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i know my relationship with my ex was going downhill once i stopped inviting him to things because he would be more of a bother to me than me actually enjoying the event with friends, as horrible as that sounds. we ended things a year or so later after 6 years of dating. it sucked, and i sucked, but i wish i ripped the bandaid off sooner.
I think your friends are cruel and you shouldn't bother with a party for them. Somebody could have spoken to you about it.
Ok so watching a girl get completely nude and getting fucked is completely different than a guy just watching me dance and shake my ass a little with like a bikini on?
They’re overreacting. You absolutely did the right thing. He was a child in a dangerous situation, teacher or not, you were right to help and went above and beyond in your spare time to be a good teacher.
It’s not misogyny, it’s the fact that she’s the one posting here.
Or… start with what you observe, like… I see that you take some time before replying…
You are taking the quote out of context and exagerating, i wrote that to be sincere and express what goes on my mind, to explain what goes through my head.
Obviously i never said that to her or anything similar
Maybe it's just me but I'm still friends with some exes, my boyfriend is still friends with some of his. I trust him, he trusts me. The girl is moving away. You have to trust the person you're with, or what's the point? It's not like he hid what he was going to do and with who.
Well…she asked you out so that’s kinda on her. Though to be completely honest, I always offer to pay and that offer has never been accepted. Women put a lot of time, effort and money into our presentation for a date. Sure, we don’t have to do that and men don’t have to pay. But in a world where the pink tax exists, men still occupy the majority of wealth earning positions and women have a lot more pressure riding on our appearances — it’s appreciated on my end if the guy isn’t too cheap to pay for my dinner. I think it’s nice when both people put in a little extra pizzazz to show they’re really interested (that is, if you are in fact really interested).
If I asked a man out, got all dolled up for a date and he split the bill with me, I’d assume he’s just not that interested. You aren’t being scammed if you shell out $30-$50 for her food. I don’t think it means she’ll expect you to buy her diamond shoes in the future. I think it just means she thought you were interested enough to try to impress her in some way and she’s mildly disappointed you’re not.
Jeez y'all are really crying in the comments it's just a date….a first date. You're acting like she asked him to pay her rent.?
He is smiling a lot. I can see in his eyes that he finds the child attractive.
Keep begging her if you want to lose your daughter too.
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While I agree overall, I’d nitpick that the depression isn’t inherently caused by something happening.
Sometimes people just get depressed.
Either way he’s showing unhealthy coping choices
Awwww…jeez. I'm so incredibly sorry this person who claimed to be your friend (but isn't) has put you in this terrible situation. And put her unborn child in a terrible situation. And, she is under 25 and already has three kids? I'm sorry, but what the fuck? Are they all HIV+? Is she seeking the current treatment for them and for herself? I think your only choice is to report her to them health department. Hopefully, they can track down the father and get him on treatment right away.
After that? I think you should acknowledge to yourself that this person you have considered a friend is not a friend. She's not a good person. She's just not.
Don't know why you're getting down voted so nude for this. People are weird. But I did want to pop on to tell you that you're definitely not alone on the kissing thing, I also don't like full on kissing or making out. I have a thing about saliva. Considering you also don't like sharing food/utensils, this may be the case for you too. I personally haven't found a “solution” (it's really not a problem imo), but my husband is 100% accommodating toward it. We have wonderful chemistry and he's supportive of me so it never became an actual issue.
I would say to let the bf go, it sounds like he doesn't know how to express himself properly and if he's willing to flip over your food and verbally abuse you, there's no telling what else he could do.
Oh, and if this helps at all, I'm a 27F from the US. Been with my husband for 3 years, married 1.
If she is unwilling to talk to you, then you cannot force her. I am sure you understand this. It seems like if you are to continue to be friends you will need to take a break from her for a while. During this break, I would recommend looking at your friend circle and other relationships and focus on building and maintaining them before jumping right back into your friendship with her.
