I’m sorry but if you don’t believe in Quran, do not convert over a girl. Seems like your belief will remain the same and you’re going to pretend like someone who is not you for the rest of your life. Can you imagine the burden you will carry? This is not about practicing or not. This is about living your life as yourself. Like if you’re a Muslim than you don’t do anything on Christmas. Won’t you miss that and resent your partner?
Also, if you don’t believe in Quran, you will never be a Muslim in the eyes of Allah. That’s what Islam says.
I feel trapped with two kids and a house. I know plenty of people make it out of the situation, it's nude to take that step and I don't want to lose the home I've built for my daughter's.
If it were her birthday and he offered to cook her food but instead showed up with his pants around his ankles, a raging erection, and a similar proposition what would be the appropriate response?
I did. That part is unclear. Is there a connection? Did you end up booking up on that date? Does he respond when you reach out? Does he reach out to you unprompted? It would help to know more about this critical part of your interactions.
When I said “shoot your shot” I was referring to taking a shot at the relationship, not just trying to get a date.
This sounds like your partner is gaslighting you (more than just manipulation) which is also abuse. The more comfortable they feel assaulting you and lying about it, the worse it's going to get. I highly recommend talking to a close friend or family member or a counselor about what's going on at the very least.
Hmm, yes. It seems you’re in a one-sided Facebook-only relationship, and only your FB page not his. He is neither available, reliable or giving you what you want, need and deserve. Are you absolutely certain he’s not still with this baby mumma? The self-esteem is not the reason you’re questioning things, it’s the reason that you’re still with him to begin with. Making it “official” on Facebook is not the same as an actual living and breathing relationship. He has not given that to you yet. And guess what? You deserve to be loved and thought of. You deserve a partner that is proud to be with you. Have you met anyone from his life during this year? A friend or family member?
This sounds like your partner is gaslighting you (more than just manipulation) which is also abuse. The more comfortable they feel assaulting you and lying about it, the worse it's going to get. I highly recommend talking to a close friend or family member or a counselor about what's going on at the very least.
I agree with this. Part of what’s nice about a spa day is working towards it knowing you’ll have it to look forward to at the end of a week.
A spa is luxury relaxation- we value relaxation so much more after we’ve worked nude and tired ourselves out. It’s not a fun thing to do in the middle of a work day. It’s like being in the middle of a good work flow and someone forcing you to take a bath and slow down.
I dated a guy who was going to surprise me with a float tank once.. I figured it out based on some directions he’d given me in advance. It was a very nice thought but I was only there for the weekend, my hair had just been washed, and I told him I would rather just connect with him in a setting where we could be together.
sometimes we conceptualize “attraction” as that spark when we first meet, or the sexual high of the honeymoon phase. reality is, that wanes eventually.
nobody can tell you what to do here. perhaps you are mentally getting over her. maybe you should move on. OR, this could be the dynamic of your relationship changing. you're getting more comfortable and want to explore your individuality.
only you can decide if you want to explore your individuality in a relationship with her or outside of it.
He doesn't want anything that ties him down – so no wife, no kids, no pets. That's who he is.
I wouldn't want to be with someone who is not prepared to marry, have family or love pets, but there you go, you were obviously ok with it.
You have 2 choices. Accept you will not change his mind. Honestly, you are not really important in his life – because he has chosen to have no ties. So either you accept him and remain – unmarried, childless and no pets. Or you leave him, and find a life that makes you happy.
Your choice. I would personally look for a new boyfriend, on who loves dogs, but that's just me.
You ever think “what does a man almost 30 want with an 18 year old?”
Yea you probably should’ve. Tbh I don’t get relationships like these because my friends would never hang out with someone that dates a 18 year old. Pathetic shit.
And you are acting every bit your age and you lack effective communication skills. Which you would gain as you get older but you’re too busy trying to play mature while complaining about someone not staying up till midnight for your birthday lol. The last time I did that shit…was college.
This sounds really scary. This person is unhinged and dangerous. Just block, ignore, and move on with your life- but be on the lookout for stalking behavior.
I’d be happy for the photos as a gift, but not the way it happened. Your friend was predatory towards your wife which I’d handle that shit right away. And your wife should’ve known it’s unacceptable to be nude around your friends, regardless of the situation. That’s simply a boundary most people don’t want crossed.
