So let him go back to jail. Why do you care about this violent older man that your family member lied about? He is not your family, and you're already housing one felon. Are you under some mistaken impression that this criminal is a good partner for your family member? Good grief, you are being the biggest doormat ever! Take back your life and your home! I don't understand why you are hesitating in the slightest! You have all the power here!
I’m sorry to put it so bluntly but your boyfriend doesn’t like you. If your boyfriend isn’t proud to bring you out as his date and introduce you to his friends, he plain does not like you. Maybe he’s a lonely person and likes the company. Maybe he likes having sex without having to pursue someone new. But, this man does not like you, and I suggest you tell him it’s over and move on before another 6 years pass
Everybody moves on from a breakup differently, there is no single foolproof method. What I recommend doing is to work on self improvement. Most people take that to mean hitting the gym, which is never a bad idea, but there are other ways to improve oneself. Start a new hobby, change your diet, start learning about something new, etc.
Vaginismus can be obvious to the partner too since the muscles literally cannot relax to allow penetration. It's described as “feeling a wall” so he would know because he wouldn't be able to get in without force.
Well porn I feel is different I don’t care about that really, I know it isn’t very far off but the fact you can interact on there too has me questioning a lot.
Haven’t been in your exact situation, but have definitely had a partner say nasty shit to me and I’ve had to sit them down and break things off because of it. It’s not easy by any means, especially in your situation but I can promise you I haven’t regretted it for even a day and neither will you. That’s not the environment you want to raise a child around.
Mother's that are this codependent to their sons will do some crazy and remarkable sneaky things to keep “their baby boys close.” I really think his mom set this whole thing in motion and she was smug because you took the bait and reacted the way she wanted you to react.
I’m not sure where you are getting this. I have no problem taking accountability. I would stand in front of her parents and come clean to my mistakes. I fucked up but I have no problem owning up to it.
My ex said he never watched porn but he did look up half nude insta girls to materbate too. I thought that was worse tbh. Imo guys will always want to look at sexualized images when masterbating. I think it would be almost impossible to find a guy who didn't.
If kids are not a hell yeah, they are a hell no. If he does not want children yet, he would be miserable if you forced them onto him. He deserves better than that, and if you truly want kids, it may be time to put a timeline down – if your husband cannot decide before the clock is too close to running out in a little less than half a decade or so, it is time to break things off.
He will be much happier without you, if he does not want children in the end. Don’t feel too bad, he’ll be much better off – it is bullshit that “there are very few men who actually get to a point when they can actually say that they are ready to for kids”. The men who have kids for any other reason besides really really wanting one fpr certain are making a mistake.
You’re young. Save yourself the trouble of drama and move on. Trust me, you don’t want to look back in twenty years and think, “Why didn’t I leave the first time!” Too many red flags this early on. Time to work on yourself a bit more and try again with a healthy person.
You're resenting the children you chose to have. Nope. You don't get to have that one. To take on HIS complaint is just cowardly. Be honest. He's an asshole right now and is 1,000 % wrong, is breaking his marriage covenant with you. Change the locks.
I mean… As long as it doesn't go on the direction of intercourse, I have a good grip on things, I eat well, I sleep, I take care of my cats, I keep my flat clean, I shower, I have the basics of human life down. I work as good as I can and I feed my mum (I feel it's fair, since she took care of me for 21 years). I'm okay with how things are, aside from the one thing…. Thank you . I can defo improve on the once a year issue, though!
I get it, and honestly, I’ve been there…an ex was talking to me and a friend of hers and the friend mentioned this guy they both knew and my gf proceeds to say “he has the most perfect dick, prefect size and shape”.
I should have dumped her there and then.
Not saying you should break up, but dude, you need to sit her down and explain why what she said crushed/angered you. And then pay ATTENTION to what she says. If she doesn’t start off with, “I’m so sorry that I said something like that to you, it was cold, and Unthoughtful of me.” I’d dip right the fu@k out. Cause it shows her maturity level is like a teenager that has not learned about feelings yet.