After a while (maybe a week or two) if she is open to continuing your friendship, be prepared to take it slow. No texting her at night at all, you can make bids for her time but not too many…like try smaller, less time-consuming hangouts like going for lunch. Maybe spread out these bids to hang out between a week or two until you notice her picking things up.
If you reach out to her after a week or two, and she is not open to continuing your friendship, it will hurt, but you'll have to move on.
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Hon I have had absolute nightmare roommates of all colors, so yes I 100% know how that feels. I am speaking from experience when I say this is unlikely to make you feel better. However, if you're set on it, then I would write it down and send it as a text or an e-mail. If you confront him in person you may not be able to get out what you want to get out and there's no guarantee he'll stand there and listen to you. He may well make excuses and blame you for things and that stands to make you even more upset.
i was wondering the same… it sounds like the commenter is young tbh. i wouldn’t even think to mention highschool sex at this stage in my life, considering that my first highschool sex was over a decade ago.
Well he may be thinking if y’all were in danger he could protect y’all with a weapon. If you never tell him how you feel how is the issue supposed to be fixed? It won’t. You need to tell him
I find that you pretty much have to let them come to the decision on their own.
Any further “convincing” like “look at all these people who say it’s great” or “here are all the ways we can be comfortable” over and over can fall back to you if she actually ends up hating it. She’ll be resentful of you for pushing it when she was on the fence. Also the more you try to convince the more she can get in her head about it and wonder if you need it to be happy with her or it could make her wonder why you’re pushing so nude.
I think your best best is to have a conversation with her and say “this is something I’d be open to trying, but I’m putting the decision on you. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable in any way, so you think on it and when you’re ready to talk, come to me and we’ll discuss. I want you to be comfortable with whatever we try.”
She’ll respect you more for it and you can be confident when she comes to the decision it’s something you both want and no “convincing” was necessary.
When involving other people things can go wrong very fast so it’s important to keep communication open and fully discuss boundaries, concerns and hesitations.
It sounds like she’s open to it, so I’d let her come around in her own time.
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He isn’t perfect in any other way. Someone who cannot hear no and respect it, is not someone you need to waste your time on.
You’ve known him a short time, move on.
Thank you! It’s ok lol. It means male to female. I’m a trans girl.
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Yeah but it’ll stop him coming in in the meantime until she sorts it out with him
Facts about your relationship, but 5.5 years isn't very long for a relationship in general. Lots of people wait 5-10 years to even get engaged.
This is the core question to reflect on OP
Idk girl I’ve been with my partner for 13 years. It will end when one of us dies (and, even still, not quite). EVERY relationship ends. Friendships can be less messy, but not always.
It depends what kind of life you want to live— would you be happy never falling in love again? I think if you don’t do things things that are important to you because you are scared, your life will be full of regrets and resentment as you get older. That’s not to just do every cockamamie idea that pops into your head, but important things. Life is scary sometimes. Love is scary sometimes. They are both also very beautiful.
Idk what you should do about this girl you have a crush on, but I hope you have a life full of love and wonder, whatever that looks like to you.
the real issue here is that you're consistently feeling like your emotional needs aren't being met and that your bf isn't supporting you in the way you want. after this long, that's a compatibility issue and not something therapy can fix. he is either unable or unwilling to meet your needs, so you can't force him
Paying for pen is often far more ethical. I don't understand how it's pathetic to pay but not to look for free?
Assuming you mean OP should return everything to his parents minus 20% (and his own $7k), I agree with that. His parents do, too. They're planning to give him $100k. That's a plenty generous payday. I know I don't pay my investment company $100k a year. I don't even pay them 20%. Their cut is so small I couldn't even tell you what it is.
Once a year for three days I would go. They seem more than friends. Closer to family
she's 22… she still is a child relatively speaking
You’re becoming jealous. Now there’s one of two things you could do about it:
Just cut off the relationship because it’s going to get worse not better. No matter what anyone says if you are having sex with someone and spending time in a positive way outside of sex you are going to start to have feelings(fall in love). I know you won’t like this answer but this is how humans work.