I want details to understand her motives more. I believe being open about our pasts is important, as it can bring us closer together give insight on what type of person she is. I found out through her, however more details were hidden from me. I prefer open communication.
We've had exhaustive conversations about it, why we both feel the way we do. Both of us have trauma we are working with and he doesn't know how to be cared for so we are trying to learn together.
I don't how to frame it. An affair or just lust since we were technically broken up 6 months ago. Just that I don't believe her to be honest. Still though weird that she has him coming to my house as a friend after they did the deed?
So, before you were treating him like a child, doing things for him that he should be doing for himself. He liked it that way. And who wouldn't? Now, you are making him behave like. An adult and he isn't ready to, and probably never will be.
It needs to be made clear to him that this is the way things are now. He can step up or step out.
I don't think you overreacted – I would not even have let him get his foot in the door. He'll tell you anything, he'll be nice for a while, but I don't believe for a second that he will never be abusive to you again. It's the cycle of abuse – make nice, love bomb, once you feel secure he starts abusing again.
Try therapy. They can help you identify how you keep choosing the wrong. It is like a frequency or a dog whistle. You need to change and draw what you want to you.
thank you for understanding my clumsy wording!
He's abusive block him from your life
Dont get married yet. You are both too young and immature. You also can not support yourselves.
Its kinda manipulative since OP knows they're leaving soon but its the easiest way for there to be no drama if he agrees. Get it in writing too.
Thanks for the advice. I'll try it. Just really nervous about it.
Nothing wrong with it. She can also have girls night with friends of any gender.
Victims don't have to be the ones asking for help? Why do you think she doesn't deserve help simply because she is not asking for it?
You should check out r/asexuality.
I’m sorry but if you don’t believe in Quran, do not convert over a girl. Seems like your belief will remain the same and you’re going to pretend like someone who is not you for the rest of your life. Can you imagine the burden you will carry? This is not about practicing or not. This is about living your life as yourself. Like if you’re a Muslim than you don’t do anything on Christmas. Won’t you miss that and resent your partner?
Also, if you don’t believe in Quran, you will never be a Muslim in the eyes of Allah. That’s what Islam says.
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I feel trapped with two kids and a house. I know plenty of people make it out of the situation, it's nude to take that step and I don't want to lose the home I've built for my daughter's.
If it were her birthday and he offered to cook her food but instead showed up with his pants around his ankles, a raging erection, and a similar proposition what would be the appropriate response?
I did. That part is unclear. Is there a connection? Did you end up booking up on that date? Does he respond when you reach out? Does he reach out to you unprompted? It would help to know more about this critical part of your interactions.
When I said “shoot your shot” I was referring to taking a shot at the relationship, not just trying to get a date.
Just because you had one make up conversation doesn't mean her hurt went away. It's quite possible that she feels unseen.
Seriously are these parents mentally ill, drug addicts or just the worst parents ever?
This sounds like your partner is gaslighting you (more than just manipulation) which is also abuse. The more comfortable they feel assaulting you and lying about it, the worse it's going to get. I highly recommend talking to a close friend or family member or a counselor about what's going on at the very least.
Hmm, yes. It seems you’re in a one-sided Facebook-only relationship, and only your FB page not his. He is neither available, reliable or giving you what you want, need and deserve. Are you absolutely certain he’s not still with this baby mumma? The self-esteem is not the reason you’re questioning things, it’s the reason that you’re still with him to begin with. Making it “official” on Facebook is not the same as an actual living and breathing relationship. He has not given that to you yet. And guess what? You deserve to be loved and thought of. You deserve a partner that is proud to be with you. Have you met anyone from his life during this year? A friend or family member?
This sounds like your partner is gaslighting you (more than just manipulation) which is also abuse. The more comfortable they feel assaulting you and lying about it, the worse it's going to get. I highly recommend talking to a close friend or family member or a counselor about what's going on at the very least.
I agree with this. Part of what’s nice about a spa day is working towards it knowing you’ll have it to look forward to at the end of a week.
A spa is luxury relaxation- we value relaxation so much more after we’ve worked nude and tired ourselves out. It’s not a fun thing to do in the middle of a work day. It’s like being in the middle of a good work flow and someone forcing you to take a bath and slow down.
I dated a guy who was going to surprise me with a float tank once.. I figured it out based on some directions he’d given me in advance. It was a very nice thought but I was only there for the weekend, my hair had just been washed, and I told him I would rather just connect with him in a setting where we could be together.
