad. I'm not gorgeous but somewhat pretty. Then set me next to sister and I just vanish.
As an adult I resent more the way she always played into that, and how she had the typical, “pretty girl personality.” Thankfully my partner doesn't see her as attractive because he prefers someone who isn't a size 2. He says he thinks she looks sick. But then he lost an adult he really loved to anorexia/bulimia as a child so his view of weight is very different from a lot of society. But I purposely didn't go out with her in public most of the time because I hated feeling like my intelligence, personality, and what looks I have just didn't matter to anyone. And that's my sister, not even my mom! If it were my mother who everyone ignored me for that would have really hurt!
I feel bad for the daughter. There might be a lot more going on, but honestly what OP said is enough to have created a lot of resentment.
This is a great asset in your field and I wouldnât try to change it beyond setting firm boundaries when it entails scope or job description. When it comes to someone withholding care until you chase something down that was never in your possession in the first place then it can and will start to affect your work productivity as well as negatively affecting your orientees under of their role.
heâs insecure because he doesnât want another man staying round his potential gfs house without him? lmao
Lying is not an illness. Itâs something you chose to do to HIDE your illness, and gaslight your wife. She didnât give up. She tried for 20 years. Just because YOU didnât try for 20 years, doesnât mean she has to start over
He should never have gone. Thatâs so fucked.
If youâre hoping I have compassion or empathy towards your situation I donât. Iâm not going to beat around the bush. You sound like crappy person, an alcoholic and should really get professional help.
Iâm confused as to how she even pulled this off. Donât you have your phone PW protected?
Anyway, it would be a deal breaker for me.
Not only was it a breach of YOUR privacy, she breached the trust and privacy of your friends.
If I ever found that a friend willingly let their SO read what I thought were our private messages, I wouldnât be friends with them anymore.
FurtherâŠI have access via my phone to things at work that require clearances so if I ever gave someone access to my phone, I could be fired.
You should not be planning to marry this guy. He doesn't respect your right to make your own decisions, he doesn't believe you're a good person, he doesn't want you to feel safe and comfortable and loved. He wants to tear you down.
The more you stay with her and keep telling her no, she will cheat on you regardless. So divorce now while you can and save yourself from the trouble.
He doesn't love you. No man that actually loves you would force you to do this. He pimped you out for his own pleasure, and, when you told him that it's left an emotional and psychological mark on you, he gaslights you. You need to find the video, get rid of it, hopefully he doesn't have it backed up anywhere, and you need to move back where your family lives. Then you need to seek out psychological therapy to help you dal with this.
Thank you!!! This was helpful
says I need to forgive him or heâs leaving. What should I do?
Let him leave far away.
See, to me exclusive doesnât necessarily mean girlfriend. You can be exclusive without putting the label of girlfriend/boyfriend on it. However, exclusive means not seeing anyone else, since that is literally the definition, to exclude others and be limited to that one person⊠definitely does not mean âgo fuck your exâ lmao. OP is ridiculous and trying to assuage their guilt by acting they didnât know they couldnât fuck someone else.
Good luck with your studies and future. Sometimes being given space is a good thing.
Thank you for that. I guess sometimes I'm scared of being the “bad guy” if I make him upset, but your words make a lot of sense and I should stand up more for myself.
â⊠if i brought this up to my boyfriend, heâd get mad and me and probably get violent.â
OP, Iâm so sorry things happened this wayâthough it sounds like it may have spared you from far worse. You deserve so much better.
OP, get out while your investment in this man is still relatively low. You have no obligations to him, no kids to share and (I assume) no shared owned property. Cut your losses and protect your own identity.
The five years suck, sure, but have not been wasted. You've hopefully enjoyed it and learned a lot about yourself. Now go find someone who actually deserves you. Don't settle for lying, mediocre men.
You don't need to put up with his insecurities. Imagine life after you have a kid with this buffoon walking up to you and saying “but babe, you weren't giving me any validation.” On top of the disrespect, STDs are a real concern.
I never understood the idea of “breaks”; they just feel like a coward's way of breaking up or a cheap excuse to sleep with other people while having the safety net of a committed relationship. He needs to grow a pair and either be direct about breaking up or commit to fixing whatever issues led to this situation in the first place. If he's unable to do that, then you need to end things yourself; it's not fair to keep you on the hook for several months like that.
Whatâs the make and model of the car?
What car does she drive?
She is not remorseful. She went over there. She cheated. She lied. She doesn't want to do the work on it alone. If Tom never did you a solid, regardless of what a pos he is, you'd never know. She blames drinking, but it was only a couple hours and she could drive home?
Come on, respect yourself. She sure doesn't