You could just tell him how you feel and try a relationship. But don’t say you feel slighted cuz that won’t work with men. He just won’t understand it because to him he’s done nothing wrong(which he hasn’t technically). But just talk about the relationship you guys have and feel him out about maybe making it more official.
I hope this helps and doesn’t upset you to much and good luck it sucks having these feelings.
Nobody gets to dictate who someone else dates. I'm sorry, but that is not their call. She can drop the friendship if she wants, that's fine. But 2 consenting adults who like each other are the only people involved in that decision.
SHE over spent. SHE bought a car they can’t afford. SHE didn’t save any of the money she made while she was pocketing 75%. He rightfully left most of the money to her, and she fucked up. He doesn’t want to suddenly have bills they can’t afford because she wants to quit her 6figure job. Most folks PLAN for leaving that much income, losing it overnight isn’t smart, comfortable, or easy to overcome.
Don’t think you’re getting that friendship back and you can forget anyone getting forgiveness.
Contrary to what most people seem to be saying I don’t see what the big fucking deal is unless there’s something you aren’t telling us. I can’t fathom telling any of my friends that they can’t date my sister. That’s HER choice. Who am I to tell her who she can or can’t love?
Ask him what his intentions are. You both are young adults and have been communicating.
It would be a pretty huge coincidence. I would stay wary.
UpdateMe!
Ok man you are in dire need of help and therapy this is not normal not even in the slightest and not even worth thinking it over . I know you are scared and concerned that u will remain alone for rest of ur life if u dont marry her I know the pressure of aging and not wanting to be alone but this is not an excuse for you to be tormented often. Even on the day that supposed to be special for you ur engagement party she brought one of her relationships with her what in the actual fuck man? . Don't let her walk all over you because thats what she is doing. You want to know why she wants to marry you but isn't affectionate with u? Isnt comfortable with u after 3 years ? Why she paid ur rent and took u in for months during covid time? Because nobody wants her but u . She only started her poly life out of desperation rather than being alone she would rather fuck other men who i can guarantee are all married and hiding her from their spouses. She is only with u because you are a safe option not because she loves u or wants to be with u no just because u are there , reliabe and loving along with her biological clock ticking for her so she panics and emotionally manipulates u along with her friends to trap u . Leave find someone who loves u and appreciate u not someone who is only with u because ur a safe option. Leave ur dignity and emotional well being is worth a 1000 more than her good woman who are caring and loving are out there do not despair
No.
When you propositioned her for sex out of the blue, you put the friendship on the line. Any time you ask a friend out, it has the potential to get awkward – whether they date you or not. Same goes for asking for sex – even more so, in fact.
Many people do not want to be friends with someone who has unreciprocated romantic or sexual feelings for them as it makes them feel uncomfortable.
You risked the friendship with your proposition, and she has every right to end it if she wishes.
You are not ready for being fuckbuddies/fwb with someone until you can understand how to be friends with a girl without asking her to fuck you. Until you can make genuine platonic friendships with women where sex is never on the table, you are not ready to date women.
Boomers (like your dad) are from the camp that no psychological disorders exist and that it's usually your mother's doing or family issues. There's no point trying to argue with someone like this. I have a patent like this which I speak to occasionally but not anything deep.
Thank you for reading and replying 🙂
I mean what you describe it sounds like she didn’t want anything to do with you before and you with her. Maybe it’s just the excuse that she needs to make a move or something. I’m just guessing. I have no idea and so maybe talk to her and see if you can work it out …with six kids seems like working it out could be worth a try.
Just have a serious talk with him about not wanting it and it being a turn off. Make sure he listens. Get a dildo or a butt plug, and if he asks another time, enthusiastically say yes, whip out your tools, turn him around and give him the anal he so badly wants.
A. Sex isn't everything. It isn't even most things.
B. This is an avenue for opening communication. Talk more about your sex life. There are -plenty- of ways to improve here without worrying about your sex organ.