I explained in another reply but in my attempt to paraphrase, I may have skewed the time-line a bit. In short, we were together, I didn't want kids or marriage, very open about that. She did, very open about that. Ff 6 years, becomes more of a problem/conversation. I make the decision that I'm going to be with her forever no matter what, so lets do it. Now, I just feel like we're in a lull, and I feel it's my fault, but the more I try to fix, the dumber i feel, which isn't attractive.
You’re not reading this right. Your partner is just uncomfortable pressuring his friends to attend. Some men can come across weirdly proud about this stuff but it’s mostly an insecurity about how much they can expect from friendship.
A thing that men don’t like to admit is that they hate relying on their friends for anything. In general, male friendship isn’t as close or as obligated as female friendship for that reason. It means you can be friends with a bunch of guys for years but you might not know if they’d turn up to your birthday. Weird but true.
A better way to handle this is to say something like, “Would it be OK, if I check in with your friends about stuff like RSVPs and what not. I’m not going to pressure anyone, just like to keep things organised.”
The problem is he can’t tell the girl anything because she is his ex’s friend. So he sends them to me as his confident (i think). He just sends the songs and the lyrics.
We usually talk about feelings and our love lifes, so it was not weird to me. But my boyfriend is anyways upset.
I don’t think he wants my opinion on the song, but just to talk to someone about his situation
How would you feel if your family started picking who you can or can’t be friends with. This works both ways.
Congratulations on the new arrival if your girlfriend wants a relationship with your family she needs to build it with them. They’ll end up loving her as much as the ex I’m sure, especially when the baby comes.
You practice the skill of ending a romantic relationship and remaining amicable before you have kids in the mix. If you've always cut off your exes, it's too nude – obviously, based on results – to just “flip the switch” when you have children.
I like the conjecture everybody's spouting to this. So lemme just put in my lil 2 cents in. What this sounds like is somebody told her something she thinks he should already know. Either someone said they heard he was tearing it up, trying to cast negative light on him, in essence him bragging and iying. Or someone rumored something horrible to her about him from sources she trusts. Think abusing a friend, sexual assault, rape, something serious.
I'd end it. She can sleep with whomever, but you can't even flirt? That makes no sense, and anymore time spent with her would likely not be a smart investment.
My best advice would be to go for couples counseling. Years ago, when my wife and I (both divorced) became engaged someone suggested joint counseling and we took their advice. It was extremely helpful and we were able to address small issues before they became big issues. Mostly it was resentments against previous spouses that would rear their ugly head when one person or the other innocently said something that triggered and emotional response. That was 32 years ago, and that really helped establish a basis for a healthy relationship.
It's time to move on. He's making promises and not keeping them. He's showing you what he will do. Your having scholarships and grants is one thing. But you're working part-time, and he's doing nothing. He can't be trusted. Don't waste your time. You don't need him. Let him go, and the resentment will leave also. Peace!
This might be controversial but: Not all feelings are valid.
Her having an irrational hysterical response to a general life annoyance is a her problem
So let him go back to jail. Why do you care about this violent older man that your family member lied about? He is not your family, and you're already housing one felon. Are you under some mistaken impression that this criminal is a good partner for your family member? Good grief, you are being the biggest doormat ever! Take back your life and your home! I don't understand why you are hesitating in the slightest! You have all the power here!
Then see a therapist if you are having negative feelings.
I’m sorry to put it so bluntly but your boyfriend doesn’t like you. If your boyfriend isn’t proud to bring you out as his date and introduce you to his friends, he plain does not like you. Maybe he’s a lonely person and likes the company. Maybe he likes having sex without having to pursue someone new. But, this man does not like you, and I suggest you tell him it’s over and move on before another 6 years pass
Wow I see nothing smart here.
He doesn’t think you ‘understand’ she needs help…but he doesn’t understand she needs a level of help he isn’t capable of providing.
Yes, he can do ‘whatever he wants’, but he’ll need to do it without you in his life.