Thanks very much. Lots of life experience.
sometimes we conceptualize “attraction” as that spark when we first meet, or the sexual high of the honeymoon phase. reality is, that wanes eventually.
nobody can tell you what to do here. perhaps you are mentally getting over her. maybe you should move on. OR, this could be the dynamic of your relationship changing. you're getting more comfortable and want to explore your individuality.
only you can decide if you want to explore your individuality in a relationship with her or outside of it.
TLDR, the relationship seemed toxic and is not what you want if you want a healthy relationship with another person.
Please move on and find someone who is on the same wave length as you are.
You're welcome! We also found out a few days ago that we're expecting.
Got it. And I would never pay for my brother either.
(Additionally I’m kinda of skeptical of multigenerational housing solutions, so building your house somewhere else is the smartest decision imo)
He doesn't want anything that ties him down – so no wife, no kids, no pets. That's who he is.
I wouldn't want to be with someone who is not prepared to marry, have family or love pets, but there you go, you were obviously ok with it.
You have 2 choices. Accept you will not change his mind. Honestly, you are not really important in his life – because he has chosen to have no ties. So either you accept him and remain – unmarried, childless and no pets. Or you leave him, and find a life that makes you happy.
Your choice. I would personally look for a new boyfriend, on who loves dogs, but that's just me.
How many 19 year olds were a senior? Oh right, super seniors. Yeah, it’s weird to date a sophomore if you are an adult.
That’s a huge deal. Deal breaker imo. She disrespected your health and autonomy.
You ever think “what does a man almost 30 want with an 18 year old?”
Yea you probably should’ve. Tbh I don’t get relationships like these because my friends would never hang out with someone that dates a 18 year old. Pathetic shit.
And you are acting every bit your age and you lack effective communication skills. Which you would gain as you get older but you’re too busy trying to play mature while complaining about someone not staying up till midnight for your birthday lol. The last time I did that shit…was college.
How do you know she lied?
This sounds really scary. This person is unhinged and dangerous. Just block, ignore, and move on with your life- but be on the lookout for stalking behavior.
I’d be happy for the photos as a gift, but not the way it happened. Your friend was predatory towards your wife which I’d handle that shit right away. And your wife should’ve known it’s unacceptable to be nude around your friends, regardless of the situation. That’s simply a boundary most people don’t want crossed.
Your boyfriends gay obviously
I want details to understand her motives more. I believe being open about our pasts is important, as it can bring us closer together give insight on what type of person she is. I found out through her, however more details were hidden from me. I prefer open communication.
I’m sorry you are hurting. Let’s make a plan!
First, if you’re living rent free at your parents’ how much can you save each month? Let put that in a savings account. Small and steady is fine.
What interests you? Time to get involved!
Being with your parents doesn’t mean you have to stay home all the time.
Cultivate friendships! Enjoy life!
It will be ok!
Double check they aren't in the cloud, outbox, and depending on where it's stored also delete the trash.
We've had exhaustive conversations about it, why we both feel the way we do. Both of us have trauma we are working with and he doesn't know how to be cared for so we are trying to learn together.
I don't how to frame it. An affair or just lust since we were technically broken up 6 months ago. Just that I don't believe her to be honest. Still though weird that she has him coming to my house as a friend after they did the deed?
I've already got my own place and lease…
So, before you were treating him like a child, doing things for him that he should be doing for himself. He liked it that way. And who wouldn't? Now, you are making him behave like. An adult and he isn't ready to, and probably never will be.
It needs to be made clear to him that this is the way things are now. He can step up or step out.
I don't think you overreacted – I would not even have let him get his foot in the door. He'll tell you anything, he'll be nice for a while, but I don't believe for a second that he will never be abusive to you again. It's the cycle of abuse – make nice, love bomb, once you feel secure he starts abusing again.
Keep going back to “it's just a game”.
That was a good response up until the last line. It's like inviting manipulation and guilt.
Try therapy. They can help you identify how you keep choosing the wrong. It is like a frequency or a dog whistle. You need to change and draw what you want to you.
This is not real & if it is. Girlllll y’all are messy!
Happy ending kind of massage? Or I’ve got sore muscles kind outs massage?
If it’s type 2 trying to understand the problem. Lots of happily married men, me included have gotten legitimate massages.
Which is it?