C. She chose you. Never forget that.
It’s really nude not to get my hopes up, and I did ask him what would reassure me that he wouldn’t leave the next time things get naked. He just said to trust him that it won’t and this is the only time he needs.
Lol back in the day. You were such a superstar back in the day. Of what 1 year? Lol such a dumb post
Right, after years of struggle, I’m making 140K and it’s great lol. Don’t get me wrong, I want more, but I wouldn’t call myself a low earner with a straight face ahaha.
This guy has been twisted by his gf to not even value what he’s achieved.
but I already had 3 back ups and 2 of my friends had their own copy in a zip file.
Allllllright, this is where I had trouble believing this. No one makes 3 separate backups and in addition gives 2 extra copies to friends. Quintuple backups?
I think the long distance relationship was a bad idea. Let it go. You’re very young and you will find better guys.
You say you worry you won’t find anyone like him. But he’s literally the only guy you’ve tried dating. Get out there and find someone who actually wants to make an effort to be with you.
I mean yeah… she 100%, will! I would bet on it! IMO this is deeply manipulative. And this type of open talk doesn't really resolve issues with people who are this manipulative. It only tends to work with people who are operating with good faith.
The OP still should say it, tho. But then he has to not react to the upcoming vomiting IMO, as comforting her during that moment will cancel out everything he just said by proving the tactic still works for her.
OP, you need to learn to ignore it. The same way you don't react to a toddler having a tantrum. That is the crucial part here, not the communication, since again – communication works with people who are operating with good faith, not with super manipulative people.
I ask again, how is this a nude decision?
I was dead set on going before she asked me to not go. My emotions right now are a bit of a confused mess. I definitely do like her but it's been a while since I considered her a potential romantic partner.
Frankly, it's the dream scenario for dating. You can take a shot at something that has a damn good shot of working out, and if it doesn't, you can bail. Honorably.
Ngl I wasn't thinking of it this way. I know friendships which got messed up because the 2 started dating and didn't work out, and I guess I was a bit scared of that.
Had she not explicitly told me that she doesn't want me to leave, I most probably wouldn't have been posting here.
Yes I do understand and I will not make any decisions based on ONLY reddit commets. I am looking for a couple counselor. This matter I really can't discuss with anyone irl, and I see many sincere advice and many people shared their personal experiences. Think of it as talking to your friends, whatever their interests are they are offering you a second opinion which is pretty valuable when you are in a place of mind for too long. However I will not act on those advice alone. I will try to make this just and fair for both of us. Thank you for reminding me and to all others that are willing to say anything.
That is absolutely ridiculous behavior coming from a 40 year old woman. Social media is scientifically proven by addicting and can worsen one's mental health with depression, body dysmorphia and other mental health issues.
The fact that she is trying to force you to do something that you don't want to do that is bad for your mental health while also disrespecting your boundaries is depressingly ridiculous and is the behaviour that I would expect from a 13 year old child.
Yup. He is your son. Always stand up to your wife over shit like this. Honestly it’s a deal breaker, or should be, so I would give her that ultimatum.
Damn. That's a shame. Thanks for clarifying.
What is the point of your post? Who freaking cares why? If you want to have sex and he wants to then do it. The why is inconsequential.
What is the point of your post? Who freaking cares why? If you want to have sex and he wants to then do it. The why is inconsequential.
Trust your gut op
Did you report the assault to the police?
It might be worth it to get a new phone number. Keep the old phone but don't answer anymore, you might need the messages and call log to get a restraining order
“My partner doesn't see me as a human being, he sees me as a piece of property to be owned by a man and whose only purpose is to have sex, should I keep making excuses for him or not?”
You just said you were David and you were confirming everything you said. Unless that was a typo. Either way, I’m not going to get invested over some stupid affair that isn’t going to last.
It sounds like they don't like you. We don't know anything about any of you to know who is right or wrong to us. Obviously some history between you and you'll only give your perception of that.
Maybe you can show them what a wonderful guy you are and they'll lighten up.