He’s her only friend because addicts burn bridges and have already worn out the goodwill of everyone else in their lives.
It’s part of the disease, and without real treatment that’s not going to change.
Everybody moves on from a breakup differently, there is no single foolproof method. What I recommend doing is to work on self improvement. Most people take that to mean hitting the gym, which is never a bad idea, but there are other ways to improve oneself. Start a new hobby, change your diet, start learning about something new, etc.
Sorry – there’s healthy boundaries, and then there is unnecessary aggressive boundaries like the one your boyfriend is setting.
I wouldn’t want to be with someone like this. What’s his problem? Nothing he is saying makes any sense.
Vaginismus can be obvious to the partner too since the muscles literally cannot relax to allow penetration. It's described as “feeling a wall” so he would know because he wouldn't be able to get in without force.
Well porn I feel is different I don’t care about that really, I know it isn’t very far off but the fact you can interact on there too has me questioning a lot.
Yeah, I think the concern is that she gave him the account without saying “I’ve said a lot of things I regret”
Haven’t been in your exact situation, but have definitely had a partner say nasty shit to me and I’ve had to sit them down and break things off because of it. It’s not easy by any means, especially in your situation but I can promise you I haven’t regretted it for even a day and neither will you. That’s not the environment you want to raise a child around.
This is a real post…
Mother's that are this codependent to their sons will do some crazy and remarkable sneaky things to keep “their baby boys close.” I really think his mom set this whole thing in motion and she was smug because you took the bait and reacted the way she wanted you to react.
I’m not sure where you are getting this. I have no problem taking accountability. I would stand in front of her parents and come clean to my mistakes. I fucked up but I have no problem owning up to it.
Exactly this ⬆️
Well the last paragraph is more of a problem than the original one.
My ex said he never watched porn but he did look up half nude insta girls to materbate too. I thought that was worse tbh. Imo guys will always want to look at sexualized images when masterbating. I think it would be almost impossible to find a guy who didn't.
Is he also unmedicated?
If kids are not a hell yeah, they are a hell no. If he does not want children yet, he would be miserable if you forced them onto him. He deserves better than that, and if you truly want kids, it may be time to put a timeline down – if your husband cannot decide before the clock is too close to running out in a little less than half a decade or so, it is time to break things off.
He will be much happier without you, if he does not want children in the end. Don’t feel too bad, he’ll be much better off – it is bullshit that “there are very few men who actually get to a point when they can actually say that they are ready to for kids”. The men who have kids for any other reason besides really really wanting one fpr certain are making a mistake.
Exactly.
If op and his ex broke up over a year ago why does he still have their videos?
I’ll be honest op I’m not sure if there’s any recovering from this?
Did she spend the entire night?
Dude
Leave
Don't save her, she don't wanna be saved
You’re young. Save yourself the trouble of drama and move on. Trust me, you don’t want to look back in twenty years and think, “Why didn’t I leave the first time!” Too many red flags this early on. Time to work on yourself a bit more and try again with a healthy person.
Did he meet women somewhere in here? Or did you leap to conclusions based on your own issues?
/ra strikes again.
ew
You're resenting the children you chose to have. Nope. You don't get to have that one. To take on HIS complaint is just cowardly. Be honest. He's an asshole right now and is 1,000 % wrong, is breaking his marriage covenant with you. Change the locks.
I mean… As long as it doesn't go on the direction of intercourse, I have a good grip on things, I eat well, I sleep, I take care of my cats, I keep my flat clean, I shower, I have the basics of human life down. I work as good as I can and I feed my mum (I feel it's fair, since she took care of me for 21 years). I'm okay with how things are, aside from the one thing…. Thank you . I can defo improve on the once a year issue, though!
Why don’t you go with her? Especially if they are having an after party spouses are invited to?
That’s a very hot pass for me, dawg.
I get it, and honestly, I’ve been there…an ex was talking to me and a friend of hers and the friend mentioned this guy they both knew and my gf proceeds to say “he has the most perfect dick, prefect size and shape”.
I should have dumped her there and then.