Well if she flips out it should be on him. He’s the one messaging you. Are you replying to all his messages or leaving him on read? Because if you are communicating with him beyond the responses to questions pertaining to picking up your sister or whatnot then that’s an issue.
Honestly once you noticed the pattern of him randomly sending good morning texts or anything which makes you uncomfortable, you should have immediately told him to stop and if he didn’t you would block him.
You need to tell your sister what he’s doing and how it’s making you uncomfortable. Also about how you feel he is using her. I wouldn’t say, “I think he has feelings for me” or anything to her. She can interpret what he’s doing and why on her own.
I’d just explain what he is doing, and maybe say “I probably should have said something sooner, but I love you and didn’t want to cause a problem. However, he is making me uncomfortable. Also, I think it is inappropriate”. Then broach how you feel he is using her.
I recently found a lump that has to be checked out. The doctor has referred me to someone to do the imaging and they will see me in 2 weeks. When I first told my husband he didn’t really “get” what I was telling him. However, when I told him when my appointment was, he said “I will come with you, I’ll take that morning off work”, completely unprompted. He didn’t have to get it to understand I was (and still am) scared. He responded accordingly. (He understands better now, it has been a few days and we have talked it through more.)
My point is, a good spouse doesn’t have to think about it or understand it to put you first in a time of need. Your husband is not a good spouse, no matter the results of your test. He immediately thought of himself and his needs. He has shown you who he is, believe him.
Good luck with your tests, I hope everything turns out ok!
It's not.
It can be when someone “shares” interests just because they are trying to get someone to like them.
But we dont know girlfriends life story. If she grew up poor or something, she might not have had money or time to have a hobby and shes trying to find her interests in her 20s, where alot of people find them before they leave school.
He actually told me that he is uncomfortable with me telling him that I love him. Even though he feels the same way, he said that that’s rushing things for him. It all comes down to me either going along with his pace or us breaking things off. I should add that he has a nude time opening up from the first place, and all the hurt in the past has made it harder for him this time. I just feel like there is a time and place we’re either you go for it all in or you don’t, and it’s naked on me taking things this slow. On the other hand I really want to make it work this time around
i am doing what her Ex tried to do
Yeah something tells me that she's going to find that ALL her bfs eventually call out her toxic friend and she winds up alone.
if that makes you feel like it's a dealbreaker to date with someone that has it.
He doesnt
Everybody has crushes. It’s pretty cool of your girlfriend to actually share that with you instead of hiding it like most people would. It gives you an opportunity to be part of the conversation.
Yeah it’s uncomfortable. But consider that like you, she’s going to have crushes whether she talks about them or not. The only question is if you wanna be aware of it.
Thanks for your answer!
Yes definitely, it's brave to bring up such a topic. The point that unsettles me is that she waited so long to tell me this.
In fact I have not had a crush on another person in our time of relationship. What if I research on the internet and read about it but nothing unusual is / would be.
Unfortunately you can't get through to him until he is willing to accept it. It's good that you keep telling him that all this is wrong, make sure he knows he can always come to you, even if she isolates him, even if he might say something horrible to you in the future, as soon as he wants out you will be there. At some point you might need to stop his venting, to protect your mental health, but as long as you can it's good to remind him that bone of this is normal
Yiiiiikes. When I was a kid, my step mom didn’t like me either. It had a pretty significant impact on my life and relationship with my father. For everyone’s sake, you should walk away. These kids will be in your life forever otherwise, and they deserve someone who will love and value them and their time, not see them as an annoying burden.
Also the way you talk about children, whew. U sound like the worst kind of person honestly lol
Thank you, thank you, thank you. That is the scary thing about Reddit: You are literally taking advice from people who might have their heads so far up their asses. You have no idea what their histories or motivations are.
Based on your version of the situation, and that's all we have to go by, your wife is crossing boundaries. End of story.
Stop initiating sex, and you'll have your answer within a couple of weeks.
Make sure that the last time you are with her OP, that it's anal.