Not saying you should break up, but dude, you need to sit her down and explain why what she said crushed/angered you. And then pay ATTENTION to what she says. If she doesn’t start off with, “I’m so sorry that I said something like that to you, it was cold, and Unthoughtful of me.” I’d dip right the fu@k out. Cause it shows her maturity level is like a teenager that has not learned about feelings yet.
Just saying.
What’s the harm in having a sugar daddy while you have a bf? – OP’s Sly GF
I explained in another reply but in my attempt to paraphrase, I may have skewed the time-line a bit. In short, we were together, I didn't want kids or marriage, very open about that. She did, very open about that. Ff 6 years, becomes more of a problem/conversation. I make the decision that I'm going to be with her forever no matter what, so lets do it. Now, I just feel like we're in a lull, and I feel it's my fault, but the more I try to fix, the dumber i feel, which isn't attractive.
Break up.
You’re not reading this right. Your partner is just uncomfortable pressuring his friends to attend. Some men can come across weirdly proud about this stuff but it’s mostly an insecurity about how much they can expect from friendship.
A thing that men don’t like to admit is that they hate relying on their friends for anything. In general, male friendship isn’t as close or as obligated as female friendship for that reason. It means you can be friends with a bunch of guys for years but you might not know if they’d turn up to your birthday. Weird but true.
A better way to handle this is to say something like, “Would it be OK, if I check in with your friends about stuff like RSVPs and what not. I’m not going to pressure anyone, just like to keep things organised.”
The problem is he can’t tell the girl anything because she is his ex’s friend. So he sends them to me as his confident (i think). He just sends the songs and the lyrics.
We usually talk about feelings and our love lifes, so it was not weird to me. But my boyfriend is anyways upset.
I don’t think he wants my opinion on the song, but just to talk to someone about his situation
The best way to help him is to leave him.
He has to take accountability and be responsible for himself. He needs to learn his excuses are shit and he needs to become a functioning adult.
He is using you as his mommy and as long as you keep enabling that, he will never change. You haven’t shown him he needs to.
What changed on her end?
I guess I don’t see ending a relationship over this as reasonable but if she’s giving you an ultimatum then I suppose it is.
Not knowing your situation, I’m wondering if she might be okay with just having rings vs a legal marriage?
Someone will be at this party he is interested in
How would you feel if your family started picking who you can or can’t be friends with. This works both ways.
Congratulations on the new arrival if your girlfriend wants a relationship with your family she needs to build it with them. They’ll end up loving her as much as the ex I’m sure, especially when the baby comes.
You practice the skill of ending a romantic relationship and remaining amicable before you have kids in the mix. If you've always cut off your exes, it's too nude – obviously, based on results – to just “flip the switch” when you have children.
I like the conjecture everybody's spouting to this. So lemme just put in my lil 2 cents in. What this sounds like is somebody told her something she thinks he should already know. Either someone said they heard he was tearing it up, trying to cast negative light on him, in essence him bragging and iying. Or someone rumored something horrible to her about him from sources she trusts. Think abusing a friend, sexual assault, rape, something serious.
The stories I've read on this post haha I love it
I'd end it. She can sleep with whomever, but you can't even flirt? That makes no sense, and anymore time spent with her would likely not be a smart investment.
My best advice would be to go for couples counseling. Years ago, when my wife and I (both divorced) became engaged someone suggested joint counseling and we took their advice. It was extremely helpful and we were able to address small issues before they became big issues. Mostly it was resentments against previous spouses that would rear their ugly head when one person or the other innocently said something that triggered and emotional response. That was 32 years ago, and that really helped establish a basis for a healthy relationship.
he doesn’t sell to me anymore because he doesn’t want me on it and he doesn’t do it himself either
No he doesn’t
It's time to move on. He's making promises and not keeping them. He's showing you what he will do. Your having scholarships and grants is one thing. But you're working part-time, and he's doing nothing. He can't be trusted. Don't waste your time. You don't need him. Let him go, and the resentment will leave also. Peace!